Over the past couple of weeks my worlds have been colliding and my time machine has been revving up because middle school dances have been ruling my life. That’s right, people; you can never escape the past, history repeats itself, and clichés help round out a sentence nicely.

Not only did I help orchestrate my daughter’s eighth grade dance, I was the part of the steering committee for The BlogU Conference where Nickelodeon® anointed our Saturday night shindig as an homage to #MiddleSchoolAwkward.

Seriously, people, for a woman firmly in her fourth decade of life, that was A LOT of middle school partying to shoehorn into my calendar. And into my soul.

Both events were pulsing with lights, lousy with balloon towers, and ripe with photobooths, but you know what was missing from my daughter’s dance . . . besides the appletinis? THE AWKWARD! I don’t know what it is with these kids today, but between Invisalign, superior acne products, and the propensity for flowing tresses, they are gorgeous! And not in a “all kids are beautiful in the eyes of their mothers sort of way.” I’m talking “where are the contracts and the cameras because Nickelodeon® could use them in their next show” kind of way.

I almost feel sorry for them. What will any one of these girls be able to do when Nickelodeon® asks them to submit an awkward middle school picture? They certainly won’t be able to come up with a gem like this:

They’ll never know the triumph of transforming from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan, or at the very least, into a handsome chicken. They’ll never take comfort in their crow’s feet as a measure to mark their distance from the train wreck of their adolescence. They’ll never be able to work so many avian references into one paragraph.

And they’ll never have the vindicating moment of glory when Nickelodeon® acknowledges that they were the second most awkward of them all.

My daughters’ reactions when I texted my family about my second place victory:

This right here is why I was not the gold medalist of awkward. For the love of a Flock of Seagulls, SHE COMBED HER BANGS FROM THE BACK OF HER HEAD. Established 1975 totally deserved first place.

And quite honestly, I’m not sure how I beat Modern Mommy Madness out for second place. SHE HAD A BERET! (Please check out both of these ladies’ blogs to see how things have improved.)

But you know what? I don’t envy the beautiful girls of 2015. They still have the friend turmoil, grade pressures, and the rocky road of growing into the people they will become; but their pictures make you think everything is perfect. You look at OUR middle school pictures and you know we had angst. With my daughters and their friends, you have to imagine it, but it’s there. I have spent the past six years going through middle school two more times with my them. I KNOW.

They deserve some sympathy for their middle school years, too. Don’t hold it against them that their mother used up all of the awkward in her DNA so there was none to pass onto them.

At the very least pity them because they will never have this on their mantels:

BOOM! The glasses and suede vest were totally worth it for this moment. (No they weren’t.)

I wrote this post as part of Nickelodeon’s® sponsorship of The Blog University. The series “100 Things to Do Before High School” premieres on June 6 @ 8pm on Nickelodeon®. Tell your kids to tune in! Mine will!

-Ellen

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