Category Archives: Erin’s Word Splat

Close But No Pope

Opportunity doesn’t always knock; sometimes, it shows up in your inbox. I had fully expected to sit Pope Francis’ visit to Philadelphia out with my Goldilocks of flat screens, nestled in my comfy chair in my cozy climate-controlled living room munching on some tasty snacks. I was perfectly happy with my “ticket” to this historic visit even if it wasn’t up close and personal. But when fate comes in a handy email and offers you the real golden tickets, you exchange your slippers for some comfortable walking shoes and quick.

papal tickets

We benched the 8 year old for this event and decided to go with friends instead. Check out the swanky tickets. Willy Wonka wishes he had tickets like these.

To say we were excited is like saying the pope is a little bit Catholic. Doomsday reports of unprecedented traffic snarls, logistical nightmares, and an expected weekend attendance over the million mark did not dampen our enthusiasm in the least. If anything, it just deepened our resolve. The Pope was rewriting history books with his inaugural address to Congress and his first canonization of a saint on American soil. Who were we to fold in the face of a little up close and personal time with our fellow man? Who were we to buckle under the promise of a day spent hoofing it?  We laughed in the face of naysayers and rational advice. We were going all in for Papa Francisco. Go Big or Go to Philly was our new mantra.

train station

Look at these happy hopeful pilgrims all ready to see the Pope!

Now we know Fate just loves this kind of hubris, but at the start of our papal adventure, we were catching lucky breaks at every turn. It was like being in Disney with endless Fast Passes. No lines, no crowds, no muss, no fuss. We half expected to find a unicorn or a tiny leprechaun doling out extra treasure around every corner. That’s the kind of luck we were having.

at the train station

These people are so hopeful and excited. They have no idea what the next few HOURS are going to be like.

We were even—dare I say it—having fun. Our spiritual journal was turning into a total trip and we were loving every minute of it.

pope faces

Basking in the papal glow

But then we literally hit the wall. The massive, impressive, immovable, impenetrable wall that only a crowd of 100,000 people can make. You can almost hear all the air fizzing out of our happy balloons.

Yeah. From the moment we hit the wall  to the minute we crossed the security checkpoint took four hours. Soak that one in for a minute. Four hours of shoulder to shoulder shuffling at the rate of six inches every twenty minutes with no food or bathrooms or places to sit. Our buoyant journey had just turned into a true pilgrimage. There was now a little suffering on this road.

crowded but happy

Making the best of it. Thank God for technology. And selfies. And that we did not die in that line.

Every hour or so, our fellow pilgrims would pop a baby into the air and we would all clap. Sometimes a group would burst into song and everyone would sing. But, for the most part, we were all just shuffling forward, inch by tiny little inch, looking for the promised land known as the security checkpoint.

cardboard pope

Hey, there he is! Oh, wait. . .

In the end, this is the closest we would get to a pope sighting in real life. By the time we made it through security, our golden tickets couldn’t get us into the mass any more. Cue the violins. We were fifteen minutes late and there was just no room at this inn anymore.

crowd

We were some sad sack pilgrims at this point.

disappointed

Need a visual for the words “despondent” or “crestfallen”? Got ya covered. Geez, they don’t call us the melodramatic Dymowskis for nothing.

But we did find a little rest for the weary on the steps of the Franklin Institute for us and hundreds of our new best friends.

steps

After all the standing and waiting and shuffling, we were close but no Pope. Seeing Pope Francis would have made great fodder for our Facebook and Instagram feeds. Our papal encounter might have even become a great story to trot out at the holidays this year. We didn’t get to see Pope Francis that day but we don’t regret trying to see him at all. Despite the spectacularly suckalicious parts of the day like the line that would never end, we are still putting this day in the win column. Because, and this is not revisionist history or a Pollyanna spin, it still felt like we were part of something special.

Cattle lines do not usually inspire the best in mankind, but people weren’t just good that day—they were great. If any baby cried or toddler complained, we never heard them. If any person was rude or disrespectful, it must have been out of earshot. Strangers spoke kindly, warmly and generously to one another for hours in spite of true discomfort and a frustratingly long line. There was laughter, there was music, and there was brotherhood. It was then, and still feels like, nothing short of an everyday miracle.

In a life made up of thousands of ordinary days, there are not that many when we can say we were our best selves. We didn’t just show up for Pope Francis that day; we stood before him. Not just as individuals but as part of a big sprawling mass of people, we said something important with our sheer volume. We said, “welcome to our country.” We said, “look at our kind and generous and hopeful selves.” We said, in a profoundly real and brutally honest way, “we can be patient and loving and careful with each other.”

In a world gone a little mad, it was a beautiful thing to say. It was the loveliest of things to find.

We really did have the golden ticket after all.

-Erin

Inspired parenting during Pope Francis' visit to the USA | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

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Ten Things I Want to Say to My Son Before He Graduates

When the milestones come, sometimes we Moms get a little choked up. And by a little, we mean we are swallowing big ugly cries every time someone cues up a photo montage. While it would probably be enough to just say “good luck” and “I love you,’  that’s not all there is to say. Not by a long shot.

Here are ten things I want/wish/really, really, really hope make it out of my mouth before we cross that tassel over to the other side.

High School Graduation got you a little verklempt? 10 Things to Say Before They Graduate | Parenting | Finding the Words | Inspiration | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

 

1. Congratulations!

Ignore my sniveling and carrying on. In fact, forget everyone and make this about you for a moment. Accept every slap on the back and lean into all those sloppy kisses. Take your victory lap. This is one of the big moments. Drink it all in.

2. Put one foot in front of the other.

Take your minute, then move on. Now is the first time, but certainly not the last one, that you’ll learn that life just keeps rolling on. Hold your head up, put your eyes forward, then take the next step. The truth is that everybody worries about what’s around the corner. Does it help to know that you’re not special in this way? Everyday heroes put one foot in front of the other and just do it. You can too.

3. Pick up your _________________.

Clothes, room, car, self, people. Take care of yourself, your stuff, and those you love. A good life is yours for the taking if you can fill in that blank for yourself a little every day.

4. Hold your fire.

People, things, and even circumstances may be fully deserving of the full power of your ire. Hold your fire. Count to ten, whistle a happy tune, find your happy place. Do whatever you have to do to find a peaceful but workable solution. The world needs more lovers, not fighters.

5. We’ve got your back.

You are never alone in this world. There’s a safety net knit tightly of good friends and family who are all ready to reach out when you need that helping hand. Let their great love embolden you in weak moments. And when you get a chance, do the same for someone else. There is almost nothing in the world that will cure what ails you like doing something nice for someone else.

6. Dare mightily.

Dream really, really big, but also live every day with a spirit of wonder and brave resolve too.  A lot of adulthood is not so much an exciting new road but a familiar, well-worn path. Venture to marvel at the simple joys and brace for the sad, scary things that can pop up along the way. Dare to imagine a better you every day.

7. Show up.

We never wanted you to just be a guy. We were always hoping you would be a certain type of guy. So show up for people. Celebrate their successes and ease the burden of their failures. Make them laugh and sit with them when they are sad. Go to boring parties, lame weddings, and uncomfortable dinner parties because someone asked you to be there for them. Just show up. You’ll be amazed at the joy you’ll find from doing the thing you really didn’t want to do.

8. Love is all you need.

You will have a lot of choices to make the next few days, months, and years. It can all seem a little overwhelming. Let The Beatles provide a little clarity in the chaos: all you need is love. If you have it, give it. Plain and simple. Spread love around like you are lousy with it. Then you won’t just have a blessed life, you will be a blessing to others as well.

9. You look so handsome.

Seriously. This one sticks in my throat every time. That picture of you in the paper with all the other graduating seniors? Almost did me in.

You have no idea what it’s like to watch someone grow up before your eyes yet, but I hope you get that privilege. You were a beautiful, perfect boy the minute I met you and your bright, golden light has never dimmed. We are so unspeakably proud of the young man you have become inside and out. And you look great in that cap and gown too. Really, you are rocking it.

10. I love you.

Truly, honestly, deeply. This day. Every day. Forever. Take that knowledge with you into beautiful corners and brave new worlds. Let it warm you on cold nights and lead you out of dark places.

The best is yet to come, sweet boy. Knock ’em dead.

Love, Mom

-Erin

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The Lucky One

"How we travel is just as important as where we are asked to go." An autism story for Autism Awareness Month: The Lucky One--Sisterhood of the Sensible MomsWhen I was a little girl, my parents took me to visit an old governor’s mansion at Christmastime. In the parlor area, there was the tallest fresh evergreen tree I had ever seen. Astonishingly beautiful, it was decorated simply with white Christmas lights and acorns tied with bright red ribbons. Our tour guide explained that the practice sprung from the German saying “from little acorns, come mighty oaks”.  A symbol of luck as well as rebirth, the humble acorn is a reminder that with nurturing and care, great things can happen. Well, I remember thinking, that’s certainly something to think about.

A couple of weeks ago, I had something else to think about. Sometimes people say monumentally stupid things with the best of intentions. My neighbors Ron and Lisa who have been parenting their son Dylon, a child with autism, for the past twenty years have heard more than their share of them. This one cut a little close to the bone.

“You’re so lucky. You’ll always have Dylon,” hapless co-worker said. “You know, you’ll never really have an empty nest.”

Wow. Open mouth. Insert foot.

As Lisa said: “Because all the things Dylon’ll miss out on, because all the experiences you want for your kids that will never be his, because all the things that autism has taken from him and us are small prices to pay for a full nest for all eternity. Because it’s all about us, right?”

Anyone who has parented more than a nanosecond knows that it’s never about what we want. That’s exponentially more crystal clear when you add a pervasive developmental disorder to the mix. From the very beginning of their autism journey with Dylon, Lisa realized the truth that how we travel is just as important as where we are asked to go. So she doggedly refused to let autism dictate the tone and tenor of her everyday family life. As Lisa says, “If I had let autism call all the shots, I would be dealing with crap every day, literally and figuratively.”

Yes, they had to make certain concessions to autism along the way. Grocery store shopping, for instance, was off-limits. Similarly, keeping Dylon safe was a constant challenge. When he was younger, their house had to be securely locked. All the doors. All the windows. All the time. When all three kids finally went to school for just three hours, Lisa hung out in the frame of her front door for at least half an hour, just going in and out, in and out, in and out without having to lock it immediately. Freedom never felt so good.

But she would never surrender her family life completely to autism. A lot of their early energy went to helping Dylon adapt to their family life and not the other way around. Lisa imagined as normal a childhood for all of her kids as she could and that meant sports and music lessons and birthday parties and family traditions and carpools .  With nurturing and care, some killer IEP goals, and some luck, she was going to get some mighty oaks, autism be damned.

This is why hapless co-worker’s comment hit such a nerve. When Dylon was little, there were big worries. Would he ever talk? Would he hurt his little sister? Would he hurt himself? Now, as he enters his young adulthood, there are even bigger ones. Will he be taken advantage of? Will he have a job? Will he be cared for after Ron and Lisa are gone? Where is the luck in all this worry? The excitement of any changes on the horizon are always tempered by fears of what’s to come and a sense of loss too.

And really good things are on the horizon. Dylon does have a job. He is checking off a box that was never a given. He works for the county’s Department of Education helping with all things paper: printing, mail sorting, publications, and more. They have never had a student worker, let alone a disabled one, but it’s all working out surprisingly well and even after the school year ends, Dylon is slated to work there all summer. This feels like more than luck, this feels like the winds of good fortune and it’s about time.

In the end, for Lisa, she feels that autism has taken less than it’s given, but it hasn’t been an easy road to this place. Her family has grown in ways that are hard to measure to fit autism into their life. Sometimes it was painful and still is. Though she would be loathe to admit it to the hapless co-worker, in many ways, Lisa does feel like the lucky one. But not for the reasons he thinks.

“I am who I am because I am fighting autism,” she says. With nurturing and care, great things can happen for all kids, even Dylon and other kids like him. Autism has taught her that. It may not be tied with a red bow, but it is an astonishingly beautiful thing.

And that’s certainly something to think about.

-Erin

Especially this month. April is Autism Awareness Month. The prevalence of autism has risen to 1 in 110 births, 1 in 70 for boys. Many of us have an autism story to share. This is Lisa’s.


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Lesson Learned From Parenting: Sometimes When You Lose, You Win

Sometimes when you lose, you win. Such was the case with the sixth grade basketball game on Sunday. My 11 year old son was set to play in his last game of the losing-est season of basketball that I have witnessed. EVER. which is saying a lot.

A rescheduled game, we all not so silently wondered if it was even worth trying to put this one back on the books. Deacon’s team is the Bad News Bears of basketball. A game in which they only lose by twenty points is considered a good one. In short, they aren’t just bad, but spectacularly, ridiculously so.

Surprisingly, despite the wince-inducing bad plays, the colossally lopsided scores, and the un-thrilling agony of defeat week after week after week, the boys are not that affected by their lack of success on the boards. They are a little disappointed for sure by the skimpy numbers on the scoreboard, but overall, the boys are happy not just to play but to play together. Their camaraderie in the face of their weekly drubbing is a real testament to their character and their bond as friends.

This last game though, this one was gonna be extra tough. Our boys were set to play against a local powerhouse that was sure to make those lopsided scores look even loppier. The possibility that this particular game could tip the scale from sorta-bad to soul-crushing was there from the beginning.

Luckily for us, the boys’ sainted head coach had issued a challenge towards the end of the season: every boy will make a basket. Clear, concise, and measurable, this goal was a thing of achievable beauty. Even in the midst of a season record with total points scored barely crawling into the double digits, this single goal re-energized the boys and kept them focused.

Lesson learned from parenting--Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

It also made them work together in ways they might not have before. They made plays designed specifically to achieve this goal and learned to execute them perfectly. By the last game, there were only two boys left who had yet to achieve the goal. One of them was my 11 year old son, Deacon.

When the boys hit the court that Sunday, they were playing better than I had seen them play before. Still woefully outmatched, our boys showed spirit and energy, and several boys even made some shots.

My son was not one of them.

Deacon did have seven nice scoring attempts. Every single one of them hit the rim. He even had two shots on the foul line,  but it wasn’t meant to be. No swoosh, no net, no points. This was going to be a close but no cigar moment.

Then in the third quarter, Deacon’s buddy, the other boy who had yet to make a shot, sank a beautiful basket. At the sight of that gorgeous swish, our sideline went wild. Then, Deacon’s coach put his hand on Deacon’s shoulder and said, “you’re the last one.”

No pressure or anything. The clock was a-ticking.

In any case, the fourth quarter was not looking good for Deacon getting it done. As the time left in the game was winding down, I played this scenario out in my head: he was not going to make the shot.  I started crafting my parenting script for the kid who was going to be the only one without a basket this season.

Lesson learned from parenting: What we learned from a losing season--Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the boys pass the ball to Deacon who was wide open. Deacon took the shot with the same fearlessness that he had been playing with all day. This time there was one important difference: this ball made it in. Deacon sank that shot like he made them all the time, and he made it in the last 40 seconds of the game no less. Poets have written sonnets to less beautiful moments.

Well, unadulterated joy looks and sounds an awful lot like complete bedlam, and that’s what erupted. The other team was completely confounded as to why our team went so unabashedly nuts after that last shot. They were trouncing us and hard at that moment after all, but we were all with the boys in that moment. They did end up losing the game by thirty points, maybe more, but I’m not even sure. Nobody paid any attention to that pesky scoreboard after that.

Our boys might still have the worst record this year or maybe EVER, but they rewrote their story. They are now and shall remain in all of our hearts a great basketball team. Their dedication to each other in the face of so many losses, their commitment to a common goal, and then the achievement of that goal together? That’s no small victory.

That’s no consolation prize either. Theirs is THE singular triumph, a solid gold moment, and one for the record books no matter what the scoreboard says.

Sometimes when you lose, you do really, truly win.

Spectacularly, ridiculously so.

-Erin

If parenting is going to be hard, we might as well learn something. Lesson from a losing season---Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

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Reading the Signs: Finding the Magic in the Everyday

Having never been a stone’s throw or even a short car ride away from family my entire marriage, I appreciate the things my friends who are like family, my framily (I used this term way before Sprint), bring to my life. I like to repay them for their myriad acts of kindness and for just bearing with the sheer volume of us. I tend to do this by showing up at school plays and soccer games far from where my actual kids either work or play.

Reading the Signs: Finding the Magic in the Everyday | When honesty and serendipity intersect, inspiration happens.  This was a good sign that my life is just the right size for helping me find my way back to people I care about even in unexpected places.

On Friday night, I headed  with a vanful of my people to a nearby town to watch a play where some framily  members were singing and dancing in the chorus and rocking the tech crew. As we were leaving, I saw a waning crescent moon with Venus and Mars perfectly framed in the front windshield. It was a Whoa, there! moment for sure. “Tech down, folks,” I cried from the front seat, “this is a sign of portent. Good things are a-coming.”

Crescent Moon with Venus and Mars

Love this great amateur photo and the others like it that I found here

When we arrived at the huge urban high school, it looked like perhaps I had misread the sign. The parking lot in front of the the theater was completely packed—-buses, cars, vans, double-parked cars, triple-parked cars, cars on top of cars kind of packed. It was a madhouse without all the fun sideshows. Clearly there was also no room for the likes of us near the nice, warm, inviting entrance. Now normally this would be no big deal, but school systems all over the region had actually cancelled school on this Friday due to dangerously low temperatures. Nobody wanted to hoof it even half a block in the sub zeros.

After dropping off the kids at the nice, warm entrance like good moms, my friend Gina and I steadied ourself for Survivor: Mini-Van Edition.  Just as we despaired of finding anything within a non-frostbite-inducing walk, a lucky glance sideways found another entrance around the back. In the next five minutes, we found not just a place to park, but Gina’s dad (who had until this point been incommunicado—a major point of stress in our already harried hunt), an open back door, and front row seats. Sign of portent indeed.

The play was so much better than I could have hoped for in a high school production that I wasn’t even counting the minutes until intermission, but when it came, my middle son popped out of his seat and said, “Mom, I found this. What should I do with it?” I took the men’s wallet in his hand and opened it. As I looked inside the still full wallet, my eyes widened a little when I read the ID, “Well, buddy, I know exactly what we are going to do.”

As it turned out, the wallet belonged to the son of a friend of mine who I had met back in the days of babysitting co-op and now kept in touch with through my book club. Lucy and I had just seen each other on Wednesday, and I quickly contacted her and told her the story.

She was completely floored that we found it. Her grown son had lost the wallet over a month ago when he attended his sister’s play at the school. They had looked everywhere extensively including the seat in the front row that my son happened to have been sitting in. We were both pretty amazed at the serendipity of my son who is not a student at the school finding the wallet of her son who is not a student there either.

Sometimes it's more than just a coincidence. Reading the Signs---Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Lucy’s Facebook Update as proof

When I told Steve the story, he said, “Wow, you’re Forrest Gump.”

Our amazing coincidence not withstanding, maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised.  People have stories like this one all the time. Stories where lives intersect in beautiful, seemingly improbable ways are the ones we gravitate towards. They hint at a thread connecting us all and that little joy, that hint of magic, adds a little color in our lives and definitely injects a little warmth into a frigid cold February night.

The fact that my magical little moment probably isn’t such a special, singular event in the scheme of things doesn’t diminish it at all for me though. I’m taking it as a good sign that my life is just the right size for helping me find my way back to people I care about even in unexpected places.

Life may not be a box of chocolates, but it certainly is sweet.

Reading the Signs: Finding the Magic in the Everyday---Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Where the REAL magic happens: when friends become family

Reading the Signs: Finding the Magic in the Everyday

More framily fun!

-Erin

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Handy 5 Step Plan for Early Friend Drama

This week my friend sent up her bat signal on her Facebook page asking the rest of us for advice: her second grader was having trouble with friends at school during recess. Short of getting her own bad reputation on the playground, what should she do? Help me, friends of Facebook, you’re my only hope, she wrote. As a mom with a second grader again for the fifth time, I was good for more than getting not so subtle Star Wars references. I had been around this tree before and I could lay this one out for her pure and simple. Just call me Obi Wan Kenobi.

In my humble opinion, second grade can be one of the flash points for mean friend stuff, mostly because it’s a high point for any friend stuff up to this moment. Greater cognitive skills at this age means that our sweet nuggets are not only reading and writing better, but they are developing higher levels of discernment in other areas as well. This means that while your kid may be cultivating an adorable love of bugs like my girl did when she was this age or a funny fetish for all things Star Wars and Chima like my current seven year old, he or she may also be breaking hearts all over the playground.

From a developmental standpoint, the role of peers increases between 7 and 8, so second grade can be especially rough in the friendship arena. One of the most beautiful and important developments at this age is that of a best friend. It can also be one of the most tricky, especially when the tides turn as they are wont to do in the fickle years of early elementary school.  While one day your son may be picking out LEGOs to share with his “bestest” buddy, the next day he could be screaming ”You’re not my first best friend anymore.” So we, my own second grader and I, spend a LOT of time talking about handling crappy friend stuff and discussing what it means to be a friend. But we also have a handy dandy plan in place for helping with early friend drama.

Here’s what I shared with my friend and now I’m sharing it with all of you.

Handy 5 Step Plan for Early Friend Drama - As young children develop cognitively and emotionally, their friendships can become trickier. Here is a plan to help you and your child. |Parenting Advice| Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

In a nutshell, it’s a plan for working things out and it moves from handling it themselves to getting help.

1–Call them out.

I prompt my son to actually ask “Why did you say that or do that?” Usually the issue stops right here. This fall on the soccer field, Eddie’s friend from Scouts was playing on the other team. My son heard the boy say something mean about our team during the game. Afterwards, my son went up to say “Hi!” to his friend, but before we all went our separate ways, I heard him ask his friend why he’d said his mean comment. To his credit, the boy apologized right away.

2–Tell them how it makes you feel.

In my masters program, my wonderful child development professor emphasized time and again that besides actually understanding what is happening at each stage and age, the greatest gift we could give children is the ability to name and share their emotions. Teaching kids to say, “When you said this, I felt this way” sends a powerful message that emotions are important to relationships and need to be expressed and responded to appropriately.

3–Step away and play with somebody else.

Sometimes it’s just time to move on–not move on forever, but for right now. Let them know it’s okay to try something else. A little breathing room can be a beautiful thing for all parties involved. This is a subtle but sophisticated maneuver. There is no big talk or verbal showdown. No fits or pouting. It’s a simple change of plans: I was playing with you, but now I’m going to play over here.

4–Get help.

Kids need to really work the first three steps before they get others involved. First, they really, really need to learn to figure things out on their own. From a developmental standpoint, they know right from wrong so they need opportunities to practice exercising their good judgment. But also, tattling is a bad habit that makes you persona non grata with humans big and small. No time like in the very beginning to break this one habit and hard. But if they have tried and things are still somewhere south of sunny with their buddy,  they need to know that they can call on an adult or older kid to help out, especially when the situation has gotten physical or there is no safe way to talk it out.

5–Tell them you need a break from them and why.

I love a break when friends aren’t playing well, but at this point in the “interfriendtion” it’s important to spell out why. After trying everything else including getting adults involved, sometimes it’s just better to give the friendship a rest with a reason. Twenty-four hours may be all the time they need to gain a fresh perspective and be able to deal with each other as friends again. But the kicker is that it also gives time to think about why things didn’t go so well and talk it over with trusted adults before trying to play together again.

 Hope our handy guide restores peace in your universe and may the force be with you!

-Erin

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Prayer for My Daughter On Her 16th Birthday

By Erin

Birthday Prayer for my 16 year old daughter---Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Dear Daughter,

All the world is lining up to tell us that there’s nothing in the world scarier than a sixteen year old daughter. With your bright smile, warm wit, big heart, and stellar brain,  we couldn’t agree more.  How on earth we created you is a far easier question to answer than how on earth we could possibly contain you!

Your heart and head are full of wild imaginings of adventures far beyond our little home now. While we applaud your desire not to live in our basement for all eternity, you might need some blessings for what lies ahead.

So here’s blessings for a life well-lived. May you turn over all the rocks, climb all the mountains, and ford every stream your heart can take. But more importantly, may you find something that lights you on fire and keeps you burning. We love the funny Vines and Internet jokes too, but these are not the things that will feed your soul, my girl.  Cast your net far and wide and see what looks interesting.  May the interesting things also come with sizable paychecks and lovely bonus packages as well.

But it’s not all about the Benjamins. May you make new friends but keep the old. I might have taken this one from a box of Thin Mints, but you could do worse than have this one grace in your life.  Friends multiply every other blessing ten-fold. Be kind and generous with yours so they’ll stick around long enough to tell you that chic haircut doesn’t really work on you. Then you’ll also see them love on your babies, nurse you through heartbreaks, and make you laugh enough that you’ll count it as a workout. They’ll smooth the edges of your life’s journey and for that we will all be grateful.

And speaking of journeys, may all your roads be free—of ice, snow, hail, wind, any weather at all, catastrophe, bad drivers, good drivers, any other drivers whatsoever, and mistakes. I’d love to throw tolls in the mix, but the government’s involved so that might be hard to arrange. In any case, here’s to safe passages for you for all ways on all paths, everywhere, forever. Amen.

But here’s wishing you some rocky roads too.  Your journeys can certainly be a little crooked and not exactly what you had planned all the time. A lot of really great living happens off the beaten path, so while you shouldn’t dismiss the easy path altogether, be open to life’s detours. Sometimes, your head doesn’t always know where your heart was meant to be. Plan ahead, but let life do a little leading too.

When life is leading, may you be strong. Reach in and reach out before you reach your breaking point. The steely stuff within you and the loving hearts around you will be more than sufficient to see you through anything you might encounter. Remind yourself that when you are looking back on this moment in the rear view mirror, this will be the time you were most fully yourself and saw all your blessings before you.Birthday Prayer for my 16 year old daughter---Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

And speaking of seeing things clearly, this is probably the perfect time to adjust your lens on that wanderlust of yours.  A lot of life traveling, any traveling, is, well, boring. It’s not all sweeping vistas and magnificent sunsets, so learn to rock a camera angle. Most of life is just how you look at it anyway, so learn to frame the shot the way you want to.

And as you are looking for that perfect shot, may you also find a great partner for the road. Not just someone who could be a stellar shotgun, although that is a pretty great bonus, but someone who really sees you in all your beautiful and flawed perfectness. You could do worse than marry someone who is your best friend though that’s certainly not a requirement for the job. But loving your family is non-negotiable so make that one fact clear: we’re awesome and part of the package deal. You want the gorgeous redhead, you get the crazy family too, capice?

This is your moment, sweet girl. We are mesmerized, enchanted, and, quite frankly, perched on the edge of our seats waiting to see what will happen in this next chapter of your life.  Write something amazing.

All my love, Mom

 You can see what I wrote about my funny feisty girl last year here. Parents of lunatic toddlers, this one’s for you! There is hope!

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Why I Won’t Be Making a New Year’s Resolution This Year

Why I Won't be Making A New Year's Resolution-Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms
I can’t make a resolution this year. Most of them end up solidly under the category of best intentions rather than checked off the old to do list anyway. But my Pollyanna nature adores a clean slate and the hopeful cheery optimism that lies at the heart of every resolution.

casualUnfortunately, resolutions in any capacity are just not in the cards for me this year.  This past holiday season, I was a little nostalgic. My oldest son is graduating from high school this year and that seemed to make every twinkly light shine a little brighter, every Christmas song a little more meaningful, every moment a little more poignant.  Maybe my sister was right and I was not merely a tad sentimental, as I’d like to think, so much as splashing big buckets of sap everywhere. But, in any case, I tried to be present in a way that I usually am not for every bauble, bow, and baked good.

From the silly . . .

dance

to the sentimental . . .

Why I Won't be Making A New Year's Resolution-Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

to the sweet . . .

Why I Won't be Making A New Year's Resolution-Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

to the aw, shucks . . .

Why I Won't be Making A New Year's Resolution-Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms. . . I was drinking in every moment and trying to burn every memory onto my post-forty-addled brain.

This is why there will be no resolutions for me this year. Resolutions say “I want to try something shiny and new” or “I want to be someone shiny and new” or “I want to go somewhere shiny and new.” I don’t really. Not this year anyway. I’ll be doing all these things this year even if I don’t want to and I’ll be doing them all as my heart alternates between breaking and bursting.

My son will be going to college—as he should, as we want him to, as he deserves to, as he is ready to. But that doesn’t mean I’m chomping at the bit to see him take this next step. It doesn’t mean I’m intent to see our time together in the easy, lovely cocoon of our family end so soon.

Such is a mom’s life, of course.  I have bucked and bent at some of the other big changes over the years. I was the mom who cried when he got on the bus in kindergarten and I wrung my hands as he started high school. But we both survived those and I know we will get to the other side of this too.

This year I will be trying on the label of mother to a young man instead of a boy.  I already feel the sea change starting within me that will have to happen to make it easier. I will learn to breathe and talk and just be when we are not sharing the same physical address even though the very idea of it right now seems hard to grasp.

So I just can’t resolve to be anything more than all that will be asked of me this year. It will be enough for all of us to see this amazing thing he will do, to see the beginnings of all that he will be, and to celebrate each little step along the way.

So I will try the shiny new things he needs me to try and be the new thing that I will need to be for him. I will go to the places he needs me to go, but that is all I can promise.

And that seems quite enough for this year.

—Erin

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It Really IS a Wonderful Life

It’s Go TIme for Christmas, people! Shipping deadlines may have come and gone, but there is still a ton to do. The cookies that were baked need to be packaged, the cards that were bought need to be addressed and mailed, and the presents so carefully selected are not going to wrap themselves. It’s enough to make you want to pull a George Bailey and head to the nearest bridge. Well, think of us as your Christmas angels here to remind you of the true meaning of the season. Now put down that tape dispenser and those scissors for a well-deserved break and listen to this story.

It really is a wonderful life. A story of a dad, a boy with autism and a Christmas wish---Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

My neighbor Dylon is a teen with autism. He is also obsessed with telephone poles. He knows every type of utility pole, their crossarms, their type of resistors, what utility companies work where. If he were on a car trip, he could point out which company services which area from Patapsco to Constellation all the way from Maryland to Florida. It’s safe to say that power poles are kind of his thing.

His dad Ron knows this: “When we are driving down any street, he will notice a new pole and he will whip his head around like he just saw Santa in a sleigh.” Yeah, we’ve got Minecraft, LEGO, and One Direction going on here, we get the obsessions. But while every kid can have a bit of a one track mind, it is a whole different ballgame in autism.

Autism brings other challenges as well. When Ron asks Dylon what he wants for Christmas or his birthday, Dylon will just repeat what he has gotten in the past. No original thoughts. No lengthy lists. No last minute addendums or post-scripts.

So the family has to get creative. Last year, Ron noticed some new utility poles going up in South Jersey—the biggest he had ever seen—so he drove the whole family up there as a surprise for Dylon. The picture of their three kids sitting on that utility pole was their Christmas card that year.

A great Christmas story---Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

This year, Ron wanted to score some Delmarva Power gear for a Christmas present for Dylon. He had tried unsuccessfully a year ago to visit the plant itself. The PR person there said there was no program for a tour like that even though they really just wanted ten minutes to look around. Ron thought his idea this year was so much simpler–a pen, a mug, a coaster, anything–and he just knew how much Dylon would love it, so he started emailing people. He received no response, not a single one.

So he decided to hit the pavement and make a visit or three. Every stop had the same pattern. Ron would usually meet a perfectly nice customer service rep who would refer him to a supervisor who would promptly dismiss him and show him on his way. Empty-handed. No premium items. Nada. Nothing.

Each stop. Same story.

At the third location, things looked like they were shaping up to go the same way as before, but this time was different. There was a subtle change. This ship was turning around. This time the customer service rep didn’t bother looking for a supervisor. This woman listened to Ron tell his story of what he wanted for his son for Christmas and then promptly walked away.

But she came back quickly with a canvas bag with the company logo on it and started filling it up . . . with items from her workspace. Pens, desk items, notepads—any number of fully emblazoned ephemera made its way into the bag. This was a small miracle in and of itself, but then her neighboring coworker saw what was happening and started emptying out her desk area too. The bag was getting mighty big.

delmarva

But it’s the little things. In the midst of all this generosity, the co-worker added a die-cast lift power truck replica that had been sitting on her desk for years. Who knows why she added it in with all the other items, but she did. Maybe she was moved by Ron’s determination, maybe she was touched by the Christmas spirit, or maybe she had her own obsessed kid at home and she really was able to see Dylon as just any other kid.  In any case, Dylon carries that truck up to bed every night and back downstairs every morning. We can practically hear a bell ringing and Clarence saying, “every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.”

This Christmas, in the midst of all the busy preparations, take a deep breath, a quiet moment, and a good look around.  Our world is a troubled sad place for many this year, but it’s also full of stories of people and their kindness. Be your own special brand of Christmas magic this year. Even George Bailey realized it before it was too late: It really IS a wonderful life.

Have the Merriest of Christmases—Erin

Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.–Clarence

*I wrote two other posts about Dylon and his family here and here.

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