Tag Archives: Monday Listicles

The Marital Code of Movie Quotes

Monday Listicles this week is “10 Best Movie Quotes” as suggested by the fabulous, funny and sensible Ally from Just A Normal Mom. So you know what that means? We got the husbands involved again just like we did for the James Bond post.

Erin: In addition to this just being fun, we learned something about our marriages, even after all these years . . .

Ellen: And we are talking years! I have 19 years and Erin has 16 years notched on the old garter belts.

Erin: Don’t do the math, people! As far as you know, we were child brides.

Ellen: That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it. Anyway, my husband and I have a short hand, semi-secret, vernacular based on movie quotes! I never really realized it until writing this post.

Erin: Steve and I do the same thing!

Ellen: Do other couples do this??

Erin: Hard to say, but let’s just assume our semi-secret code will be secret no more.

 

The Marital Code of Movie Quotes

 

Ellen and Frank

1.“O’Doyle Rules!” 

Usage — (1) To proclaim superiority when crushing someone else  (2) Ending to a conversation involving waxing poetic about our awesomeness.

 

Remember the bullish family of kids who plagued Billy Madison with acts of obnoxiousness at nearly every grade level as he took his speedy second chance run through his entire 12 years of school and always bellowed “O’Doyle Rules!”? That’s us. Sort of.

Whenever we crush at something major like  UNO, Trivial Pursuit, or swimming pool water blaster fights, we always exclaim, “O’Doyle Rules!”  But truly we say it with love and mostly to each other.

We also end our (private) conversations where we catch ourselves congratulating ourselves for our fabulosity with this little proclamation. Helps us keep our obnoxiousness from spilling over into the public arena. You’re welcome.

 

2. “Imagine it.” 

Usage — (1) Usually uttered by Frank when Ellen has the audacity to complain that he is blocking her view of the TV, parade, shoe sale rack, etc. (2) Less likely to provoke a rabbit punch when used to indicate  you’re not sure how something is going to end.

 

All you need to know is that The Skulls is about the worst elitist frat boy ever who utters this to a girl whose view he was blocking at a rowing race.

Scene -Generically Pretty Blonde (GPB) sitting there chilling and taking in a rowing race, like we all like to do. Paul Walker’s character, Caleb Mandrake (I know, right?) struts over like a rooster on Viagra and plops in front of her. Like 2 inches in front of her, because, you know, he’s super cool.

GPB: “Hey, Caleb, I can’t see.”

Caleb (without turning around): “Imagine it.”

Okay, I admit it, he IS cool.

 

3. “When do you drink vodka?” “Whenever.” 

Usage — Mostly used by Frank to express an unknown completion date of some task.

 

To really get this gem, you have to hear the “Whenever” deadpanned in Allison’s (Ally Sheedy) voice.

“Frank, when are you going to take out the trash?” “Whenever.”

“Frank, when are you going to take out the live dead Christmas tree?” “Whenever.”

“Frank, when would you like to get busy?” “Whenev . . . wait!”

 

4. “Fear does not exist in this dojo!” “Yes, Sensei!”

Usage — A frequent  (humorous) pep talk gem given before tests, games, and performances.

 

Frank to the girls before a swim meet: “Concentrate on your turns and swim hard into the wall. Fear does not exist in this dojo!” His ABSOLUTE dream is for the girls to one day respond, “Yes, Sensei!” IF this ever happens he will declare himself the winner of parenthood and exit the building.

 

5.“Lighten up, Francis” 

Usage — What do you think it means?? Isn’t it obvious or are you daft or something?? Geez!!

 

Frank may or may not frequently use this,  because Ellen may or may not frequently need to lighten up.

 

 

Erin and Steve

6. “There’s no crying in baseball.”

Usage — (1) Steve to the crew whenever they start sniveling or whining about something or, you know, “forget to use that thing three feet above their a$%.” (Direct quote that precedes this one in the movie) (2) Steve to Erin when she has left the ranch.

 

Five kids means that we have more than our share of whining. This is how we shut it down.

Steve is such a ridiculously spot-on mimic that when he channels Tom Hanks as he says this, you want to wipe your nose on your sleeve, pull your stuff together, and make the play (not the throw to home with a tw0-run lead, but you get my drift). Pronto.

 

7. “Let it go, Indiana.” 

 Usage — (1) Used to break a child out of an obsession (2) Used to stop Erin (or sometimes Steve, but let’s be fair, it’s usually Erin) in the middle of a rant.

 

Your family may not have fallen under the power of Minecraft yet, but it is the Dark Master of Timesuck around here. We have tried all sorts of systems to control the tech time, but it’s a painful weaning from this particular game EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. We use this phrase most often when trying to pry the keyboard from the kung-fu grip of a tween boy.

Of course, it’s equally at play trying to bring Erin down off a ledge or out of her tree.

Erin uses it most often to stop Steve from playing Civilization, the adult equivalent of Minecraft. (Note to readers: Do not buy this game for your husband for his birthday.)

 

8. “You’re killing me, Smalls.”

Usage — (1) Used almost exclusively on a kid who has proven either clueless, exasperating, or both  (2) Also used as a verbal high five for a funny.

 

Our life provides endless opportunities to throw this one around. In fact, we like it so much we have given it a second life as a mark of admiration for some clever punny-ness.

Erin heard they started putting this saying on t-shirts. She would not turn down a gift like that. Just saying.

 

9. “I don’t know, Margo.”

Usage — (1) Used between Erin and Steve to answer a question that could be deemed snarkastic (2)  Occasionally used to answer any question, because it’s just so darn funny.

 

Todd and Margo are the yuppie neighbors to the Griswolds. This phrase is appropriate any time someone is packing ‘tude or piling some edginess on a stack of sass. In fact, we just used this one today when discussing the basketball schedule for the 9 year old. Now, Erin is not saying who was bringing the Margo and who had to sling the Todd, but everyone is still standing and talking to each other so we are counting that as a victory.

You really do have to say it just like Todd though, so here’s the clip just in case you have been living in a bomb shelter and haven’t seen this Chevy Chase Christmas classic movie.

10. “Francisco. That’s fun to say.” 

Usage — (1) bringing on a laugh in the middle of a tense moment (2) talking a teen off that hormonal ledge (3) Any time you want to inject some funny, like on the 1000 miles of car trips we took over Christmas break.

 

Oh, Elf, is an awesome movie for lots of reasons, not the least of which is that it brought this phrase into our life.  Truly, this is the parental equivalent of the bomb squad for diffusing the landmines in our living room, our car, wherever.

It induces a laugh. Every. Single. Time.

 

Thank you once again to Stasha for hosting the fabulous Monday Listicles every week. We love the writers we meet there every week, so make this the week you actually click the link and check it out.


For as Yoda says, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.” See what we did there? We can’t help ourselves. Happy Monday from Ellen and Erin.

 

And an extra Happy Monday to Erin’s daughter who you know as Biddie. She turns 14 today. Here’s one of Erin’s favorite Happy Birthday movie clips just for her from Uncle Buck.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Biddie!

 

Tell us! Do YOU talk in movie Quotes?

 

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10 Anti-Resolutions for 2013

The topic for Monday Listicles is 10 THINGS YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF CHANGING IN 2013. This one came from the lovely guru herself , Stasha at The Good Life.

Erin: Our girl Stasha is definitely speaking our language on this one.

Ellen: We are in no way disrespecting resolutions. We both agree that they are noble. It’s just I’m not into making promises in the deep dark of winter that I know I’m going to depress myself by breaking. Resolutions are just so much pressure. I’m more of a September — back to school, shiny new shoes, fresh start — kind of girl.

Erin: Aww, you make me want to bring you a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. (“You’ve Got Mail”, anyone?)

Truth be told, I’m really more of a July—too busy hanging out by the pool with a cool drink to bother with some pesky resolutions–kind of girl. But I do like to at least go through the motions of recording goals, so we have a tradition for that.  

Every New Year’s morning, I set the dining room table with butcher paper (or plain sheets of paper if I run out of butcher paper like I did this year!). There are six different headings and everybody who is around has to finish the statements in the heading (Sorry, SIL and BIL, but you stay, you play!). This little tradition always yields funny and sweet results. Check out these gems from this year.

 

 

But even with these fabulous resolutions to inspire you, here are . . .

 

10 Things That Will Not Change In 2013

On a Scale of Sappy to What-the-Fudge?

1. Savoring the Moments

Erin: Even though it seems completely inconceivable, I have a high schooler. I know I’m  not just looking at this through mommy goggles, either. My lifelong friend Rob’s comment about our Christmas picture— “Holy crap, that’s Ace?”— just cements that it’s unbelievable. Ace will be going to college in two and a half years and I am soaking up the moments we are all together. I am basking in the times we can just be.

This may be uber-over-the-top-sappy, but this is my life right now and I am unapologetic in recording it all in my heart and head and blog to tuck away for those moments later when he will be off doing awesome things and we are just left missing him.

Ellen: I would be making fun of you right now but, *sob* I have a ninth grader. And I’ll miss Ace, too.

Erin: Okay. Somebody pass me a tissue. And a cocktail. I have to go sign him up for driver’s ed. 

 

2. Alone Time With Our Husbands

 Ellen: Not every household is made up of two parents, but if yours is, you have to work to keep that relationship strong.

Erin: And that means vanquishing the guilt over spending time away from your kids! It is more than okay to spend time on your relationship/marriage. Think of it as a gift to your kids. And your sanity.

Ellen: And here’s a little Sisterhood Secret for you: The more routine you make it, the easier it is for you to maintain and for your kids to accept.

Erin: Swap with friends . . .

Ellen: She means babysitting kids, not husbands.

Erin: Put it in the budget, tell family members to give you babysitting instead of gifts, spend a small fortune on camps. Do whatever it takes. 

Ellen: A night in a hotel can really readjust your meter for not sweating the small stuff. If you know what I mean.

 

3. Writing Things Our Kids Can Read

Ellen: I am constantly preaching to my children about not offering up anything to the internet machine that they don’t want to see immortalized forever. And since we are more lead-by-example kinds of mommas, we try to keep it PG-13 around here, even up there in point #2.  I keep a heavy lid on my robust swearing habit in real life, so why let the bombs fly here? Where it can be Googled.

Erin: We also try to be fair and kind and to not write anything that is going to be hurtful or offensive. But we’re not saints,and we’re not perfect.

Ellen: The one group we don’t honor are those poor souls who have lost their senses of humor.

Erin: But hey, it’s a hard knock life for those buttercups anyway, so what are you going to do?

Ellen: But maybe we should set the filter standards higher for the pictures we post.

Ellen and Erin: NAH!

Purty as princesses.

 

4. Our Blogging Cooperation – Bloggeration

Erin: We are not gonna lie to you. It takes some a very specific friendship to be able to blog together like we do. I swear I can handle Ellen, because her voice sounds an awful lot like my husband’s in my head. 

Ellen: Alright! I have one thing that could change for 2013! Could you please stop saying that? Creepers.

Erin: You know what I mean. I need your “type” in my life—the type that brings me down to earth and keeps it real. You even share the same birthday. How’s that for creepers??  

But the truth is that among the many other things we have learned from blogging together this year, we’ve also figured out when to walk away and when to give some slack.

Ellen: Interesting. You are truly one of the most forgiving and easy-going people I know . . . except when you’re not. Which leads us to our next point . .

 

5. Bunco

Erin:   Dear sweet well-intentioned friends, please do not invite me to Bunco. Bring on Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, even Just Dance 4!  I rock at real games. But this “game” makes me yearn for that dark beast of board games, Chutes and Ladders —the game that subjects adults to hours of mind-numbing climbing and sliding repetitive hell.

Oh, but Bunco is about socializing and hanging out and drinking lovely girl-y drinks, you say!  You love all that, you say! Well, the little BUNCO dice are the evil overlords of fun and they seem hell-bent on interrupting my good time flow. They determine where you sit, who you hang with, and where you move. I will have just settled into my chair with my cocktail when I am sent packing because I didn’t roll 3s. Makes me tweak-y.

Ellen: And rant-y. Good grief. Dude, I just think you don’t like to be told what to do. You’re not comfortable unless you are the Grandmaster Game Master. What was that guy’s name in Saw? If anyone wants to invite me to a night out with friends, snacks, and wine, tweet me up.

Erin: Oh my word. Moving on . . .

 

6. Hobbit

Ellen: I know we just said we aim to not purposely offend anyone, but we are making an exception with The Hobbit. We are just not entertained by hairy barefooted fantastical little freaks. We are not going to see it.

Erin: Not in a theater, not in a plane.

Ellen: Not on Showtime, or Netflix, or even on a train.

Erin: Not out of Redbox or Xbox, because it would drive us insane.

Ellen: We’re just not going to view it, have we made ourselves plain?

Erin: We’re hoping our love for Dr. Seuss counteracts your offense springing from our hatred for hobbits. 

Full disclosure: Erin’s whole clan saw it to mixed reviews. 3 out of 5 stars.

 

7. Fat Pants Free Zone

Ellen: This one is my rant, but Erin is whittling away so she is chucking fat pants away left and right. I, on the other hand, have one pair of jeans that fits me and a whole GAP store full of jeans that are just a little snug —  if, by snug, I meant like a freakin’ tourniquet. But I am not buying any “fat pants.” I will lose the Fifteen (lbs) After Forty (years) and triumphantly wear my wardrobe again. This I pledge for I am Sparticus! Too dramatic?

Erin: Absolutely not. Just try not to burn Athens in your wake.

Don’t hate Erin because she looks like she’s wearing clown pants.

 

 8. The War and Peace Trap

Erin: If the last one was all you, then this one is all me and has been for like 15 years. Every year, I always have the best intentions of reading Tolstoy’s War and Peace and every year I find about 52 books I would rather read more. Every year, I think roping my pals into doing it too means that I’ll actually follow through. And every year, a handful of lovely, sweet victims, er, I mean friends, add this tome to their list of  “have-read”s while it remains solidly on my “to-do” list.

Ellen: How many times has this happened?

Erin: I’m out of digits.

Ellen: And let the record show I have never fallen for this trap.

Erin: But this is the year! It’s gonna happen.

Ellen: Not. Falling. For. That. One.

 

9. We are Fourth Decaders One Directioners

Erin: In fact, if anything, we’re kickin’ it up a notch.

Ellen: We are going to see One Direction in concert! That’s right! We are going to stand in the midst of throngs of hormonal teen and tween girls and sing our little hearts out making memories all the while.

Erin: <singing> That’s what makes us beautiful.

Ellen: And smart. We got huge Mom Points on this one. And it was the easiest Mom Points ever, because you know I love them.

The lads and Ellen had a brilliant Christmas.

 

10. Christmas Decorations

Ellen: As we have stated before, we are very traditional and sentimental about our Christmas decorations.

Erin: But let’s face it, we are also very pressed for time in December. So, we’re considering just leaving them up until next year. Save some hassle.

Ellen: Never mind we both have live trees.

Erin: Well, how about just the outside ones, you know, because mine were so spectacularly gorgeous.

Yes, we realized that there were shorts in the line. No, we didn’t fix it. Yes, you should be very grateful that we are not your neighbors.

 

Ellen: The kicker is you actually chose to plug that sadness in every. single. night. And your next door neighbor looked like the scene below. I think you have enough bulbs there to spell out “Ditto.”

Erin: Yeah, I’ll file that suggestion away for next year. Somewhere . . . where the Christmas lights don’t shine.

 

 

So, whether you decide to make a resolution this year or not, we both hope you have a great new year. You can definitely start out on the right foot by checking out Monday Listicles and exploring some of the great bloggers there. It’s easy. You can do it in your pajamas. So get over there already!!

Ellen and Erin

 

 

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The Like Totally For Real 80s

It was the worst of times. It was the best of times. It was the 80s.

Ellen: So what do you think of when you think 80s?

Erin: Besides BIG? Madonna clothes, lace gloves, legwarmers, big shoulder pads.

Ellen: You are 100% correct, buuuuuuuuuuuuut . . .

Erin: Seriously? You say I’m right, but then qualify it with a mile long but? I’m right. I lived through the 80s. I know. End of story.

Ellen: I think you’re looking through St. Elmo’s Fire colored glasses. I just feel like all of that stuff is the cute music video 80s. For example, my daughter had to make an 80s costume for a play she was in last year. Behold.

This is a little too adorable to be authentic.

 

Erin: She looks adorable — leg warmers, lace glove, jelly bracelets — everything I said. She even has a little Vans action thrown in.

Ellen:  See, it’s that word “adorable” that’s getting me. Forget about the Benetton commercials and MTV. I’m talking about the REAL 80s — the 80s that walked down the halls of the middle schools and high schools. The 80s of which we BOTH have photographic evidence.

Erin: Well you’re going to have to gag on that spoon all by yourself because you know I still can’t scan pictures.

Ellen: Oh, if you are throwing down the fingerless lace glove gauntlet, then I am accepting the challenge because we owe it to the children to give an accurate history.

(Just to be clear – All Photographic Embarrassment Evidence is Ellen’s)

10 Righteous BIG Slices of the REAL 80s

1. Overview of an 80s Teenage Girl

That’s right, we had BFF before there was texting. Stick that on your skateboard and pump mongo. And speaking of not having texting, check out that extra long phone cord — necessary so you could roam free while talking to your BFFs. We’ll talk about the fashion later, but note that my room was About Last Night purple and green. And my love for Duran Duran was/is real, Folks. Today’s technology met yesterday’s fangirl when Duran Duran tweeted and Facebooked about my post. It was a dream come true that I didn’t even know was possible back in the day.

2. Real Righteous Everyday 80s Fashion

Loose mile long sleeves ending at your waistline is super flattering. We’re thinking of bringing it back.

Despite what the Disney Channel would have our kids believe, we did not walk around looking like we just jumped out of a Cyndi Lauper video . . .  that was for special occasions. Mainly, we looked like we were drowning in our clothes. I had the best figure of my life and I was swallowed in Benetton and Esprit. Just look at my tiny friend above. We wore over-sized shirts, baggy pleated jeans, scrunched socks,  huge bows in our hair, and over-sized blazers with linebacker shoulder pads. The only thing we tried to make small was the bottom of our jeans — those were folded, rolled and pegged. The rest of the pants were ballooning around us, but those leg openings were tight.

If you were serious, you put a safety pin in that cuff. Just to show it who was boss.

3. Totally Tubular Hair

This should probably not be its own category because it will be featured in EVERY picture, but I could not resist. Plus it gives a glimpse of the special occasion 80s. Check out  those gloves! I never took them off for the entire dance. You know why? Because my hands were a blue stained Smurfy mess by the time I reached the dance. Wrapping your hands in synthetic satin makes them sweat. A lot.

That hair is big and that dress is something else — drop-waist, puffed sleeves, AND a big bow —  but I’m just reminiscing about not having to wear Spanx. Which is a very good thing since it wasn’t invented and satin is not forgiving, People. — Ellen

Erin: You know, truly, that picture is not THAT bad. 

Ellen: I’m easing them into it. Just wait.

 

4. Gnarly Accessories

Of note, this is a scan of an honest to goodness Polaroid picture — not some punk Pic Monkey frame. This post is dripping 80s. In a totally oozing way. — Ellen

It was really the accessories that made the outfits. Huge cross pendants (thanks Madonna), huge brooches, huge earrings — the 80s were B-I-G! Swatches, stacked rubber bracelets, fedoras, oh my! You could generally tell everything about a person from the buttons on their denim or Members Only jackets. I don’t think I can express enough that things were big and gaudy.

This picture was to show the buttons on my jacket. Unfortunately, most of them were on the right side, but you get the idea. I did promise the hair would get worse, so there’s that.

Erin: That hair just got real.

Ellen: Told you. Did they have straightening irons back then?

Erin: All evidence indicates no.

 

 5. We Were All Valley Girls — Fer Shur

The 80s was all about teens adopting the ways of California. In particular we emulated Valley Girls — girls from the San Fernando Valley who spoke with atrocious grammar and diction, glorified shallowness and stupidity, and revered shopping as an art form. “Gag me with a spoon.”  Our parents were so lucky. It really is beyond description. Let Moon Unit Zappa describe it to you in song. On Solid Gold no less.

 

6. When We Weren’t Valley Girls, We Were Skate Rats and Surfer Dudes

Check out my Jams. Just stop looking at my hair and glasses. I was a late bloomer. — Ellen

You would have thought we were all dividing our time between our surfboards and our skateboards — the Jams, the Vans, the lingo. Kate even reminded me I had a hunk of Sex Wax. I did not have a surfboard . . . or any other need for it. Now that we think about it, the 80s was like an elaborate, gaudy costume party. Except we were serious.

 

7. Where We Got Our Crazy Ideas

It can all be blamed on MTV born on August 1, 1981, at 12:01 a.m. At least that is our story and we’re sticking to it. See, there used to be a time when MTV had music videos . . . 24 hours a day. Our parents thought it would rot our minds. Little did they know what MTV would turn into in the 21st century. Give me a little Cyndi Lauper She Boppin’ over 16 and Pregnant any day. And yes, we know what Cyndi was getting at.

 

8. Well Maybe Movies Can Claim Part Of The Credit For Our Crazy Fads

It felt like movies started trends almost more than they reflected them. This was the decade where the “Coming of Age” movie ruled and John Hughes was king — The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Pretty In Pink. Don’t forget the Brat Pack either — Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy, Demi Moore, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, and Ally Sheedy. St. Elmo’s Fire showcased these powerhouses. And then there was The Karate Kid, Taps, Red Dawn, Dirty Dancing, Flashdance, Desperately Seeking Susan, Footloose, and Say Anything. We might be going out on a limb, but John Cusack was the 80s. But wait, so was Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, Robert Downey Jr., Patrick Swayze,   . . .

John Cusack in “Say Anything.” This would have lost so much of its punch with an iPod.

 

9. Totally Awesome 80s Music

We’ve already covered Ellen’s love for Duran Duran, but the 80s was pretty diverse. You had everything from pop to hair bands, from punk to techno, from acid rock to new wave. We had mixed tapes where Bon Jovi rubbed mullets with Twisted Sister while nestled next to the Dead Kennedys, The Rolling Stones, and U2. A Flock of Seagulls, The Thompson Twins, Madonna, Michael Jackson, and Blondie were also favorites. We can’t forget Rick Springfield and . . .

Ahhhhhh! We can’t list all of our favorites, so let’s talk about these mixed tapes. We could not just select songs for our playlists off of iTunes. We lived in a decade where you had to work for your music. You sat poised with a tape recorder next to the radio waiting for your jam to be played and hoping the DJ did not talk over the intro. If you were ambitious, you could go around to your friends’ houses to record their tapes and – gasp – vinyl records. The sound quality was scratchy, you could hear the recorder clicking on and off, and you didn’t really want the last five seconds of the songs anyway. If you loved static, you were in heaven.

Speaking of heaven, it was glorious when the Walkman came about and you could listen to your music on the go. The belt clip was INCLUDED. Maybe you should take notes Apple.

 

10. The Best Part Of The 80s

Forever friends. How grateful should our children be that we did not get forever stuck in the 80s?

Coming up on Our 25th High School Reunion

 

 

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The 12 Days Post-Partum

This week on Monday Listicles, we are supposed to talk about music—holiday songs, songs we love, songs we hate, etc. Here in The Sisterhood we are of two minds about Christmas songs. All that rocking around the Christmas tree curls Ellen’s toes but warms Erin’s heart, so writing a post about Christmas music was going to be—how shall we say this diplomatically—tricky. And because it’s Christmas and we are both procrastinators and busy, we don’t really have time to duke it out properly—you know, with jingle bells and a peppermint stick.

Delicious, delectable, and deadly. You’ve been warned.

But we are also girls who can’t back away from a challenge,and when not one, not two, but three lovely fellow bloggers are asking you to play, well, you do what you gotta do—you play. Because of our aforementioned issues, we cannot really talk about holiday music, so we are gonna sing, or rather, make a song just for you. We did mention that we are available for all your party needs here, so you should probably have seen this coming.

Anyway, there is a whole songbook of classic Christmas carols that we could have chosen, but none will burrow more furiously into your cerebral cortex than that original dirty dozen— The 12 Days of Christmas.

This creepy Lord A-leaping might also sneak into your thoughts now too.

Like any good artists, we then mined our collective histories for some humor to inspire our writing. We put on our Adam Sandler hats and rocked this puppy, Sisterhood-style. Without further ado . . .

The 12 Days Post-Partum

On the first day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me a huge giant pain in the rear.

 

On the second day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me two nipples cracking.

 

Buy me by the bucketful. Steal the free sample from your roommate. This stuff is the ONLY stuff that will make you feel better!

On the third day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me three giant spit-ups.

 

On the fourth day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me four nervous breakdowns.

 

A couple days without sleep and you will be transformed.

On the fifth day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me five explosive diapers.

 

On the sixth day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me six nights with no sleeping.

 

On the seventh day postpartum my wee babe gave to me seven toddlers sneezing…at the first pediatrician check-up.

 

On the eighth day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me 8 outfits changing.

 

On the ninth day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me 9 hormonal zits a-poppin.’

 

On the tenth day postpartum,  my wee babe gave to me 10 pounds still in need a-goin.’

 

On the eleventh day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me 11 loads a-washing.

 

On the twelfth day postpartum, my wee babe gave to me 12 more reasons to love someone I didn’t think I could love much more.

Here’s a homemade ornament Erin made of newborn Ace in a post-baby economy. As you can see, she was not lying when she said that she is NOT crafty. But isn’t he a cutie??

In the end, we  both survived and had more kids, but that first post-partum period did leave an impression. If you are in the trenches now, have a very merry first Christmas with your wee one and know that this too shall pass. Some day you might even write a song of your own about it.

Thanks again to Stasha at Monday Listicles for a place to show off our song-writing talent (people hardly ask us to perform any more. . .hmmmm), but also to Rachee and her sister Mrs.RKFJ for their idea to write about 10 Holiday songs. Stephanie at Mommy, For Real added to the Christmas party fun with her idea 10 Songs We Love, Hate, or Love to Hate. While you are here, you might as well check them all out. They might inspire you to write your own song. Or maybe we did. Have a rocking Christmas!—Erin and Ellen

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Get Your Christmas Party On! How to Eat, Drink, and Be Merry in 10 Pictures

 ‘Tis the Season for imbibing, indulging, and ingesting all manner of fabulous food stuffs, but our favorite thing about holiday food is sharing it with family and friends. More specifically, The Sisterhood. The Sisterhood can throw some fantastic parties which means we break out the fancy clothes (read: no yoga pants allowed), ditch the kiddos, and pull out the industrial-strength hair products. If we are pulling out the blow-dryer, we mean business. So, without further ado, we bring you. . .

10 Things Holiday Party Food

1. On Dancer, on Prancer, on Brewsky, and Guinness!

One of the best things about a party is the drinks. And one of the best things about Erin perusing Pinterest is that she’s actually interested in getting her craft on. How do you think this self-professed non-crafter did with the Reindeer Beer?

 

2. Cheers!

Maybe beer isn’t your thing.  Truly, you need all the gastric vacancy possible so you can stuff your pie hole with all of the yumminess yet to come. Well, a great host, maybe someone like this man . . .

. . . will make you a pomegranate martini . . . in a margarita glass.

3. Hors d’oeuvres!

Appetizers are our favorites. In fact, we love them so much, we’ll forget to take pictures until after we’ve eaten our final crudité. We are certain that the martinis . . . and Guinness . . . and wine had nothing to do with the oversight.

Imagine perfectly seared tuna, scrumptious stuffed mushrooms, and a Tavern-on-the-Green-worthy beauty of a cheese board because all we can show you is the aftermath. Maybe a swarm of locusts blew through when we weren’t looking.

4. Crab cakes and tenderloin and roasted veggies! Oh my!

 

5. The food does not get into your belly on its own, People!

You saw what happened to the appetizers! You CANNOT assume there will be seconds. Hostess extraordinaire, Mary, to the rescue. We didn’t have to limit ourselves to a plate of food. We got a tray-full!

 

6. Everyone needs an Erin at their party.

There is no charm school on this green earth that can teach this. You either have it or you don’t.

 

7.  Cleanse your visual palette with dessert.

We do apologize that you can’t un-see Erin’s “see-food,” but how about this little darling of a dessert to bring your appetite back?

 

8. Fortify your cheer.

After all those carbs, a buzz can really start to lag. Time to move onto a Raspberry Vodka Seltzer.

 

9. Perform a spot inspection on the drink master.

Yeah, that’s right. Ellen’s drink was mixed on the top of the trashcan out of a stainless steel water bottle. Know what she did about it? Taunted everybody that she got the last one as she sucked that refreshing goodness down. She may or may not have broken out of that charm school we were mentioning. We’ll never tell.

 

10. Bonus Recipe: The Other Chocolate Cookie.

What do you get when you bake one trillion cakes for your daughter’s birthday? Besides the accolades of your adoring family, you get a completely decimated baker’s pantry. This can be a huge problem when you have to make chocolate cookies NOW and you have no time to run to the store. While Ellen is still a devoted fan of the beloved Tollhouse cookie (And so is Erin! This recipe inspires her kids to say this about her) sometimes you have to work with what you got. Bisquick to the rescue!

Bisquick simplifies the ingredient list and it makes a dough that is made for speed. It has a drier texture than Tollhouse cookie dough so it is super easy to work with and get onto the pans.  And these cookies barely spread so you can place them about one to one and a half inches apart, allowing you to bake more cookies at a time. These cookies are also a dream to get off of the pan. They easily come up with a spatula with nary a cookie lost to breakage. And the final perk? It transports so well! This is a sturdier cookie while still not being a hard.

As you can tell, we put food in its proper place in The Sisterhood, besides just our bellies, and we know how to wash it down too. Here’s a little “salut” from our peeps to yours this holiday season—an Irish Christmas blessing:

Nollaig faoi shéan is faoi shonas duit.
A prosperous and happy Christmas to you.

Full disclosure: Erin may have learned this blessing, NOT from her Irish father, but from the 24 bottles of Guinness she hot-glued antlers on.

 We’re available for your festivities, too. Just contact us at 443-555-HAWT.

 

 

 

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We Are Just Great, Really

This week on Monday Listicles the wonderful writer behind the Bonny Bard, Mrs. M, challenged us to make a list of  “10 Reasons I Am Great.” We have tangoed with this tough-y a couple of times. While we are just fine with self-revelation and self-promotion (we are bloggers after all), we are not particularly comfortable with high-fiving or back-patting ourselves. In the past we have two-stepped around this problem by writing glowing words about each other or by asking our kids what they thought of us.

But this time, we are going to bite the proverbial bullet and play it straight. Or at least straight-ish.

Ten Reasons We Are Great

 1. We are sexy beasts.

Caution: You might not be ready for our Hawt-ness

 

Ellen: Okay, immediately after agreeing that we were just going to say nice things about ourselves, we both went scrambling for an escape hatch.  Unbeknownst to each other, we both turned to our husbands and asked them what they thought was fabulous about us.

Erin: They both (separately) came up with some very nice things to say about us that quickly slid into the land of raunch.

Ellen: We did not share these little gems with each other, so don’t even think for a second we are going to share them with you and the interwebz.

Erin: You’re welcome, Children.

Ellen: Mmmmm, we might have negated any gratitude that may have come our way by calling ourselves “Sexy Beasts.”

2. We have great party tricks.

Erin: We are part of a larger circle of friends who all read. A lot. They all seem kind of impressed that I can remember the authors and titles of books that I have read days, months, and even years later. 

Ellen: And I can save your life with the uncanny amount of knowledge I retained from medical school.

Erin: You are always going to win with that one. Whatever. I also make a darn good chocolate chip cookie.

3. We are the Yin and Yang for crazy people.

Erin: I attract them like bees to honey. And I am oblivious to their crazy.

Ellen: And I detect them. And tell her to run.

"someecards.com

4. We have other Sixth Sense Superpowers.

Ellen: I constantly catch Erin in the shower with my phone calls. Either she is constantly showering so it increases my odds or it is truly a sixth sense.

Erin: I’m just happy she’s not clairvoyant because if she could see me in the shower, well, that would just be awkward.

5. We are DIY powerhouses.

Erin: To be clear, I am a DIY optimist, which is not exactly the same thing. I have great intentions and vision, but you know what they say about the best intentions. . . The example that proves the rule is the time our friend Mary and I decided to make some t-shirts (20 to be exact) for our great camping adventure. Without calling Ellen.

We actually said, “How hard can it be?” before plunging into our ambitious, yet misguided attempt to iron-on an emblem AND numbers AND THEN tie-dye them. Remember what I said about vision? Anyway, despite spending a lot of time and money, we still ended up short on blue dye and half the numbers peeled off. We also spent a lot of time saying, “We should have called Ellen.”

Ellen: And I did this. Do not hold the time frame it took to get it done against me.

6. Photography Junkies

Ellen: I can really more accurately be described as a photograph hoarder. I take pictures by the thousands, but I’m not exactly a superstar at sharing them. It has been over a year since I made a photo book, and I can’t remember the last time I printed a picture. I haven’t even put Halloween pictures up on my Facebook account.

Erin: I am actually pretty enthusiastic about the sharing. I make photo books every year — for myself and for gifts, too. I have even coerced my brothers and sister into creating a calendar every year that has become one of the most anticipated parts of our Christmas festivities.

So it pains me, truly, to say that I have lost my camera bag. Am I hyperventilating?  I still have my camera — thank-you-for-small-blessings — but the bag is G-O-N-E. Gone.  Thank goodness that all of my closest friends have the same camera and I can borrow their chargers from time to time.

Ellen: This disappearance has stressed me out so much that I have searched my garage 3 times out of fear that I somehow snagged it.

7.  We’re still talking to each other.

Erin: Running a blog together can be hard. . .

Ellen: And sometimes we felt like the new kids . . .

Erin: But, overall, it has made us stronger . So far, we are still friends, it’s still fun, and, as Ellen likes to say, people should hire us to figure out that mess in the Middle East. Seriously, we have mad skills in diplomacy.

Ellen: So far . . .

8. We rock mealtimes.

Erin: One day many moons ago we all met at Ellen’s house for an Easter Egg hunt and recipe swap. Ellen is the hostess extraordinaire and she knows how to party. She seriously hid over 400 eggs on her three acre lot. The fabulous upside was that it kept the 20 plus kiddos busy long enough to rock my family’s world. Seriously. I took home a folder full of every other family’s go-to recipes, and suddenly we weren’t rotating the same five meals any more.

Our friend Mary kicked it up a notch when she introduced me to the idea of planning our meals ahead of time. When I went back to work part-time this fall, getting dinner on the table was the one ball I had no trouble still keeping up in the air. I already had a system.

The book that made the magic happen!!

 

Ellen: And if the crockpot is not your friend, make nice now. Nothing is better than walking into the house after a long day to find your meal ready and waiting. It is a life saver on sports practice nights. I can sense some of you muttering, “But crockpot meals are gross.” Well, take notice because I have a Healthy French Country Crockpot Chicken recipe that will make you a believer.

9. We have a true Sisterhood.

Erin: Ellen and I are the bloggers, but the stories, the friendship, and the adventures we write about are shared with a larger network of women. We travel together, share books and recipes and funny stories, raise our kids together, and basically figure it all out together. 

This isn’t everybody, but nobody has brought a camera to book club. . .yet.

 

Ellen: We said it before, and we really, really mean it. Parenting in isolation is not a good idea. We feel so blessed to have all of the women in our lives who have made this mothering journey easier. They keep us happy, fed, and sane.

Erin: They also keep us honest.

Ellen: And on that note. . .

10. We are not vain.

Photographic evidence. Or maybe we really are sexy beasts. Hmmm. . .

 

Thanks, Sisterhood, for making sure we have fodder, photographic and otherwise, for the blog. Together with our kids and our husbands, you are a big part of what makes us great.

Another thing that makes us great is our weekly date with Stasha at Monday Listicles. Her link-up is always a great place to start the week. Check it out!

 

 

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Spinning In Circles

Thanksgiving has us thinking of circles — circles of love, circles of family, circles of friendship, circles of life . . . and now you’ve got The Lion King song blaring through your head. You’re welcome.

What Thanksgiving didn’t leave us with was a lot of spare time for blogging. Erin and her brood spent the better part of the week with her family only to drive back for two and a half hours to drop her girl child off at Ellen’s house for Jellybean’s (12) rockin’ sleepover. This sleepover went much smoother than some in the past and for that Ellen is grateful. With 14 girls there was the potential for much to go wrong.

So we’re thankful that Monday Listicles only required us to share 10 photos from our cell phones. THAT we can handle.

 

Ten Circles

1. Circling Above

Smithsonian Institution National Museum of Natural History

 

2. Dupont Circle Studs

Renaissance Hotel Lobby Dupont Circle Washington DC

 

3. Circle of Passage

Rowhouse Dupont Circle

 

4. Sweet Circles

 

5. Circle of Ducks

Duck, Duct, TAPE!

 

6. Cucurbita Sundial

It’s 5 o’clock somewhere

 

7. Circles of Relief

Survived a Sleepover with No Fodder for the Blog!

8. Circumference of Pie

Erin’s Aunt makes each kid their own pie for Thanksgiving dinner
Yummy AND sweet!

9. Psychedelic Circles

Cloud Gate aka “The Bean” Chicago, IL

10. Grammatically Questionable Circle

Found on the Christmas Bazaar Baked Goods Table

 

So in the end, we are thankful for being able to find the funny in every day. We are also grateful to Jessica Betke at Jesse’s Spot for making blogging fun and easy this week. We love ecards too and her funny Thanksgiving post made us giggle. Finally, this week and every week, we are also appreciative of Stasha for providing such a fun place to land every Monday.

 

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Bond has the Best One-Liners

Despite the fact that Sean Connery was always trying to distance himself from the role that made him famous, the WORLD is crazy about Bond. So crazy in fact that the 50th anniversary of the release of Doctor No—the world’s first introduction to the cinematic Bond (the literary Bond had already been around for a decade)— warrants mass merry-making on the web and in the real world.

Ellen and Frank saw Skyfall on opening night. If you were so inclined to give Frank the title of “Biggest Fan”, he wouldn’t refuse it.

We are super-happy to make our list of 10 Things Bond, because it’s like having a little Hollywood party of our own. Our husbands are true Bond fans and, to be honest, they practically wrote this list for us. Although Steve and Frank rattled off Bond trivia like Aston Martin Headlight Machine Guns, both agreed that Bond IS his classic one-liners. After this list, we are true believers in the value of  their fan-dom.

Connery claimed that if you removed all of Bond’s “exotic touches” all you had was a “dull, prosaic gentleman.” Why are you hating on your gravy train, Sean? We disagree, Sir Bond Basher! Have you seen Daniel Craig? Bond is sexy, funny, naughty, naughty, naughty. And punny.

Ten Bond Zingers

1. Poor Ian Fleming died of a heart attack a month before Goldfinger was released, so he didn’t get to see his baby on the big screen. We realize that Bond himself did not deliver this line, but it is such a classic that it has to be included. Strapped to a table with a laser perilously closing in, Bond stalls for time, and Goldfinger delivers the iconic retort.

Bond: “Do you expect me to talk?”

Goldfinger: “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.”

2. So much of what makes a Bond one-liner great is that which goes unspoken. Connery’s facial expression during this scene is just as priceless as the banter with the well-endowed Plenty O’Toole.

Plenty: “Hi, I’m plenty.”

Bond: “Of course, you are.”

Plenty: “Plenty O’Toole.”

Bond: “Named after your father perhaps.”

3. Goldfinger was a darn good Bond film. This moment between Honor Blackman and Sean Connery is one of the most classic in the land of Bond-dom. Bond has been drugged by Goldfinger and is emerging from his narcoleptic fog when he sees the lovely Miss Blackman.

Bond: “Well, who are you?”

Pussy: “My name is Pussy Galore.”

Bond: “I must be dreaming.”

4. Poor George Lazenby only got to  suit up as 007 once in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, but he did get to deliver this classic one-liner. As Bond and   his wife Tracy (Surprise! Bond was married! No worries. Only true Bond Dorks know this stuff) were escaping from Blofeld’s henchmen on the slopes, one of the nameless henchmen falls into the snowblower blades and gets fricasseed. As the snowblower sprays his remnants over the landscape, Bond delivers this line.

Bond: “He had lots of guts.”

5. In the final moments of The Spy Who Loved Me, Roger Moore as Bond shares a “moment” with a beautiful Russian spy in an underwater escape pod. The Minister of Defense intrudes upon this intimate moment and Bond gets to deliver this line. That’s one fine way to end a movie.

Defense Minister: “Bond, what are you doing?”

Bond: “Keeping the British end up, sir.”

6. Dr. No is the first Bond film, and it started the craze for all things Bond. This classic car chase scene is one reason. In this scene, Bond is en route to Miss Taro following her invitation when he is ambushed by the Three Blind Mice. Bond’s stellar driving skills are on display as he expertly weaves his way through the Alps and then cruises his Sunbeam Alpine under a construction vehicle as his pursuers plummet to their death. (Girl note here: Recognize this car? Same one Grace Kelly drove in To Catch a Thief. Poor Cary Grant never saw her coming.) The fact that this car chase ends with a classic one-liner takes it to another level.

Construction worker: “Where do you think they were headed?”

Bond: “I think they were on their way to a funeral.”

7. Goldfinger is infinitely quotable. As Bond gets cozy with an agent trying to seduce him, a henchman tries to take him out. Bond pushes him into the full tub. As the henchman reaches for his gun, Bond throws a heating element into the tub and electrocutes him, then delivers this line. Note: Only Bond can make this stuff cool. Do not try this at home.

Bond: “Shocking, positively shocking.”

8. Ursula Andress in the famous “emerging from the water” scene is another reason Dr.No sparked world-wide Bond mania. It also provided a great chance for Bond to deliver another classic.

Ursula: “What are you doing here? Looking for shells?”

Bond: “I’m just looking.”

9. There are certain things true Bond fans know—the names of all his enemies, the cars he drove in all the movies, the Bond Girls—and then there is the stuff the rest of us know. One thing we all know is how Bond takes his favorite drink, the martini. “Shaken, not stirred.” Check out all the different Bonds ordering their favorite drink.

10. In the end, the most classic line, the line that everyone knows, remembers, and tries to duplicate with the same amount of effortless cool is Bond’s introduction itself: “Bond, James Bond.” When Sean Connery delivered this line first in Dr. No, a million fans, a movie franchise, and a style icon was born.

Want some more One-Liners? We have a category for that. Check out our Snorts!

Thanks once again to Stasha for her own brand of effortless cool. In honor of Bond, we might even dub them Her Majesty’s Monday Listicles, but no matter what you call them, they are a great place to read great writers and check out some fun lists.

And thanks to Anja from Cocalores who gave us our topic this week. She has a great blog about crafts, travel, and life. Check her out. Bond fans have to stick together.

Erin and Ellen

Who do you think portrayed Bond best??

 

 

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10 Questionably Amazing Memories

For Monday Listicles, Ducky, the maestro of sass and humor at Batcrap Crazy, suggested “10 Amazing memories from not so long ago.”

Hmmm. When you think amazing, you think of wonderful blessings like rainbows and microbrewed beer. Things that radiate positivity. So, we started making a list of memories and it was long and it was great, BUT it was booooor-ing. And we wanted you to be amazingly entertained. We needed a different angle.

So when all else fails, turn to the dictionary. (Okay, we all know we Googled it, but we like to pretend we’re old school.)

Amazing: adjective – Causing great surprise or wonder; astonishing.

 

So we’re going with memories that evoked surprise, wonder or astonishment retold with our own measure of sass and humor.

Our Version of 10 Amazing Memories

 1. Ellen remembers the time Erin punked her.

We were forming our LLC and I had the paperwork for Erin to sign. We live about 35 minutes apart and our  schedules for that week were so crazy that we were hard pressed to find a time to meet. Erin chimed in that her high schooler’s soccer team was playing my daughter’s school and we could meet at the game. She thought the game was at my school and I told her she was wrong. About 5 different times. In five different ways. She insisted the game was in my neck of the woods. Before I left my house to meet her at my high school, I texted her with “Are you sure the game location is changed?” She replied, “Yep.”

Against my better judgement, I drove to my school and trekked out to the soccer field which is so far removed from the parking lot that I recommend packing a snack and a fully charged cell phone before setting out.  Squinting, I could faintly see kids running around, but as I got closer, I saw ponytails. It was the girls’ soccer team. Practicing.

Whipping my fully charged phone out, my “Where the bleep are you?” was met by her innocent “Where are you?” She thought her “Yep” clarified that the game was indeed at her school. She thought that even though I could not spare 17 minutes to meet her halfway between our houses,  I was suddenly willing to make the 90 minute round trip to her son’s school to collect her signature.   On the I’d-like-to-make-a-voodoo-doll side, at least I got to wait at the school for 40 minutes for my daughter to finish her volleyball practice.  I do not wonder if the rest of what I said was blazed upon her brain forever.

2. Erin remembers a time when she could keep her calendar straight.

So with exhibit A (see above) still fresh in everyone’s memory, I proceeded to punk my husband, Steve, as well. As I set off to the cross country championships with the girl child, I sent Steve to the soccer fields with the four boys and a crappy, erroneous game schedule. Steve pieced together the REAL schedule through luck and ingenuity for 3 of the 4 boys, but there was a victim in this fiasco: the kindergartener who missed his game completely. Never mess with a hyper-verbal kindergartner. Poor Steve not only had to deal with unraveling the cryptic schedule but the fallout from an irate five year old as well. When I saw them hours later, the little one busted through the door and announced,  “Daddy can’t take me to soccer anymore.” Steve gave me the look that long-marrieds recognize as “this one is going on the list”. Yikes!

And no one ever listened to me cite a soccer schedule again. Phase 1 of trying to rid myself of the job of Master Scheduler complete. Mwahaahaahaa.

3. Ellen remembers a time when 25 minutes was not added to each round trip to her kids’ school.

I might not have gotten so peeved about the soccer screw-up if I had not been having time sucked away by the detour to the school. Sucked away like gerbil hair attacked by a Dyson on steroids.

Three days before school began in August, the rinky-dink bridge over the trickling saliva stream of a creek on my road was closed for replacement. That bridge is still closed. I make up to three round trips to that school each weekday and sometimes on Saturdays. I have lost days worth of minutes, People.

Think of the awesome blog posts I could have written! Think of all llamas I could have pinned on Pinterest! Think of all the laundry I could have done! Wait, I’m now thinking of all of the times I could have used this as an excuse.

4. Erin remembers a time when her kids were all in the same school. On the same schedule.

With the same days off. With half the paperwork and emails from administrators. With the same drop-off and pick-up times. <sigh> Those were the days. Talk about a time suck. Love you high school.

5. Ellen remembers a time when she had regular  Friday date nights.

Speaking of loving high school, ALL activities, competitions, dances, parties, and tournaments seem to fall on Fridays. Wait, I’m exaggerating. A gagillion events consume Saturday nights too. Ironically, just when I no longer need a babysitter, my babies’ social calendars override mine.

6. Ellen remembers when she had an appendix and her house was not such a wreck.

My friends, my husband, and my children did an excellent job of keeping our lives running after my surgery, but let’s just say a lot of of things just got pushed to the periphery. And might now be overflowing to the center. A cleaning service would not be turned away.

7. Ellen remembers when she could run.

My appendectomy put a serious hurting on my half marathon training and therefore is putting a serious strain on my waistbands.

8. Ellen remembers when she could fit into this costume.

Yeah, not running is not a good thing. Coco (14) did have to cinch it quite a bit, so maybe I haven’t lost that much ground. Just put on your happy face and nod.

Caution: Only wear costumes you would like to see your daughter wear. Or at the very least add leggings, t-shirts, and boots. Or better yet, just burn them after you wear them. But Super Twix is pretty awesome.

 

9. Ellen remembers when she could find her shoes, jewelry, and make-up.

Coco doesn’t just take my old Halloween costumes.

10. Erin remembers when these pants fit.

I spent Labor Day weekend shopping furiously to piece together some semblance of a work wardrobe for the job I didn’t know I was going to have until three days before school started. All went well and I found a fair number of great pieces including these pants which fit perfectly that day. Now, two months in, they look like this. Some fabulous combo of stress, work, and regular exercise have transpired to create this situation. Or it could be a tapeworm. Either way, I’m not complaining

10% less Erin. 10% more crazy.

 

Amazing right? Check out what other nuggets of amazing are on Monday Listicles this week.

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