What is wrong with people? Buying someone a wedding shower gift should be the easiest thing in the world because of that time honored tradition: Bridal Registries. The happy couple actually takes the time to zap half the store with their little scanner gun so you have a list. All you have to do is run down the prices, pick your poison, and “Boom!” you’re done.
And if you perform this act of magic online, one more click, a little extra money, and that sucker is wrapped and shipped. It’s so simple even a zombie can do it as long as she didn’t lose her AmEx along with her soul. But if this is still just too much trouble, a check is always appreciated . . . as long as it’s not rubber.
Yet people spend the extra energy to go off the reservation all. of. the. time. The results are rarely good, unless the bride-to-be really did just forget to register for that ceramic pig sundial. If that is the case, we’ll just kick Santa to the curb and anoint you Mayor of Giftingville right now. Oh wait, even Santa follows lists.
For everyone else, here are five types of shower gifts to avoid.
1. The Registry Rejection
This might be the most egregious violation of all. Buying something that is “like” what is on the registry, but not quite. Ellen actually received a gold, burgundy, and green Navajo print comforter (why yes, it was just as lovely as it sounds) with this comment from the giver as she opened it, “I saw the comforter on your registry but I just didn’t like it so I got you this one.” But truly, what is better than ugly with a side of disdain for your taste?
2. The Leftover Gift
Erin has an uncle who likes to buy animatronic figures in bulk to take over to Poland as gifts when he goes to visit family. (Just keep reading that sentence until it sinks in.) He’ll have leftovers that he’ll gift to a few lucky stateside relatives. This is how Erin, at her bridal shower, became the fortunate owner of a Grooving Santa. The same type of Santa her sister-in-law had received the year before for her wedding. Yeah.
3. The Matching Outfit
Ellen has seen this one go down—the matching shirt and shorts for the couple to sport on their honeymoon. They are getting married, not auditioning as the protagonist couple for an Adam Sandler movie. No matchies! And just to throw it out there, does anyone really want to receive lingerie from her future mother-in-law?
4. The Subtle Hint
The bridal shower is not the time or place to give that heirloom hand-knitted baby sweater, especially if the couple is marriage before carriage. Relax . . . and go return that bulk box of ovulation tests, too.
5. The Re-Gift
Ah, re-gifting. Is it tacky or recycling? Regardless, try to follow along with what happened to Ellen on the bridal shower circuit. One fall, she watched her friend open an electric blue fondue pot. Months later, Ellen then received an electric blue fondue pot from that friend at her own shower. Wait, this is a time for air quotes—“friend.”
Don’t gift things out of your closet unless you happen to have a million dollars lying around. In that case, inbox us and we’ll make sure the bride gets it.
And Now for the Gem!
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-Ellen and Erin
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I never got the matching outfits. Kinda bummed about that now.
Also, getting “sensual lotion” and edible massage oil from your mom’s friends is a huge no-no. Eye contact can never be made again.
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Thank goodness there was no edible underwear?? Ellen
Hah. I love that they all happened. And I love Santa the best! Oh my word.
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We kid, but when it really comes down to it, Santa is a keeper. 🙂 Ellen
I wanted to see the infamous SEAGULL picture!! You gotta post it!! LOL.
That is Baby Sideburn’s! Ellen
Love this – and love you girls! xo DG
MATCHING OUTFITS FOR THE HONEYMOON?!?!?! OMG!!! Bwahahahahahaha! How have I never EVER seen something like this at a shower??? If I knew I’d have to watch a bride-to-be faking her way through liking a matching outfit, I’d look forward to showers more. Bwahahahaha.
Your book, however, will be a great gift for everyone!! Congratulations!!!! 🙂 –Lisa
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It was a a khaki short/white polo/yellow sweater 80s-movie-prep-school-costume type outfit, but how I wish it had been Hawaiian shirts. Loud Hawaiian shirts. With straw hats.
And thank you for your kind words. 🙂 Ellen
“But truly, what is better than ugly with a side of disdain for your taste?” Absolutely NOTHING. I received some ugly junk, but never with disdain. That is absolutely priceless.