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5 Bad Wedding Shower Gifts and a Gem

What is wrong with people? Buying someone a wedding shower gift should be the easiest thing in the world because of that time honored tradition: Bridal Registries. The happy couple actually takes the time to zap half the store with their little scanner gun so you have a list. All you have to do is run down the prices, pick your poison, and “Boom!” you’re done.

And if you perform this act of magic online, one more click, a little extra money, and that sucker is wrapped and shipped. It’s so simple even a zombie can do it as long as she didn’t lose her AmEx along with her soul. But if this is still just too much trouble, a check is always appreciated  . . . as long as it’s not rubber.

Yet people spend the extra energy to go off the reservation all. of. the. time. The results are rarely good, unless the bride-to-be really did just forget to register for that ceramic pig sundial. If that is the case, we’ll just kick Santa to the curb and anoint you Mayor of Giftingville right now. Oh wait, even Santa follows lists.

For everyone else, here are five types of shower gifts to avoid.

5 Bad Wedding Shower Gifts and a Gem

 

1. The Registry Rejection

This might be the most egregious violation of all. Buying something that is “like” what is on the registry, but not quite. Ellen actually received a gold, burgundy, and green Navajo print comforter (why yes, it was just as lovely as it sounds) with this comment from the giver as she opened it, “I saw the comforter on your registry but I just didn’t like it so I got you this one.” But truly, what is better than ugly with a side of disdain for your taste?

This gift was waaaay out there.

This gift was waaaay out there.

2. The Leftover Gift

Erin has an uncle who likes to buy animatronic figures in bulk to take over to Poland as gifts when he goes to visit family. (Just keep reading that sentence until it sinks in.)  He’ll have leftovers that he’ll gift to a few lucky stateside relatives. This is how Erin, at her bridal shower, became the fortunate owner of a Grooving Santa. The same type of Santa her sister-in-law had received the year before for her wedding. Yeah.

3. The Matching Outfit

Ellen has seen this one go down—the matching shirt and shorts for the couple to sport on their honeymoon. They are getting married, not auditioning as the protagonist couple for an Adam Sandler movie. No matchies! And just to throw it out there, does anyone really want to receive lingerie from her future mother-in-law?

4. The Subtle Hint

The bridal shower is not the time or place to give that heirloom hand-knitted baby sweater, especially if the couple is marriage before carriage. Relax . . . and go return that bulk box of ovulation tests, too.

5. The Re-Gift

Ah, re-gifting. Is it tacky or recycling? Regardless, try to follow along with what happened to Ellen on the bridal shower circuit. One fall, she watched her friend open an electric blue fondue pot. Months later, Ellen then received an electric blue fondue pot from that friend at her own shower. Wait, this is a time for air quotes—“friend.”

Don’t gift things out of your closet unless you happen to have a million dollars lying around. In that case, inbox us and we’ll make sure the bride gets it.

 And Now for the Gem!

After all of this, are you like, “Ellen and Erin, it would be a relief to conform, but it would ruin my street cred to do anything as mundane as follow a registry.”

We have your solution: So new it can’t be on any registry, yet SO FABULOUSLY funny no one would ever complain about receiving it!

reviews are in

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Or click here to order it on Kindle—> I Just Want to Be Alone, Kindle Edition

Or click here to get it from Barnes & Noble and iTunes—> Buy All The Books, All The Ways

I Just Want to Be Alone is a collection of humorous essays from 38 of the most Super Cool Lady Writers you’ll find on the web . . . including us! Jen of People I Want to Punch in the Throat is the mastermind who brought us all together to tell the stories about our men that will have you nodding along and laughing out loud.

But it’s not just for brides-to-be! Every woman wants this in her life, needs this in her life.

It’s for any woman who has sent her man to the store for potato chips only to have him return with tortilla chips.

It’s for that lady whose hubby has ruined yet another load of laundry by leaving a pen in his pants.

It’s for that gal whose fiancé planned out the perfect proposal, but didn’t plan on the limo driver pulling over to take a whizz.

It’s for all of us who have rued that our husbands have taken up bee keeping. Wait, what? Never mind, just accept . . .

IT’S FOR YOU!

So order your copy or twelve today!

 

 

-Ellen and Erin

 

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Check out our books, please, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

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By Ellen Williams Erin Dymowski

Comments

comments

10 Responses to “5 Bad Wedding Shower Gifts and a Gem”

  1. hilljean
    February 24, 2014 at 1:57 pm #

    I never got the matching outfits. Kinda bummed about that now.

    Also, getting “sensual lotion” and edible massage oil from your mom’s friends is a huge no-no. Eye contact can never be made again.
    hilljean recently posted..Wanted: A Samwise GamgeeFeb 24thMy Profile

    • The Sisterhood
      February 24, 2014 at 4:33 pm #

      Thank goodness there was no edible underwear?? Ellen

  2. Mel @ brokeGIRLrich
    February 24, 2014 at 3:50 pm #

    Hah. I love that they all happened. And I love Santa the best! Oh my word.
    Mel @ brokeGIRLrich recently posted..114 Side Hustles: Ways to Make More MoneyMy Profile

    • The Sisterhood
      February 24, 2014 at 4:34 pm #

      We kid, but when it really comes down to it, Santa is a keeper. :) Ellen

      • Deanna Fancello
        April 16, 2014 at 5:01 pm #

        I wanted to see the infamous SEAGULL picture!! You gotta post it!! LOL.

  3. dg
    February 25, 2014 at 7:48 pm #

    Love this – and love you girls! xo DG

  4. The Dose of Reality
    February 26, 2014 at 8:04 pm #

    MATCHING OUTFITS FOR THE HONEYMOON?!?!?! OMG!!! Bwahahahahahaha! How have I never EVER seen something like this at a shower??? If I knew I’d have to watch a bride-to-be faking her way through liking a matching outfit, I’d look forward to showers more. Bwahahahaha.
    Your book, however, will be a great gift for everyone!! Congratulations!!!! :) –Lisa
    The Dose of Reality recently posted..We Had Words With An Actual Celebrity!My Profile

    • The Sisterhood
      February 28, 2014 at 9:13 am #

      It was a a khaki short/white polo/yellow sweater 80s-movie-prep-school-costume type outfit, but how I wish it had been Hawaiian shirts. Loud Hawaiian shirts. With straw hats.

      And thank you for your kind words. :) Ellen

  5. Foxy Wine Pocket
    April 16, 2014 at 5:02 pm #

    “But truly, what is better than ugly with a side of disdain for your taste?” Absolutely NOTHING. I received some ugly junk, but never with disdain. That is absolutely priceless.

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