You know what’s popular now? Knitting and crocheting. Know how we know? Well, the internet. Duh. When memes like this start popping up in your feed, it’s time to take notice or at least write another installment of Pintershizz.
Ellen: I fully acknowledge we could have gone in and made our own meme to correct the grammar, but “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That.” See what I did there?
Erin: Funny. But the “its” is still making me twitchy.
Ellen: Well, move on, because this is more about making you itchy from bad knitting projects.
Erin: Please tell me this has nothing to do with the performance art lady knitting out of her vagina?
Ellen: Noooooooo! I am taking a MUCH higher road than that. This is just the fun wooly stuff that started popping up in our Pinterest feed. Like yarn bombing. Did you know that was a thing?
Erin: I do now, but that is pretty charming. Not really Pintershizz.
Ellen: THAT is technically a form of graffiti and vandalism and it’s illegal. It’s also very badass — one of the more prominent artists went under the “graffiti knitting name”, Deadly Knitshade.
Erin: That. is. awesome. Are people really getting arrested for this?
Ellen: I don’t think so. Can you imagine the court scene?
Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present this rapscallion who had the audacity to put this hat on this bus stop and thus bring a smile to every person’s face who happened to pass its way . . .
Judge: I hate to interrupt, but what idiot called the police instead of just picking up some hedge clippers?
Prosecutor: Good point.
Judge: Case dismissed.
Erin: By the way, how do you know all of this?
Ellen: Shut up, but Wikipedia. I know I’m a Wikipedia snob, but I thought it was probably okay for graffiti knitting.
Erin: Probably. We won’t make you turn in your library card, but you seem to be dropping some stitches, where is the Pintershizz?
Ellen: Did you just try to use a knitting term to illustrate that I’m getting off track??
Erin: Sweet kittens with mittens, I’m damned if I get on board with you and damned if I don’t. Just show us what you found on Pinterest.
1. Throne Cozy
Ellen: What better way to kick off Pintershizz than with a crocheted toilet?
Erin: I did just finish two bathroom remodels in my house . . . but no. There are waaaaaaaay too many people who stand up to pee–with questionable aim, I might add–in my household.
Ellen: Stop right there! I can feel the bacteria crawling through the computer screen. But speaking of science experiments, what about this gem?
2. Trapped Like a Rat
Erin: Now isn’t this something you would like? Seems like the perfect gift for that med student in your life.
Ellen: No! It’s not even anatomically correct! Where are the lungs? WHAT is that brown blob on the left? Is that green thing the heart? Everyone knows the gallbladder is green, but it most definitely is NOT in the center of the chest.
Erin: Wow. I think we just found your OCD trigger. At least the tray is authentic.
Ellen: I’ll be impressed only if it smells like formaldehyde and desperation. Moving on to less evil-scientist-type items . . .
3. Bad Yarn Decision Dude
Ellen: Now this one is just funny. Pretty sure it is from the 70s.
Erin: What a lovely decade that was: avocado green and harvest gold EVERYTHING, Vienna sausages on toothpicks as appetizers, and clothing like THIS.
Ellen: I can’t remember what that hat is called and it’s driving me nuts.
Erin: That’s a tam o’ shanter.
Ellen: HOW did you know that?
Erin: I have my niche. You’re full of knowledge everyone needs to know, but I know things no one ever wants to know . . .
Ellen: Don’t sell yourself short. You’re just like Google, except less profitable and user friendly.
4. Keeping Those Buns Warm
Ellen: I do NOT want to know what her secret sauce is.
Erin: If you ask me, she looks like she’s one french fry short of a Happy Meal. See? I’m hilarious.
Ellen: You have your moments. Keep the faith.
5. More Fashion WTH?
Ellen: What would this be for? Is it for those times you only want 50% of your limbs to be sexy and frostbitten??
Erin: Oooo. It’s like the woman who’s famous who had the leg sticking out of the dress.
Ellen: You mean Angelina Jolie? You came up with tam o’ shanter, but can’t remember Jolie? I’m getting you a People Magazine subscription for Christmas. You need to up your Google game.
Erin: I told you, I’m a niche.
6. Two Woolens Arses are Better Than One
Ellen: This is for those people who think Snuggies aren’t ugly enough.
Erin: Yes, because what would make you feel better about being hideous than knowing you spent eleventy gazillion hours creating that ugliness?
7. Earbud Time Suck
Erin: What’s so bad about these? They would actually be pretty useful in my family of seven. Someone is ALWAYS complaining that someone else is using their earbuds. Blah, blah, blah.
Ellen: It’s the TIME SUCK factor. In my family, someone is always losing their earbuds. I can’t imagine spending this much time on something that has such a short life span. By the way, you know you could just color the connectors with different colored Sharpies?
Erin: YOU know that would require a master chart that we would promptly lose, right? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
8. Here We Go A-Flaying
Ellen: I feel like I disappointed you with the last one, so back to the weird. Doesn’t this look like someone has been skinned? Wasn’t it St. Bartholomew who was flayed?
Erin: I don’t know. It seems like there were a bunch of them.
Ellen: Okay, not to keep spinning the same wheel (yeah, I did it), but how do you know something like tam o’ shanter, but you’re not sure which saint lost his hide? You’re a religion teacher.
Erin: Told you, I’m niche-y.
9. Because We Love Llamas
Ellen: I didn’t want to end being a complete knitting hater. If I had a llama, I would totally knit it a scarf. I don’t know why I love llamas so much–maybe it’s their long, sweeping eyelashes, their goofy expressions, or the way they spit like they just don’t care. There is nothing wrong with the textile arts, it’s just, I don’t have the time.
Erin: I wouldn’t mind learning to knit either. People have told me it’s great to do while sitting in car line or sitting on the sidelines . . . the only problem is, I already have things I’m catching up on during that “down-time.” My “down-time” is double-booked until three months past 2020.
And Sweetie, you can just buy a scarf at Target for nine bucks. The llama will never know.
-Ellen and Erin
You girls CRACK ME UP!! This is too funny! Loved all of it — and especially this part:
Ellen: I do NOT want to know what her secret sauce is.
Erin: If you ask me, she looks like she’s one french fry short of a Happy Meal. See? I’m hilarious.
Darcy Perdu recently posted..Super Bad? More like SUPER MAD!
You ladies are too much!! How do you find this stuff? I can’t tell you how this made my morning–mostly b/c I need to go off and knit something NOW.
Meredith recently posted..The Christmas Win
Just know it is perfectly fine to keep your yarn in a basket. Please. Ellen
OMG, these are real things!! You ladies crack me up… the pictures…the color commentating…haha.
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