The Complisult. A modern label for that compliment that just doesn’t sound right. They just rub ever so slightly. You know you’ve heard them . . .
“That dress looks great. It really draws attention away from your thighs.”
“Thank you, um, wait.”
Need some further explanation? Watch the folks from Community lay it down in 20 seconds.
Are these little gems the poisoned tipped arrows slung by passive-aggressive desperados? Or are they the collateral damage that blooms around people who chronically suffer from insert-foot-in-mouth-itis?
You generally have to be in the moment to pass judgement, but either way, we’ve been on the receiving end of more than our fair share.
10 Complisults We Could Have Lived Without
1. Wow, that is some dress. Is that what you’re wearing?
THE RUB: This little gem was aimed at Erin before the internet was even a zygote. The scene? On her way out the door to prom. By whom? HER MOTHER.
2. She is a great little girl, but you should really spend more time talking with her.
THE RUB: This blast from the past was directed at Ellen when her oldest was in preschool. So what if Coco yipped to respond to questions? Was that really any reason to call Ellen’s mothering skills into question?
3. You’re daughter is so tall and beautiful. She looks like a supermodel. Where does she get it from?
THE RUB: Fast forward and Coco is in high school. But now Ellen is getting zinged because of Coco’s fabulous-ness? Is there no winning in motherhood? Wait, we know the answer to that.
4. That’s great you’re a stay-at-home mom. I would go crazy from boredom if I stayed home. I don’t know how you do it.
THE RUB: Oh Mommy Wars, let’s bury the hatchet. Just not in each others’ backs.
5. You’ve really made this house work for you.
THE RUB: This compliment was so back-handed it should have been in a tennis match. Erin must have wowed her with the recent addition of indoor plumbing.
6. I have the perfect dress for you to borrow. I wore it when I was six months pregnant.
THE RUB: Erin was not pregnant. Your table in hell has been reserved.
7. You look so good when you wear make-up.
THE RUB: C’mon. So how does Erin look without make-up? Wait don’t answer that.
8. Thank you for the birthday cake, Ellen. I can tell you spent a lot of time on it.
THE RUB: That’s the praise you give the 5 year old who brings you a mud pie.
9. Wow, you look great today!
THE RUB: The “Wow” and the “Today”. Take your qualifiers and shove them. And wipe that smirk off of your face. We deducted points for lack of originality.
And finally, the complisult that Erin and Ellen both get all of the time . . .
10. I like your blog. I could write a blog if I wanted to.
THE RUB: Oh could you now? Go right ahead. It’s totally cheap and takes so little time to create a blog that people besides your mother and your cat reads.
Thank you to Stasha over at Monday Listicles for inspiring this list with your topic “Ten Compliments”.
You invented a word! I love inventing words!
And nobody else can write a blog like you ladies do – you slay it every single time!
Kerstin recently posted..Twork
We cannot not take credit for inventing the word. It may have been Albert Brooks, it may have been the writers on Community. We will,, however, take credit for making it funnier. 😉 Ellen One of our tweeps also then coined the term “CompliSLUT” which we, of course, loved!! Erin
The term is new to me, but I’ve received so many of these over the years. This is one, from when my grown sons were young, very active, and very “strong willed:”
“Your sons are so well behaved. It must be nice having easy children.”
Ginger Kay recently posted..The Effortlessly Mean Mom
What could you possibly have to do with his behavior, right?
The term may be new, but the technique is as old as time. Ellen
As always ya’ll amuse me. I love the reservation for a table in hell.
Robbie recently posted..Comfy Cozy
You CANNOT offer a non-pregnant woman a dress you used as a maternity dress. Ever. She should have her Girls Club card revoked. In addition to her table in hell. Ellen
I haven’t visited for awhile, and I’m the loser for that. This is so good. I’ve always enjoyed, “You look great for someone your age.” Since I’m still pretty new to blogging I haven’t heard the I could write a blog if I wanted to yet. But when I do, I might be tempted to laugh thinking of your post. Oh really, I would say, and try to stop there. Nice work, Sisterhood, as always.
stephanie recently posted..Uneasy
Thank you so much! We are glad you stopped by! Feel free to also use “You seem smart when your mouth is closed.” 😉 Ellen
Haha! Excellent. I’ve heard some of these myself. Have you ever read the book The Underminer? It’s very short and easy to read and all about a character who goes around making these kinds of Complisults!
Pish Posh recently posted..In Search of Tilda Pinkerton
Need to check that out for sure! Ellen
A friend and I used to joke about how awesome we were at complisulting (and yes, we used that word) each other.
(one gem: “You look nice today. Did you have an extra 15 minutes?”)
But only because we are good friends. 🙂
I’d never complisult others. I’d much rather shut my mouth. Less effort!
Alison recently posted..Tasty Thursday: Vegan Coconut Cupcakes
Erin and I have been known to dish a complisult or two at each other. But that does not make it okay for others to do it. 😉 Ellen
Oh yes, I do believe you ladies have coined a new word! And it is one I am quite familiar with myself. Can’t wait until the next time I receive one of these gems to use it! :)-Ashley
thedoseofreality recently posted..WOULD I PAY MONEY FOR THIS: Candy That Is UNREAL
We cannot take credit for coining the term, only for promoting it. Ellen
Wait, people besides your mothers and cats read your blog? You are so cool!
XOXO
Stacie @ Snaps and Bits recently posted..Google Me Again
Erin has this one great uncle in Kansas . . .
Perfect – I love this take on the prompt! I’m just sorry you were able to come up with 10 examples. 😉 I had a friend who didn’t exactly complisult, but she made really ambiguous comments that I’m sure she would claim were intended to be nice, but never fully evolved beyond the ambiguous comment stage. My favorite was, “Is that a new shirt?” No follow-up, nothing – I’d almost prefer her to tell me it was ugly so I could stop wondering why she asked.
hollow tree ventures recently posted..The Kids Are Killing My Self-Esteem
Noticed you used past tense. “I HAD a friend…”
Awesome! I finally have a term for that backhanded compliment that makes you want to backhand someone.
It really is a skill isn’t it? I know someone who so excels at the complisult you are never quite sure if you actually have been insulted. like.a.boss
Rorybore recently posted..Monday Listicles: Aw, Shucks
It’s not a “skill” that keeps friends, that’s for sure. Ellen
#1 I would have never forgiven my mother!
#6 Table in hell indeed!
#10 Yeah, I get that one. I just try to smile and nod and let them think they maybe could. Maybe.
Maybe. 😉 Ellen
Hahahahaha! I can’t stop giggling. #6 made me spit out my wine! And #1 sounds like what my mother in law said to me on my wedding day!
Delilah recently posted..When Compliments Aren’t Really Compliments
They are all so bad, they’re good. And the MIL comment made me shudder. Yikes. Ellen
You two!! I have gotten more then my share of these!! who knew they have a name.The ‘looking great today’ i used to get a lot. Now i consistently look shabby. .
Now if only I can remember how to spell complisults.
Stasha recently posted..Monday Listicles
I personally go for any compliment I can get. So few come my way.
Wayne recently posted..Monday Quiz About Me
This list was so, so funny! One of my favorite complisults is “Your son is so…interesting.”
Christie recently posted..Verbal Sunshine
I have never heard the term ‘complisults’ before! Now I know what to calll these compliments with an insult hidden inside. I have gotten my share, too!
Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..10 Compliments About My Sons
Well, we all wore “some dress” to the prom. Although didn’t your mom know what you were wearing to the prom when she must have bought the dress for you?
My mom went back to work that year. AND school. Managing the 4 of us and everything else she suddenly had on her plate, I think she was just happy that I had a dress (my sister and I took care of business). To her credit, she had no idea what she was saying and felt really bad about it when my sister and I pointed out to her how ill-timed her opinion was. Erin
Gosh, I can relate to 1, 3, 7, 9 and 10. All of them really. Too funny and too true. Good stuff! Love how you did this post.
Of course I could do a post like this “if I wanted to”.
LMAO
Terri Sonoda recently posted..Most Days
You had me at #4. I kept thinking, number four is awesome, my comment is going to be all about number 4. Then you laid the hammer down with #10. Seriously. Blogging is easy, anyone can do it. That’s why all blogs are so great and stick around forever.
Not.
(I’m bringing back “not” feel free to join in.)
Bridget recently posted..Monday Listicles
You ladies are a great way to start a Monday morning!
Emma @ Your Doctor’s Wife recently posted..Love, Lust & The In-Between: Doctors’ Wives Living
Arrgh! The complisult. The reason that I am afraid of compliments from some people. That was one zingy list – and it is sad, but I know people who use ones like that on a regular basis. #9 especially. Great list!
That last one was AWESOME. My teeth grit just reading it. Haha
My all time fave is “Wow. You look amazing. What happened?” Ahem.
Lady Estrogen recently posted..Bay-bay. May-bay?
Through scientific research, I have determined that any “compliment” that starts with “Wow” is shit. Ellen
i cringed, cringed, reading through many of these… I can’t decide which one is the most horrible one!! (probably number 6)
BonnyBard recently posted..The if you can’t say something nice… Monday Listicle
Too funny. “you’ve really made this house work for you.” And I get the make-up wearing one a lot. Well, I get it a lot the few days out of the year I wear it.
Jamie@SouthMainMuse recently posted..Ten Compliments to Myself. Why was that so terrifying?
Hahahahaha! That was fantastic! Thanks for the laugh- I needed it after today!
Pam recently posted..Complimentary List
Ohhh, I’m so jealous that you knew the word complisults! That’s awesome! The supermodel one cracked me up! Like, thank you very much!
Kate Hall recently posted..10 Lamest Compliments I’ve Ever Received
How have I never seen your blog before? OMG, you guys, I freakin love you both. I have had my share in the complisults…One of my favorites was, “Honey, you don’t even have a pregnant belly! You just look like you’ve filled out everywhere else. But you needed to–you were so tiny before!”
This was given by an older lady in my church and I was about 6 months pregnant at the time. It took every ounce of self control to not claw her eyes out…
hilljean recently posted..My Pink Party
WOWZER! I wish there was a way we could have added that one—it’s a doozy! Erin
First can we talk about the awesome of “complisult” Genius!
People are such a trip!
-r
Rachee recently posted..Monday Listicles: Girl, You Got it Going On!
We love the word complisult too. Brilliant writers at Community.
I absolutely loved #10. I got that ‘complisult’ the other day and told her it was super easy just so when she tried it she’d learn for herself. Hehe.
And the complisult ‘you made this house work for you’ would make me want to reserve them table in hell too. I had someone tell me they love my extremely small cozy home. Seriously, people are either oblivious or just plain mean.
Cozy always sounds like code for “crapshack” when spoken by someone who lives in a McMansion. I am hoping they are just oblivious. I like to believe the best about people. Erin
😀 I love that word “Complisult” Gosh, I am tempted to make a list myself. Some people I know just excel at it – and I often think they could offer a correspondence course – they’re that good/bad (depending on point of view).
Here via Terri Sonoda’s tweet.
Oh, I can’t stop laughing! I LOVED “The Rubs”
I’ll be back! 😀 Thanks for such a fabulous read!
Love, Vidya
Vidya Sury recently posted..Who Knew?
This was really funny, for a blog written by TWO people.
seehwhatididthere
My wife tells me I’m the king of this sort of thing. Everytime I start an insult, there’s a cimpliment in front of it. Listen “you’re really awesome at staying busy, but we don;t have milk in the fridge…”
Lance recently posted..Interstate Love Song
Ah the complisult! Those backhanded compliments always seem to make my day 🙂 Especially about parenting!
Audrey recently posted..Monday Listicles – Compliments
Have never watched Community. “Complisult”…..baaahaaahaaa! I’m going to seriously have to use THAT one.
Great list! Think I’ve heard just about all of these myself. 😀
Diane recently posted..I Am Thankful for… #Monday Listicles
Awe. some! I love this list. Community is like my #1 laugh-inducer and one of the things I miss most about living in the US. We may have crap politics and gluttony, but no one has cynical meta comedy like the USA! Anyway….. This list is priceless, especially your commentary, which, I swear, every single one make me laugh. Bless you both!!
Thank you, Girl! Glad you stopped by! Ellen