Everybody should have a blog, and everyone should have a teenager.

Hear us out. We have not lost our minds . . . or at least that’s what the voices in our heads keep telling us.

Anyway, blogging has been a completely validating, delightful experience if you overlook the soul-sucking time spent falling down the rabbit hole of social media, the forays into the confusing  world of HTML code, and the time spent with trolls and other internet nasties. It’s even worth it if you don’t make money.

But seriously, blogging produced some unforeseen, but completely wonderful side effects for us. For one, we’ve developed fulfilling relationships with people who read our blog and with other bloggers. But more surprisingly, blogging opened up positive feelings and deeper communications not only between the two of us, but with our kids, too.

We’ll say that last bit again. Blogging has improved our relationship with our kids. This, of course, developed after the infamous quote from Ellen’s daughter in the beginning:

Our blog is not just a place to write and express ourselves, but a place to express how we feel to our kids. The blog gives us a starting point to kick off some of the thornier conversations, and for that we are grateful. We can say, “Hey, we need to write about this topic for the blog, what to you think?” and the proverbial ball starts to roll.

It’s also a place for us to debunk the myth that the teenage years are awful. As we have transitioned ourselves over to Planet Teen, we have found that while adolescence can be rocky, in general, it isn’t so bad, and can actually be delightful.

The truth and enjoyment lies in bridging the Great Divide between what people want you to believe about teens and what teens are really like. Here’s the way we look at it. The kids you have loved, cheered for, and guided are now the interesting people you can share with on a deeper level. They have their own goals, dreams, ideas, and ambitions, and you have a front row seat to watch it all unfold. It’s pretty great.

And it’s so important to shout positive messages about teens from the rooftops because research shows that children who are validated by their parents and who feel confident are most resistant to peer pressure.

Since we are a wee bit iffy about heights, we’re going to ditch the ladder and shout it from the internet instead. For the #ToMyTeen campaign we were asked us to answer some prompts about our teens and to give some parenting advice. For fun, we decided to answer these without consulting each other.  Check out what we came up with.

Oh but first, just to refresh, Erin has two teenage sons, 13 and 17, and one daughter who is 15, giving her a whooping three out of five kids who are teenagers. Ellen’s two daughters are 13 and 16.

Erin:  After years of slugging through fart jokes, tears, and spilled milk, we are FINALLY able to have some real, thoughtful conversations around the old dinner table and I have to say it feels pretty great. You know what also feels great? Watching my kids be their best, most kind and generous selves. My heart swells when they weigh in on current events or just tell me what they really think and it melts when I see them lend a helping hand or offer a gentle word when needed.  The word thoughtful perfectly describes these two important aspects of who they are right now.
Ellen: My daughters are many things, but I chose to highlight their intelligence because it’s their brains that will get them ahead in life and get them out of sticky situations. People are quick to give compliments about how pretty they are, but it’s their personalities and intelligence that make them the people you want to be around.

 

Erin: In my darker teen moments (think: empty linen closet because all of our towels are on my son’s floor), I can see why this stereotype persists, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.  In my experience, teens aren’t lazy so much as gifted in the art of procrastination and deflection. They prioritize different things than I do, but they work hard at school, in their sports, and at their jobs. I have seen my kids and their friends work tirelessly and selflessly for that which they deem important.  We adults need to focus on the positive and be open to seeing things from their perspective.

Ellen: To the effect of what Erin said, I hate how teens are portrayed on networks like Disney or Nickelodeon. My girls aren’t  smart-mouthed and they’re not one dimensional. They can’t be pigeon-holed into restrictive categories like jock, geek, or flirt. And once and for all, beauty and brains are not mutually exclusive.

 

Erin: Trust but verify is a play on the toddler truism, “Never turn your back on them”, and it just happens to be a critical part of the teen parenting arsenal. Give them freedom with consequences. Be ready and willing to check in on everything.

Ellen: Setting boundaries and having your “No” really mean no when they are young will help you immensely when they are older and the stakes are higher. They will know in their DNA that no amount of theatrics will weaken you. At age three, it might mean not caving in to the tantrum for the lollipop in the checkout line. No big deal, right? But by age fifteen, the kid who is taller than you will know that all of the “you are ruining my life” slamming around will not sway you when you say no to an unchaperoned party.

 

Erin: I loved my kids when they were little, but I really like them now. They can turn any day into a good time. Not just fun but funny too, they remind me to take myself less seriously and enjoy each moment with them.

Ellen:  I just feel like I am raising people who will EVENTUALLY be my best friends. Right now, they are my favorite people to be with and I pray that never changes.

 

But enough about us, here’s the greatest part!

You can have what we have: the chance to communicate with your kids on a digital level! You can upload your own love letters to your teens for the #ToMyTeen campaign here.

Not only will you be validating your teen for everyone to see, you will be automatically entered to win a $50 VISA gift card though the month of October.

Still feeling a little camera shy? Remember what we said about validated teens being more resistant to peer pressure? Here’s one reason why it’s important to tell our kids they’re great and to open portals to important conversations: One in 25 teens abuses OTC (over the counter) cough medicine to get high.

Yep. That is scary stuff, but October is National Medicine Abuse Awareness Month and there is no time like the present to face stats like these head on . . .

It is also important to know what to look for when it comes to OTC med abuse because knowledge is power. It is important to trust, but verify.

Don’t start hyperventilating in a paper bag!  You have the actions you can take:

• Pick one (or more) of the awesome prompts.
• Upload your picture.
• Show it to your teen.
• Start your conversation: “I did this to let you know I think you’re awesome because being a teenager can be hard. You’re faced with all kinds of pressures. For example, have you ever heard of friends using cough syrup to get high?”

Or maybe a less awkward start than that, but you get the picture. Seize the moments that present themselves for meaningful discussions, use the #ToMyTeen campaign to kindle the conversation, and remember that the most important element in a “talk” is listening.

You’ve got this. Even if you don’t have a blog.

-Ellen and Erin

This post was sponsored, but all positive feelings about teens are all our own. We LOVE this campaign.

You can follow us on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

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