The Stranger in My House
It is a beautiful spring day, and we are lazing on the couch in Erin’s sunroom blogging. Erin is absentmindedly stroking her cat.
Erin says as she strokes his chest, “Wow, my cat’s fur is turning red. I thought he was all black.”
Ellen replies, “Cats just don’t turn red. Are you sure “he” is a male? Those are calico markings and calicos are almost universally female.”
Erin says, “Of course I have a male, I’m not stupid. More importantly, who knows this kind of sh*%? <pause> Dork.”
But Erin proceeds to reluctantly flip the cat over and poke around in its nether regions. Oh, yes, there was searching.
Erin exclaims, “There’s no penis! This is not my cat!”
Cat thinks, “WTF? Buy me dinner first.”
Ellen at this point is crying so hard that tears and snot are running down her face. Erin opens the door and shoos the grifter cat out faster than Maria Shriver gave the boot to the Terminator.
We can’t make this mess up. Erin has two “real” cats. She had previously taken one to the vet because he was losing his fur. The vet diagnosed anxiety. Do you think this could be the reason…
Meow
Anxiety!?! Yeah, I got anxiety! My backside is a balding mess! There's been a strange cat living in my house! And no one knew! Thank goodness for Ellen and her mad genetic knowledge!
By Ellen Williams Erin Dymowski
There is something terribly sinister about that. I mean poking around at the cat’s genitals. *shiver*
I joke, what a freak thing!
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The thing is, in Erin’s house, on a scale of freakiness, it really isn’t all that freaky.
We’re just wondering how long the cat had been hanging out. Ellen
HAHAHAHA…I love it. Oh, my gosh, hilarious. Poor anxiety-filled kitty.
I wonder if that’s male-patterned baldness for a cat, because my parents’ cat is missing hair from the same, er…nether regions. Weird.
Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy recently posted..The Land of Missing Pets
I think male-patterned baldness is a better diagnosis than anxiety. I told this joke to Erin today: What do you call a cat with anxiety? A cat. Ellen
How funny! Did she have two cats in her house and didnt know it? Where was the other cat (the non-impostor)?
Denae @New Mom Adventure recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: All the Palms Belong to Us
Erin has two cats. So when the imposter was there, it was three cats. Kind of like a bad, feline version of Freaky Friday. All three cats were never in the same place at the same time. Maybe we should try to sell this storyline to NBC for a mid-season filler! Ellen
Too funny! NBC could use some improvement. Sell it! ;D
Denae @ New Mom Adventure recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: All the Palms Belong to Us
I know why your cats has anxiety, I have seen Jack around that cat.lol
OMG. Just spit out my coffee. Erin, really!
Oh too funny!! We moms have no problem searching and probing!! Erin has so many kids in and out of the her house it is no wonder that the stray cats thought they could join in the fun.
That pic reminds me of my step-mother’s cat in heat. I was called home from college by my step-mom’s neighbor because she was totally freaked out by the cat (dad and step-mom were away). Turns out (by an expert panel of 3 sorority chicks laughing their you know what’s off) that the cat was in heat and wanting to rub and expose her genitals to anyone or anything. Got to love driving all the way home from college just to find out the cat was horny.
Cat booty call management. Classic Mary.
Ellen
That’s craziness! I would have cried too! Did it all get worked out?
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All cats are sorted to their proper homes. But we’ll have to wait and see if the butt fur grows back. Fingers crossed! Ellen
Did that REALLY happen?? That is crazy! That sounds like a scene out of a movie. Ha!
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It is a 100% true story. But life imitates art. (That’s the right maxim, I’m sure of it.) Didn’t you see our poorly photoshopped poster?
Ellen
I have no idea why I think this is absolutely hysterical! I can’t believe she got so far as to be laying there, patting the cat and then realized it wasn’t her own. I’m still laughing.
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You think it is hysterical because it was! I could not believe it either. Ellen
hahahahaha!!!! I’m sorry to be laughing, it’s just that it’s friggin’ hilarious.
1) Totally impressed by Ellen’s cat knowledge. I have four cats and I wouldn’t have known that. Very impressed indeed.
2) Yes, another cat in the house would kinda put stress on the poor kitty. Exposing his bumhole to the whole Internet would probably do it too, if he cared.
3) Well at least the imposter didn’t bite Erin when she went probing in it’s private region… they do tend to do that when strangers start looking down there.
Great post ladies!
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1) You don’t even know how great I am at cocktail parties. Soooo fun.
2) You know there is not a cat alive who cares who sees its bumhole. Flaunters.
3) Lucky indeed! If only the interwebz could see the violation that I witnessed.
Thanks for stopping by! Ellen
No. Way. I certainly didn’t see THAT coming! Hahaha!!! I saw a picture of my cat the other day that turned out not to be my cat, but this is in a whole different level! Thanks for the laugh.
hollow tree ventures recently posted..Our Unintentional Indoor Pool
Too funny! Don’t think that ever happened to me! Wonder how I would react, tho! Cats are funny that way!
I had a cat in high school who went missing for over several weeks: one day on the way to the bus stop I saw him sitting in someone’s window, pretty as you please, staring down at me! I didn’t know if I should feel happy or jealous!
Cats and their cheater hearts. Tisk, tisk. Ellen
WTF????? That’s hilarious! Hope the right cat is in the right house with the right butt fur! Funny!
Jennifer Worrell recently posted..Puking Child Ruins Valentine’s Party
I just cackled out loud. That made me think of how cute my own male kitty’s junk was before it was removed. They were like those fuzzy little balls you buy at the craft store. Looked like someone had just glued some on there. They were adorable. Not like doggy junk – nothing cute about that.
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Thank you! We were lacking a comment about cute kitty junk! Now I’m picturing the cute fuzzy craft balls hanging from a rear view mirror. Is that wrong!?! Ellen
First, there’s a whole slew of feral orange tabbys living under the house next to mine. Any one of them could easily be mistaken for my good old, lovable, declawed, genderless Milo. He’s strictly an indoor cat so it scared the crap out of me the first time I saw this gang of Milos next door.
Secondly, I have spent a great deal of time inspecting the said penis (or non-penis) of my daughter’s hamster, Herve. So I can totally relate.
Great post.
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Following your blog strictly on the recommendation of a cat’s butthole.
My Half Assed Life recently posted..Who’s Your Favorite?
How sad is my poor cat in that picture?? He is still ticked off about his 15 minutes of fame—that’s a cat for ya! Thanks for the follow! Erin
I don’t think a strange cat would survive for long around here! Not with the 4 we already have. lol
Bee recently posted..Review: The Childless Revolution
OMG I’m dying – that is HILARIOUS!! When my husband and I were dating as teens, we bought a kitten together (it stayed at his house). The pet store told us it was a boy and we never questioned it until Jay brought home two kittens, and our allegedly male cat started nursing them. For some reason I felt personally betrayed by the cat for this deception, and never really liked her from that point forward.
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