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Pintershizz Mother’s Day Anti Gift Guide

We have a love hate relationship with Mother’s Day. We are both blessed to have our mothers and we adore our kids, but May is just so overwhelming. With the dances and the plays and the banquets and the tournaments and the weddings and the graduations, we feel like we could meet ourselves coming and going.

This May is so hectic, we’re really too tired to even get on a good rant about it. Eh, we did it last year and it still applies. Our favorite part is that the creator of Mother’s Day was driven crazy by Mother’s Day. She died blind, poor, and childless. Go read all about it.

We were going to be more positive this year and write a list of fabulous Mother’s Day gifts, but the brilliant Karen Alpert of Baby Sideburns beat us to it with her hilarious post, Ten Things I Really Want for Mother’s Day. Just to seal the deal that you click on over to read it, here is number seven on her list. But you need to pinkie swear promise that you will come back because we plan on hitching this post to the hilarious train. We swear.

7. I want to pee and poop alone. I will prepare for the day by downing a tanker truck full of liquid and eating ridiculous amounts of fiber.

Thanks for coming back. We knew you loved us. And we won’t disappoint you because we decided to go the way of Pintershit for this one.

Pintershit Mother's Day Anti Gift Guide

 

1. Nothing “As Seen on TV”

Ellen: Whoa wait! Why is this first on the list? I got one of those Perfect Brownie Pans one year and I love it! I can make 18 perfectly sized, moist and chewy brownies, each with perfect edges  every single time!

Erin: Do you have a side job as a spokesmodel? I was thinking more along the lines of this beauty.  I picture myself with a dandelion puff of a rat’s nest after using this. Your head of matted hair would be spectacular. It would give new meaning to the saying, “My hair looks like a cyclone hit it.”

 

 

Ellen: Okay so this is kind of bad, but on the other hand they are kind of winning me over with the word “luscious.” But on the other other hand, it kind of looks like some deranged Barbie themed breastmilking device. But just for the record, “As Seen on TV” doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad. I’m also the proud owner of a Snuggie and Footie Pajamas – complete with a trap door. See?

Me and Macklemore are gonna pop some tags.

Me and Macklemore are gonna pop some tags.

Erin: This picture right here might be all the Mother’s Day gift I need.

Ellen:  You’re welcome. By the way, Kids, don’t listen to Miss Erin. I’d totally be into the Air Curler.

 

2. A No For Everyone but Ellen

Erin: Based on the footie pajamas, I’m assuming this would be a hit with you.

Ellen: Hellz yes. I pray I get this to scare the bejeezus out of you when we go camping together. THAT would be the best Mother’s Day gift ever for me.

 

3. Nothing Creepy

Ellen: Dude? What’s wrong with skeletons?

Erin: Damn, you must be easy to shop for. But c’mon, these chairs say, “Start digging in the back yard for bodies.”

Ellen: Maybe, but I wouldn’t want them because the vertebrae are all wrong.

Erin: Yeah. That’s the problem.

 

 

4. Nothing that is Really About Our Kids’ Interests

Erin: We support our kids, but we do have our own interests. Mother’s Day should be about us, not about us ONLY having identities through our children. For example, we try not to take the “sports mom” thing too far.

Ellen: These shoes are the definition of too far.

 

 

5. Nothing Alive

Erin: I would find the pressure to keep this gift alive soul crushing.

Ellen: Agreed. But it looks so comfortable and stylish. What could be bad about having a pot of dirt around your neck?

Source: fab.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

 

 

6. Nothing Using Our Kitchens

Ellen: While the thought of breakfast in bed seems appealing, things would not turn out like this.

 

Erin: We’ve been at this mothering gig for quite a while, you can’t fool us.

Ellen: Our kitchens would so look like a typhoon hit a garbage dump.

Erin: And we would so have to clean it up. I can’t even think about the puddles of syrup. No freakin’ pancakes are worth this. Just let us get our own cereal. We’re good.

 

 

7. Nothing Creepy!

Erin: No words.

Ellen: Is it weird I’m almost as disturbed by her nappy hair as that hideous earring?

Erin: Maybe she got the Air Curler for Mother’s Day.

Source: imgur.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

 

 

8. WE SAID NOTHING CREEPY!

Ellen: For the love of God, burn it!

Erin: Bury it in the back yard!

Source: etsy.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

 

 

Okay, on that note we’re done with the anti gift guide. So what do we want?

Ellen: I like my Mother’s Day simple and my gifts sweet. One of my favorites were these “Sweet Hearts” that my youngest made them for me.

DSC_0695

Erin: They are adorable. I like my gifts simple and sweet too. Here’s my list: Kelly Moore camera bag, sports lens for my Nikon, and a remodeled bathroom.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Ellen and Erin

 

Pintershizz Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Read the whole Pintershizz series here.

 

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