In the beginning, our trip to Pittsburgh to visit family was shaping up to be a lovely moment on the timeline of our lives. My sister, Karen, had finally moved within a distance we could drive on a single tank of gas. She had a new job, a new baby, and a new house under contract. So my husband, Steve, and I loaded up the minivan with our crew of five and pointed her west. Spring Break looks a little different once you’ve traded bikinis for, well, Pittsburgh, but we had high expectations for album-worthy memories on this trip. Which meant there was only way it could go: down in flames. And spectacularly so.
Fate laughs in the face of such hubris.
Trouble started brewing on Friday night, when Eddie (2) started vomiting. There is no faster way to become persona non grata in someone’s home than to start chewing through their linens. My poor sister had been a mom for about 10 minutes, but she was torn. It’s all fun and games until someone needs a bucket.
We had just dropped Patient Zero in the middle of her lovely new home. I could see her mind click through her options: Grab her own child a la Sally Field in “Not Without My Daughter”, kick mine to the curb, or re-create a scene from Outbreak complete with tenting and masks.
My sister may or may not have been thinking this!
Um, we started packing.
At this point, I was harboring a fantasy that the exorcism coming from my child really was the result of his licking the bathroom floor at the rest stop as Charlie (8) suggested. I was packaging this spin for my sister and her husband, Dan, when Victim 2 fell. And hard. The siege was underway.
Pittsburgh is about five horrible, evil, ugly hours from home when you’re under attack. I’m gonna spare you the details, but leave you with this image: Steve pulled the car into the driveway after a looooooooong drive on the Puking Parkway from Pittsburgh and promptly tossed his cookies on the front lawn. Where’s a white flag when you really need one??
This was Saturday night. Easter morning was a mere 6 hours away. So in addition to Eddie, Ace (12) was down, Steve was down, and the other three kids were dropping like flies. We could have used a quarantine sign and some yellow tape.
What did this seemingly sane woman do then? Start wrapping and assembling Easter baskets. It was me against the clock. But much like the scene with Steve hours before, I succumbed right about the time I nestled the last chocolate egg in its basket.
Dawn rose on a day with two parents completely incapacitated. It was not looking good for an Easter miracle, but thank every lucky star in the sky for the resilience of boys when candy is on the line! Ace (12) who not 6 hours earlier had been wrapped around a toilet bowl had regained his usual step. He had no idea what I had in store for him.
Bottom Line: Sonny Boy got a huge promotion, complete with bunny ears and bragging rights. I felt like a stage mom pushing my baby into the spotlight, “You can do it, honey! Just think positive thoughts.” To be frank, I was too sick to move so it was more like gesturing and mumbling, but, whatever, he was my Chosen One.
No childhood innocence was lost in the making of this memory. At least, I hope not. I actually have no recollection of that day, but Ace even took pictures. It happened.
Is this not the most pathetic looking child you have ever seen?
Postscript: The virus took down my sister’s whole family viciously within hours of our hasty retreat. Dan still uses The Great Pittsburgh Easter Plague as the yardstick to measure all other illnesses. In fact, he was completely unsympathetic when another virus took us all down last year.
And I did get my album-worthy memory after all. Mostly because Dan won’t let me forget it.
-Erin
Posted by Ellen Williams Erin Dymowski
That sounds awful! When something like that takes down the whole family, all you can do is hope both parents (or older responsible-ish children) aren’t sick at the same time. Way to save the day, Ace!
Amy recently posted..Crock Pot Thursday: Creamy Macaroni And Cheese
He really was incredible! Thanks! Erin
Oh man let’s hope this Easter proves to be a lot better with less bathroom time.
Southern Angel recently posted..Social Sunday and I don’t have to dress up woot woot..
Oh man, Puking Easter!
Good on you, Ace. Stepping up (and not stepping on puke I hope)
Alison recently posted..Motherhood Has Taken Me
That sounds so awful! That was one nasty virus – I can see how that is the one to measure all other illnesses.
Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..How Awesome Is He?
UGH. Honestly, stomach viruses are just the worst thing ever. I will say that the last picture is both funny and sad all at the same time! ;)-The Dose Girls
thedoseofreality recently posted..You’re Going DOWN, Iceman!
We had a similar incident one Christmas Eve. Ho-ho-retch.
That makes that scene from stand by me look like a DAR tea party. How horrid!
Momsnewstage recently posted..10 Movie Remakes for Moms (and Dads)
My family likes to reenact Contagion at holiday gatherings too.
Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point recently posted..I’m Inadvertantly Stalking a HGTV House Hunters Couple, What Do I Do?
Ha! Erin
Ooof. So well told, yet, so awful. We were cursed with a stomach bug around Christmas a few years back. Family, it is all unconditional love until vomit is involved. Then, it is every man and a 5 gallon bucket for himself. Wonderful writing.
Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments recently posted..I had a BOOK BABY! (and other exciting news)
I knew others would feel my pain. ; ) Erin
Oh man this sounds awful! There is nothing worse than a stomach flu. I find it fascinating how the human body works- My family gets the stomach flu once a year. I’m not kidding. Both kids, once a year. In fact, I have become an absolute pro at it. As soon as one gets sick, I know exactly how to set up the towels and my bed on the floor of their rooms. I know exactly where to put the spare towels for a quick exchange. I am seriously a master of disaster. And I know for a fact that the next kid will get it 4 days later- to the minute. And guess what, 4 days after that, it’s The Hubs’ turn. I, however, have never gotten it. How in the heck has that happened? As the wise assistant in Devil Wears Prada once said, “I’m a stomach flu away from my goal weight.” I’d appreciate a little help with that;)
vicky
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Oh wow- maybe you should stay home this year!! Hope everyone stays healthy at least 🙂
Thanks! We hope so too! Erin
OH I can’t tell you how many FREAKING holidays we have spent sick. I am hoping you girls and all the families have a HEALTHY Easter Holiday this year!! The spin you put on the tale is hilarious though… had to share!! 🙂
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Thanks, Chris! That’s blog lemonade, for sure! Erin
That reminds me of an Easter when Anna was 3. She came down with an awful flu and got everyone in my family sick (except for her mom and dad!). My 3 male cousins and my Aunt who all fell hard after we left still remembers it and calls it Annarmegdon.
Love it, Mary. Not the story, but the moniker rocks! Erin
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