10 Things to Tell Your Kid Before High School

If you are one of the many filling out high school course loads for next year, we know you have a laundry list of things to tell your kid before high school. But long before you get into the heavy conversations about expectations and goals, light years before the talks about peer pressure and all its attendant things, and eons before the conversations about college, first things first. Freshman year will work a morphing magic like no other on your sweet child. Even while your head knows that you are now looking up at your darling boy, your heart is gonna be slow to catch up. To avoid a nasty Tuesday morning kick in the feels from the Facebook Memory feature next year, it’s best to remember that kids sprint at extra zulu warp speed through this year. If you want to keep up, you have to be prepared.

Moving from middle school to high school can be daunting. Here are 10 things for parents to talk about with tweens and teens as they move up | Parenting Advice | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

First reaction: deep down soul level joy. I mean, come on, this is GOLD. Second reaction: Dude, where did that baby boy go?

With this sprinting in mind, remember that the easy time you have shared up to now is about to shrink into fleeting, flashing moments too. High school busy is a whole new brand of busy and you won’t believe it until you are living it. But thanks to those pesky hormones, the moments you do have will not all be precious either. So as we just crossed two more kids over into high school, we thought we would share some of the things we talk about when we talk about high school. If you are crossing a kid over into high school, this might help you.Moving from middle school to high school can be daunting. Here are 10 things for parents to talk about with tweens and teens as they move up | Parenting Advice | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

1. TV/Movie High School bears little resemblance to the actual halls you will walk for the next four years.

Our kids, and our girls in particular, feel that media has let them down. There are pressures for sure, but they are not so finely drawn or amped up as when Disney depicts them. Are there cliques? Absolutely. Do they look like Mean Girls? We wish it was that obvious to find the rotten apple in the bunch. The truth is that high school relationships look a lot like adult relationships and sometimes they won’t know when their friend will turn on them. On the other hand, high school friends can be some of the most important ones they’ll ever make. Finding the people who will walk with them as they make that transition from kid to adult might be one of the highlights of their high school years. Or not. Best to set realistic expectations before they even walk through the front door.

2. Plan their escape route before they need one.

The time for solving problems is before you actually have them. We both tell our kids to throw us under the bus if necessary. In Erin’s family, they pull the old “my mom would kill me/won’t let me/said no” trick. Kids bow before a mean, crazy mom. The offenders will back off and your kid gets off scot-free. We also advocate pulling a “sick kid” when the need arises. If our kids are at a party that’s headed south, they can text “sick kid” and they will get a pick-up. All conversations about the situation will be delayed until everyone is “feeling better”.

3. Trust is earned.

Love is unconditional, but trust is not. A casual lie about having cleaned your room when it takes all of three seconds and one whiff to verify that this is in fact not even passingly true? Worse than not cool, it erodes trust. Hit hard on the notion that casual lying when the truth would suit them better makes it really hard to believe them when the stakes are higher.

4. High School is a great time to explore and try new things.

Let them know that they can try new and different things or even put on old familiar ones and take it to the next level. High school is about finding new friends, interests, passions, and most importantly, uncovering who they really are. We are all about encouraging them to try on different hats.

Moving from middle school to high school can be daunting. Here are 10 things for parents to talk about with tweens and teens as they move up | Parenting Advice | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

5. Be your best self.

One of the challenges of parenting teens is that they can look lazy, insolent, disengaged, and apathetic. Don’t get sucked into the labeling trap. These are masks for things like fear and anxiety. Remind teens daily of your expectations and be ready with consequences when they are not met.

6. Safety first.

In both of our homes, we talk candidly about what that means in all aspects of their lives. This includes hard talks about datingsex, alcohol, and everything else. The stakes are so high that they need honest information from us as well as opportunities to ask questions and get answers. We rely heavily on facts and have adopted “all questions welcomed” policies. With our oldest kids in college or headed there, we are not above giving advice whether they ask for it or not. And we definitely send up prayers like this or this in hopes of graceful passage through this phase of life. Sometimes, we even get a little mushy as the big milestones hit, but that’s a mom’s perogative and we’re taking it.

Moving from middle school to high school can be daunting. Here are 10 things for parents to talk about with tweens and teens as they move up | Parenting Advice | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Before the pretty pictures, about 5,000 conversations need to happen first.

7. Encourage the buddy system.

Two Jiminy Crickets are better than one, so encourage kids to travel in twos everywhere. Boy or girl, there is safety in numbers. In a pair of buddies, usually one of them is able to put the brakes on something unsafe or get help or call foul.

8. The life you are supposed to have will not pass you by.

Good or bad, all of these high school experiences are building the uniquely awesome story that belongs uniquely to them. Even if things don’t always turn out the way they hoped, there is value in the experience.

9.  Dream Big, but Work Hard

Frame the future realistically. Some things will come easy for them and others won’t. Ellen’s go-to t-shirt motto is “Hard work beats talent when talent hardly works.” Pretty much sums it up. If you are talented, you need to bring your A game. Every Day. If you have struggles, you can beat them with hard work and determination. Now is a great time to start thinking about post high school plans and plotting steps to make that plan happen.

Moving from middle school to high school can be daunting. Here are 10 things for parents to talk about with tweens and teens as they move up | Parenting Advice | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

10. Get Moving

High school life got your kid down? Boyfriend troubles making you all glum? AP anxiety got the whole family tied up in knots? Take this show on the road. Tell your kids right now that putting one foot in front of the other is the first step to getting over whatever obstacle lies before them. We have no idea why putting one foot in front of the other works, but it does. It is also a great way to get the conversation flowing between you. And chances are when you get your kid talking, it won’t just be about high school or classes or stresses but about what really matters: you and your kid. Moving from middle school to high school can be daunting. Here are 10 things for parents to talk about with tweens and teens as they move up | Parenting Advice | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

In all honesty, high school is a juggernaut on fast forward.

Best of luck in this exciting new phase!

-Erin and Ellen

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Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

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One thought on “10 Things to Tell Your Kid Before High School

  1. Lucie

    All of this is great advice! The teenage years are certainly just as trying for the parents as it is for the teens…if not MORE. One thing that we did that worked well was to say that if you need to come to us and “confess” anything, we will not punish you for telling us. That gave them a chance to ask for help if needed without the fear of punishment. Helpful if they found themselves in a bad situation, even if of their own making, and they saw no way out. Thanks again for posting.

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