If you have a high school senior, you are sprinting towards the finish line. You might feel a bit whoozy as you rush from that end-of-year banquet to that awards ceremony while simultaneously planning a graduation party, but buckle up. If you are getting ready to launch your first chick from the nest, this is the roller coaster ride you will be riding all summer. Time certainly feels like it is running out now: time together as a family, time to just enjoy your kid, time to tell your kid everything he needs to know about having a beautiful, safe, happy life, time to just love her in the easy way that is a family. But the truth is that we never stop parenting, it’s just HOW we parent that has to change over the next few years. Here are some things you can do to get a kid ready for college. These ideas will help you all!
1. Ride the wave.
Let yourself and your kid feel whatever you need to feel. Pride, joy, a sense of loss, apprehension, even grief—all of these emotions might bubble up. Or not. You are an individual and so is your kid. Just like there is no real compass for how to handle sending your kid off into the great blue yonder we call The College Years, there is no one right way to feel about them leaving either. You can’t help yourself from wanting a way to navigate the vast sea of unknowns and unknowables, but you can help you and yours by being honest about where you are and what you are feeling.
Are you gonna be able to muster a thumbs up? Or a mopey hug? Either way, it’s OK.
2. Ask for help.
As in all things in parenting, reach out to the those who have traveled this road before, either virtually or in real time. We have made a great booklist to help you, but don’t dismiss the value of the internet and great posts like this one about how to send your firstborn son to college or this perfect guide to college. Sometimes, the short, sweet observations from the road ahead will be just what you need when you need it. Similarly, we think of the ladies over at Grown and Flown as our internet big sisters on this road. They have great posts about nearly every aspect of this next phase of life. Of course, we have a short and simple guide for how you can help your girlfriend send her kid to college too. The bottom line? For some things like sending your kid to college there is no way to go but through it. Just know that you don’t have go it alone.
3. Create a space to come home to.
Special traditions can be a pain with all the planning, time, and expense, but every time Erin made her husband tape up a pinata for Cinco de Mayo or order special treats for their Doctor Who party, she said the same thing: “Kids come home for stuff like this.” We both always wanted to create our own little country that my kids would want to keep visiting. We invested in experiences over things and hoped that not having a pony would pale in comparison to all the happy memories we made. 
4. Be honest about what you need.
All we parents really want is to have a good relationship with our kids especially as they move up and out. But an 18 year old’s ideas of what that entails differs wildly from his parent’s. Between texting, Facetime, Skype, and Snapchat, there is no end to the ways to stay connected as the miles between you stretch, but a good relationship requires open and honest communication, not just easy access. Tell your kid what you want but tread lightly. Even if you asked him to call you every Sunday, don’t nail him when he doesn’t. Text often and leave the lines of communication open. Then when he goes radio silent on you, hopefully, it won’t be for too long.
5. Sit on hands, close mouth, open ears.
Active parenting is over, but actual parenting is not. It is so much easier to say than do, but plan to listen 90% of the time and only offer advice when asked. Young adults need to wrestle through decisions and make their own conclusions. If you want to be the sounding board, start acting like one.
6. Set goals and make clear expectations.
Things are gonna get awkward. Someone called freshmen “high schoolers who happen to be in college. ” Your child and his peers won’t have all the life skills figured out by October. Being honest about what they can expect, what we expect, and what we want for them and what they want for themselves will do much to create a positive relationship this year. It’s also a good time to mention that college is not a magical place of unicorns and rainbows. These years are also hard work, crappy roommate drama, and bad food. There are plenty of goods to outweigh the bad, but it’s life and if it’s crappy sometimes, that’s ok today.
7. Be flexible.
An open heart and an open mind won’t just benefit everyone, it will make this parenting an adult thing a smoother transition. Vow to be open to talking about your own college experience as well as to hearing that his isn’t great. Vow to ask open-ended questions as well as be ready for answers that you aren’t ready for. Vow to let her follow her own path and to check your own stuff.
You CAN do this!
You are about to have one of those summers that can’t be captured in a postcard or photograph. The emotional roller coaster and the super warp speed time travel may be disorienting and draining. But remember: this new hard thing called college may not be as unfamiliar as you might have thought. A lot of this summer is really just getting ready, physically and emotionally. You will need to outfit the perfect college dorm and find bargains to make it all affordable. Let these last steps together bolster your resolve and boost your confidence. You didn’t get through the last eighteen years of parenting without knowing how to rock a back-to-school list. You can do this. You HAVE done this. This can be done. Sending a kid to college may not be as easy as checking off boxes, but it’s just the next phase in this parenting ride you are on with your child. Buckle up and enjoy the ride.
-Erin and Ellen
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