The holiday crush is upon us: cards, concerts, parties, cookies, cooking, shopping, wrapping, sending, decorating, decking, caroling . . .

Let it No!

Ellen: I can’t decide it if I want that to be sung to the Frozen “Let it Snow!” or the more classic “Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.”

Erin: I say stick with the classic Dean-o.

Ellen: Dean-o?

Erin: Dean Martin. Classic over cute, for sure, but I find it amazing that at a time like this, with all we have to prioritize, you’re focusing on that. There is no time for that kind of waffling during the yuletide onslaught.

Ellen: Well, you’re going to love this sidetrack Imma gonna jump on that will eventually loopty loop around to my main point. But anyway, I would like to address that I am sick of the being called amazing.

Erin: Yeah, it’s awful being called nice things.

Ellen:  No! “Amazing” is a crime against womanhood that is wrapped in sheep’s clothing. About 0.001% of the time, “You’re amazing!” is a true compliment. The other 99.999% of the time it translates into “Boy, I’m glad you’re here to do that turd sandwich of a job because I wouldn’t want to do it.”

Erin:  Now that I think of it, “You’re amazing” does sound an awful lot like “We’ve got ourselves a world-class sucker on the line.”

Ellen: Uh huh. The other day I was asked how I was doing by someone who probably didn’t want to know, but I responded honestly, because I needed to relieve the pressure valve.

Erin: That will teach her.

Ellen: Truth. I said that I was overwhelmed by my lack of help because of my husband’s injured foot, by my worry over my daughter’s concussion, by my continuing grief over my mom’s death; and that making Thanksgiving dinner–by myself–might throw me over the edge.  And that was the short list. She replied, “You’ll manage to get it all done because you are amazing!”

I asked, “But how?”

She just circled back, “You always get everything done. You’re amazing!”

It’s just like I said: “amazing” is a trap.

Erin: You know what they say, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.”

Ellen: Did you know the internet attributes that quote to both Benjamin Franklin AND Lucille Ball? What the heck?

Erin:  I feel like we are having a very Freaky Friday moment here. You’re jumping all over the place like an elf mainlining syrup. That’s usually my job.

Ellen: Right. I promised I would loopty loop back to the main point: Let it No!

Erin:  Oh, thank goodness, now my world can stop tilting on its axis, but back to MY point: people will continue to pile jobs on your plate like a paleo disciple falling off the wagon at a pizza buffet. You have to have a strategy to stop the abuse.

Ellen: Exactly! That is why your formula for saying “no” is a lifesaver. You changed my life when you shared this nugget of wisdom. It is just so magical. It shows respect while still making it clear that you really mean no. There’s nothing worse as a chairperson than being strung along with maybes and half-hearted commitments.

Erin: Being strung up by a disgruntled committee member might rank higher on the “worse” scale, but I see your point. Now is not the time to spend your precious minutes where they aren’t appreciated.

Ellen: If there was ever a time to rediscover the power of “No”, this would be it.

How to Graciously Say “No”

Say, for example, you’re earnestly asked by your neighbor’s Aunt Judy to knit a gross of scooper cozies for underprivileged dog walkers. Here’s how to decline in such a way that Judy is not inspired to leave a flaming bag of poo on your doorstep.

1. Thank the person. (We know, right!) “Thank you for asking me to knit scooper cozies.”

We definitely don’t want you to be insincere, but this generally stuns people into silence.

2. Compliment them. “You do such a great job of making sure dog walkers are comfortable and stylish.”

Once again, sincerity is key. This person most definitely does need to be thanked. They’re giving their time for something they believe in.

3. Compliment them again and then just say no. “And while you do such a wonderful job, I must say no because I don’t have the time to devote to your project.”

This is sheer perfection: to the point, honest, and, most importantly, does not leave even a whisker of wheedle room.

 

Erin: So no more hemming and hawing! No more stumbling over excuses! And more importantly, no more looking like or feeling like a Grinchy Claus for saying no.

Save your best self for the people who will really appreciate it. The holidays can only be as happy as the Momma who brings the magic.

Ellen: But the key is to practice! Get yourself in front of a mirror and rehearse this script.

Erin: Every good actor has to practice her script. Those words have to roll off of your tongue for them to be sincere and to not leave further room for begging. It’s also best to have your mouth set on the “no” auto-pilot when they corner you at the Christmas Bazaar and ask for your help next year.

Ellen: One “uh” cracks open the door to your heart of gold that really wants to help everyone.

Erin: Just remember there are only 24 hours in a day and you can’t do all things AND do everything well.

Ellen: Plus, there is a secret bonus to using this script; no one will be moved to call you amazing!

Erin: Now THAT is amazing!

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photo credit: falalalovely via photopin cc