Category Archives: In Other Words

The Lucky One

"How we travel is just as important as where we are asked to go." An autism story for Autism Awareness Month: The Lucky One--Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms When I was a little girl, my parents took me to visit an old governor’s mansion at Christmastime. In the parlor area, there was the tallest fresh evergreen tree I had ever seen. Astonishingly beautiful, it was decorated simply with white Christmas lights and acorns tied with bright red ribbons. Our tour guide explained that the practice sprung from the German saying “from little acorns, come mighty oaks”. A symbol of luck as well as rebirth, the humble acorn is a reminder that with nurturing and care, great things can happen. Well, I remember thinking, that’s certainly something to think about.

A couple of weeks ago, I had something else to think about. Sometimes people say monumentally stupid things with the best of intentions. My neighbors Ron and Lisa who have been parenting their son Dylon, a child with autism, for the past twenty years have heard more than their share of them. This one cut a little close to the bone.

“You’re so lucky. You’ll always have Dylon,” hapless co-worker said. “You know, you’ll never really have an empty nest.”

Wow. Open mouth. Insert foot.

As Lisa said: “Because all the things Dylon’ll miss out on, because all the experiences you want for your kids that will never be his, because all the things that autism has taken from him and us are small prices to pay for a full nest for all eternity. Because it’s all about us, right?”

Anyone who has parented more than a nanosecond knows that it’s never about what we want. That’s exponentially more crystal clear when you add a pervasive developmental disorder to the mix. From the very beginning of their autism journey with Dylon, Lisa realized the truth that how we travel is just as important as where we are asked to go. So she doggedly refused to let autism dictate the tone and tenor of her everyday family life. As Lisa says, “If I had let autism call all the shots, I would be dealing with crap every day, literally and figuratively.”

Yes, they had to make certain concessions to autism along the way. Grocery store shopping, for instance, was off-limits. Similarly, keeping Dylon safe was a constant challenge. When he was younger, their house had to be securely locked. All the doors. All the windows. All the time. When all three kids finally went to school for just three hours, Lisa hung out in the frame of her front door for at least half an hour, just going in and out, in and out, in and out without having to lock it immediately. Freedom never felt so good.

But she would never surrender her family life completely to autism. A lot of their early energy went to helping Dylon adapt to their family life and not the other way around. Lisa imagined as normal a childhood for all of her kids as she could and that meant sports and music lessons and birthday parties and family traditions and carpools . With nurturing and care, some killer IEP goals, and some luck, she was going to get some mighty oaks, autism be damned.

This is why hapless co-worker’s comment hit such a nerve. When Dylon was little, there were big worries. Would he ever talk? Would he hurt his little sister? Would he hurt himself? Now, as he enters his young adulthood, there are even bigger ones. Will he be taken advantage of? Will he have a job? Will he be cared for after Ron and Lisa are gone? Where is the luck in all this worry? The excitement of any changes on the horizon are always tempered by fears of what’s to come and a sense of loss too.

And really good things are on the horizon. Dylon does have a job. He is checking off a box that was never a given. He works for the county’s Department of Education helping with all things paper: printing, mail sorting, publications, and more. They have never had a student worker, let alone a disabled one, but it’s all working out surprisingly well and even after the school year ends, Dylon is slated to work there all summer. This feels like more than luck, this feels like the winds of good fortune and it’s about time.

In the end, for Lisa, she feels that autism has taken less than it’s given, but it hasn’t been an easy road to this place. Her family has grown in ways that are hard to measure to fit autism into their life. Sometimes it was painful and still is. Though she would be loathe to admit it to the hapless co-worker, in many ways, Lisa does feel like the lucky one. But not for the reasons he thinks.

“I am who I am because I am fighting autism,” she says. With nurturing and care, great things can happen for all kids, even Dylon and other kids like him. Autism has taught her that. It may not be tied with a red bow, but it is an astonishingly beautiful thing.

And that’s certainly something to think about.

-Erin

Especially this month. April is Autism Awareness Month. The prevalence of autism has risen to 1 in 110 births, 1 in 70 for boys. Many of us have an autism story to share. This is Lisa’s.

Something to think about: an #autism story

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Do This, Not That: The Get Your Butt Out To Vote Edition

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I’m a post-forty woman. In simple terms, that means that the checklist of things I do before I start my day looks like this: Open eyes. Put feet on floor. Get caffeine. Check social media.

Because I do the daily check-in on my Facebook feed and the other feeds as well, I have noticed something. While I am looking for cute pictures of your family, some of your great book recommendations, and even an article you might suggest for me to read, some of you are getting worked up. Like really worked up. And we’re all worked up about the same thing: schools.

Not that I blame you. I was recently hanging precariously out of my own tree. Last week, my brother posted a link to an article TIme was going to run. In the actual article, Time reported about people working to reform schools by reducing or ending the practice of teacher tenure and highlighted a recent court case Vergara v. California about just this thing. The reporting was fairly balanced, but then Time decided to do something just plain dirty. It titled that article Rotten Apples and suddenly all the world’s, or in this case, the federal system of education’s problems were being blamed on bad teachers. I couldn’t help myself. My blood started boiling, so I shared that post on my wall.

There was even a hashtag #TIMEfail. I was buoyed by the number of people who were with me. I wasn’t in a tree, I was in the same boat as lots of other people and we were all pulling the oars together. But here’s the thing: Facebook status updates don’t change the world, at least not the world of chalkboards and pencils. And tweets don’t move mountains. Most parents and educators are not bloggers and social media partakers like me.

My message was being heard but not by the right people. Social media may be a great first step and good for clearing the “pissed off” pipes, but it is not really action. Social media can raise awareness and entice people to action (we’re looking at you, Ice Bucket Challenge), but it lacks gravitas and doesn’t inspire commitment over time.

In the spirit of “Do this, Not that,” here are 3 things, you can do that really can change the world, or at least your school. At the very least, it will keep that boat to keep on keeping on in the right direction.

1. Get involved. Instead of just grousing on social media about the crappy fields your kids are forced to play on, make sure you are part of the solution. Join the PTO. Help raise money. Volunteer at school or choose to be part of the home solution. A huge portion of what schools and teachers get blamed for are things we as parents should be taking care of at home. Keep your ship in top shape and that will help too.

2. Take that commitment to the next level. You can attend Board of Education meetings or School Improvement Team meetings. Never underestimate that your presence doesn’t matter at these. These are definitely instances where bodies matter. Who fills a chair better than you?

3. Vote. Mid-term elections aren’t sexy, but they are necessary. Take time to figure out who is more than just a sympathetic ear to those making educational decisions. Find your players. Find those willing to die on the sword of education. These are your people.Tweet and Facebook that you support them and spread the word.

Then do this: go out and vote. Demonstrate you are paying attention to what is being said about and done for our children. If the children of your county are not being funded as the main priority (like ours aren’t), take that anger to the polls and do some damage where it hurts.

Show your local government leaders that in your mind and heart there is nothing else to do but that. Make yourself heard and not just on social media. On that note, I leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

Never underestimate the power of a small group of committed people to change the world. In fact, it is the only thing that ever has.—Margaret Mead

The following is for our local readers: I happened to go to a community meeting recently in which our school superintendent basically said that there are no more corners to cut, no more coupons to collect, and no more creative accounting to make the education budget work. The consistent underfunding of our local schools has now created an unsustainable situation. There is nothing to be done but get mad, get out there, and get busy changing people’s minds about what an education is worth and what we are willing to pay for it. If we consistently pay lip service to the notion that education is important, but then are unwilling to back what we say with action, we’re doing a disservice not just to our kids today but to our county tomorrow. I trust my good friends and neighbors to do their part and invest in our future.

Get inspired and get out there.—Erin

Make yourself heard. . .and not just on social media. Vote!

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Read This When You Have Time

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Ten years ago, a kind but wily acquaintance was giving me the hard sell. He was leaving the neighborhood Cub Scout pack and moving on with his son. He was looking for a replacement/fresh meat/gullible sucker to take his place. I was strong and full of good reasons why I was not the girl he was looking for. He listened intently to every word I said and nodded his head in quiet acknowledgement. But as he was leaving, he handed me a note and said, “read this when you have time.”

Well, to this day, I think of him as the Lex Luther to my Supermom persona. On that little note, he had written the following:

Let’s just say that his little note was the kryptonite to all my arguments. I have been happily traipsing, backpacking, hiking, biking, and canoeing the outdoors with a gaggle of boys (and girls too) in tow ever since.

But that doesn’t mean that I was ready for the job I had undertaken. I love the outdoors with a passion, but you know what they say about passion making you blind, right? I have gotten lost on familiar mountains more times than I can count. I would send up flares when the Diet Coke supply got a little low in the house, so my wilderness skills weren’t exactly honed yet. And the extent of my nature knowledge was mostly stuff I learned off of Snapple caps and from my own well-intentioned but equally clueless mom.

But the truth is that experience is a fine teacher and ten years in, you can feel safe sending your kids into the woods with me and giving them actual knowledge about the outdoors. We might get lost but we will have a darn good time getting there. I would have loved to have had the following book with me in my early days of figuring it all out and you will too.

The Truth About Nature: A Family’s Guide to 144 Common Myths about the Great Outdoors is a book you can sip or gulp. Organized by season with a fun myth rating system kids love, it’s a book that can serve as a reference when needed or a nightly reading staple just for fun. It’s a versatile, accessible read and how you read it will depend heavily on why you are reading it. Just know that once you open its pages, it’s hard to put it down.

My seven year old is currently obsessed with this book and goes around asking his friends things like, “Fact or Myth? Frogs freeze” or quizzing unsuspecting guests on whether they think that bats are blind. We read it in little bits each night as part of our nightly ritual and he can read it by himself but prefers to hear me say “No Way!” whenever a deeply entrenched myth of mine is debunked. But this book’s greatest value by far is the way it excites about the wonders of nature. Even lukewarm couch potatoes won’t be able to escape the allure of all the “too strange to be true” facts and fun experiments you can do at home.

So this is my note to you: Read this when you have time. I hope it changes your mind about nature and kids and kids in nature the way that other little note changed mine. If you want to take kids hiking, camping, or even just out in the great outdoors known as your backyard, you can make a great time even better if you bring this book along. Consider this the kryptonite to all your arguments about why you can’t get your kids away from the TV and on to a trail.

The fall colors are waiting. Enjoy some time with your family in nature today!

-Erin

For the launch of this book, there is an exciting contest going on right now with the publisher where you can enter to win a school visit and free books!

All you have to do is make a simple video.

Just visit this site and follow the directions.

Looking for #books on kids and nature? Read This When You Have Time

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Walking the Road Together

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Two years ago today, we had a perfect night. Crisp, clear, and beautiful, you could practically feel the quick-silver energy of spring crackling in the air. We were in that limbo of the changing seasons with one foot in fur-lined boots and the other in flip-flops, but we were definitely on the cusp of change. Hope and promise and the hint of so many lovely days to come were everywhere that night. So this country girl left the windows wide open and went to sleep.

Around midnight, I awoke to the sound of voices outside. Certain that it was neighborhood teens drawn outside by the beautiful weather, I was irritated. I needed to get back to sleep. I am not actually a girl any more, and we more seasoned gals need our beauty sleep.

When I went to the window to call out to them, time stopped. The house two doors down was engulfed in flames. A young family of seven was sobbing on the front lawn. The images kept coming then, stacked one upon another, each one more heartbreaking than the one that came before. Neighbors trying to keep the flames at bay with garden hoses. A little boy patting his Mama’s arm. Fire truck after fire truck after fire truck lined up through the neighborhood—a brotherhood of firemen trying to save the home of one of their own. A baby girl wrapped in a neighbor’s sweatshirt. Little bare feet everywhere in the too cool air. Two more pictures stood out. A house there. Then not.

The family had just moved in three weeks prior, but we were already connected. Maybe it was because this young family was our mirror in many ways with 4 boys and a girl. Maybe it was because the boys had become such fast friends. Our kids were already playing together every day, wearing out our side yard with spirited games of soccer. Maybe it was because I was already friends with the husband’s sister and knew the extended family a little. Time doesn’t define all relationships.

My family tried to help in any way we could. But in addition to the burnt scar in the ground just two houses away that we saw EVERY. SINGLE. DAY., we now had a quiet empty soccer field beside the house. Whoever said silence is golden hasn’t walked around a neighborhood after a tragedy.

A little while after the fire, Eddie, then 3, and I visited the family to see how they were doing. You never REALLY know what to expect from preschoolers, but Eddie walked right up to their 3 year old Bezzy like they hadn’t missed a beat.

“Your house burned down. That’s sad.” I froze, but I didn’t need to worry. Their three year old son Bezzy started jabbering away about everything that was going on. He told Eddie every last toy that he lost, every lovey that was gone forever, and, saddest of all, that their dear dog had died in the fire too. These were preschoolers, and they were talking like two wizened old souls.

Bezzy’s mom Sarah told me that the fire had unmoored Bezzy, shattering his notion of home and safety. Bezzy had pretty much stopped talking after that night and had retreated into his own little world of play. Eddie was reaching across a divide with his friendship to pull Bezzy to the other side. As we were watching these two little guys chatter on, we sensed the change, saw with our own eyes how the simple gifts of acknowledgment and a listening heart could bring someone through limbo to the cusp of change. Then this. . .

“Well, let’s eat a cracker, and then play with some trucks.”

Yes, let’s.

Two years on, and the family is back in our neighborhood in a beautiful new home, and the neighborhood play has resumed.

Sarah was asked to give a talk at her local church about what people can do when tragedy strikes, and she told the boys’ story. It’s especially beautiful when coupled with one of Sarah’s favorite sayings that she often shared on their year-long journey from the fire back into their home: God’s favorite way of showing up is through His people.

Indeed.

Today I picked up a pile of dirty sweatshirts out beside our makeshift side yard soccer field. Warmer weather, longer days, and the promise of long afternoons filled with not-so-much-to-do are right around the corner. Knee-deep in extra laundry and waging a daily battle against the dirt mound threatening to engulf us, I could complain, but I don’t. This time of year is special. Full of promise. Laden with hope. I want to remember that today.

~Erin

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Angela Shelton Brings Tilda Pinkerton To Life For Children Of All Ages

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In paperback and on Kindle

Our wonderfully talented friend Angela Shelton has written a fantastical book, The Adventures of Tilda Pinkerton: Book 1: Crash-landing on Ooleeoo. Read the review below then click on over to Amazon to grab a copy for yourself.

Curious about the woman behind the book? To learn more about the beautiful author and her inspiring life head on over to Sperk* to read our post about her on Kimberly Speranza‘s empowering weekly feature, Wednesday’ s Woman.

Tilda Pinkerton

In the place where intelligence and imagination meet, Tilda Pinkerton thrives. That place, Ooleeoo, is an utterly delightful place complete with chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla fields, creative characters, full-on magic, and a deep well-spring of whimsy. Tilda’s universe is populated with love and language and a deep love FOR language. Any child who dreams of his or her own Oxford English dictionary will be charmed (and yes, those kids do exist). Every chapter has footnotes for new words learned therein, and the book nearly glows with its big heart. For the right child, the precocious and language-curious, this book will be a treasure.

Tilda herself is a delight with her ability to craft hats that illuminate the special talents in each person who wears them. Who doesn’t wish for someone to not just see their hidden magic but find a way to celebrate and proclaim it to the world? Tilda is just the girl we all need. Kids will bond with her over her deep love for her pets too. She is loyal and brave, a heroine with some wicked smarts and a heart of gold.

In the end, this creative imaginative world that Angela Shelton has created is not a bad place to hang out in on a cozy afternoon, particularly if you are a kid who loves fantasy and imaginative leaps of fancy. There is so much going on here for a fertile young mind to enjoy and appreciate. The Adventures of Tilda Pinkerton is a unique addition to the world of children’s literature and loyal readers will wait for Book 2 to see Tilda continue her escapades. Thoroughly Enjoyable Read!

Angela Shelton: Beautiful Inside and Out

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Mo’ Better Books for Your Beach Bag

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Spike Lee might hate us a little for riffing off the title of one of his more mediocre films, but if the title fits, well, who’s gonna blame us?

We know we just gave you some great ideas for books to kick back with by the pool or on the beach here, but it’s summer and you can’t have too many. So here are a few more in case you are chewing through the previous list at an impressive rate or those other books just weren’t for you.

1. The Art of Hearing Heartbeats— Oh, this book wooed us! In that old-fashioned, damn-I-had-no-idea-I-could-be-knocked-off-my-feet-like-that kind of way. First of all, it started off as a sort of mystery: Dad disappears and daughter goes off to find him. Then the story morphs and suddenly you find yourself smack dab in the middle of an honest-to-goodness-old-fashioned romance. Once you catch on to what’s happening in this story within a story, you will be hooked, so just willingly suspend that disbelief and succumb to the infinite charms of this deeply beautiful and affecting love story. You are gonna be all warm and fuzzy about true love after this one—Fifty Shades be damned!

2.Lifeboat—Charlotte Rogan’s kind of a rock star. With this first novel, she has created a book with the characters, plot, and pace you crave in a great summer read. A bonus is that you will get so caught up in it that you’ll be chartering your own craft before the novel’s done.

Rogan grew up in a sailing family, and her descriptions of the sea itself are pretty engrossing (haven’t read such great imagery since The Perfect Storm). But that’s just half of the appeal. The other main draw is her narrator Grace—a newlywed with secrets and sass. No eye-rolling, please, but Erin and her sister had an intense hour-long conversation about whether Grace can be trusted to tell the story honestly. You will be wondering too, and that’s part of what elevates this story to really wonderful.

3. Broken Harbor by Tana French– This is a weird choice, because we haven’t actually read it, but we absolutely will and you should too. In fact, we already said how much we love Tana French here, but we should probably say it again: If you haven’t read her, rectify that situation. Pronto. This is what we know about the new novel. It is set in Dublin (like the other books), it involves a mystery to be solved, and it will be released July 24th. It will be wonderful. We just know it!! Reserve your copy today!!

4. Silver Girl by Elin Hildebrand— You may not have noticed, but we have a little section at the top of our blog where we review books. This is one of the first beach reads Ellen reviewed. Here’s an excerpt from that review:

“While the disaster that befalls, Meredith, the wife of the orchestrator of a fictional Ponzi scam is the storyline, I was drawn in by the rich character development and the authenticity of all of the relationships. The friendship between Meredith and Connie is as messy as you would expect for two people who have known each other since childhood: full of mistakes, history, tears, jealousy, and forgiveness.”

You can read the rest here. Then grab a cool drink, a comfy chair, a great view, and escape.

5. The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta— This is another great read from a favorite writer who understands our current culture and climate so well. This book is one answer to the question: What happens when it all goes away? It’s a compelling, thought-provoking, and wonderful read—what more can you ask for with your toes in the sand?

6. The Wilder Life by Wendy Mc Clure— Not all of us were Laura Ingalls Wilder fans when we were girls, but this book will get you all excited about butter churns and samplers. This is an infectious fun book about the ultimate dork road trip. You will be gassing up the minivan and pointing it westward in no time.

7. Look At Me by Jennifer Egan—This is another book club favorite. But this one comes with a warning: this book is hard to love even when you cannot put it down. Intrigued? You should be. This book is definitely going to get you thinking. The central character Charlotte is a model that loses her looks in a horrific car accident. As she is healing, she is nearly unrecognizable. This leaves ample room for the talented Egan to spin a tale that takes on our society’s obsession with appearances. Sound a little deep for poolside reading? We have a whole group of friends who would challenge that notion. You won’t be sorry if you add this to your stack.

8. The Lake Shore Limited by Sue Miller—We love Sue Miller. She is so good at creating characters that you forget you’re reading and feel yourself looking around for your new friends. Anyway, this is a story in a story too, and this approach gives you just the distance you need to see these characters clearly. Billy, the playwright, is grieving the loss of her lover who was killed in the attacks of 9/11, and she works out her feelings in her play about a man waiting to hear if his wife has been killed in a terrorist attack on the famed train, The Lake Shore Limited. These characters will drag you into their world no matter where you may be sipping your drink.

9. Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake— Ashley Taylor at The Dose of Reality loves Anna Quindlan as much as we do and says so here. Knowing full well that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, we had to go out immediately and read this book, because, well, it’s Anna Quindlan.

It. Was. Perfect. Everyone, not even just the Quindlan-obsessed, will have to concede this point.

Here’s a favorite quote from it: “Being a parent is not transactional. We do not get what we give. It is the ultimate pay-it-forward endeavor: We are good parents not so they will be loving enough to stay with us but so they will be strong enough to leave us.” Now, go get yourself a copy!!

10. War and Peace–This is Erin’s pick completely. Ellen is busy suppressing every innate reflex to mock. This is on our list, because it’s on Erin’s summer reading list. Again.

She was supposed to read this book for her own self-edification when she was 30. And didn’t. Many attempts over the ensuing 10 years didn’t get the job done. Snookering hapless friends into “reading” it with her didn’t help either.

That’s all gonna change this summer. Mary jumped on this band wagon, and we invited our regular book club friends to read it with us. So now we are inviting all of you too. There won’t be any prizes, but you can mock with glee if you read it and we don’t. But Erin is really gonna read it, so be prepared to high-five via the interwebz!

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Big Love: Sisterhood Style

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This week we are hosting a little Sisterhood Storytime. You might want to pull up a comfy chair, a cozy blanket, and a box of wine. . .

Once upon a time, Erin’s parents left town to visit her brother in California. Thinking that their daughter was married with 5 kids and living two hours away, they did not feel the need to take away her key or inform her that she shouldn’t be planning any big parties while they were away. Big mistake.

Erin addressed The Sisterhood, “Hey, I have got a this-shit-is-gold kind of idea. My parents are leaving their house open for a week at the end of June, who wants to come?”

Sister Love! ( Mary made us do this.)

Every hand shot up. The Sisterhood does like to party.

“Oh, and we’re bringing kids AND we are going hiking AND I signed us up for this thing called Parkquest so we will not only be hiking, but hiking with a goal and a purpose.”

Only 4 hands remained—Vickie, Laura, Mary, and Ellen—and it all began.

“What is this madness?” you ask.

It’s Parkquest! Maryland State Parks runs this program where families form teams and can participate in “quests” free of charge at participating parks. Quests can involve hiking, biking, kayaking, canoeing, horseback riding, etc. If you can do it outside, it’s probably on a Parkquest. Each team gets a passport that you present to the ranger for a coveted stamp to verify you completed the quest. Teams who complete 10 quests get to go to the Grand Finale where you compete some more and have the chance to win prizes.

“How do I sign up??” you ask without any trace of irony.

This jamboree of family fun is in its fifth year, and 1000 families closed out the registration in 2 hours time. The spaces are all filled.

“That’s madness!” you say.

We know! But we have upped the crazy factor by 1000% by doing Parkquest The Sisterhood Way. We even have a name: Big Love. And t-shirts too, but that’s a whole other story . Ellen was not involved and Erin sucks at crafts—the results were less than perfect.

So back to the story. Try to stop interrupting. Big Love began when we descended on Erin’s parents’ house in Western Maryland 4 years ago.

“Wait, isn’t Big Love the show about polygamy?” you sputter.

You’ll keep listening to the story now, won’t you? But anyway, four moms and 14 kids shoehorned into the four bedroom home like possums in a hollow log. Somehow Ellen got a bed to herself, so all was right with the world. We really do love her and gave her a break because she had flown in from Costa Rica the night before and was operating on four hours of sleep.

The next morning we fed the troops army mess hall style and departed on the first quest. Even we had enough sense to be nervous. For the love of Mother Nature, we were taking 14 kids ranging in age from 2 to 15 out into the Wilderness.

Would you take these babies to the top of a mountain??

Everything went off just fine. Except for Ellen getting lost. And the poisonous copperhead snake.

“WTF!” you say.

No worries from the snake. If you don’t bother them, they don’t bother you. We’re not sure this is true all of the time, but we’re sure glad it was true that day.

The worst outcome from the whole experience was the grudge Ellen’s daughter Jellybean now holds against her for getting them lost in the woods. That ax is still grinding even though Ellen has outfitted herself with a compass and snake bite kit from Walmart. FYI– Walmart also has bear whistles.

“Good to know,” you mutter as you make a mental note to never go into the woods with Ellen and Erin.

Depiction is not accurate. Not enough cats. Not enough chaos.

Because this first “successful” quest left us relatively unscathed, we were emboldened. We put on our sassy pants (Aisle 3, Walmart), picked up our lassoes, and herded the cats to the next quest. We even drew more people into our rodeo as Erin’s brother, Brian, and his son joined the stampede.

So we loaded ’em up and hauled them to the top of Mount Washington State Park. We were in the parking lot trying to get everyone fed and organized. Going back to the cat analogy, there were kids everywhere and we were quite the spectacle. We grabbed the attention of a very elderly (and not in a sweet way) man.

“Creepers,” you say.

We know. Unwanted conversation ensued with Ellen. He should have picked Erin—Ellen doesn’t talk to strangers. Erin can’t help but talk to strangers.

And now if Ellen could go back in time, she would waste her trip on this moment so she could deliver this line—“Yes, we are sister wives, and that is our man. If you wait real patient like, the camera crews will be along in about 10 minutes.”

But it didn’t matter anyway, because Big Love was born and we loved the idea so much, we. . .

Wrote it on our cars!

And ironed it on our t-shirts! (Note from Ellen-Without reading the directions!)

And agreed to do it again and again and again. Sister wives are we! You can peruse more of our memories and photos here.

We have even added a Big Love Big Daddy Style trip where we get the hubbies involved. Curious?

-Ellen and Erin

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Extraordinarily Ordinary

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One day in our orthodontist’s office, we were saying a not-so-silent prayer that Biddie’s $400 retainer could be replaced for the low, low cost of the Happy Meal it followed into the trash. My neighbor Lisa and her daughter, who we hadn’t seen much lately, were there too. Apparently, orthodontia unites us all.

track 2

We caught up on the headlines of each other’s lives, and I casually mentioned that Ace was running spring track.

“Do you drive him every day? Dylon ran cross-country in the fall, but my schedule changed, and I can’t give him rides home from practice. Could he catch a ride with you?”

“Do you think he would go with me?”

“I’ll work everything out.”

“Ok.”

And just like that, I started a carpool with my 16 year old neighbor. Nothing out of the ordinary for us as carpools are just part of the five kid equation—like laundry and astronomical food bills. But Dylon has autism, and that makes the equation slightly more complicated.

You know the saying about being a little pregnant? Well, Dylon does not have just a little autism. I was concerned that Dylon didn’t really know me. I was concerned that he didn’t really know Ace. I was concerned that perhaps I had gotten not just me, but Ace, in over our heads.

But there was no need for concern. My neighbor, like most moms of kids with autism, hides her superhero cape well. At 12pm, we were chatting it up in the orthodontist’s office. By 3pm THAT DAY, Ace and Danny had met with each other, the track coach, the special ed teacher, and my neighbor.

Unaware of all this mountain moving that had transpired since our conversation, I was still a little nervous. So I sent her a text.

Me: How will he know to find me? Should I go to the coach?

Neighbor: Ace is taking charge of him. It’s cute.

Me: He can be a sweetie. And then his head spins. : )

Neighbor: Spits pea soup and everything? Cool.

It was all so. . . ordinary, and, for the most part, it has continued to be.

It was a little bumpy in the beginning. Ace was not particularly happy with the arrangement. Lisa and I had worked everything out before I even had a chance to talk to Ace—a rookie mistake. My crown was definitely looking a little tarnished.

In our old routine, Ace would walk with his track buddies to the front of school after practice and hang out until I arrived. With the dawn of the new carpool, Ace waited for Dylon to come off the track, and I picked them up right there . Ace didn’t mind hanging with Dylon, but he didn’t want to lose this social time, crucial to the ultra-social Freshman that he is. With a little time and talking, Ace created new routines with his friends that included Dylon. A couple of the moms even started picking their boys up where I picked up Dylon and Ace.

We had some smoothing to do with the rest of our crew too. On the first day of our carpool, Eddie (4) shouted from the back seat, “Hey, who are you?” to Dylon in the front seat. Eddie’s attempts at first contact fell flat, so Eddie said, “Hey, why won’t he talk to me?” I turned to Dylon and said, “That is Eddie. If you say hi, he will probably stop screaming at you.” Notice my use of the word probably, we never REALLY know what Eddie is going to do. So, Dylon turned his head towards me and said, “Hi, Eddie.” Every time that Eddie is in the car, Dylon says “Hi, Eddie” right away. That’s a suave move for any kid.

Now, our carpool is our new normal. We drive Dylon home almost every day. We make sure he has a ride covered on the days we can’t drive him. We cheer him on with Ace’s other friends at the meets. In many ways, it’s just like every other carpool we have.

In other ways, it isn’t. Dylon definitely has autism. He doesn’t always respond to us when we talk to him, and he never looks us in the eye (although I have seen him scan the track like a searchlight for Ace). He has the language and social challenges you might expect from someone with his diagnosis. But he is surprisingly flexible and accommodating too. When we have had to make another stop before heading home, he may have been a little concerned, but he rolled with it—a big bonus when you are hanging with us. Overall, he tolerates our noisy, silly, chatty crew beautifully, which is a high compliment.

In the end, I marvel at Dylon. In my life BC (before children), I taught preschoolers with autism. In my work, I didn’t see ANY Dylons—kids dealing so beautifully with the noise and havoc that autism can wreak in the life of the mind. But those kids were just starting out after that initial diagnosis, and their families were still nursing broken hearts. Dylon has had years of great teachers (and even not-so-great teachers), some fine support from his schools, and don’t forget that SuperMomma I mentioned before. I have no idea how he is doing in school, but in life he seems to be managing really well. This, in the end, is what driving Dylon has given me—a chance to reimagine a future for those first students—and I am careful to appreciate the moment.

track shoes

When I get to practice early, unlike the other moms with their heads buried in their books, I watch the boys as they arc around the track. With their arms pumping and legs pounding, they move freely, easily, and gracefully. Dylon is a natural runner, so he is a joy to watch. This moment touches me—beautiful in the moment and the metaphor. This is what I wished for those students way back when. Back then, we talked a lot about what it would mean to have an “exceptional” child with “extraordinary” needs. There was a lot of talk about all the “wouldn’ts”, “couldn’ts”, and “wont’s”. This is what I wanted for them always, even if you couldn’t always tell with the book-length IEPs, even if my imagination didn’t see quite this far into the future. I always hoped they would have a moment like this one—a chance to be, like Dylon, extraordinarily ordinary.

By Erin

EXTRA

April is Autism Awareness Month. The prevalence of autism has risen to 1 in 110 births, 1 in 70 for boys. Many of us have an autism story to share. This is mine.

Every child with #autism should have a moment like this one: a chance to be extraordinarily ordinary

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Friendship

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Write on Edge‘ s prompt this week was:

“We’d like you to explore friendship. You can talk about a current friendship or one from your past, a friend you met over kindergarten snacks or happy hour at your first job. Examine your emotional interest in the friendship and the role it plays, or played, in your life.

The word limit for this prompt is 400 words. While that may not seem like many words to devote to a friend you’ve known for thirty years, try to provide us with a snapshot that encompasses your feelings about the friendship.”

Two-For-One

We are including two prompt responses under one post because, well, there are two of us. We blog with a shared voice and focus as Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms. It can be challenging, but what might be even more challenging, is explaining to people how we do it without killing each other. We decided to take this prompt as a blind challenge to explore this question. Ellen is going to write about Erin and vice versa. Erin’s husband is going to load both essays and then we are going to see where the chips fall. Does anyone have Judge Judy’s phone number?

Erin: One Analogy Is Not Enough

Erin is the self-described Labrador Retriever of Women. With her being the wordsmith that she is, I’m going to take the easy road and continue with this analogy. She has all the very best qualities of a Lab – loyal, fun, outgoing, intelligent, and adorable – without the shedding, slobber, and muddy paws. Well, occasionally she has muddy paws, but she does always clean up after herself.

But a woman this fabulous cannot be pegged by just one analogy. She is also THE safe harbor of friendship. She draws friends of all personalities and shelters them with her compassionate and accepting nature. I am prone to bitterness, because I tend to tamp down my feelings so as not to offend anyone. This is never an issue with Erin, because while she will hold you accountable, she will never turn you away for sharing who you are. She just has this supernatural ability to reflect and magnify all that is good in you.

She is also like a poorly maintained roller coaster: if you are not buckled in and paying attention, she will have you off on a tangent in the blink of an eye. While this can make planning a trip with her challenging, it is in these tangents where the heartstrings of friendship are woven tighter.

If I just made you throw up a little in your mouth with the word “heartstrings,” let me redeem myself. She can also get on your nerves like a stonewalling teenager. If she goes “radio-silent” on me one more time, immediately after blog-posting, texting, emailing, Facebooking, or tweeting, I’m going to pee in her Pollyanna Kool-Aid. Love you.

XOXOX – Ellen

Ellen

“You can write me, but you will never capture me.” Thus speaketh Ellen, and like she has so many other times, reveals the absolute truth of the matter. Ellen defies the pigeonholing that sums most people up. She is just so Ellen.

A force of nature, she is so the chick you want in your get-away car. Ellen is a do-it-yourselfer extraordinaire harboring Macgyver-esque fantasies. She can also help you find what ails you, bake a cake that makes you want to live in her kitchen, and guide some pretty great kids through life. She manages all this with a flair and fashion sense that I admire.

Over the years, Ellen has blown me away with the many shades and depths of her character, but the thing that binds us, the thing that makes US work is our ability to make each other laugh. Even if nobody else agrees, we think we are funny as hell.

I am grateful to Ellen on many levels, but I owe her truly for being the one who kicked me out of my Erinness and made me do what I have always wanted to do—write. She wrote me an email once in response to a piece I had written that said “I can go in and do some editing like an overachieving 4th grade mom who wants her kid to get the A.” She can, and she has, more times than I can count. She pushes, I pull. She demands, I rise to the challenge. She laughs, I dissolve in giggles. She is the right partner for me in this blog, because she sees me and what we are trying to do so clearly.

“You can thank me later for your first sentence.” Yes, Ellen, and then some.

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