Nineteen years in, is it too late to register a complaint? Having kids means calendars exploding with commitments. A little heads up when they handed me my first newborn and sent me out to “go forth and mom”  would have been very much appreciated.  In fact, when I was knee deep in diapers and burp cloths would have been the perfect time to rain down some solid mom truths on me. So here’s one for all my new mom friends, one that seems counter-intuitive in light of the exploding calendar truth: helping out helped make me a better mom.

Here’s how my volunteer story started. Ten years ago, a kind but wily acquaintance was giving me the hard sell. He was leaving the neighborhood Cub Scout pack and moving on with his son. He was looking for a replacement/fresh meat/gullible sucker to take his place. I was strong and full of good reasons why I was not the girl he was looking for. He listened intently to every word I said and nodded his head in quiet acknowledgement. But as he was leaving, he handed me a note and said, “read this when you have time.”

Well, to this day, I think of him as the Lex Luther to my Supermom persona. On that little note, he had written the following: Let’s just say that his little note was the kryptonite to all my arguments. I have been happily traipsing, backpacking, hiking, biking, and canoeing the outdoors with a gaggle of boys (and girls too) in tow ever since. But that doesn’t mean that I was ready for the job I had undertaken. I love the outdoors with a passion, but you know what they say about passion making you blind, right? I have gotten lost on familiar mountains more times than I can count. I would send up flares when the Diet Coke supply got a little low in the house, so my wilderness skills weren’t exactly honed yet. And the extent of my nature knowledge was mostly stuff I learned off of Snapple caps and from my own well-intentioned but equally clueless mom.

So why do it? Why take the reins at all? I have a hand full of excuses I call kids that would have totally let me off the hook. The truth is that helping out changed me in good and important ways that I couldn’t have predicted but greatly appreciate.

1. Valuable Point of View

As a leader, I’ve got the goods. I also now have valuable intel. My kids’ friends are three dimensional fully formed creatures in good, bad, and very annoying ways. Of course, I have front row seats to petty disagreements, power struggles, and general malarkey; but I also stand witness as these kids blossom and bloom. I cheer on the shy ones as they evolve into leaders, and I nod approvingly as the “straight and narrow” ones reap their just rewards for all their good listening. But those ones that drive me crazy? The squirrelly, wild ones are some of my favorites. I now appreciate and value their energy and good spirit. Yes, they flexed my patience muscles, but they also helped me see the forest for the trees. Not all kids walk an easy path, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t heading somewhere great. Helping out helped me parent through my own rough patches with my kids by reminding me of this.

2. Front Row Seat on Big (and Little Moments)

I also got some great seats on my kids’ growing up action. So much of what happens as our kids grow up is outside our sphere of influence. Helping out meant that I was front row center to a lot of the subtle but important moments. The Moment Where He Conquered His Fear of Heights? Yep, I was there. I was also there when his brother tantrumed his way through his first Pinewood Derby. It wasn’t all pretty, but I am counting it all in the win column. These were moments that would have been hidden from me. I was peaking behind the curtain, and I liked the view.

3. Organizational Skills Made Me Bold

There is no denying that planning and executing activities for a gaggle of boys every week helped me step up my game, but it also gave me an attitude of “what’s the worst that can happen?” This gave me a lion-hearted approach to parenting and made me do crazy things like invite my friends on summer adventures and take my parenting show on the road every chance I got. My mother-in-law may have worried about us, but I was freed in a way that I still treasure. Helping other kids unlock some of the great joys of childhood helped me embrace it for myself and my own family.

4. Dynamic Shift

A challenging aspect of volunteering in the beginning was leading my own kids. With time, I appreciated how leading taught my boys to lead too. The other kids had their mom or dad right there with them helping them at each step. My sons each learned to self start and keep rolling, because I was often busy facilitating. They helped set up, clean up, and often were my harshest critics and greatest advocates. We became partners of a sort during my adventures as a leader, and I appreciated the new and welcome change in our relationship. It echoes of a larger shift that comes when they leave the nest, but we are trying those roles on now and they fit just fine.

5. Perspective

Parenting can make you crazy. Kids are particularly clever in their ability to create new ways to annoy and confound. Yep, my kids are certifiable at times, but I can say with authority that all kids tend towards nutty with extra nuts on top. Being privy to so many kids on such a regular basis for so long made me appreciate my home team more. Reassurance that our particular brand of kid is turning out A-OK was worth every marshmallow tower and scout song. It also made me empathetic to the difficult task of growing up. We forget once we cross that finish line to adulthood all the steps it took to get there. Volunteering gave me back a window on that world again. But ultimately I most appreciated the fact that experience is a fine teacher. Volunteering taught me things I needed to learn and in a way that benefited my kids and their friends too. I am not the same woman who picked up that gauntlet laid down by my friend so many years ago, a very good thing for me and my kids. It’s also good for you if you know me. I am a kinder, gentler, and far more patient version of myself. But perhaps even more importantly, ten years into this scout leader gig, I have some SKILLS. You can feel safe sending your kids into the woods with me. I can climb mountains, build fires, triangulate my position, and kayak like the fearless leader I have become. I am a full-fledged member of the village raising some fine young people in my community and that is the best thing of all. So feel free to join me the next time you see me heading out on the trail. We might get lost but we will have a darn good time getting there.

-Erin

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