Tag Archives: Park Quest

Evil Joy Lurks Below the Surface of The Sisterhood

Alright,we are just gonna lay this out for you: we have a great friendship. We laugh, we hang, and we respect each other. Truly. You have heard us wax poetic about each other here, here, and here. We started this blog together because our parenting styles are so in sync. Hello? Sensible Moms.

But every once in a loooooong while, we just take the slightest, teensiest, most microscopic joy in watching the other one squirm. Most of the time, we are both just one missing shoe away from losing our minds, so watching the other teeter on the precipice provides validation that no one is perfect and we’re all just doing the best that we can to keep the crazy train on the tracks.

Butttttt, it also provides pure, indulgent entertainment. If that makes us slightly evil, we are 100% A-OK with that because we look darn good in black and have been diligently practicing our maniacal laughs.

10 Evil Joys of The Sensible Moms

1. Scanner Bite in the Butt

Erin has been telling Ellen for no less than one year that she is about to hook up her scanner. So far, it has only bitten Ellen and the blog in the arse until last Thursday . . .

Erin: Oh my goodness! This morning, like at 6:45 AM, I found out that Biddie (14) needs a 2 x 3 baby picture of herself for her school’s yearbook and the deadline to email it is TODAY! She was born pre-digital! Ahhhhh! I’m headed over to a friend’s house right now to scan one before the bell rings.

Ellen: Oh, is it inconvenient for you not to have a scanner? I can’t imagine what that feels like. Oh wait, I can.

Erin: Not quite the support I was looking for.

Ellen: How about this? Plug in the blasted USB cord.

2. Throwing Gasoline on Girls’ Night Out

Ellen: Erin gets plenty of flexibility training patting herself on the back for her peacemaking abilities . . . and she really should because she has mad skills. She is the one we turn to all of the time to cool down heated discussions and and to salve hurt feelings. But every once in a while, she loses her ever-loving mind over the most unlikely subjects.

Erin: I’m sorry, but Andy Griffith really is not that great.

Ellen: That’s right, folks. She ground not one, but two soirees to a halt because she could keep silent no more about her loathing for Mr. Griffith.

Source: sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

Erin: Seriously? Do we need to rehash this? We already covered it here and, I might add, we decided that I deserved a sliver of vindication.

Ellen: Take your sliver if it makes you feel better. I’m just over here enjoying the chuckles it still gives me.

3. Keening Over Keens

Ellen: So while we are on the subject of Erin losing her mind over the most unlikely topics . . .

Erin: I’m ready to start spreading the evil joy around to someone else . . .

Ellen: There was this one time, while on our Big Love camping trip, that she wanted to stage a photo with all of the Keen sandals.

Erin: C’mon, it was pretty cool that all 5 moms and all 13 kids had Keens. It was like an advertisement!

Ellen: I am totally with you that it was a great picture . . .

A photo like this just doesn’t happen.

Ellen: But here is what YOU always like to refer to as “the rest of the story.” Seriously, if you want to see behind the curtain of The Sisterhood, you MUST watch this.

Erin: The shoes were not matching up because Biddie(14) wasn’t paying attention when she grabbed her Keens out of the garage and picked up TWO DIFFERENT SIZES. And I had to ask a bajillion times for her to even do that.

Ellen: I still maintain that while she made a blister-inducing bed, she snuggled down in it and NEVER complained once that her shoes weren’t fitting. What more could you want?

Erin: How about owning up to it when I was LOSING MY MIND because it looked like we were missing two shoes because of the mismatched pair?

Ellen: Fine. But what is your excuse for the Christmas tree debacle?

4. Christmas Farm or Funny Farm?

Erin: Oh, Ellen, might have been slightly jealous of my Christmas tree-getting tradition in the past. With its rosy glow of familial harmony, it was practically a Hallmark commercial. But that was all in the past. This year, things got ugly on my end and it was Ellen’s turn to smirk. Apparently, there’s only so much Norman Rockwell to go around.

Ellen: I took my evil joy with a side of fabulous family memories topped with some Beyonce-level awesomeness.

5. Bloggers Dance Meltdown

Erin: Back in May, we played with the gracious, funny Kerry at House Talkn who hosts Blogger’s Dance.

Ellen: Let’s be accurate, I played. YOU were still struggling with some of the more technical aspects of blogging and STILL telling me you were about to hook up your scanner.

Erin: I did try to talk you out of it.

Ellen: That is one of the more helpful things you did because it did set me with a fit.

Erin: You took to the tech-y side of blogging like a Gremlin to water . . .

Ellen: I’m not sure that analogy is complimentary . . .

Erin: So it was with the wee-est, teensiest, most minuscule bit of joy that I watched the video have its way with you.

Ellen: Dude! Part of the problem was that YOU couldn’t get the video off of your camera and I had to construct your part on Paint (I know! Right?) with a photo MARY emailed to me because YOU never sent me one.

Erin: What’s done is done because the end product was so worth every hour spent, tear shed, and drop of alcohol consumed. You can read the original post here. Or just get your boogie on with the video . . .

If this inspired you to get your groove on, there is still time to dance your way into Kerry’s Valentine’s Day link-up.

6. Crock O’ Something

Erin: Whilst Big Lov-ing with some of our Sisterhood friends this summer, I thought I made an interesting discovery while making our awesome Chicken Bar-B-Q. I felt like Erin The Science Gal.

Ellen: Here it comes.

Erin: But to feed the army that was five families camping, we brought two crockpots—Ellen’s with the dark crock and Erin’s with the white crock. Same ingredients. Same time. Same everything. Different results. Hmmmm. Well, the theories started a-flying. I believed the color of the insert made a difference.

Ellen: I think that is a crock of you-know-what (Pun!). The entire Sisterhood, not just me, delighted in the way this knocked Erin off her rocker.

Erin: I may or may not be planning a legit science experiment to prove my point. Stay tuned.

Aww, does this look like a group who would throw down over crockpots?? Why, Yes. Yes, it does!

7. Mother’s Day Madness

Ellen: Nothing can send a woman over the edge faster than her family proclaiming that they will devote an entire day to her and her needs when she knows them better than anyone and knows that ain’t gonna happen—no way, no how.

Erin: Mother’s Day 2012 took Ellen down and hard. I, not yet knowing that Andy Griffith, the Keens, the crockpot, and the tree farm would do me in, delighted in Ellen’s monumental Momma meltdown.

Ellen: Oh, Karma is one sneaky devil, she is.

Ellen, Post-Tasmanian-Devil-Style Flip-Out Over Mother’s Day, her calendar, etc.

8. Travel Team Tantrums

Erin: Having kids on travel teams for soccer for the last few years, I almost choked when Ellen told me Coco (14) was joining a travel volleyball league. And then I laughed. But I swear, it was really more in commiseration. I was laughing with her, not at her.

Ellen: Yeah. To be fair, I did my research and the team had NEVER gone to ANY all weekend tournaments. . . until this year, that is.

Erin: I thought I had told you that Travel Team is code for Gas-Guzzling, Time-Sucking, Money-Grubbing Sports Enterprise.

Ellen: I think you undersold it.

Erin: Well, I think in this case the joke’s on both of us.

9. Will Smith Gets Us But No One Else Does

Ellen: Remember wayyyyy back in the day when the Fresh Prince sang, “Parents just don’t understand”. He felt us. Honestly.

Erin: Our families and friends get that we blog. But let’s just say the majority don’t get why or how and, frankly, really don’t understand it. At all. Which is totally OK. But we do get a little evil joy when one of them says, “Well, maybe I’ll go write a blog too”.

Ellen: To which we say, “Peace out. Rock on.” And then cackle into our magic mirrors.

10. The last evil joy

Erin: I’ll admit that there was this one time I got a little smug about my triumph on the blog. We were skewering a children’s book for Ninja Mom’s Character Assassination Carousel, and we thought it would be better to read it aloud, like a read-along story. After HOURS of working (Read: crying, stomping my feet like a two year old, and throwing back some whiskey sour slushies like they were water), I finally got the audio player on to the post. My first thought? I showed Ellen.

Ellen: And MY first thought was, “Ha! I’m glad that you had a hard time with it, because the tech side of blogging has been sucking my time like a leech.”

And on that note . . .

Click the link to read some other great posts over at Monday Listicles!

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We Are Just Great, Really

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This week on Monday Listicles the wonderful writer behind the Bonny Bard, Mrs. M, challenged us to make a list of “10 Reasons I Am Great.” We have tangoed with this tough-y a couple of times. While we are just fine with self-revelation and self-promotion (we are bloggers after all), we are not particularly comfortable with high-fiving or back-patting ourselves. In the past we have two-stepped around this problem by writing glowing words about each other or by asking our kids what they thought of us.

But this time, we are going to bite the proverbial bullet and play it straight. Or at least straight-ish.

Ten Reasons We Are Great

1. We are sexy beasts.

Caution: You might not be ready for our Hawt-ness

Ellen: Okay, immediately after agreeing that we were just going to say nice things about ourselves, we both went scrambling for an escape hatch. Unbeknownst to each other, we both turned to our husbands and asked them what they thought was fabulous about us.

Erin: They both (separately) came up with some very nice things to say about us that quickly slid into the land of raunch.

Ellen: We did not share these little gems with each other, so don’t even think for a second we are going to share them with you and the interwebz.

Erin: You’re welcome, Children.

Ellen: Mmmmm, we might have negated any gratitude that may have come our way by calling ourselves “Sexy Beasts.”

2. We have great party tricks.

Erin: We are part of a larger circle of friends who all read. A lot. They all seem kind of impressed that I can remember the authors and titles of books that I have read days, months, and even years later.

Ellen: And I can save your life with the uncanny amount of knowledge I retained from medical school.

Erin: You are always going to win with that one. Whatever. I also make a darn good chocolate chip cookie.

3. We are the Yin and Yang for crazy people.

Erin: I attract them like bees to honey. And I am oblivious to their crazy.

Ellen: And I detect them. And tell her to run.

4. We have other Sixth Sense Superpowers.

Ellen: I constantly catch Erin in the shower with my phone calls. Either she is constantly showering so it increases my odds or it is truly a sixth sense.

Erin: I’m just happy she’s not clairvoyant because if she could see me in the shower, well, that would just be awkward.

5. We are DIY powerhouses.

Erin: To be clear, I am a DIY optimist, which is not exactly the same thing. I have great intentions and vision, but you know what they say about the best intentions. . . The example that proves the rule is the time our friend Mary and I decided to make some t-shirts (20 to be exact) for our great camping adventure. Without calling Ellen.

We actually said, “How hard can it be?” before plunging into our ambitious, yet misguided attempt to iron-on an emblem AND numbers AND THEN tie-dye them. Remember what I said about vision? Anyway, despite spending a lot of time and money, we still ended up short on blue dye and half the numbers peeled off. We also spent a lot of time saying, “We should have called Ellen.”

Ellen: And I did this. Do not hold the time frame it took to get it done against me.

6. Photography Junkies

Ellen: I can really more accurately be described as a photograph hoarder. I take pictures by the thousands, but I’m not exactly a superstar at sharing them. It has been over a year since I made a photo book, and I can’t remember the last time I printed a picture. I haven’t even put Halloween pictures up on my Facebook account.

Erin: I am actually pretty enthusiastic about the sharing. I make photo books every year — for myself and for gifts, too. I have even coerced my brothers and sister into creating a calendar every year that has become one of the most anticipated parts of our Christmas festivities.

So it pains me, truly, to say that I have lost my camera bag. Am I hyperventilating? I still have my camera — thank-you-for-small-blessings — but the bag is G-O-N-E. Gone. Thank goodness that all of my closest friends have the same camera and I can borrow their chargers from time to time.

Ellen: This disappearance has stressed me out so much that I have searched my garage 3 times out of fear that I somehow snagged it.

7. We’re still talking to each other.

Erin: Running a blog together can be hard. . .

Ellen: And sometimes we felt like the new kids . . .

Erin: But, overall, it has made us stronger . So far, we are still friends, it’s still fun, and, as Ellen likes to say, people should hire us to figure out that mess in the Middle East. Seriously, we have mad skills in diplomacy.

Ellen: So far . . .

8. We rock mealtimes.

Erin: One day many moons ago we all met at Ellen’s house for an Easter Egg hunt and recipe swap. Ellen is the hostess extraordinaire and she knows how to party. She seriously hid over 400 eggs on her three acre lot. The fabulous upside was that it kept the 20 plus kiddos busy long enough to rock my family’s world. Seriously. I took home a folder full of every other family’s go-to recipes, and suddenly we weren’t rotating the same five meals any more.

Our friend Mary kicked it up a notch when she introduced me to the idea of planning our meals ahead of time. When I went back to work part-time this fall, getting dinner on the table was the one ball I had no trouble still keeping up in the air. I already had a system.

The book that made the magic happen!!

Ellen: And if the crockpot is not your friend, make nice now. Nothing is better than walking into the house after a long day to find your meal ready and waiting. It is a life saver on sports practice nights. I can sense some of you muttering, “But crockpot meals are gross.” Well, take notice because I have a Healthy French Country Crockpot Chicken recipe that will make you a believer.

9. We have a true Sisterhood.

Erin: Ellen and I are the bloggers, but the stories, the friendship, and the adventures we write about are shared with a larger network of women. We travel together, share books and recipes and funny stories, raise our kids together, and basically figure it all out together.

This isn’t everybody, but nobody has brought a camera to book club. . .yet.

Ellen: We said it before, and we really, really mean it. Parenting in isolation is not a good idea. We feel so blessed to have all of the women in our lives who have made this mothering journey easier. They keep us happy, fed, and sane.

Erin: They also keep us honest.

Ellen: And on that note. . .

10. We are not vain.

Photographic evidence. Or maybe we really are sexy beasts. Hmmm. . .

Thanks, Sisterhood, for making sure we have fodder, photographic and otherwise, for the blog. Together with our kids and our husbands, you are a big part of what makes us great.

Another thing that makes us great is our weekly date with Stasha at Monday Listicles. Her link-up is always a great place to start the week. Check it out!

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2012: Bar None

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The Monday Listicles topic for this week is “10 Clues That You Are Living in 2012” courtesy of Anja at Cocalores. However, we are fresh off of a five family Big Love cabin camping trip, so we are leaning slightly in a different direction.

Erin: Slightly is an understatement. We were on a mountain with no television, no internet, and no cellphone. NO BARS, people!! We were out of this century, let alone this year.

Ellen: Instead of tweeting about a moment, we actually had to be in it. I mean if fun happens and you don’t tweet about it, did it ever really happen?

Erin: Melodramatic much? We did have our cameras and between the five women on this trip we have about 4,765 photos memorializing those precious moments.

Ellen: Digital photography was definitely allowed, much to our offsprings’ chagrin. So we weren’t doing it completely old school.

Erin: Close enough. So we are going to spin this Listicle as:

10 Ways We Opted Out of 2012 on Our Summer Vacation

1. We were reduced to antiquated modes of communication.

This is a phone booth with an example of a 20th century version of a conference call. It was like a living history museum display for our kids.

2. But we took it even more primitive.

This is Erin signaling to the others in our group that she had found the trailhead when we were lost in the woods. We call this “How to Signal When You Have No Signal.” The video is intentionally on its side to give it a gritty Blair Witch Project feeling. Orrrrrrr…in Ellen’s haste to capture the moment, she turned her DSLR the wrong way. Either way you look at it, it’s funny.

3. We went without GPS.

We only got slightly lost, but Erin saved the day. (See above. If you haven't clicked on that 10 second video, do it now. Now, we said!)

4. Our kids had to whittle their own toys. (Okay, it might look more like a weapon, but no squirrels, let alone children were harmed.)

Don't worry about these boys using knives to whittle. They are card carrying Boy Scouts!

5. We had Chicken Fights. (I swear we are not a violent people.)

Yeah, these sort of things are usually safer in water.

Speaking of water…

6. We canoed.

Erin is a professional at assigning canoe teams. It's her Super Power.

7. We played in waterfalls.

Another totally safe activity.

Then we had more dry land fun…

8. We recreated our own Scooby Doo Cartoons.

Rut-Row Raggy.

9. We learned about nature without tuning into the Animal Planet.

Okay, the owl did not sign a release form to be in this picture. Be a pal and don't turn us in.

10. We had one-on-one time with our kids.

Why, yes, Erin does talk with her hands.

BONUS: We recapped our day around the campfire instead of on Twitter or Facebook.

So if homemade bows and arrows, waterfalls, slippery rocks, and chicken fights in parking lots was not dangerous enough, we added fire.

And the answer to the question, “If your friend jumped off of a cliff, would you follow?” is…

YES!!!

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Park Quest and 1000 Dollars

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It’s time for our annual Big Love adventure! Five mommas and 14 kids need some serious supplies for a “camping” (quotes because we’re staying in a state park conference center) “vacation” (quotes because this is a family trip, NOT a vacation). We thought for giggles, we would give ourselves a $1000 limit.

Shopping List for Big Love Park Quest

1. Food

You go through a lot of marhmallows when your toasters are this good.

We’re feeding a small army, people! And when we don’t plan properly our wallets and our arses get bitten.

There was the time we thought we planned, but the Pizza Hut Erin meticulously mapped out for us to stop at was closed. We’re not talking we arrived after business hours; we’re talking the windows were boarded up and the letters were pried off the roof. Friendly’s made their sales quota on us that day.

Then there was the time Erin told us there would be a place to get chicken on the way home from the beach (you guessed it, it was closed, but only regular closed) and Ellen spent an hour driving around looking for food. It was like a Christmas Miracle when she found the McDonald’s in the middle of NOWHERE. If only she had a star or GPS to follow that day. $80 later, the hysterically hungry troops were fed. With greasy crap. Oy.

And yes, we’re starting to realize Erin might have a wee bit o’ the Pied Piper in her soul.

2. Hydration

6 x $17.99 = $107.94 spent to protect Mother Earth. Yes, we will accept that Nobel Prize now.

We keep trying to find an economical and earth friendly way to keep us all hydrated. Drinking the tap water: bleh! Cases of bottled water: fail!

This year we are bringing big jugs of water and reusable water bottles. While this is going to be earth friendlier, we’re not sure about cheaper. Erin spent $17.99 on indestructible stainless steel bottles for her and her five kids.

As Erin’s husband Steve quipped, “Lost trumps indestructible.” We’ll see how this goes.

3. Sunscreen

Imagine it!

We are serious about protecting our babies from melanoma and that shizz is expensive. It might be cheaper to rent cabana boys to carry umbrellas over our heads. And sexier.

4. Mosquito Repellent

When skeeters are this big…

My favorite is O-

..this only makes ’em proclaim, “You taste Skintastic!”

Like icing on a cake. A blood filled cake. Ellen just didn’t know.

So since Agent Orange is illegal…

That’s 40% DEET MoFos!

Not Erin’s kit, but close. What’s up with the whisk, though? In case you want to whip up a souffle while waiting for the paramedics?

5. Band-Aids

You just can’t prevent the boo-boos. One year, Erin assured us that she had first aid covered because her son had made a mega kit in Boy Scouts.

So upon the first whimper about the first blister, she whipped out her suitcase of a kit, her eyes shining brightly with pride. If Ellen had needed to set a broken bone, the tools were there, but NOT ONE FREAKIN” BAND-AID was to be found! Apparently, her family had pilfered the bandages out without replacing them. Boy Scout no-no.

Her son limped away with the plaster cast Ellen fashioned, but we ALL buy Band-Aids now. And yes, Erin’s Pied Piper-ness is not lost on us. Again.

Gas to get to Dick’s: $8.00 Three pairs of adult sized Keens: $239.97 Comfy feet: Priceless

6. Keens

With the blisters comes the knowledge that cheap footwear is well, cheap. We have even tried not so cheap alternatives from Land’s End, but Ellen ended up with inflamed plantar fasciitis. So Ellen was thrilled when Laura called to tell her Keens were on sale for $30 at Dick’s Sporting Goods.

Yeaaaaah, that was for children’s sizes and Ellen sadly learned that even her youngest wears a women’s size now. Mastercard loves her.

7. Kayaking Outfits

Okay, so maybe “kayaking outfits” makes us sound as authentic as Project Runway contestants hitting the Great Outdoors, but it’s a joke stemming from the teasing lavished on Ellen when she showed up in her cute little kayaking clothes. But she knew proper performance clothes meant she’d still be happy at the end of the day. Everyone laughed and made merry, but Ellen had the last laugh 7 hours later when she was the only one to dodge the chafing and diaper rash bullet. She ended up sitting pretty. Get it?

Dry in 15 minutes.

Begging for Desitin 7 hours later

8. SD cards

We know, we know, you can reuse them, but we take a lot of pictures. Erin, Mary, and Laura are fabulous at managing their photos.

But Ellen and Vickie? Not so much. We have been tripped up driving all over hell and creation looking for SD cards. So we stock up.

We’re not asking for donations, so stop judging. We mean it.

9. Gasquest

Not that kind of gas. The term for that is “Fartquest” as coined by Mary’s family, fueled by salsa and chips. We’re talking about what makes our mini-van regatta go vroom. Maryland is no Texas in terms of square footage, but we’re traveling from the top of the Chesapeake Bay to the bottom. Not. Cheap.

Alright, we’re PROBABLY drinking box wine out of plastic cups. Shut up.

10. Alcohol

If you’ve read the rest of this list, you know we need something to boost the Sisterhood’s mood after a day of mayhem. We’re only human.

Editor’s Note: We removed most of the actual prices when we realized we busted the $1000 budget. We hereby declare our list “Things we WISH only cost $1000.”

What’s that you hear? That’s the sound of us weeping because we realized we could have funded a kick-ass girls’ weekend in New Orleans for what we spent on this trip. But then again, figure in the babysitting and we might have hit bankruptcy. Plus you really can’t put a price on memories. Humor us.

– Ellen and Erin

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Big Love: Sisterhood Style

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This week we are hosting a little Sisterhood Storytime. You might want to pull up a comfy chair, a cozy blanket, and a box of wine. . .

Once upon a time, Erin’s parents left town to visit her brother in California. Thinking that their daughter was married with 5 kids and living two hours away, they did not feel the need to take away her key or inform her that she shouldn’t be planning any big parties while they were away. Big mistake.

Erin addressed The Sisterhood, “Hey, I have got a this-shit-is-gold kind of idea. My parents are leaving their house open for a week at the end of June, who wants to come?”

Sister Love! ( Mary made us do this.)

Every hand shot up. The Sisterhood does like to party.

“Oh, and we’re bringing kids AND we are going hiking AND I signed us up for this thing called Parkquest so we will not only be hiking, but hiking with a goal and a purpose.”

Only 4 hands remained—Vickie, Laura, Mary, and Ellen—and it all began.

“What is this madness?” you ask.

It’s Parkquest! Maryland State Parks runs this program where families form teams and can participate in “quests” free of charge at participating parks. Quests can involve hiking, biking, kayaking, canoeing, horseback riding, etc. If you can do it outside, it’s probably on a Parkquest. Each team gets a passport that you present to the ranger for a coveted stamp to verify you completed the quest. Teams who complete 10 quests get to go to the Grand Finale where you compete some more and have the chance to win prizes.

“How do I sign up??” you ask without any trace of irony.

This jamboree of family fun is in its fifth year, and 1000 families closed out the registration in 2 hours time. The spaces are all filled.

“That’s madness!” you say.

We know! But we have upped the crazy factor by 1000% by doing Parkquest The Sisterhood Way. We even have a name: Big Love. And t-shirts too, but that’s a whole other story . Ellen was not involved and Erin sucks at crafts—the results were less than perfect.

So back to the story. Try to stop interrupting. Big Love began when we descended on Erin’s parents’ house in Western Maryland 4 years ago.

“Wait, isn’t Big Love the show about polygamy?” you sputter.

You’ll keep listening to the story now, won’t you? But anyway, four moms and 14 kids shoehorned into the four bedroom home like possums in a hollow log. Somehow Ellen got a bed to herself, so all was right with the world. We really do love her and gave her a break because she had flown in from Costa Rica the night before and was operating on four hours of sleep.

The next morning we fed the troops army mess hall style and departed on the first quest. Even we had enough sense to be nervous. For the love of Mother Nature, we were taking 14 kids ranging in age from 2 to 15 out into the Wilderness.

Would you take these babies to the top of a mountain??

Everything went off just fine. Except for Ellen getting lost. And the poisonous copperhead snake.

“WTF!” you say.

No worries from the snake. If you don’t bother them, they don’t bother you. We’re not sure this is true all of the time, but we’re sure glad it was true that day.

The worst outcome from the whole experience was the grudge Ellen’s daughter Jellybean now holds against her for getting them lost in the woods. That ax is still grinding even though Ellen has outfitted herself with a compass and snake bite kit from Walmart. FYI– Walmart also has bear whistles.

“Good to know,” you mutter as you make a mental note to never go into the woods with Ellen and Erin.

Depiction is not accurate. Not enough cats. Not enough chaos.

Because this first “successful” quest left us relatively unscathed, we were emboldened. We put on our sassy pants (Aisle 3, Walmart), picked up our lassoes, and herded the cats to the next quest. We even drew more people into our rodeo as Erin’s brother, Brian, and his son joined the stampede.

So we loaded ’em up and hauled them to the top of Mount Washington State Park. We were in the parking lot trying to get everyone fed and organized. Going back to the cat analogy, there were kids everywhere and we were quite the spectacle. We grabbed the attention of a very elderly (and not in a sweet way) man.

“Creepers,” you say.

We know. Unwanted conversation ensued with Ellen. He should have picked Erin—Ellen doesn’t talk to strangers. Erin can’t help but talk to strangers.

And now if Ellen could go back in time, she would waste her trip on this moment so she could deliver this line—“Yes, we are sister wives, and that is our man. If you wait real patient like, the camera crews will be along in about 10 minutes.”

But it didn’t matter anyway, because Big Love was born and we loved the idea so much, we. . .

Wrote it on our cars!

And ironed it on our t-shirts! (Note from Ellen-Without reading the directions!)

And agreed to do it again and again and again. Sister wives are we! You can peruse more of our memories and photos here.

We have even added a Big Love Big Daddy Style trip where we get the hubbies involved. Curious?

-Ellen and Erin

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Mayhem, Mishaps, and Monkey Business—Our Summer Memories

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This list of summer memories is a teaser of sorts for our Sisterhood Parkquest camping madness. No idea what we are talking about? You will. All in good time.

Erin: Now, you can sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the highlights from our shared vacations.

Ellen: I want it known that vacation is in air quotes. Big time. Vacation equals luxury to me. But you know what isn’t in air quotes? Fun! Good ol’ fashion family fun.

Erin: Remember George of the Jungle?? His tagline was “every day is a new adventure full of mayhem, mishaps, and monkey business.” George might as well be our mascot, because he is certainly with us in spirit on some of our adventures. Enjoy our memories and “Watch out for that tree!”

1. The Best Laid Plans

Erin: When we travel, my role tends to be Planner. Here’s a little excerpt from Day 1 last year: “12pm—Arrival. Hugs, High Fives, and Organizational Stuff”. Who gets a little mad with power? This girl! Oy!

Ellen: Who the heck writes out “Hugs’!?!

Erin: Anyway, despite such stellar planning, after a solid day of outdoor fun, we wound up with our sizable and famished crew at a closed Pizza Hut. I was in such shock that I had so completely screwed this up (Damn Google foiled me again!) that I was in denial.

“Maybe they are just remodeling.”

The Sisterhood: Raised eyebrows.

Imagine a Pizza Hut with no sign and no power. Sure. They’re just remodeling.

Check out the ghost of the Pizza Hut letters and the boarded up windows.

2. Skeeters!

Erin: One of our favorite places to take our crew is Janes Island near Crisfield, MD. We love to kayak through the salt marshes, watch the sun set over the water, and check out the local wildlife. Every memory from Janes Island is a keeper which is good, because there is one small drawback of this seemingly idyllic place—the mosquitoes.

Ellen: They are big, they are blood-thirsty, and they maniacally laugh at herbal repellant. We have been stock piling Deep Woods DEET for this year’s trip like it’s booze and the husbands are giving us a weekend off. Now maybe we can toast some marshmallows without getting eaten alive.

The pretty shot before Kid B smacks Kid A on the butt to kill the skeeter. With an oar.

3. LOST!

Ellen Victorious!!

Erin: It’s a testimony to our deep bond that we all bounced back from this one and kept vacationing, not just that day but for years afterward.

Ellen: Our very first outing of our very first day of our very first vacation, I get lost on Gambrill Mountain with a gaggle of kids. I’m not just “Hey, I went left instead of right” lost, I’m “Oh, crap, are we going to make it out before dark?” lost.

Erin: Obviously, it all ended up fine. Ellen always bounces back. She’s our Bear Grylls with infinitely better hair and wardrobe.

4. “No Trace Left Behind” Fail

Erin: We all know that one of the major tenets of communing with nature is to leave it as you found it. Pack it in, pack it out, and all that. Apparently, my Eddie didn’t get the memo. Two years ago, as we were potty-training, Eddie pulled his pants down and did his number 2 business right there on the beach. There was no warning. No time to intervene. But there were witnesses. Oh, yes, there were. Everywhere.

Ellen: My kids brought this one up for a year when dinner conversations were getting a little slow—just for the easy laugh.

5. “It’s All Fun and Games”

Doesn’t this look fun?

Erin: Last year, we ended up in Western Maryland at one of my favorite state parks, Swallow Falls. We had one of those picture perfect days with kids and adults having an absolutely wonderful time jumping off the rocks and playing behind the waterfalls.

Doesn’t this look dangerous?

Ellen: It was all fun and games until one of the boys slipped on a rock and cut his chin open to the tune of a hospital trip and some stitches. Still a favorite memory though.

Erin: We’re badass like that.

6. “I Knew That Was A Bad Idea”

Erin: This is a direct quote from Ellen’s daughter, Coco (11), who was my canoe mate. You know how you would yell at your kid if she pulled out her cellphone while canoeing on some of the murkiest water ever? Well someone should have yelled at me, because I whipped mine out then promptly lost it in the Pocomoke River. Sniff. Sniff.

Ellen: This quote proves Coco actually listens to me. And extra bonus tact points to my girl for waiting until we were back on shore and for only saying it to her momma.

We don’t always hike in the rain, but when we do, we prefer to look like the Unibomber

7. Momma Knows Best

Erin: So you may not have noticed, but sometimes things don’t go as planned. Our trip to Deep Creek Lake was no exception. The weather punked us and ruined our beach day. But we rallied and decided to complete the quest anyway. This was the Murphy’s Law of quests—everything that could go wrong did and spectacularly so.

Ellen: Three different GPS failed us. We Moms finally said, “Screw it, we have been here before,” ditched the technology, and followed the path from memory. In addition to helping us complete the quest, our chutzpah gave us this great photo op. Don’t you wish you had a picture of you with your best buds in a bear trap?

Unicorns are real. They have mad dance skills. And why yes, they do fart glitter.

8. American Idol, Here We Come!!

Erin: Coming from such shrinking violets as Ellen and myself, you might find it hard to believe, but our kids are major hambones and total goofballs. When we vacation, in addition to all the outdoorsy adventure type stuff, the kids also LOVE to put on a talent show for us. Not everyone can say they watch pink unicorns dancing on their vacation.

Ellen: Who needs a cabana boy?

9. Snake Charming 101

Erin: During one hike on Gambrill Mountain, we were cruising along on a hike. There was no whining or complaining. It was as perfect a hike as you can dream up with kids until one of the kids nearly stepped on the copperhead snake on our path. I still shudder at this memory, but no kids were lost in the making of it. Oh, the good times!!

Ellen: And now I carry a snake bite kit. From Walmart.

10. Troublemaker

Ellen: We were stuck outside the Pocomoke Nature Canter waiting for a storm to pass.

Erin: Are you seeing a trend?

Ellen: The Nature Center wasn’t open, but we couldn’t start hiking or kayaking yet, so we were kind of in limbo—such a fun place to be with a bunch of kids. Our buddy Vickie turned on some music and started blasting it from her car.

Erin: This song came on and all of the kids started dancing in the parking lot. They can find fun anywhere, and that’s what makes it all worthwhile.

This song should probably be our anthem, and I should have added it to this list for sure.