You might think with names like “Williams” and “Dymowski”, we are firmly in the “If You’re Not” category.
Erin: But you would be WRONG!
Ellen: I come from a line of Kennedys. Not THE Kennedys because I would not be here whiling away the hours with you people. I would be counting my Benjamins while pahkin my cah in the yahd.
Erin: And I have got your Dwyer, O’Neill, Rankin, and Sheehan roots right here. I’m green all over and then some. Even my Dymowski comes with a side of pure Irish grandmother AND I went to Ireland on my honeymoon AND I have a red-haired daughter. I am in the club. In fact, make me president.
Ellen: Someone get Erin a crown of clover, but the bottom line is, you can trust us for all things Luck o’ the Irish. And not to start on a negative note, but sometimes it’s just as helpful to know what not to do.
We do NOT condone celebrating St. Patrick’s Day in this fashion.
Erin: Save your energy for something really important like that Breaking Bad Netflix all-nighter marathon. Pinterest may have lured you into one honey of a leprechaun trap with this one, but there is no pot o’ gold for you at the end of this rainbow. It’s just woe that lies ahead.
Ellen: There’s a reason I do not make any waffles ever. Waffle irons are too hard to clean, and life is too short for nylon bristles and heartache.
Erin: I might stick it out if the mess was contained to the waffle iron, but this looks like a gift that keeps on giving. Think batter blobs on the counter, sink, floor, brother, sister, cat. I’m out of digits from counting all the ways this mess could multiply.
Ellen: And that’s just one of the great mysteries of waffles. How can waffles be so fluffy and delicious when the batter hardens to the consistency of concrete?
Erin: Um, you are ignoring the technicolor elephant in the room. There are SIX different bags of batter!
Ellen: In neon colors no less.
Erin: These bags beg obvious questions. How do you keep the batter from running all over the place once you snip the ends off of those bags? Is regular food dye really gonna make that cerulean blue color? On a scale of 1 to 10, just how crazy do you have to be to think this is a great idea?
Ellen: And exactly how many people are you planning to feed? That looks about enough batter to make two waffles.
Erin: By the time I made enough to feed my crew, they would be elbow- deep in a box of Lucky Charms, and I would be up to my elbows with a kitchen to clean. I feel like I need to call back 2013’s favorite meme and scream:
But here are some things that are TOTALLY worth your time!
For Fit Irish Girls
This smoothie will start your day off on the right foot. You will feel so much better about that extra helping of corned beef and cabbage if you make this your breakfast or lunch on the big day.
For Traditional Irish Girls
Nothing says St. Paddy’s Day like a piece of Irish soda bread. This recipe from Erin’s mom is a crowd-pleaser.
For Fun-loving Irish Girls
This will certainly hit the spot for anybody craving a wee bit o’ whiskey to toast the day! And if you indulge a little too much, refer to the green smoothie mentioned above.
So don your best green, sing a limerick or two, and make one of these recipes! You’ll be sure to have your best St. Paddy’s Day yet!
-Erin and Ellen