March Through the Pintershit of Ugly Sweaters

Oh, how we are ready for the heart of Spring because March is a two-faced mean girl who tricks you into wearing a Wookiee costume to prom. You begin your Saturday at the soccer field in your Under Armour fighting the 30 degree chill, only to be stripping down in the minivan by 3 PM because the 65 degree sun is simmering you in your own juices. This would be a very appropriate time to pray that the tinted windows are really all that and a bag of chips.

release-the-kraken-template-500js031710We’re more than ready to put away the woolies for another year. Packing for a day out looks like a time warp trip between the ski lodge and the Caribbean. The bonus? The added wardrobe changes feed the laundry beast to Kraken-sized insanity.

But truly,  you can only get so down because the REAL Spring is right around the corner. To pass the time before we can pack our winter garb away in our cedar chests for another season, we found some sweaters on Pinterest that deserve to be packed away forever . . . at the bottom of the landfill.

9 Pintershit Sweaters and a Bonus

1. Because an ugly sweater post should start by paying homage to the King of Ugly Sweaters.

Remember Bill Cosby as Dr. Huxtable? If not, do not speak of it. Just click the link and educate yourself – NOW! The CLIFF notes version? He wore sweaters that prompted viewers everywhere to wonder if there was something wrong with their televisions.

 

 

Cats really deserve their own genre of ugly sweaters.

2. There’s the sweet kitties swirling in a galaxy of rainbow roses.

You do remember this trend? It was right before the rainbow sweaters and ribbon barrettes and right after everyone lost their ever-lovin’ minds.

 

 

 

3. Nothing says “rawrrrr” like a cat dressed like a Catholic school girl.

So many levels of wrong.

 

 

4. When you really want to convey you’re crazy about cats.

WARNING: Side effects will include riding the elevator alone and hearing “Crazy Cat Lady” whispered in your wake. May also induce vomiting.

 

5. Be the cat toy.

When your love for cats is so strong you want to show your adoration to them and the world, dress yourself as a giant cat toy. Just remember to wear that Kevlar bra. Cat Scratch Fever is no joke.

 

6. When you need a hug, this sweater is there for you.

This will get you the attention you crave. It’s like walking around with your own personal motorboatin’ kitty.

 

But we can’t let cats have all of the fun. . .

7.  Pigs!

We’re bringing sexy back! This sweater features pigs rooting around in filth and feces! You can almost smell the seduction! As if that weren’t enough, there are little piggy tails to highlight your jowls! On second thought, forget sexy, this is birth control.

 

 

 

8. Let me hear you scream!

If like any reasonable adult, you feed off of the screams and terror of little children, then this sweater should be put in your quick rotation now.

 

 

9. Sometimes you feel like chicken.

When you want KFC and you know it, don’t be afraid to show it!

 

 

10. What would an edition of Pintershit be without that final WTF?

 

 

There’s More Where This Came From!

Pintershit Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Click to read more in the Pintershit series!

  – Ellen and Erin

 

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29 thoughts on “March Through the Pintershit of Ugly Sweaters

  1. Aunt Karo

    This post is one of the best ever. I often thought I would wear just about anything until I saw these sweaters. Who would think if wearing them? Thank goodness you didn’t get these for the girls. They would hate you forever. Love You

    Reply
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