In addition to being sensible and funny, we really do try to be authentic around here. So after we wrote our post about keeping a time diary to find a magic hour to indulge in seek out stress relief, I did just that. I easily found my hour in the morning to get my exercise groove on, right after unloading the dishwasher and BEFORE being sucked into social media.
Let me share so that you too can make time to exercise, if that is your pathway to Holiday Zen like it is for me. Rest easy because finding the time is as easy as reciting the alphabet.
A. Wake up determined that THIS is the day you will jump back into the exercise rodeo ring due to a dream you had about your stomach paunch being bigger than Robert De Niro’s. (This is 100% true. How could I make this up? There may have been a couple or fifty cats in the dream too. Feel free to leave your dream analysis in the comments.)
B. Ignore the box of mantle decorations that is STILL sitting in the middle of the family room. Maybe if you wait one more hour, elves will put them up. Vacuum up the tree needles, though, in preparation for your post-workout stretch.
C. Turn the Facebook notifications off on your phone and lace up those shoes (after you spend 10 minutes looking for them.)
D. Go down to the basement to unfold the “Easy Fold” treadmill.
E. Attempt to unfold again.
F. Complain about the situation on Facebook, but feel proud because you only spent 20 extra minutes online. Besides, you found this hilarious pair of pedicure booties. Totally worth it.
G. Actually read the simple instructions on the label plastered at eye level on the treadmill.
H. Attempt to unfold again.
I. Kick the bejeezus out of the release bar because you’re pretty sure that is what the label implied for you to do.
J. Say forget it, you’ll just run outside because you like that better anyway.
K. Step into garage and remember it’s 30 degrees out with ice and snow.
L. Grab the rubber mallet instead.
M. Return downstairs and repeatedly whack release bar until realizing you have reached Handygal Level: Hypocrite. You would be all over your husband like cat hair on black pants for doing this.
N. Thought passes through your mind that maybe all of these trips up and down the steps count as your foray back into exercise.
O. Be strong and decide it would be quicker to use the clothes rack exercise bike in your bedroom instead since you have already used up your “magic hour.”
P. Start a load of laundry from what was found on and around the bike. Fold the clothes in the dryer. Stupid elves ignored this job too.
Q. Sit your fanny on the bike seat for 0.09 nanoseconds before the doorbell rings because the contractor is one hour early. WTH? Early?
R. Trudge around with him outside.
S. Feel re-energized by the sunshine and crisp air and resolve to beat the treadmill.
T. Snatch a wrench from the garage and storm down the stairs with renewed purpose to confront your nemesis.
U. Remove the @#$^*#& release bar and receive the full weight of the treadmill deck on your shoulders.
V. Acknowledge that you will indeed need a bladder support surgery by your 5th decade as you ever so gently lower the deck to the floor.
W. Realize you are starving because you had planned to exercise 2.5 hours ago.
X. Run upstairs to grab a vegetarian breakfast sandwich with a cookie chaser because, hey, you’re going to work out.
Y. Decide to write a blog post while you eat because the world deserves to join you in your journey.
Z. Return to the treadmill and attempt to turn on the TV, but there’s no signal. Spend minutes checking cables, but draw the line at calling DirectTV because dammit, you are going to run.
AA. Chest bump your reflection in the full length mirror you regret installing because the alphabet cannot contain you.
AB. Run! Rejoice that you avoid a face plant since you apparently forgot how to tie your shoelaces during your looooong break from running. Avoid celebrating with nachos.
AC. Be kind to yourself for your 15:32 minute mile because dang it, you have remembered that running does indeed create your happy space. Savor your stretch on your needle-free carpet.
AD. Realize that you don’t have time to shower before school pick-up, but try like hell to get those mantle decorations up. (Damn elves can’t be relied on for anything.) There is no way you and your glutes are managing a stepladder tomorrow.
AE. Promise yourself you will only repeat Step AB – AC tomorrow . . . in less than 6 hours.
Tada! Magic hour easily found and realized!
As easy as saying your ABCs if you were doing it standing on your head with coyotes gnawing at your toes while manic clowns pelt you with water balloons.
What will you do with your “magic hour?”
-Ellen
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Last night, I ran for the first time in months. When I say “ran,” I mean I walked quickly raising my knees to give the appearance of running. But, I did it. Blogger’s butt be gone! Baby steps, huh?
HouseTalkN recently posted..Elf On The Shelf…Gone Wrong
Yeah see I don’t have a basement.. but I do have a garage where the exercise machines have been stored against a wall, behind other stuff. Because apparently our garage is THE place for everyone we are kin to to use to store stuff.. sighs.. get out yoga mat and exercise balls and deal with those until your fingers get numb from that one move that ticks off your back that got messed up in a car wreck and say forget it.. and stomp off to write a blog post about how much a car wreck sucks and feeling returning to your fingers feels like someone turned your fingertips to matches all at once…
Southern Angel recently posted..My Old School Blogging, The 12 questions of Christmas
This is so funny! I was going to read this in half-dread to see what I should be doing to exercise…I haven’t exercised in months…and am glad to see I”m not the only one who finds in difficult.
Amanda Rose
sewmuch2say.com
LOL. Read this just as I gave up on exercising for the day. You should check out what Gwyneth Paltrow has to say about moms and exercising. If anger burns calories it’ll be totally worth it.
Liz recently posted..Zoe vs. Thanksgiving