Trust us when we say that once you get past potty training, kids start growing at an exponential rate. While we cannot quite believe the days of diapers are so far behind us in our rearview mirrors, we do appreciate the breathing room we have now. Less time wiping noses and butts means more time to look around and check out how things are going. While we stand by each of these parenting decisions and think that they have made a difference for our families, the verdict is still out, so you can decide for yourself.
1. We ask them to work hard.
We try to instill in our kids that they are blessed and for them to appreciate that. Everybody gets a gift and challenge. If you are talented, you need to bring your A game. If you have struggles, you can beat them with hard work and determination. Ellen loves to say, “Hard work beats talent when talent hardly works.” She may have read it on t-shirt, but we pretty much want to tattoo it on our kids’ foreheads.
In Erin’s House, we say “Fight the Tiger. Embrace the Mountain.” Hard things aren’t the enemy but worthy of the climb.
2. We support, but we don’t do excuses.
We are all kinds of available. Whether our kids need a ride, a good meal, help conjugating a verb, or advice, we make it a practice to put down the cellphone and really listen. This means that tough subjects like dating, sex, and drinking are all on the table along with “what’s your favorite episode of Friends?”
We don’t mind offering a shoulder after a heartbreak or one of life’s disappointments either. However, if they skip practices and don’t make the team or they blow off studying and get a “D,” we are here to tell them they got the results that equaled the effort they put forth. No pity parties.
And on that note…
3. We don’t do confetti canons.
Participation trophies are not the end game here. A rich life is not about just showing up. Achievement is for it’s sake alone. Sometimes the joy in a job well done is all you will have at the end. Your reward then is not just that you get to lead the life you want to live, but you get to be a person that you like and respect.
Stepping outside of her comfort zone is its own reward.
4. We respect their successes as THEIRS alone.
We revel in their achievements and are thrilled for them, especially as they are moving on and away from us. But when it’s their moment to shine, we exit stage right and let them have that limelight all to themselves. We are absolutely the proudest Moms ever but we have chronic shoulder injuries; we refuse to tweak them by straining to pat ourselves on the back.
And to take it a step further…
5. We respect them.
They are not our products or our possessions. They are their own people with their own thoughts, goals, and likes. But with that in mind, we do our fair share of influencing . . .
6. We immerse our kids in culture.
Ugh. Sounds dreadful, right?
If you just make learning fun. . .
Well, only if you think watching movies, reading books, using technology, dancing to Wii games, watching Youtube videos, visiting museums, traveling, listening to music, dining at restaurants, attending sporting events, and talking about what is going on in the world is a chore and not the joyous, good stuff of life. It’s a great big world and we are all just living in it. We want our kids to embrace all of the beautiful, bright things the world has to offer. To that end, we jump in with both feet and drag them along with us. Also, life’s a whole lot funnier if you get the jokes.
7. We turn family into friends.
Family is your first best friend, so siblings are included always. This one is non-negotiable. In spite of the daily grumbles and petty fights, we still try to make our homes places of safety and kind words. Sure, teen hormones can make that challenging, but we emphasize every time we are able to get a word in that our home team is the ultimate advantage. Then we cross our fingers and hope that this is the recipe for turning blood bonds into actual ones.
Nothing says “I share DNA with you” like a sibling sandwich
But don’t get us wrong, we’re not some freaky Von Trapp cult . . .
8. We turn friends into family.
Friendships are the true gifts in life, and we have been very fortunate in finding some that have moved into the realm of family. Our kids are lucky enough to be surrounded by loving people. We hope they appreciate how special this really is.
That’s right. We even have matching t-shirts. Hmm, maybe we ARE some freaky Von Trapp cult.
But when you are this blessed, it is your responsibility to give back . . .
9. We model service.
One of our dear friends once said that she would feel like an utter failure if her kids achieved personal success without any regard for other people. We agree with heads nodding wildly in solidarity. There is no aspect of our lives where we don’t give a little of our time and talent. It makes all that time we spend on dusty trails and in snack booths worth it, right?
Don’t mock. Khaki is good for the complexion.
But you can’t feel a need to serve unless . . .
10. We teach responsibility.
We teach household tasks and hold them accountable. We let them know that our teams require team players so there are no gold stars for pitching in. Some things just need to get done, and nobody is going to do them for you. Best to learn this lesson from those who know you and love you best, especially when you try to sweep the kitchen floor with a dust brush. Your future wife doesn’t need to know about that.
That being said, we sometimes have to take a walk around the block as they clean the kitchen. All of the <ahem> negotiating that goes along with learning said responsibility is enough to drive a mother to just go ahead and do it herself.
So there you have it, some of our key parenting decisions all laid out for you. We see inklings of solid, hard-working citizens and fine young men and women emerging over here, so it feels like this was not all for naught. Decide for yourself and your family if any of them will work for you.
-Erin and Ellen
We probably should also add that we douse both of our families heavily with humor to keep them chugging along.
What would you add? We would love to hear!
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Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”
This is how I’m trying to make it work, but I’m getting a lot of resistance. I’m going to keep pushing, though, because I know in my heart that this is right.
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