So breastfeeding made the cover of Time. Well, how lovely..wait a minute, why is everyone so riled up on Twitter? Why is my phone blowing up? Oh, because this is the picture…
Source
So what side does a Sensible Mom take? Are we repulsed, gratified, offended, justified, enlightened or dismayed?
This calls for strong words to convey strong emotions and here is mine: DISGUSTED.
Disgusted that we, as women, as mothers, are being manipulated once again for the noble cause of saving a magazine from fading into extinction.
Disgusted that our anxieties about mothering are being twisted so that some of us have to be right and some of us have to be wrong, pitting Sister against Sister.
Disgusted that we are half the population, but we carry the lion share of judgment on our shoulders for earthshaking things like how we feed our children.
To be crystal clear, I am outraged by this blatant and careless toss of a match from the media onto the tinder of our insecurities to ignite a flame under the sales of their magazine.
I can just envision the meeting that took place to develop this cover…
“Hey, Ted, the Mommy Wars are on again. There has to be a way to spin this to increase our sales. Print media is dying, man.”
“I heard Kate is writing an article on attachment parenting. We should be able to get something stirring with that. You know there is no one a woman hates more, than another woman, who is not parenting the exact same way she is.”
“Oh, yeah. So attachment parenting is about breastfeeding, right? Should we champion the rights of women to breastfeed?”
“Dude, we’re trying to sell magazines, not improve the world. Get your head in the game.”
“Well, what about making bottle-feeding moms feel badly about themselves?”
“Why piss them off? They have money too. There has to be some angle where we can rile breast –feeders and bottle-feeders. Think.”
“I got it! Let’s find some hot chick to put on the cover nursing a three year old who looks like an 8 year old! Nursing an older kid should ignite the maximum number of mothering types!”
“We just need a title that implies that mothers are doing it wrong”
“I got it: ‘Are You Mom Enough?’”
“Well, it’s not exactly subtle, but we don’t want anybody to miss our point.”
Your point, Time Magazine, was to sell your sub par product.
Here is this Sensible Mom’s point–If your kids are safe, tended to, and raised with love, then you are indeed, Mom enough.
And Time, I am smart enough to see what you are doing, and I am banking that a majority of my Sisters are too. Don’t take the bait. Let’s cut bait and rebuke the manipulation.
—Just my two cents, Ellen
For another thoughtful take on this issue, read Ado at The Momalog.
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A-freakin’-men! Enough of this already!
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Thanks, Kathy.
I have to say I noticed one thing in the pictures that was GLARINGLY obvious to me.
That boy, the one on the front cover? Yeah that one.
Brace yourselves…
He has the same Spiderman shoes as my son does!
There. I said it. I can never let my son see the cover of this magazine or he will feel the horror and crippling embarrassment of the fashion faux pas that is wearing the same item as someone else. I weep for him.
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You crack me up, Tracy. I feel for your son and his fashion DON’T. Erin
“I am outraged by this blatant and careless toss of a match from the media onto the tinder of our insecurities to ignite a flame under the sales of their magazine.”
*standing up and cheering!!*
That’s my favorite line too. Erin
Wow! Amen! Love this post! Turn this into a Letter ot the Editor of Time or to the op-ed pages of one of the major papers.
That’s a great idea. Erin
I so agree!
I almost think Time and the mom should be sued for child abuse. Imagine this boy having to live with this photo for the rest of his life.
Me too! I’m with Jen! Loved this take on that article – I had been imagining what went on in that room myself and this was spot-on! Loved it. I love that the parenting bloggers in general are not biting the bait. At all.
PS: Thanks for the link to my post!!
Ado recently posted..Are You Mom Enough?
Thanks, Ado. Ellen and I were talking on the phone about your piece, and she said, “I’ve got an idea. Check your email later.” She sent me this post. She was inspired. Erin
I wrote a post about nearly the same thing today. Why can’t mothers just feel comfortable and confident with the choices that they are making for their families instead of feeling like they will never measure up? It’s not fair to us or our children.
I think it’s hard to feel comfortable and confident when you are bombarded with messages that you might not be measuring up. I agree that it’s not fair to the kids. Erin
A truly ludicrous cover. The kid’s face, looking for a reaction, looks just like that of the idiot behind the photo.
Also, don’t we think that the real issues concerning women have less to do with breastfeeding and all about a woman’s control over her reproductive organs – the biological conditions that preclude and necessitate breastfeeding in the first place?
Another interesting angle to consider. Thanks, Erin
I too thought this cover was distasteful, and I was absolutely disgusted at the level a reputable magazine would stoop to increase revenue. That said, if I may point out that, er, um, well, I don’t see a gun pointed at the head of the woman who posed for the cover, and I am certain that Time Magazine certainly employs women as well as men. The bottom line is greed. This woman, on the cover, does not ignite any insecurities for me. On the contrary, I feel sorry for any woman who would exploit herself in this way. Couldn’t her point for “attachment parenting” been just as strong with a pic of her and her son hugging? My children are very secure simply from regular, frequent human contact, and verbal praise. There was no need to have them hang off of my breast until kindergarten in order for them to grow into confident, autonomous individuals that have a healthy attachment to their family. As a matter of fact, the only individual in my family who still occasionally hangs off of my breast, is my husband, and he is probably the one who is the most detached from me…… just sayin! 😀
As several of my friends say when something strikes them just so,’You win an internets!’
This is a very good point. Why intentionally stir the waters? What good does it do the babies? Do they care? (I think you’ve got the right of that, too).
Well said, Ellen. Well said.
OOH, I hate pot-stirrers in all their forms. Thanks, Erin
Well this was refreshing after picking on January Jones. Thanks. I have eaten my placenta AND nursed my 3 year old…. but I am still a good mom who isn’t in competition!
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Hate media manipulation. Thanks, Erin
Should have been clearer about January Jones. What got me was she took the ancient act of eating the placenta and turned it into pill taking. While the iron content should still be fine, none of the hormonal properties would be intact after the cooking and drying process. Assuming her placenta made it into the pills to start with.
Centuries ago, women, especially ones that gave birth every 15 months and were malnourished to start with, needed to eat the placenta to survive. Leave it to Hollywood to turn it into a medication and a headline. Ellen
Yet again Erin, you have me nodding my head in agreement and shouting “AMEN!” Why can’t we all just get along, I say?
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Excellent thoughts and very well-said, Ellen. I can’t really take part in any kind of debate about motherhood considering that I’m not a mother, but I do know that I’m sick to death of everyone implying there’s a right way or a wrong way to raise a child. We’re all different and that’s what makes us beautiful. Instead of battling over that, we should embrace it.
Strong and brave post.
Thank you. You know what, Katie, I’m really just tired of all attacks on women. It would be so refreshing to just be acknowledged for the thoughtful and conscientious jobs we all do. Ellen
I feel the same way. Lately, it feels like we’re going back in time, being questioned over our decisions to work or not work, have kids or not have kids, breastfeed or bottlefeed. It’s ridiculous. This is 2012…but it feels more like the 1950s…
Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy recently posted..Mouse-Earing the Pages
God, thank you! So well said. You know, it seems like most moms really do agree with this, that there isn’t one right way to raise a child, and yet we still get bombarded with these “news” stories that are basically shouting: “Look at what these moms are doing! You should judge them!” Just, enough already, jeebus.
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Wouldn’t a Mother’s Day cover proclaiming “Congratulations Mothers,” be refreshing? I would purchase that. Ellen
“I am outraged by this blatant and careless toss of a match from the media onto the tinder of our insecurities to ignite a flame under the sales of their magazine” No one has said it better!!
In my experience, women are a hell of a lot less judgmental than the media would make us out to be. My “sisters” are understanding, sympathetic, and supportive. Because they’ve all been judged, felt insecure, exhuasted beyond belief and made choices they regret. This trial by fire makes me feel closer to other moms, not farther away. Becoming a mom has made me feel a common bond with mothers everywhere, and it’s shameful that the media pits us against one another.
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That’s exactly how we feel. What a lovely, eloquent comment. No wonder we love ya! Erin
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!
I think most woman are just battle fatigued and not baited by this created conflict.
I just want my cat to stop pooping on my pillow after I go away for a weekend. I don’t care if you nurse your eighth-grade kid.
It is the little things in life that matter, right? Hope your kitty troubles resolve. Ellen
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As always, a perfect post that cuts right to the core of the issue. This was a way to sell magazines.
I hate to think of a bunch of men, brainstorming on how to manipulate “The Mommy Wars.” I hate that there are “Mommy Wars” to manipulate.
It reminds me of an episode of the “The Simpsons” when Kent Brockman makes a comment about how naming hurricanes after women makes sense because of how “the girls” go crazy at a rummage sale, or something, and Marge says, “It’s true, but he still shouldn’t say it.”
That’s how I feel about this cover. As women, we do fight, and judge and turn on each other about parenting choices. I just hate to see it mocked on the cover of a national magazine. Because they are mocking us, goading us into a fight.
It may be true, but they still shouldn’t say it.
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And as always a thoughtful, real response that understands exactly what we were trying to say. Thanks, Erin
By far, the best response I’ve read yet to this entire debacle as it pertains to the issue of perpetuating the so-called “mommy wars.” Completely agree, couldn’t have said it better myself, yada, yada, yada.
Ah, but there’s another angle to the story as well – that of how it pertains to the mom blogging community since she is, in fact, a blogger. And the best response I’ve seen to that side of it is Momfluential’s post, “Are Mommy Bloggers a Bunch of Boobs?” which talks about how more and more mom bloggers seem to be selling out for 15 minutes of fame – and often at the expense of their children. Not only do I feel this woman sold out, I also think the way she did so lends undo credence to the critics who think mom bloggers are a bunch of self-centered narcissists who violate their kids’ trust. So, I just can’t see this as a “win” for moms OR mom bloggers.
Here’s Momfluential’s post:
http://www.momfluential.net/2012/05/11/are-mommy-bloggers-a-bunch-of-boobs/
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..Friday Tapas: The Mother’s Day Edition
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing that post! Excellent share. Erin
I 1000% agree with everything Ellen said…
However, am I the only one dismayed by the amount of publicity this ridiculous Time cover is getting? I mean sure, they may not be getting the reaction they had anticipated (then again, maybe they are…) but they are getting a reaction. Consequently, for better or worse, their readership is going to go up.
Almost every blogger who are also moms (including me) and some that aren’t mothers are talking about this cover, thus giving it even more momentum.
*sigh*
Well, at least it seems that instead of dividing us, bloggers now have a common enemy.
Hopefully, something good will come out of all of this and it will officially end the “mommy wars”…
It just sucks that in order for that to happen, we’re giving Time’s cover even more importance by incessantly discussing it… even if it is in a negative matter.
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Yup. That pretty much sums up the irony of it all. I agree with Ellen 1000% too. Thanks, Erin
It’s almost like they are bullies and just looking for the next group of people (usually women) to pick on…
Jennifer recently posted..Breastfeeding – Why is this still news?
This is so well written. Thank you for your take on a tough issue. I am not a big fan of comparing mothering styles. I have three children. Each of them are completely unique and separate individuals, who I have discovered require individual parenting plans. We as mothers should not be afraid that our varying strategies for raising healthy and happy children should be looked down on. Sometimes we have to walk a different path in order to help our children thrive. I like the comments I am seeing above and here’s to hoping we as sisters can unite and be proud of our differences!
Jennifer! I couldn’t have said it better. I do not follow attachment parenting myself, in fact, I don’t want to be put in the box of any one parenting philosophy. I just had my first child a year ago and in raising her, I’ve tried to take her personality into account. With subsequent children, I can only assume that I’d do the same and not try to fit another child into the same parenting style that worked for the first. My point? Like you said, we need to parent to the individualities of our children, and support each other for finding what works. Not beat each other up.
The Anecdotal Baby recently posted..Time Magazines Aftermath
Jennifer and The Anecdotal Baby, thank you for supporting my point perfectly and eloquently. Well said ladies. We should rule the world. Ellen
We have always believed that mothers are a special type of Sisterhood anyway. It just riles us to no end when people try to put down the Sisters or tear us apart. Thanks, Jen. Erin
Oh, yeah!
Asproulla recently posted..Getting Out
Yes! I just wrote two posts this week about Time’s cover photo, myself. This little shenanigan of Time’s did NOT, in my opinion, reflect breast feeding nor did it portray attachment parenting properly. Enough is enough of with the “mom wars” and Time is only fueling the fire with this. AND of course trying to sell magazines.
The Anecdotal Baby recently posted..Time Magazines Aftermath
I’ve had a few days to think about this some more and let all my thoughts come together on this matter. This isn’t about whose parenting method is better. This magazine cover and headline is another method of “divide and conquer” used by people where it is in their best interest to have us divided and judging and squabbling over trivial matters while they serve themselves. I wrote a post on this:
http://msannomalley.com/2012/05/12/my-take-on-the-latest-time-magazine-cover/
Kathy Kramer recently posted..My Take on the Latest Time Magazine Cover
Kathy, that’s great. “Divide and conquer”is exactly the strategy. I will check out your post. Thanks, Erin
I agree that this cover was created for the sole intent of selling magazines. I think pitting mother against mother is pointless and destructive. As a stay at home mom I rely on other mothers advice, stories, and differing opinions. Its how I learn and grow as a mother myself.
If a mother loves her child and treats him/her with respect and always hold their best interest at heart then how can anyone condemn her?
Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook, I wish people would remember this.
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So over it. You know?
I liked Jen’s Beavis and Butthead convo that she wrote out on her blog ‘People I’d Like To Punch In The Throat’. Between this post and hers, I am really giggling and shaking my head at the asshattery that must have gone on in that board room.
On another note- I was kinda disappointed in the SNL take. I mean, come on. They had JT on Saturday night! Work with me people!!!
I am sooo with you on the SNL send-up—they can do better. I also like the use of the word “asshattery”—people just don’t use that word enough. Thanks, Erin
A-freaking-men. I keep saying it over and over. They did it to CREATE A STIR. Their one and only goal in publishing is to SELL MAGAZINES. They don’t give a rip about mothers, parenting styles or who breastfeeds. PERIOD.
And I agree with what someone said above – I shake my head at how much attention they are getting for this cover. I wish they had just been ignored, with dropping sales numbers. Wouldn’t that have just been the best? But hopefully they’ve united mothers against them and it will backfire.
Ally recently posted..Monday Listicles – Pride
If your kids are safe, tended to, and raised with love, then you are indeed, Mom enough….I completely agree.
When I saw this cover I just laughed and shook my head. Whatevs. It’s so over the top it didn’t deserve my attention.
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Boy am I glad you did the Top Ten recap on your post today, as I was still a gleam in the ovary of my blog in May (too much?) I had no idea you ladies even existed back then, and I would have totally missed this beauty. Preach it.
Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. recently posted..Assassination of Barbie
Fantastic take on this ridiculous antic. Excellent!
Marie recently posted..What I read in December (2012)
To tell you the truth, I’m just fed up with the enough of us out there who still ALWAYS take the bait!!
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Oh, wow terrific post–I wish had read it at the time of the karfufle. Instead, I just went on a social media fast and read nothing until the hysteria died down. Awesome.
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