Before you become a parent, you see the parodies of kids asking a million plus thirteen gazillion questions. It’s a favorite schtick of commercials and sitcoms because cute, precocious kids are comedy gold. You chuckle with your hand held over your heart and a little shake of your head, “Isn’t that adorable?”
Then you have your own bundles of joy and you realize you’d rather be pelted with pebbles from all sides for 22 and 3/4 hours out of every day than hear one. more. question.
Ellen: And what is it about a mother entering the bathroom that suddenly triggers a thirst for knowledge from the little ones? My next baby shower gift for a mom-to-be that I REALLY like is going to be a soundproof bathroom door.
Erin: Always the questions. “Can cats swim?” “Does Santa have an email address?” “Why can’t I fly?” “How do snakes make babies?”
Ellen: And those are just the Need-To-Post-To-Facebook-They-Are-So-Darn-Cute questions that litter your news feed. As they get older, they start landing on tougher questions with alarming frequency. “Why do you and daddy lock your bedroom door?” “Why do you have hairs growing out of your chin like a Uncle Bob?” “Can I have a sip of your beer?”
Erin: There are so many of them and they are fired off with such frequency that you forget that not all of them require an answer.
Ellen: Wait! What? What do you mean they all don’t have to be answered? We are a very literal people in my household. If my kid asks how snakes make babies, dangnabbit, we are delving into reptilian obstetrics.
Erin: Of course you are. I bet you bring that topic up at dinner tonight just for the fun of it. But sometimes a question is just a front for something else, kind of like snacking when you’re not even hungry. Sometimes it is just a thought volleyed out there to get attention or to connect.
Ellen: Okaaaaaaayyy, I sort of get your point, but in case you were wondering, I could totally hook you up with Santa’s email. I really like to answer questions.
Erin: Maybe I can explain myself better with an example. I think that “Mommy, can I have a sip of your drink?” question falls into the You-Don’t-Necessarily-Need-To-Answer-It category.
Ellen: Really? Parenting is full of arbitrary decisions that can drive you crazy: like when to let your daughter start wearing make-up. However, letting your child have a sip of alcohol is not one of those decisions. No hand-wringing is required because federal law dictates you can’t drink before you’re 21 and it is illegal to provide alcohol to minors. You don’t even have to think about it. You’re not even the bad guy.
Erin: Let me try again. I think this question like so many of the ones that come before it isn’t really a request for alcohol, it’s just wanting to have what you have.
Ellen: My mother always did say I would take the breath out of her lungs if I could.
Erin: Exactly! Kids will bleed you dry.
Ellen: By why not just say, “No”? The law is on your side.
Erin: What I’m saying is with questions like these, you can take a minute and decide how you want to have the conversation. I like the pause and reflect approach, “Hmm, you want to take a sip? Why is that?”
In my ongoing experience with my five human beings, the answer is almost universally “Because it’s there,” or “Because it’s yours.”
Ellen: But you can definitely use this as an opener to a broader conversation about alcohol. We are always talking about making the most out of natural segues into tough conversations.
Erin: Of course this can be a great leaping off point. You can talk about how alcohol is bad for a growing mind and how it’s just not for kids. But keep in mind, the request for a sip usually comes smack dab in the middle of a party or family dinner.
Ellen: That is a very good point. Kinda awkward to get your teaching on when grandma is just trying to put the turkey and mashed potatoes on the table. It’s a time for pie, not pie charts.
Erin: Now you’re getting me. All I’m saying is, if you’re feeling ready to jump in, then you can turn that question into a conversation starter and get the ball rolling on a discussion about alcohol OR you could just let that sucker drop and file it away for another day. It can be a teachable moment, but it doesn’t have to be at THAT moment.
Ellen: And if you do file it away for another day, you have taken it away from the “I want it/ you can’t have it” power struggle and given yourself time to look up facts to support that even one sip is not a good idea. Like these:
Click here to see all of the info Responsibility.org has to offer.
Erin: Do you feel better now that you got to throw some research out there?
Ellen: I do! But I still like to answer questions immediately.
Erin: All I’m saying is that there are choices and not every setting is perfect for a teachable moment.
Ellen: All right, I guess I will give you that.
Erin: Would you feel better if I gave you a question to answer right now? Let me see . . . how about, why are you so hard-headed?
Ellen: Hmmmmmm. That gives ME an idea for a question for your Thanksgiving table. ‘Miss’ Ellen might coach your kids to ask their grandparents, “Can we have a puppy for Christmas?”
Erin: Now that is a conversation to AVOID.
-Ellen and Erin
So what do you do? Do you allow your kids to take sips of alcohol?
This post is sponsored by Responsibility.org for #TalkEarly, but all opinions and discussions about our differing opinions on when to answer questions is all uniquely our own.
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Ladies, this is so smart–and so reassuring. I’ve said this before and I mean it–having you guys go ahead and tip me off to all these truths is such a blessing. xo
Meredith recently posted..The Homey Happy Hour
Hmm, this is interesting. My kids are all 10 and younger, so they still think mom and dad’s “Adult drinks” smell terrible, just like I did when I was that age. But you’ve given me something to think about as they get older.
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..Lightening the Load (Sponsored Post and Giveaway)