Erin: Nothing like starting Monday off with a little drama in the parking lot.

Ellen: Somebody not too happy about starting off a new week, eh?

Erin: It all started out innocently enough. We were just talking about our weekends and one of the moms brought up the birthday party all of our middle schoolers attended. Well, the kids played spin-the-bottle.

Ellen: And?

Erin: Well, I kind of laughed it off too at first, but the other Moms were not happy. In fact, they are still steaming, stomping, barnstorming mad.  You could have passed out from the stench of righteous indignation hanging over their heads, and then they turned on the poor Mom who hosted the party like she could hold back that tide.

The Moms have out their pitchforks and they are ready to storm the castle. Any castle. Somebody is gonna pay. Nobody is going to corrupt their babies.

Ellen: This is taking hand-wringing to a whole new level.

Erin: Yeah, these Moms have flipped the Doomsday switch on an entry level hiccup.

While I am not immune to the stomach-turning, slightly nauseous feeling of crossing over into this next phase yet again, I have learned a thing or two from the teens and tweens who came before. 

The truth getting lost among the pitchforks and torches is that this is just the beginning. Now is not the time for rolling heads or securing the gallows.

Ellen: Hey the reality is that your kid is not a baby anymore. The quicker you come to that realization, the happier you ALL will be.

Erin: What has escalated this mess from a funny phone call anecdote to parking lot melodrama? The implications that these babies are moving into the new but clearly anticipated next step of boy/girl stuff. We’re talking about <GULP> sex.

Ellen: Yeah. Take a deep cleansing breath. It’s an eye-opening day when the babies start abandoning the Princess dresses for some eye liner. . .

Erin: . . . and the Pirates are trading in their swords for AXE, but it’s a day that’s coming for all of us.

Ellen: I just get tired when I think of all the handwringing over games like this and  the artificial time tables for when to start make-up and hard and fast rules about when to date. Time isn’t marching on just for us. Our “babies” are moving into adulthood at lightning speed juiced with the power of teen spirit and hormones and we would do best to follow their lead.

So let’s take a minute to pull together a plan, so that when the stakes are higher than, say, spin-the-water-bottle and they will be, you’ll be ready.

 

Erin: So I’m just gonna throw right out there that “Oh, hellz no, ain’t nobody gonna try and kiss my baby” is a perfectly reasonable response to a situation like this.

Ellen: Absolutely. But this initial emotional response is not something to download on your kid. A husband, on the other hand, is always a great choice as he has a vested interest in your kid staying off of the pole, so to speak.

Erin: And your girlfriends owe you AND know you. You suffered through playdates with crappy goldfish ground into your new carpet and teddy grahams stuffed between your couch cushions for just this moment. Besides, these ladies will know just what to say to keep you from going over that figurative castle wall.

Ellen:  You have to take this crucial time to vent, so that when your kid is venting or sharing or even just talking, you can be silent.

Erin: This is key and we cannot express this enough. In the world of the angsty adolescent, YOUR silence is not just golden, it is pure gold and will keep your teen from turning mute.

Erin: Which leads us to the next step. Talk it out with your kid. Sort of.

You may not be ready exactly to see your kid moving into this next phase but they ARE, so fall in line.  Say something like “Hey, tell me about Gertrude’s party” and then zip it. Tight. 

Ellen:  Just listening is powerful Mom stuff. By not handling it—no emails, no handwringing, no pitchforks–you are giving your child the tools to handle it herself and the opportunity to build a bridge of trust with you that will come in handy later on.

Erin: By not blowing up this bridge of trust over the small stuff, you are communicating that you can handle whatever they want to tell you.

Ellen:  We want our kids to share and be open. That’s the end game. But jumping to action or indignation without really listening will end THAT game pretty quickly.

Erin: This is probably one of the hardest things about parenting the older child. Gone are the days where we rocked their world with a hug and a band-aid or a bag full of snacks.

Ellen: Oh the sweet simplicity!

Erin: Now our mothering is more on the down low . . . think more Diana Prince, less Wonder Woman flash. We show our love and guidance in these small moments where we support their growing independence and competence with nary a red boot or golden lasso in sight.

Ellen: We’re still sporting our capes beneath our Target T-shirts, but the point of the next few years is that everybody KNOWS we’re still our kid’s heroes, champions, and number one fans, but now we are giving our kids a chance to own the spotlight. . .

Erin: . . . and share the game plan.

Ellen: And we all win.

Erin: Or at least we’re on the same team.

-Erin and Ellen