Yes, the usually perky, always ready for some fun Sensible Moms is throwing it down: We hate baby shower games.
Erin: Just to be clear, we did not say we hate the actual baby showers.
Ellen: We enjoy the sweet celebrations of new life and new motherhood. And the cake. Baby shower cakes are always good.
Erin: But most of all, we especially enjoy seeing another sucker, I mean newbie, accepted into the fold.
Ellen: But the games, oh, the games! I was so grateful that my best friend and I made a pact that there would be NO games at ANY of our showers of ANY kind – not bridal, nor baby, nor communal. There are just so boring, pointless, and more often than not, humiliating.
Erin: Communal? I don’t want to know. But in my experience, I hate them because they are a time suck. Opening the gazillion presents takes forever, then you want to add on games? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Ellen: Now I’m feeling a little harsh. Maybe Baby Shower Bingo is okay? You know, where you circle baby items received on a bingo card? That game trudges along during the present opening.
Erin: No mercy. I was recently at a shower where the cards were BLANK! You had to fill in your own items. If you hadn’t had a baby in the past 6 years, you were hard pressed to guess what was coming out of those boxes. I didn’t know what some of that stuff was. But my mother rocked it. She filled in her card AFTER the presents were opened. She won.
Ellen: Love. That. Your mother has inspired me anew to zing some games. Let’s get on it.
1. My Water Broke!
So for this little gem, you cryogenically suspend plastic babies in ice cube trays. Okay you’re just freezing them, but this game needs all the promotion sizzle it can get because basically you’re watching ice melt. Fun. You put a little creeper cube in each party guest’s beverage and when she sees the baby free floating in her drink she hollers, “My Water Broke!” Like we said, fun.
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Erin: My family was able to up the fun on this! So at the same shower where my mom was bamboozling the bingo, my aunt was sucking on her ice cube like a mad woman to free her baby first. It was perversely hilarious! She would not be beaten.
Ellen: For the love of plastic fetuses, you come by your competitive nature honestly.
2. How Big Is That Belly?
Everyone has to take a guess at how big around the guest of honor is. Seriously. Then of course, she has to be measured to see who wins.
Erin: Perhaps the inspiration for this game came from a cattle auction? I’ve seen it classed up even further where instead of using a tape measure – because , you know, you want to save the mother-to-be the embarrassment of having her digits announced – you guess her girth in sheets of toilet paper.
Ellen: The mark of a truly fantastic shower game is to work toilet paper into it. But the entertainment value of this game comes from it’s follow-up game: Pregnant Woman Shanks The Guest Implying She Is Bigger Than A Hippo.
3. What’s The Poop?
This game is also known as “Dirty Diaper.” You take a stack of newborn diapers, smear a different food substance that resembles crap on each one, and then pass them around for the victims to guess what they are. Some versions have you melting different types of candy bars, but true dookie veterans use things like tapioca pudding and Dijon mustard. If you’ve done newborn diaper duty, you know it does NOT look like chocolate.
Ellen: I was forced to play the version that had things like mustard and pureed peas on them. We were given toothpicks to sample the fares as they passed by to help us in our identification. Gives a new layer of disgusting to double dipping.
Erin: I will see your double dipping and raise you licking! When I looked this game up to see if it was for real, the instructions said to pass around the candy encrusted poop slings and have everyone lick them. Lick. Them.
Ellen: This game is no good. It also brings back bad memories. I call bullshiz on anyone who has kids and claims not to have come at least close to getting poop in her mouth. We don’t have to talk about it, but let’s not deny it.
Erin: This game should come with a counselor in the corner.
We could go on, but we’d rather suggest some new games of our own. Seriously, if it’s okay to ask guests to lick a communal melted Hershey bar you’re parading around as poop, these should be acceptable.
1. How Dilated Is She?
The lucky guest who finds the sterile surgical gloves under her luncheon plate gets to check!
2. Canned Ham or Pregnant Feet?
Take a picture of a gelatinous hunk of pork and one of the guest of honor’s feet, attach them to a poster board and have guests guess! To up the fun, have guests vote by dropping sausage links into their chosen ballot box.
3. Scoop the Litter Box
We all should know that a pregnant woman is freed from cat doodie duty for the health of the baby. If your guest of honor has a cat, this game is a gift as well as just plain good old fashioned fun. Everyone gets a shot at scooping the box. One lucky winner walks away with a purse sized Bath & Body Works hand sanitizer in her scooper!
Feel free to use any of these for your own party because we were thinking of taking this show on the road anyway. Maybe we should go into business like the Menarche R’Us people – Awkward Baby Shower Games R’Us?
-Erin and Ellen
Shower games are the worst!! I never understood the dirty diaper game. Completely gross.
My mother-in-law upped the tacky ante with the measuring with toilet paper. Instead of measuring how big my belly got, she had them measure my boobs. Being felt up by a room full of old ladies does not make a baby shower fun.
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Wow. Measured your boobs. I am speechless. At least she didn’t pass around a pair of your maternity underwear and start the game See How Many Old Ladies Can Fit In Christine’s Panties At One Time. Ellen
I said “No shower games.” My sister-in-law was mystified, but complied. The friends who organized my other shower went ahead and did a sort of Maternity Jeopardy! game. I guess it was okay as games go, but you had to know a lot about pregnancy and babies to do well, and not everyone did.
At least there was no diaper-licking.
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That should be on a T-shirt: At least there was no diaper licking. Ellen
Okay. Seriously. I JUST had a conversation yesterday with a pregnant friend about how creepy those little fetus things are that people freeze in ice cubes. It looks like little aliens floating around and quite frankly, freaks me the heck out.
While I understand drinking games aren’t really allowed at these things, why oh why do they have to involve things like poop and measuring tapes?
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And what do you do with those things after the game is done? Bury them in the backyard and sprinkle the ground with holy water?
Ellen
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I almost spit out my tea laughing at this Ellen 🙂
Haha my post for tomorrow is similar to this except without the awesome game ideas. I have a shower on Saturday!
It’s not too late to plan a rousing game of Scoop the Litter Box. 😉 Ellen
We did the “How big around is she” game at my baby shower with my 3rd. A ball of twine was passed around and everyone cut off a piece, guessing at my girth (which at 7 months was almost at my knees). I kept the piece that WAS correct (winners? mine? IDK!) and it was as long as I am tall!! (I’m 5’4″) The sad part is, she was my smallest by 3 pounds…….SOOO glad I was never measured with my monster boys!!
I think I was a beach ball, but thankfully, it was never proven. 🙂 Ellen
Urghh!! They sound hilarious but completely gross!! I did attend one with the stomach measuring game, but I think the mom was proud about how big the baby was going to be! 😀
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I haven’t been to a baby shower in ages and just reading this makes me almost miss them! I love the pregnant belly on anyone but watching people open a million presents all afternoon makes my eyes go cross and get a little crazy. The more games the better to pass away the time. The weirder and grosser the game the better! Love the diaper tasting, the baby food tasting and the frozen babies….hilarious!
You are a special type of party girl, Mary. 🙂 Ellen
My friends threw me a shower with great games, one was for all the non preggos, drinking a beer from a baby bottle – fastest drinker wins
Where was my invite to that shower? Maybe what we really don’t like about baby shower games is the lack of drinking. 😉 Ellen
I’m going to a baby shower in two weeks – the first I’ve been to in at least ten years. I’m going to try really hard to limit the eye rolls and snickers, but I’m outta there if I have to suck a baby out of an ice cube.
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Just take pictures and you have blog gold! Erin forgot to take pictures . . . but we made do. 🙂 Ellen
You two crack me up! Ha! I hate the stupid games too! I’ve never heard of the ice cube baby one before. Um. GROSS! Do you know where that plastic baby has been before you stuck it in my ice cube? No thanks. I think I’ll pass on the plastic baby floating in my drink.
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Remind me not to invite you to a baby shower! LOL! Mine was more a crafty-kind-of party. For example, we made paper flowers and put them all in a vase. No licking required!
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Awww, thanks!
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Oh my goodness. This is so horrible. And so appropriate, as I am in charge of the games for the next shower I go to. And so the reason why I love you ladies…
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