Ellen here. People frequently ask us how we blog together and our reply is that our friendship just makes it work. Not the most helpful answer if you’re trying to find the secret to creating a blogging partnership, but people generally nod their heads. And people who know us really think they have us pegged. They think that Erin’s “happy-go-lucky-ness” balances out my “fly-off-the-handle-ness.”
It’s a lie.
Erin: Lie just seems so ugly. I know I have a tendency to lose the big picture and spazz over the details, but I keep that to myself. And to you and Steve. And to my sister. BUT, to the world, I am still waters. And I AM easy-going.
Ellen: Are you now? One word: food.
Erin: I don’t even know where you are going with this. I like everything.
Ellen: Do you now? I was hoping you would just ‘fess up, but you’re forcing my hand. Okay then: cantaloupe.
Erin: Blaaaahhhh! Cantaloupe is so disgusting. It’s the texture. It’s slimy and . . . you know what? I am allowed to not like cantaloupe.
Ellen: I would agree, except you like honeydew and kiwi. If texture is the issue, they are all the same.
Erin: THEY ARE NOT! And don’t you talk about kiwi like that. I love it! My kids do say it’s like eating gelatinous boogers, but I love, love, love it! Every part is fantastic: the sour, the crunch of the seeds. It does something to my cheeks. It makes them feel all happy and fuzzy. I’m feeling it now just thinking about it. Kiwis are nature’s Sour Patch Kids.
“I love what kiwis do to my cheeks!”
Ellen: Once again, you Erin-ed it up so no one is going to realize what a princess you are.
Erin: You’re mean.
Ellen: You make me mean. It’s your fault. You’re all bubbly, but maddeningly inconsistent.
Erin: That’s okay because you make up for your meanness with moments of kindness, kind of like a kiwi.
Ellen: I don’t know what that even means. Moving on: tomatoes.
Erin: I LOVE tomatoes. Mmmmm, summer tomatoes. I can eat a whole one as a snack with just a little bit of salt and pepper sprinkled on it.
Ellen: But your love has prejudice and conditions. What about cherry tomatoes?
Erin: Yeah, I don’t like the texture; once again slimy.
Ellen: No, they’re not. They’re crunchy.
Erin: Yeah, I do feel like I should like them so I try them every time.
Ellen: No you don’t! You just push them to the side of the plate without ever taking even a nibble. Which brings me to your next quirk: leaving your rejects for others to deal with.
Erin: I just feel bad about throwing food away.
Ellen: But you don’t feel bad about other people butlering away your scraps after they have congealed for a minute or fifty?
Erin: You know, I am the worst with cereal. I LOVE cereal. In fact when I first met Steve, I hopped up on his counter, picked up a whole box of his cereal, and dug in up to my elbow for that crunchy goodness–
Ellen: Which reminds me about your problem with boundaries, too.
Erin: I know. I wasn’t even his girlfriend yet. But I just wanted to show how much I love cereal because here is the twist. If it has more than a tablespoon of milk splashed on it, it is dead to me. I will abandon that bowl in a heartbeat . . . and now that I think about it, I leave it for someone else to clean up.
Ellen: I feel like you’re growing and learning before my very eyes.
Erin: Oh yeah, and then there are eggs. I LOVE scrambled eggs, but they have to be fluffy. There can’t be any big chunks of scramble.
Ellen: You can squish down the chunks with your fork.
Erin: No you can’t! It does not change the texture. I have rejected perfectly good breakfast sandwiches lovingly prepared by my husband because of scramble chunks.
Ellen: Okay, while you don’t rule the land of high maintenance, you certainly don’t deserve the crown of easy-going.
Erin: Oh come on. There must be foods you don’t like.
Ellen: I don’t like curry, but not to be a brat, that is a pretty common food to dislike.
Erin: I LOVE curry. And coconut.
Ellen: Those are two commonly hated foods, and coconut because of its texture. You’re an enigma wrapped up in a tortilla. My only point is YOU’RE NOT THAT EASY-GOING. You just hide it well. And I’m here so you don’t believe your own hype. That never goes well. Just look at Justin Beiber.
Erin: You ARE nice like a kiwi. I’m going to choose to look at this as tough love. I do tend to get wrapped up in the small stuff when I get overwhelmed. And then I tend to start freaking out on the inside, but shellacking it with a happy face on the outside. It’s always so much better when I reveal the panic to you. You handle triage like a mofo.
Ellen: You know what I say, “If there’s no blood hitting floor, is there really a reason to panic?” I just tend to have a very short ramp leading up to irritation which leads to my fly-off-the-handle reputation. I had a friend once say that I am the worst at suffering fools.
Erin: That’s okay because I am the worst at suffering cantaloupe.
And that’s how this blogging/friendship thing works, folks. We balance each other out . . . and when that doesn’t work we rat each other out on the internet.
-Ellen and Erin
Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”