Part of our schtick is sharing parenting advice. We have 7 kids between us ranging from 6 to 16 with both genders well represented. We’re like a freaking parenting test lab fueled by Cheez-its and hormones.

Erin: But we want to take this moment to clarify. We are not relaxing in some lofty ivory tower pontificating or galloping on our trusty high horses across the lands dispensing our morsels of wisdom to you needy peasants.

Ellen: It’s more like “We Step In The Doo So You Don’t Have To.”

Erin: Case in point: Homecoming 2013. Our daughters are in the same county but go to different high schools. My daughter Biddie is a freshman and Ellen’s “Coco” is a sophomore. I’m thanking my lucky stars that Coco’s Homecoming was two weeks before Biddie’s because. . .

Ellen: I was still scraping the doo from my shoe as Erin blissfully skirted her steaming pile.

Erin: I have nearly broken my arm patting myself on the back for learning from Ellen’s folly.

Ellen: Here is the You-Are-Just-Going-To-Have-To-Believe-Me-When-I-Say-This-Is-The-Short-Version:

Coco was asked to the dance by a senior she barely knew two weeks before the date. He was a friend of a friend’s boyfriend and it seemed great until the Wednesday before the dance when Coco laid this on me in the car:

“I really don’t want to go to the dance with Senior Boy because he is too clingy and he’s creeping me out. And I hate the way he breathes.”

Erin: Uhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ellen: Exactly! What ensued was an awkward balancing act stressing safety over politeness while conveying that politeness wins over “I hate how he breathes.”

Erin: We want our daughters to know that if true alarm bells are going off, never go through with a date because of feelings of duty or manners. Never tamp down your instincts.

Ellen: HOWEVER, after sussing out that there was no real threat and just the hardcore annoyance that only a teen can cultivate, I stressed to Coco that it was really not the kind thing to do to dump someone three days before the dance on the grounds of respiratory incompatibility. Coco, being the considerate trooper she is, decided to tough it out and not break the date.

Erin:  Well, let’s face it, once they pass through those school doors, the girls and boys separate like the waters of the Red Sea anyway.

Ellen: True. A very brief fast forward to Dance Saturday and Coco gets a text from Senior Boy hours before the dance stating that he does NOT want to go with HER because she ignored him at her volleyball game.

Erin: THAT RAT!

Ellen: Yeah, I had other choice words, but Coco was riding the other track of the emotional roller coaster: elation. She ran downstairs with her arms victoriously raised, slid onto her knees in her best Mia Hamm impression yelling, “I don’t have to go with him!”

And then I started apologizing for not letting her break her date with him, but my girl was all about the silver linings. “No worries, Mom. I don’t have to go with him AND I look like the better person. I am free and I am going to have a great time with my friends.”

Erin: All’s well that ends well. And by well, I mean I heeded the lesson so I looked like a parenting rock star right out of the gate.

My Biddie wanted a high school boyfriend and she got a high school boyfriend.

Ellen: But then she learned that boyfriends can be a lot of work . . .

Erin: And put you smack dab on the stage of everyone’s speculation. So, days before the dance, Biddie broke up with her boyfriend in the kindest way possible because she just wanted to relax and go with her friends. And you know what I said?

Ellen: “Have fun!”

Erin: Yes. Yes I did. So what is the moral of this story? Trust your kid? Trust your instincts? Ban boys from your daughters’ lives?

Ellen:  All of that, but I think the real moral is to not treat any of these relationships like they are the end all be all. Treat them seriously, but acknowledge them for the learning and growing experiences that they are.

Erin: Always be there for back-up and advice and keep those communication lines open. And listen to YOUR friends.

Ellen: Exactly. Why have a Sister travel the road ahead of you if you’re not going to take her advice on how to avoid the potholes?

Erin: Or at least thank her for removing one pile of doo from your path.

 

-Ellen and Erin

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