You think you remember high school well. Those growing pains, that distinctly angsty angst, those teeming hormones–those memories should be burned into your gray matter, right? Well, we thought so too until we were blindsided by how stressful our kids’ junior years were. Our fuzzy teen spirit memories had us focused on the apprehension of freshman year and the roller coaster college anxiety of senior year. Thanks for nothing hard won experience. We forgot that to even get to senior year, you have to survive the juggernaut of the junior year where the social, academic, and personal trials and tribulations of adolescence multiply and pile up with crushing ferocity. Here’s what’s going on.
First and foremost: “This is the most important year of your high school career!!”
This is pretty much how the school year tees off for a junior. Their guidance counselor is talking about grades, their friends are talking about prom and driver’s licenses, their coach is talking about play-offs. The prevalent soundtrack is THIS IS THE YEAR COLLEGES ARE LOOKING AT! So really, no pressure. But at least the trips to the guidance office to work out their dreams are scheduled in the middle of the calculus class they’re struggling through.
Every well-meaning adult transforms into an FBI interrogator.
“So what are you going to do?” becomes the opener to every. single. conversation. Most people mean well, but it truly is astounding how many really get in there and poke where the anxiety lives. “Wow, engineering, huh? You really need perfect math scores on the SAT to get into a good school. Are you taking a prep class?” When they’re not sure of their plans themselves, every random person’s needling can cause them to pop. Our “Life Lesson: Toxic Questions Don’t Need to Be Answered” can give some much needed strategies for dealing with all of this.
Harder classes, including Advanced Placement and college credit courses start weighing down the schedule.
Many a kid has breezed through the first two years of high school only to get a jolt when junior year hits. Suddenly, syllabi are handed out and hand-holding is abruptly withdrawn. There’s something about a looming national AP test that is not just for a grade, but for college credit (and comparison to the entire country) that can trigger those un-held hands to be slicked with sweat.
Speaking of standardized tests, PSAT, SAT, and ACT anyone?
It starts in October with the PSAT which–no pressure–if they qualify to be a National Merit Scholar can mean major money from colleges. And then it’s onto the SAT or the ACT . . . or both. “When should I take it? How many times? Do I need both? Should I take a prep class??”
Oh and may the servers not have a hissy fit and delay score reporting like it did for some of our kids. But wait, there’s one more thing: the SAT is all new. Yeah, this is the stress that keeps on stressing.
It’s the big leagues, baby.
Junior year is often the time sports transitions from JV to varsity. The practices are longer, the games are more intense, and playoffs are a huge deal. So in general, just when they have more studying and huge-decide-your-future standardized tests piled onto their plates, that plate has to sit on the sidelines waiting for their games to be done. And if your child is a prospect for playing in college? Whoa.
Driving.
Driving school is not what we remember, like you know, actually getting taught by an instructor. No, WE had to teach our kids to drive. The driving school demanded an insane amount of hours before they would even let our kids into THEIR cars. We wrote about our stress here, but it was no picnic (or rather Sunday drive) for our kids either. And let’s not forget the anxiety of the driving test to get the actual license. Actually, that is the one thing we can remember clearly. In our mind’s eye, we can see the sweat dripping down the steering wheel now . . .
Social uproar.
Ninth and tenth grades are basically the JV of the social scene because reliance on parents for transportation puts a natural damper on things. In junior year, it all ramps up with the increased independence that comes with a driver’s license.
Juniors are also let into the kingdom of upperclassman dances and parties which means they’re also let into the realm of all the things that keeps parents up all night worrying. And what worries you–sex, drugs, and alcohol–worries them too. Making decisions under the crush of peer pressure is a lot to wrestle with. We have a slew of posts on these subjects to help: How to Protect Your Teen Driver, How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex, How to Stop Teen From Abusing OTC Cough Medicine, How to Talk to Your Kids About Dating, Picture a Great Conversation with Your Teen.
And one last gripe that grips: promposals. Can you believe modern society actually found a way to make prom even more stressful?
Diverging friendships.
All this social pressure and making plans for the future can suddenly make some friendships, even longstanding ones, an uncomfortable fit. Friendships become less about sharing the latest video game and more about who they are as people. Even in the best case scenario where your child (thankfully) lets some friends go to stay on a straighter and narrower path, it still hurts to be left out. Pile losing their best friend since 4th grade onto the stress bonfire and you all have yourselves a four alarm fire.
Soooo, does this all sound too familiar? It’s not just you and your kid struggling through junior year. It’s incredibly and universally stressful leaving moms and dads everywhere just wanting to help their kids out. What’s a parent to do?
First, keep the lines of communication open. Take a hike, take a drive, or whatever you need to do to free up some time to talk. Don’t worry, we have some tips on How To Get Conversations With Your Kids Rolling.
And we have even more specific advice in our 10 Survival Tips for College Prep Stress.
Always know you’re not in the trenches alone and our families have actually found senior year to be rather great.
-Ellen and Erin
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Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”
