Home Made Simple Archives - Sisterhood Of The Sensible Moms

If you haven’t heard, Ellen has her M.D.. She pretty much uses it for everything . . . except making money.

Erin: And if you haven’t heard, you’re pretty darn unobservant because people are constantly asking her questions. Con-stant-ly.

Ellen: And these questions usually require expert decision making skills. Like should I continue making watermelon salsa WHILE examining the grubby foot thrust into my face because the owner of said foot is convinced the toe is broken?

Erin: I am praying the answer is “No” because I’m pretty sure I gorged myself on that dip and it was the best I ever had.

Ellen: Yes, due to my extensive training in Shock Trauma, I was able to triage.

Chop the cilantro
Toss the watermelon with the lime
Examine the foot about 25 miles away from the kitchen counter
Bleach my hands

Erin: You definitely don’t want to confuse the toes with the cilantro, but let’s give your funny bone a rest for a minute. You have some mad skills.

Ellen: I do maintain that I quit. I wasn’t fired.

Erin: But seriously, you saved the day when my niece clunked her head on the vicious edge of that metal step on our annual Big Love camping trip.

One minute you were looking all sexy getting ready to canoe.

The next minute, you were in full on doctor mode.

Ellen: It was really nothing. The key is to patiently hold pressure for about the time it takes to read through the New York City phone book.

Erin: Where did you find that metaphor? In a card catalog? Who the heck has a phone book anymore?

Ellen: Okay, I’ll give you that one. Then how about holding pressure forever and a day without peeking? Or for about fifteen minutes. Whichever comes first.

Erin: The no peeking is the hardest part, but it’s more than that. It is just so comforting to have someone KNOW when to go to the ER.

Ellen: Well, I’m just glad your niece checked out okay. But you know what? I’m going to use this opportunity to reveal the mystery of when to get sutures. You know, so your husband can stop calling me.

Erin: That day was surreal. When Steve sliced his finger, did he call me? Call our doctor? Go to the medical aid unit? Nooooo. He called Ellen.

Ellen: And the best part? He had a block on his phone from his employer so he couldn’t send me a picture of it. All medical decisions were based on Steve’s description. So listen up Interwebz! Here’s when to take that gash to a medical professional.

Drumroll please:

Get thineself or the one you love to get some stitches if . . .

The wound will not stop bleeding
It is deeper than ¼ inch
The edges are ragged
The wound is gaping

Additionally, seek medical attention if . . .

The wound is a puncture deeper than ¼ inch
The injury resulted from a rusty or very dirty object
All of the debris can’t be removed
The wound is on the face or neck
There was a blow to the head or any loss of consciousness
The wound is an animal or human bite
Date of last tetanus shot is unknown
You have a history of MRSA
Signs of infection develop such as redness and pus

So you’ve lucked out and sutures aren’t needed. Here is how to properly get your wound care on . . .

To stop bleeding, apply gentle pressure with a clean cloth or bandage for at least 15 minutes. (Maxi pads are excellent for this, by the way.) This will seem like FOREVER, but don’t lift the compress! You’ll really need to time yourself to hold pressure long enough. Trust me. If possible, raise the body part above the level of the heart to slow bleeding. Never apply a tourniquet unless advised by a medical professional..
Rinse wound thoroughly with clean water or saline solution to remove dirt and debris. Don’t use hydrogen peroxide or alcohol because they are damaging to cells and may increase scarring.
Clean area around the wound area with soap and water on a washcloth. Avoid getting soap in wound. Pat dry with a clean cloth.
Apply a thin layer of antibiotic ointment and cover with a clean dressing. Keep the wound covered while healing. Contrary to popular belief, letting a cut “air out” does not promote healing and may increase scarring.

Erin: Remember to always carry a first aid kit in your car or bag. I have been the hero on more than one occasion by whipping out my super duper kit o’health.

Ellen: Except for the time when your suitcase of a kit was without one. single. band-aid.

Erin: Whatever. You can teach by showing others what not to do also.

Ellen: Well that is a positive way to look at a negative. Impressive.