10 Steps To Prevent Your Wedding From Being Pintershit
It’s Monday Listicle time and Stasha has charged us to categorize 10 Things Wedding!
Ellen: The first thing that comes to my mind is to thank My Higher Power that Pinterest was not in existence.
Erin: I know! That mess really raises the bar.
Ellen: And what about the reality shows on TLC that turn your wedding into a competition? Have you seen Four Weddings?? Your wedding is judged by three other snarky bridezillas. On a score card. Didn’t TLC use to stand for “The Learning Channel”?
Erin: I guess they are now schooling us in nervous breakdowns. But I guess in comparison, Pinterest isn’t so bad. It’s just pretty things and good ideas, right? What’s the harm in that? There’s no actual judging.
Ellen: Oh, I think there’s judging, but maybe it would have made wedding planning easier. Alright, let’s embrace it and share with future brides how to…
Pin Your Way to Wedding Perfection in 10 Easy Steps
1. It all starts with the RING. How do you know that your man loves you if he doesn’t go into major debt right out of the gate. I mean, it won’t affect you until you want to buy silly things like a house or a car. Credit scores can be fixed like carbon footprints, right?
Source: marthastewartweddings.com via Katy on Pinterest
2. Next you have to find a date. But that depends on when your desired VENUE is available. An extravagant venue is a must, so whatever date is open, grab it! Even if it is Election Tuesday in November. Hey, people might already be off from work, right?
Source: allthingselegant.tumblr.com via LeeJee on Pinterest
3. Well, your wedding is an important day. It should be a priority in all of your guests’ lives. So get those SAVE THE DATE CARDS out now! Before people do silly things like get pregnant or develop appendicitis. This card will lock your guests in! By all means, involve a professional photographer because it’ll be worth it. More guests = More gifts!
Source: bridalguide.com via Nikki on Pinterest
4. But saving the date is not enough! You must have the perfect INVITATION calligraphied by hand on the finest English parchment. People are going to cherish these. There is no way they will be used as coloring material by a toddler or chewed up by a dog. This is an important document. Money must not be spared in its creation. And if you could add feathers or confetti, it would just put it over the top. People love to open envelopes and have trash fall out on their floors.
Source: Uploaded by user via Hannah on Pinterest
5. And while you’re on a tree killing spree (remember you can pay to have your carbon footprint fixed), get those PROGRAMS made. The more elaborate and time consuming to make, the better! In fact, make them by hand. Just think, if you’re getting married outdoors, they can stand-in as fly swatters. Double duty!
And while you’re getting those printed, spent an hour or 23 on making some FAVORS! Remember the top three criteria guests are looking for in a favor: 1) fragility 2) actual loose dirt 3) the tantalizing chance of killing it.
Source: chipsandsalsadesigns.blogspot.com via Abbey on Pinterest
Source: emmalinebride.com via Lisa on Pinterest
6. And we haven’t even gotten to the DRESS. If you don’t have the perfect dress, your wedding, nay, your life will be ruined. By all means, travel somewhere to purchase it where the trip alone costs $1000. And if a loan has to be involved to buy it, you know you are doing it right. This is important stuff. You’re going to wear it for 10 hours of your life. And if part of it is see-through, you will make your grandpappy proud.
Source: bridaldressesdream.com via harry on Pinterest
7. And you aren’t the only one who needs to look fancy. BRIDESMAID DRESSES will make or break your wedding. By all means, drag all eleven girls over three states in the course of four months to find that delightful creation in the perfect shade of floral. Three car payments is not too much to spend. They love you and besides, they’ll be able to wear it again.
Source: hitched.ie via hitched on Pinterest
8. FLOWERS! Your flowers must be perfect. If the orchid that exactly matches the salon highlights in your hair only grows in the Amazon in a pygmy hummingbird nest, a villager can find it and ship it to you. Express! And if they can’t … well that is unthinkable.
And when you have perfect flowers, you must have the perfect CAKE. Think of it as art that gets coronated to the porcelain throne 8 hours later. Why yes, those gold flakes accenting the icing flourishes would be a good investment.
Source: inspirations.prestonbailey.com via Diana on Pinterest
Source: safetydangerdefender.com via Svetlana on Pinterest
9. And this all must be recorded for posterity. Make sure you get at least 5 references for your PHOTOGRAPHER and if he is really any good, he will let you crash his other clients’ wedding so you can see him in action. And make sure his settings are avant garde, difficult to access, and far away from your reception venue because 4 hours is not too long to make your guests wait to eat. And your pictures need to be better than your cousin Betty’s. Because Betty is a biotch.
Source: 500daysofweddings.tumblr.com via Morgan on Pinterest
10. Wake Up! We didn’t embrace this list, we strangled it. This is all PINTERSHIT. It is the marriage that is important, not the wedding. Do what makes you happy, but do it within your means. Celebrate, but don’t go insane. You’re going to look gorgeous even if your dress doesn’t cost 10 grand. Do not max your credit card out on favors. They end up in the trash. Yes, even those precious love song CDs. It’s 2012, no one listens to CDs anymore. Sheesh. Just stick to a budget and focus on your relationship.
If couples spent half as much time discussing their values and goals with each other as they did pouring over the reception menus, maybe the divorce rates would not be so high.
Don’t be this girl.
Follow our lead instead.
Erin and Steve, 16 Years
Forget what we said. It is all about the money.
Note from Ellen: I literally had to take a picture of Erin’s album to get her wedding picture on this post. “Scanner not hooked up … don’t have a lot of pictures because the photographer went bankrupt … blah, blah, blah.” I purposely did not crop my feet out in protest of Erin’s pain-in-the-rearness.
Ellen and Frank, 19 Years
Maybe copious hair equals marital bliss longevity.
If you are lucky enough to live in the Pacific Northwest near the fabulous Stasha, pin her, reserve her, hire her as your photographer. She is totally worth it. And sane. View her work at Stash B. Photography.
By Ellen Williams Erin Dymowski
Wait, why are you covered in dollar bills?!
Mayor Gia recently posted..#*&!$! Halloween Candy
It is from the apron dance, a Polish tradition. It sounds like a little slice of brilliant to me. Ellen
I was supposed to do a wedding yesterday for a couple who laid out 63K on catering alone….they split up two days before the wedding because they couldn’t agree on their PRENUP. So glad I was too busy student teaching and graduating to fuss about every detail of my wedding!!!!!!!
I will have you know, a lot of people still have our favors. We gave pint glasses. Great post, love the hair Ellen. lol
I still have the crab mallets from my friend, Elizabeth’s, rehearsal dinner. I think it is all about the functionality. And besides, sounds like your groom had some input on the favor.
Ellen
Oh Ladies, where to begin? I do love how many singletons I know with pinterest boards labeled “Future wedding” or “Whenever I meet Mr. Right.” I will say “pintershit” needs to be added to the urban dictionary…or at least a pin on said site
Jackie recently posted..Reality Skewed
Why didn’t I make a Pintershit meme!?! Ellen
Hahaha!!! Thank goodness I didn’t have Pinterest when I got married either! Love the money photo, and big hair of course
Yes, I wish I lived near Stasha, that would be awesome.
Runnermom-jen recently posted..Real
I didn’t even have a videographer. I’m actually happy to just have the memories in my head. They are more flattering that way.
Ellen
Yes they are
And I don’t have any photos from my wedding!`
Stasha recently posted..Monday Listicles
Really? No photos? You floor me with your irony.
Ellen
Amen, ladies! It’s about the marriage not the wedding. Oh, how Pinterest must really create false images for women. Love your wedding photos!
Jill recently posted..Monday Listicles: Wedding
Thank you! Pinterest just raises the bar and shifts the focus. But there are some fabulous ideas to be had.
Ellen
Love the dollar bills! Pinterest is a time waster. I find recipes on there, pin them and never try them out. What the? Right?
Bruna from Bees with Honey recently posted..household chores
We do make some of the things off of there so why are we such haters?? Ellen
LOL Love your guys’ post. You found some great crap on pinterest and I am so glad it wasn’t around for my wedding!!
Karen @ Desert Chica Ramblings recently posted..No Honeymoon Pictures
I almost created a wedding board, but then I thought that would start rumors.
Ellen
What is with Save The Date cards? For any event. Isn’t the invitation a save the date? It’s not like you mail them out a week ahead!
Bridget recently posted..Monday Listicles
Maybe it is a ploy by the post office for them to avoid bankruptcy. I remember being floored by the expense of postage for my invitations. Ellen
OMG, this is hilarious! Love to see Perfect Pinterest turned upside-down. Nice.
Kate recently posted..10 Things NOT To Do at a Wedding
I’m feeling a little guilty about including that cake picture in the post because in my heart of hearts I think the expense for THAT would be worth it. Ellen
Oh my, love this!! The wedding I shot yesterday was all about peacock feathers! This is such a great spin, you will forever be my favorite double E’s. And I am totally stealing the money shoot idea for my next wedding
Thank you for the shout out xoxo
Stasha recently posted..Monday Listicles
Poor peacocks. Are there really enough peacocks molting to support this industry? I’m picturing feather sweat shops with peacocks with defrocked bums.
Erin is going to be beside herself that she inspired you. That is her favorite wedding photo. And BTW, I LOVE how you give the point and shoot to the little kids. Those pictures are great and would probably be the ones that touched my heart the most.
Ellen
Well said. You’re totally right: it’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage. I don’t understand spending tens of thousands of dollars on ONE DAY. The money doesn’t make it any more memorable, it doesn’t make it any more fun & it doesn’t make the marriage any more likely to last.
Lisa C recently posted..List #43: How Our Wedding Was Different
I’m hoping this post is a sort of “love” letter of advice to my daughters. Ellen
That was a great and funny list. I especially like the dripping sarcasm all the way through. Well done!
Wayne recently posted..Monday Quiz About Me
It was dripping a bit, eh? Hoping we mixed in some subtle notes of tongue-in-cheek also. Ellen
Awesome list, as usual! Oh those save the date cards. Blech! So many funny over the top photos you posted
The real ones were awesome. I’d have done that too if I knew which box to find the album in (I don’t rush into unpacking, it’s only been 2 years…)
Stacie @ Snaps and Bits recently posted..10 Things About My Wedding
I think to properly unpack, it must at least be spread out over a decade. Ellen
Oh shoot! I knew I forgot something when I took my wedding photos, the “bride gazes longingly into the distance from atop a tree” one. Dangit!
BonnyBard recently posted..The – my readers are audibly groaning but I don’t care cause I love weddings- monday listicle
I would love to see a video of her getting into the tree and out of the tree. That fluffy dress had to have gotten at least one tear. Ellen
Great minds thinking alike – that’s us!!!
I cannot believe what some of these brides put everyone through just for “their” day. Or how grandoise they think of themselves that they are entitled to all this Pintershit! (yes, yes do a meme!!).
You just know those marriages will not last. Along with the blood test, you should have to complete at least 50 hours of marital counselling PRIOR to the actual wedding.
And Congrats on many years of wedded bliss!
Rorybore recently posted..Monday Listicles: Beware the Bride!
I am just lucky that no one could make me put my wedding picture on mine! Hallelujah for small favors. Congrats on your marriages. That is just awesome! (But wouldn’t it be fun if we could throw the ultimate Pinterest wedding?)
Stacey recently posted..Stuff about our Wedding
I love that people still have our favors. We made CDs (OK, well, I guess I should say we pirated music and gave it as gifts?). But, that people enjoyed our selections so much that 10 years later the CD is STILL in their car? That makes me smile.
I tried Pinterest and couldn’t get a handle on it (or, I think I just didn’t care enough) but for the tiny wedding we had (well, tiny with a string quartet and a horse and carriage), I imagine I’d have lost my mind with Pinterest.
I’ve never understood the requirement of brides maids spending a lot on dresses. Also, if anyone, and I mean anyone, asks you to be in her wedding and then directs you to any store’s online selection of “wedding shoes” RUN AWAY.
Arnebya recently posted..Writer’s Workshop: Listening
Can’t even tell you guys how relieved I am that I’m not the only one who has something negative to say – I felt a bit like the party pooper reading all the other lists =)
I knew I could never live through a wedding like that when I and two bridezillas (seriously!) had a conversation. I expressed the opinion that for the amount x they gladly spent on some details you could easily buy a car. Their reaction? “Ah, so that’s why you aren’t married yet!” Ha ha, I’m still laughing about that today!
Anja recently posted..Why weddings suck – A list of ten terrible things that happen at weddings!
I agree with the focus on the marriage and not just the wedding, but I LOVE that bridesmaid dress. I definitely think I would wear that one again.
Clarinda @ Enjoying the Course recently posted..Weddings
Oh man! If only I could have Stasha as the photographer….I wonder if she travels….
And WHY WHY WHY do so many women want exactly what you described? It wouldn’t be about us that day if it ended up like that. I’ve never understood the huge, billion dollar bill wedding.
Ducky recently posted..1 in 5 Women Are Using It
I think the beauty of this post is that you expose the dark side of Pinterest, which really, let’s be honest, more people should focus on. I absolutely LOVE the wedding pictures you shared…especially the one straight out of the album!
thedoseofreality recently posted..My Top 10 Wedding “Pins”
I cannot stop laughing. My wedding surely wouldn’t live up to Pinterest standards! Thank goodness we’ve made it 18 years anyway! (and I was totally puzzled about the feet showing below Erin’s wedding photo before I scrolled down. HA! Well done!) -Lisa
The Dose of Reality recently posted..My Top 10 Wedding “Pins”
Fantastic list, sisters!! Demonstrates perfectly how the wedding business is completely over the top and couples lose sight of what’s really important.
Marie recently posted..Monday Listicle: Ten things about our wedding
Your list almost made me vomit up my first veil. My first wedding was all this crap. My second wedding was purely a formality… I wanted the MARRIAGE!
Congrats on your years of marriage! That made me smile!
Emma @ Your Doctor’s Wife recently posted..First and Second Weddings: Oh, How They Differ!
Haha! Love this post. Honestly, I get totally sucked into the Pinterest eye candy!
Leslie recently posted..{Monday Listicles} Wedding
Oh my god! Thank you for this HILARIOUS laughs! Cause seriously people go crazy over wedding shit on pinterest! Thank god I got married before that came around!
Audrey recently posted..Monday Listicles – 10 Things about My Wedding
I love the save the date idea!! I may have to use that idea. Enjoyed reading your post.
Summer recently posted..MOVIE & MUSIC MONDAYS
Giggling so much at this. I want to hit people who live in pinterest with a stick.
Lisa @ http://www.howtobeadomesticdisgrace.blogspot.com
Lisa recently posted..Things To Do With your Child: Ice Decorations
I have to say, as well, that I am so happy that I was married before Pinterest; too many ideas are overwhelming. I am happy with the simple celebration we had, and more proud of the happiness we’ve enjoyed since. Great list!
Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..10 Weddings
That cake looks yummie! Pintershit is a perfect word. I’m sincerely happy for the success of your marriages and wish you nothing but love in the future. xo
Sperk* recently posted..My Daughter’s 10 Favorite Wedding Dresses
I know that cake is the bomb. And thank you for your sweet comment. It means a lot. Ellen
“There is no way they will be used as coloring material by a toddler or chewed up by a dog.”
Damnit. I’ve been just throwing away all these wedding invitations all this time when I could have been giving them to my kids to color on? I’m glad I read this. Pintershit does work!
Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point recently posted..German Purity…What’s Not to Love?
Ok first of all, Pinterest makes my wedding look like a bunch of hillbillies showed up in a field somewhere for a BBQ. Seriously. So glad it didn’t exist back then when I got hitched. Second, we did the Filipino money dance at our wedding and gathered over $1000 from guests. We took a picture of us lying in all the dollar bills. A maid at our hotel asked if I was stripper. No lie.
Delilah recently posted..So What?
I know those invitations were over $1 EACH to make, so I just had a heart attack.
PS. Hooked on Say Yes. Gaaahhhh.
Lady Estrogen recently posted..Craft Whores, Of Course
I’m right there with you. My 11 year old and 14 year old daughters and I are ALL about it. Guilty pleasure. But I do get to discuss with my girls how NOT to act. It is The Learning Channel after all. Ellen
Ack! I am SO glad that there was no Pinterest when I got married. I Cannot believe how elaborate things have gotten recently, and how expensive. I remember people talking about their weddings costing $10-20,000 10 years ago, I cannot even imagine the cost now! What a great, hilarious list.
Brandee recently posted..10 things that make a great wedding
AWESOME list – though it makes me feel a little sick that I might have to put my wedding dress on and get my photo taken in a tree. Stupid Pinterest!
hollow tree ventures recently posted..A Mandatory Walk Down Matrimony Lane
Oh I love the two of you. Seriously. Pintershit!
I did not have a wedding. We saved the money (and headache) and went on an extravagant honeymoon instead. Also, saved money for A HOUSE. You know, the important stuff.
This was the best thing I have read in years!!!
Thank God I don’t have a daughter getting married, but if so—I would call on you girls to plan everything!!!!
Fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOT! I had a cheap ass wedding and it’s lasted 11 years this weekend. Talk about ROI.
Some stats: Dress, off the rack: $238
Flowers: $500
DJ: $500
Photog: $500, only got one album, pics all the same size, but got to keep all the proofs.
Food, beer, wine: I dunno. Cheap.
Bridesmaids: Wore their own dresses, no pre-approval required. One spent $38 on a clearance dress, another spent over $200, another had one in her closet.
We spent 1/3 of our budget on the excellent honeymoon. Now, that was the smartest thing we did.
Cheers, ladies!
Ninja Mom recently posted..Cleanliness is next to June Cleaverliness.
This was awesome! I’m glad I’m not the only one with this mindset, I was starting to wonder with all of the pins out there
My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and our wedding was simple and fun (like it should be). Thanks for visiting my blog!
Rediscovering Our Family recently posted..The Pinterest Wedding: Unrealistic Expectations
You are so welcome! Glad to know we are of the same mind. Erin
well played, ladies!! I must say, those photos were out of this world. As long as it’s someone else’s wedding, I’m fine with it!!
Roshni recently posted..Short and tweet #1
Doesn’t that girl know that Marie Antoinette got her head cut off? Haha!
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