Have you gotten to that point in the summer where, if your kids are anything like ours, you can actually see the knowledge oozing out of their ears like a Popsicle melting on a parking lot seven inches away from the concession stand?
Was this the summer you weren’t going to let that happen?
Did you have every intention of making multiplication flash cards, but haven’t mustered the enthusiasm to buy the index cards or to install the app or to use the calculator on your phone?
Did you purchase the ingredients for that Thunderstorm in a Cup experiment you saw on Pinterest, but they are still clanking around in your trunk with the jumper cables?
Did you check out the entire Charles Dickens collection with every intention of constructing a kicky homage diorama with your kids, but the books are way past due and the librarians are starting to don brass knuckles when you enter the building?
Yeah, summer enrichment seems like a great idea in April when the air is warming and life feels fresh and new. But then the End of School Year Gomorrah sucks the life out of you with the endless sports banquets AND field trips AND plays AND concerts AND awards assemblies so that even packing school lunches makes you want to strangle a bluebird.
Then summer hits with its breezy schedule and you think, “We all deserve a little break before buckling down,” and before you know it, the only exam your kids can pass is the swim test and you have the motivation of a sloth at a sleep convention to do anything about it.
But we have the solution! TAKE ‘EM TO THE CARNIVAL!
What? Don’t roll your eyes at us. Allow us to construct the excuse justification reasoning, so that by the end you’ll be calling your accountant to write off the whole adventure as an education expense.
Six Ways the Carnival is Just Like a Day at School
1. Health Class
Why just learn about how the colon works when you can see it in action? Experiment with how quickly a $3.00 chili dog with three pumps of pseudo-cheese and extra relish can initiate a colon cleanse in a 40 year old woman. Which leads us to . . .
2. Gym Class
The Race to the Porta Potty Dash where we ALL win if she makes it in time. Watch her hurdle small children and hold in sharts with absolutely no grace whatsoever.
3. History Class
It’s tons better than any textbook. It’s living history really. Where else can you hear a theatrical re-telling of “Tales of Severed Fingers and the Ferris Wheels That Caused Them” by a safety inspector who was alive during the Civil War?
4. Biology Class
Two words: Ball. Pit. So much surface area for so many germs. Each child can get a different disease: ebola, and chiggers, and warts, oh my! Experience is so much better than any book learnin’. Med school here we come!
5. Language Arts
There are OODLES of opportunities for grammar lessons . . . and that’s just in the line to get ride tickets. Explain how the eff bomb is a noun, verb, and an adjective. Oh, and the reading opportunities are so varied and fun! There are signs everywhere–goodies such as “No urinating on the electrical cords” and “May cause death or mutilation.”
That brings us to everyone’s favorite . . .
6. Math Class
Your child will be able to ace the SATs before they hit puberty with problems like these:
If an unlimited ride bracelet costs a bajillion dollars and 20 tickets costs a bajillion dollars divided by 2 (take into account every ride takes an odd number of tickets, but they are only sold in even sets), how big is the second mortgage you must take out on your home to prevent your child leaving the carnival in tears because they were denied one last chance to spew chunks of their neon blue snow cone on the Tilt-A-Whirl?
See? SEE!? You a believer now? You’re welcome. Now go call your accountant about that tax break and tell them the Sensible Moms sent you.
-Ellen and Erin
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I didn’t realize how educational the carnival can be 🙂 I’ll be sure to keep this in mind when I’m trying to keep my food down on those horribly iffy carnival rides.. Their squeaking really makes you wish you paid attention in physics.. Happy Hump day ladies! -Iva
Haha. And don’t forget physics. When my almost 4-yr-old went on the carousel for the first time and wanted to get off mid-ride, what was stopping her? Good old centripetal force.
The colon cleanse -GAH! Damn those tasty dogs!
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..Around the Pond With the Frog ~ July 2014
An excellent, in depth article ladies. Biology, chemistry and physics can all be found at the carnival. And language and history as well…. Brilliant post. I was hooked from beginning to end. Chili dogs and the colon cleanse was my favorite. Thanks for the laughs.