Tag Archives: Pintershizz

Catcrap Crazy Pintershizz

What is it about cats that makes them synonymous with crazy? Is it their aloofness or their murderous tendencies? Is it merely because of the alliteration? The term “Crazy Cat Lady” rolls off the tongue while “Crazy Dog Woman” or “Crazy Gerbil Guy” aren’t even things. Well, the gerbil guy may be a thing, but we’re too afraid to Google it.

We’ve had our own run-ins with cat craziness. Heck, Erin can’t even keep the cats in her house straight. She had an imposter living with her for a while. Wait, does that qualify her as a Crazy Cat Lady or just crazy?

Either way, that story is not as crazy as some of the cat inspired items you can find on our pal Pinterest.

1. Let’s start with the cat crap.

We know people live in small spaces and want to hide the litter box, but this is how we see this one playing out . . .

Imagine a Norman Rockwell perfect holiday. Everyone has feasted and now the family has settled down to play Scrabble, but wait, there is a dispute over the word “scurrilities.” You, the host, jauntily proclaim, ” I cry foul! Spellcheck doesn’t even recognize . . . FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, AUNT LINDA, THERE IS NO DICTIONARY IN THAT CABINET! Put on your glasses!”

Source: betweennapsontheporch.net via Sisterhood on Pinterest

2. You need a sharp pencil to keep score.

After almost grabbing a handful of litter box party favors, imagine the hoot Aunt Linda will get when you send her to sharpen her pencil in this gem.

Source: fab.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

3. Tastefulness is key when decorating.

No one likes potty humor? Tell that to the whoopie cushion industry, but we can’t guarantee Aunt Linda will understand.

Source: consequentlyslapdash.blogspot.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

4. Continuing with the “Steal Your Soul” sub-theme.

Any ol’ (crazy) person can decorate in a cat theme, but it is the true genius who weaves a subtle sub-theme, drawing you in with its complexity. What would go better with the above demonic cat toilet seat than a Stepford Cat toilet brush holder?

Source: staringdown40.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

5. Taking it to the next level.

Anybody with money ~~to burn~~ can buy cat themed items, but those dedicated to their decorating make their own accessories USING CAT HAIR. Imagine the chuckles “Allergic to Cats Aunt Linda” will enjoy when you tell her, “Sure I have Benadryl. It must be hard to see with your eyes swelling up like that, but it’s in the little box on the back of the toilet.” Wink, wink.

Source: etsy.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

(If you need a laugh today, please click on this pin to see the Etsy store for this!)

6. Maybe you should issue a warning.

If you had this doormat, maybe everyone wouldn’t be buggin’ that Aunt Linda’s trip to the ER was all your fault. Were you really to blame that she forgot her EpiPen?

Source: perpetualkid.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

7. Take your show on the road.

Maybe the problem is you’ve been hiding your light under a bushel basket. Let the world know you love cats and tell the haters to stop their wheezin’. This accessory would pump up the “Meow Factor” of any outfit.

Source: pbase.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

8. Hold the phone!

The secret is it’s fake! But imagine the conversations you could start with this purse! You might even get your very own personal phone call from Sarah McLachlan.

Source: lovelyish.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

9. When subtle isn’t enough.

May we suggest the Crazy Cat Lady uniform?

Source: tumblr.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

10. We feel like that outfit is missing something.

Fill in your own jokes, but don’t write them in the comments. Our kids read this blog.

Source: romwe.polyvore.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

Finally, Aunt Linda’s Revenge . . .

This is the only gift she’ll be giving you next year.

Source: ooh-shiny.net via Sisterhood on Pinterest

-Ellen and Erin

Laugh at the whole Pintershizz series here.

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Pintershit: The Nail Polish Edition

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Today’s Pinterest rant is targeting nails. Full disclosure–I’m not a big fan of painting my nails. It’s not because I’m not girly or I don’t think it’s pretty. It’s just I’m a perfectionist and I can’t stand smudges or chips and my life is a smudge and chip inducing maelstrom.

Let’s talk about those smudges. The moment I become incapacitated in any way– say, my butt hits a toilet seat, my hair drips with shampoo, or my nails are freshly lacquered–a tremor in the biosphere occurs triggering an explosion of “MOM!!!!” Can’t let wet nails prevent me from saving the day.

But I’m a resourceful gal, let’s say I sneak under the radar and manage to vamp up my nails. What’s the point of all of that effort when my maelstrom of a life hasn’t changed? A manicure doesn’t stand a chance against my to-do list of mulching the flower beds and scraping the black gunk from around the kitchen faucet. Contrary to urban legends, I use my hands for more than clicking the remote and popping bon bons.

Soooooo, just don’t paint my nails and the frustration is gone, right? WRONG! I have daughters. Daughters who are 12 and 14. Every time I call to them for assistance there is some kind of nail polishing going on. Hmm, maybe I’m THEIR tremor in the biosphere.

Me: I need these clothes folded.

Jellybean: I’m finishing the topcoat on my nails.

Me: The dishwasher needs to be unloaded.

Coco: Oooo, sorry, I just started painting my nails.

Me: The trash needs to be taken out.

Jellybean: I’m painting Coco’s nails. With stencils!

Me: Seriously, you need to clean the toilets.

Them: We’re simultaneously painting each other’s nails.

Me: I give up. I’m going to Target.

Them: Can you pick us up some base coat?

So what’s the problem? Nails dry and they can carry on. Well, the problem is Pinterest. Once again Pinterest has upped the ante.

Source: memebase.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

You can’t just slap on a coat of polish and call it a day. Oh no! There must be designs and glitter and themes. Painting nails takes eleventy forevers plus two hours. My girls get to their tasks eventually, but not on my time schedule. You know that an unloaded dryer or dishwasher is the equivalent of a jackknifed tractor trailer on the chore highway. Nothing is moving along or getting done until they are cleared.

Now my heart is not made of acrylic. They do have some pretty cute results.

Free hand zebra stripes–the Sistine Chapel of nails . . . except they take longer.

But Pinterest won’t just stop at time consuming. As always, it crosses from “Wow!” to “What the Heck?” to Pintershit in the blink of an eye.

1. Ok, THESE are the Sistine Chapel of Nails.

Who has time for this? The intricacy makes my head spin.

Source: the-crumpet.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

2. And these are the Van Gogh of Nails.

Get this woman an easel and some pastels. Talent like this should not be wasted on an art medium that is going to get wrecked the moment she has to do something major . . . like actually participate in life. Doors don’t open themselves, People. Well, unless they are automatic . . . or revolving.

Source: the-crumpet.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

3. WTF are up with these?

At least the above two examples are attractive. An utter waste of time, but attractive. These are just weird. I’m torn between two interpretations–the abstract representation of my dreams swirling out of my grasp as time marches on and choices become narrowed OR bird poop sliding down a window.

Source: thecrumpet.blogspot.co.uk via Sisterhood on Pinterest

4. I think I wasted a WTF on number 3.

These are fuzzy. FUZ-ZY. I guess they would come in handy for a chronic nose picker during hay fever season. You know, because they’re extra absorbent.

Source: refinery29.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

5. Paying homage to my Savior on your nails?

Okay, that might be okay, but WHAT is that creature next to the baby (alien) Jesus? Is it a sheep? A pig? Chupacabra?

Source: thecrumpet.blogspot.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

6. “I know what we’re gonna do today.”

Waste some time on some cartoon nails! Maybe these Phineas and Ferb nails should go a little deeper undercover; although I have to admit Perry is looking kind of sharp.

Source: polishartaddiction.blogspot.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

7. Let the games begin!

Oh I’m not talking about Tetris. The only game she’ll be playing is “Find the piece of mommy’s bizarre nail in the macaroni and cheese.”

Source: iwastesomuchtime.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

8. Nails, lips, and a meme!

Extra bonus points for the nails matching the lips. That paint doesn’t look toxic. at. all. Speaking of toxic, have I been sniffing too much polish remover or does her bottom lip look like Grumpy Cat?

Source: naildesignsphotos.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

Source: uproxx.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

9. Art?

I’m assuming this is art, but I’m wishing it wasn’t. I’d be pretty careful wiping if you know what I mean.

Source: flickr.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

10. I am not alone.

Robyn from Hollow Tree Ventures writes for the hilarious site Craft Fail. She shared an attempt that our friend Anna of Random Handprints made at copying a Matzoh Manicure. She eventually nailed it, but this try might be more mange than matzoh.

Source: craftfail.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

Oh Pinterest, you know we love you, but sometimes you lead us astray.

-Ellen-

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March Through the Pintershit of Ugly Sweaters

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Oh, how we are ready for the heart of Spring because March is a two-faced mean girl who tricks you into wearing a Wookiee costume to prom. You begin your Saturday at the soccer field in your Under Armour fighting the 30 degree chill, only to be stripping down in the minivan by 3 PM because the 65 degree sun is simmering you in your own juices. This would be a very appropriate time to pray that the tinted windows are really all that and a bag of chips.

We’re more than ready to put away the woolies for another year. Packing for a day out looks like a time warp trip between the ski lodge and the Caribbean. The bonus? The added wardrobe changes feed the laundry beast to Kraken-sized insanity.

But truly, you can only get so down because the REAL Spring is right around the corner. To pass the time before we can pack our winter garb away in our cedar chests for another season, we found some sweaters on Pinterest that deserve to be packed away forever . . . at the bottom of the landfill.

9 Pintershit Sweaters and a Bonus

1. Because an ugly sweater post should start by paying homage to the King of Ugly Sweaters.

Remember Bill Cosby as Dr. Huxtable? If not, do not speak of it. Just click the link and educate yourself – NOW! The CLIFF notes version? He wore sweaters that prompted viewers everywhere to wonder if there was something wrong with their televisions.

Source: collectorsweekly.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

Cats really deserve their own genre of ugly sweaters.

2. There’s the sweet kitties swirling in a galaxy of rainbow roses.

You do remember this trend? It was right before the rainbow sweaters and ribbon barrettes and right after everyone lost their ever-lovin’ minds.

Source: google.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

3. Nothing says “rawrrrr” like a cat dressed like a Catholic school girl.

So many levels of wrong.

Source: 28.media.tumblr.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

4. When you really want to convey you’re crazy about cats.

WARNING: Side effects will include riding the elevator alone and hearing “Crazy Cat Lady” whispered in your wake. May also induce vomiting.

Source: mrgugumissgo.bigcartel.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

5. Be the cat toy.

When your love for cats is so strong you want to show your adoration to them and the world, dress yourself as a giant cat toy. Just remember to wear that Kevlar bra. Cat Scratch Fever is no joke.

Source: thecampuscompanion.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

6. When you need a hug, this sweater is there for you.

This will get you the attention you crave. It’s like walking around with your own personal motorboatin’ kitty.

Source: minxe.tumblr.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

But we can’t let cats have all of the fun. . .

7. Pigs!

We’re bringing sexy back! This sweater features pigs rooting around in filth and feces! You can almost smell the seduction! As if that weren’t enough, there are little piggy tails to highlight your jowls! On second thought, forget sexy, this is birth control.

Source: streetfashionbudapest.hu via Sisterhood on Pinterest

8. Let me hear you scream!

If like any reasonable adult, you feed off of the screams and terror of little children, then this sweater should be put in your quick rotation now.

Source: sexy-sweaters.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

9. Sometimes you feel like chicken.

When you want KFC and you know it, don’t be afraid to show it!

Source: 26.media.tumblr.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

10. What would an edition of Pintershit be without that final WTF?

Source: drchopsuey.blogspot.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

There’s More Where This Came From!

Pintershit Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Click to read more in the Pintershit series!

– Ellen and Erin

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Facebook Follow-Up Friday #3

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Because Facebook doesn’t show all of our followers all of the awesomeness all of the time we have . . .

And Then What Happened:

When you ask a question, be prepared for a million answers. It was just a simple question, really. Well, the responses came flooding in like a commode that’s been crammed with toilet paper, Legos, and Matchbox cars by a wayward potty training toddler. To see all of the responses just click the picture.

Recipe We Shared:

Black Bean Soup

Let us all have a moment of silence for another one of Erin’s blenders. She wore it out making yet another pot of this awesome soup. Perfect for this time of year.

Ecard People Loved:

Posts to Catch Up On:

Walking the Road Together: What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say

A break from our usual fare but definitely worth a read. Erin writes about two little boys and how they helped each other through a fire that destroyed a home in her neighborhood.

Pintershit: Buyer Be Dumb

The next edition in our Pintershit series. Crazy things people will buy, including these two Sensible Moms.

Mom Brain is Forever

You may think you are almost past Mom Brain when you get that baby to sleep through the night, but we have news for you: It. Never. Ends. The upside? The radius of destruction starts to stretch farther than the waistband of those maternity jeans you dumped off at Goodwill. Oh wait, that’s not good either.

Funny Photo:

‘Cause squirrels are funny, yo.

Just Because . . .

Erin loves Downton Abbey. And this is so, so funny.

Any of this look good to you? Head on over to our Facebook Page and see what’s going on right now!

And this may be crossing the streams, but guess who has been tapped as being Pinteresting?

Is it really taking you that long to guess?

It’s us!

Click the badge to be whisked away to a Pinterest board filled with some on the best, most entertaining writing on the Internet.

Be whisked!

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Pintershizz: Buyer Be Dumb

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Shopping can be fun, boring, necessary . . . or it can be frivolous. Let’s face it; it’s really the buying that gets us into trouble. Most of the time we are Sensible, but every once in awhile, there is that purchase that just makes us shake our heads and say,”What in the name of all that is rational were we thinking?”

Erin: We’re not talking about an impractical splurge like this:

Source: mylusciouslife.com via myLusciousLife on Pinterest

Ellen: Yeah, these are ridiculously pricey, don’t really rock out with yoga pants, and would inflame my plantar fasciitis, but at least they can be hidden in a closet.

Erin: These shoes are so expensive I would probably have to display them on my mantle for the next decade and call them art to justify delving into the college funds for them. On second thought, my youngest is five, and they probably won’t even be using books by the time he goes.

Ellen: It’s really cute we’re talking about these shoes as a hypothetical bad purchase when I have THIS actually in my house:

We like to call it The Monster Bed: Where blankets and stuffed animals come to party.

Erin: That is one big, fabulous bed. I’m not seeing the problem.

Ellen: I feel like I should size the picture so that it spills over into the margins. You know, so that you get a visceral feel for how massive The Monster Bed really feels in my daughter Jellybean’s (12) room. This is as much of the bed as I could get in the frame because, as it was, my back was pressed against the wall.

Erin: But she LOVES that bed.

Ellen: But at some point she is going to move out and then we are stuck. It can’t be a guest bed, because getting into that thing as an adult is AWKWARD. The way the steps are arranged makes you have to hunch over and crawl up there like a hobbit. Grandma could never make it up there.

And it weighs a gazillion pounds. She wants her room repainted, but this bed can’t be moved. We are actually just going to paint around it. That makes me shudder.

Erin: If you squint your eyes, that idea might actually pass for Sensible. It would be easier just to deal with the wonky paint job when you finally get that thing outta there by taking a sledgehammer to it and throwing it out the window. Remind me again why you bought it?

Ellen: Well, mainly because Jellybean needed a bed since we had whisked her daybed down to the newly finished basement, but really because she fell in LOVE with it. I justified the purchase because of the storage possibilities.

Erin: Jellybean is a good girl, she deserved it. Those drawers are fabulous.

Ellen: It can’t be justified. This is what we use them for:

Where candy goes to rot. She doesn’t so much like to EAT the candy as to HAVE the candy.

Erin: You know what would make you feel better? A good ol’ round of Pintershizz. There are much dumber things to buy for the home than Monster Beds that bring your children joy.

Laugh at the whole Pintershizz series here.

9 Things Pintershizz That Put Your Insensibility On Display

(Working Title in Japan: How to Have Fun With Grandma)

1. Actually Have Your Children Swinging From the Ceiling

Ellen: Really!?! That’s my basement.

Erin: I just thought it would be helpful to point out The Monster Bed was not alone in your house.

Ellen: Weird. Helpful is not the word that came to mind.

Source: Uploaded by user via Sisterhood on Pinterest

2. Chairs That Look Like Something the Cat Coughed Up

Erin: Okay, all poking at you aside, how about this one?

Ellen: Now that is Pintershizz! I wonder if you need a distemper shot to sit in it.

Source: yankodesign.com via JonPaul on Pinterest

3. Chairs That Force You to Use the Words “Phallic Symbol”

Erin: Here, Grandma, we saved a special seat just for you!

Ellen: Gives a new dimension to awkward family moments.

Source: yankodesign.com via Karen on Pinterest

4. Fridge of the Future

Erin: You just place your food in the gel to keep it cold. How could this not be a fabulous addition to a household with kids?

Ellen: I’m going to start working on the baby proofing for this now! We’ll be rich!

Source: yankodesign.com via Mary on Pinterest

5. The Bathmat That’s Bringing The Feel of Outdoor Plumbing Back

Ellen: A bathmat for those of us who don’t have enough dirt, mold, and mildew in our bathrooms already.

Erin: Super duper shiny bright side? It can double as a litter box.

Source: yankodesign.com via Jamie on Pinterest

6. Because It’s Easiest to Find Pintershizz in the Bathroom

Erin: Yep, this toilet seat scale weighs you “Before” and “After.”

Ellen: Gives scientific quantification to the term “Dropping a load.” Yet another thing for Grandma to enjoy at your house.

Source: yankodesign.com via Sara on Pinterest

7. When You Want Agility to Be the Gauge for Who Can Use Your Facilities

Ellen: Grandma would be s*** out of luck with this rodeo toilet.

Erin: Waa waa.

Source: jwz.org via Sisterhood on Pinterest

8. For the Animal Lover/Contagion Fan

Ellen: Have you ever wanted to pretend you worked in a Biohazard lab while washing your dog? Want no more!

Erin: I’m sure you could use it with kids too. Nothing wrong with wrapping your kids in plastic while lovingly bathing them.

Ellen: Plus picture this curtain WITHOUT someone’s arms in it. Opens up the opportunity to explain to Grandma why your shower curtain looks like a giant tandem prophylactic.

Source: solutions.com via RaVae on Pinterest

9. One of These Pins is Not Like the Other

Ellen: We’ve had a good time presenting home products, but sometimes you have to twist the theme to accomplish a goal: like poking fun at your blogging buddy. We began this post at my expense, but we’re ending it at Erin’s.

Erin: You do know I’m right here? What are you talking about?

Ellen: I’m referring to when you asked me where to get a laser pointer, aka “Blinding Device”.

Erin: Well, it is for Science Olympiad for my middle boys—refraction and mirrors and all that. It’s so cool . . .

Ellen: What did your homeschooling neighbor say when you asked her if she had one?

Erin: I believe her exact words were, “Are you crazy!?!”

Ellen: Well I found the pointer for you. If you’re going to go that way, you might as well go full on Pintershizz.

Source: thinkgeek.com via Carmen on Pinterest

Erin: Wow.

Ellen: Just tell the boys not to run with them. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

-Ellen and Erin

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Facebook Follow-Up Friday #1

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Oh Facebook, how we love thee! And we’re feeling the love too! We reached 2,000 followers on our Facebook Page this week! We have a blast over there with funny memes, recipes, shared parenting tips, and good advice. What’s not to love?

Well, there is this little issue with Facebook’s dark side. It doesn’t always show all of our followers all of the awesomeness all of the time. But we have a solution! Each week we’re going to share a little check-in on what’s been happening on our Facebook Page—what we talked about, wrote about, laughed about, etc.. In short, a follow-up!

And Then What Happened:

We have some very cool conversations popping up on our Facebook page, but they’re hard to keep track of because life happens. Blame the kids, blame the dog, just blame it on the rain (Shout out to Milli Vanilli), but we all get interrupted. We are The Sensible Moms so we thought providing you all with a little update on how the conversations developed would make everyone’s life easier. You know, just in case, you got sidetracked.

Oh, we were excited about all of the great suggestions because who doesn’t get pumped up about scrubbing out the toilet? So many ideas to chose from!

A couple of people suggested pouring a 2 Liter bottle of Coke in the bowl. Since I actually had a 2 liter of Coke on hand left over from a holiday party and I always choose the easy route, that’s just what I did.

I poured it in before I went to bed, woke up in the morning, flushed it down, and then scrubbed the bowl. Gorgeous! Thank, readers! Erin

PS: We included the last comment in the screen shot, because it was our favorite comment on the post and we actually know her IRL. Funny, funny Momma.

Recipes we shared this week:

Yum. Soup. It’s What’s For Dinner.

Erin’s family loves this Some Kind of Awesome Creamy Chicken Salsa Soup and your family will love it too. Ellen sure appreciated it when our friend Mary made it for her when she was recuperating from her appendectomy.

Ecard People LOVED:

It is a little ridiculous how much this got shared, but sometimes you just hit people’s funny bones the right way.

Posts To Catch Up On:

Celebrate this, Sisterhood Style!

This is the one where we make a case for a new February holiday on the 9th. There are unicorns and rainbows, demographics that are seriously neglected in all of the other holidays.

Ain’t Nobody Got Time for Valentine’s Day Pintershit

Taking a cue from Sweet Brown, this the one where we tell you all the gifts we definitely don’t have time for this Valentine’s Day. Some of them will surprise you.

Ode to Sour Patch Kids

Here we play with other bloggy friends Old Dog New Tits and According to Mags in their Ketchup With Us Link-up by writing a 57 word ode to something we love. In this case, Erin bears her heart and soul about . . .Sour Patch Kids.

Funny Meme:

How else to wrap-up this follow-up then to tell you to get on over to our Facebook Page and see what’s going on right now!

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Ain’t Nobody Got Time For Valentine’s Day Pintershizz

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Here’s the deal. Between January 31st and February 11th, both of us have birthdays and so do our husbands, so by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around this is pretty much how we feel:

Now don’t go calling us the Grinches of Valentine’s Day. We’re just tired of spending and doing by the time the 14th rolls round. Seriously, it’s hard enough mustering enthusiasm for birthdays once you high-five forty, but birthdays lurking along less than 50 days after Christmas? Meh. And then Valentine’s Day about a week later? Well, Sweet Brown up there expressed it best. We’re turning to our old pal Pintershizz to find —

10 Things Pintershizz We Don’t Have Time For on Valentine’s Day

1. Going out to dinner.

Does this surprise you? In theory it sounds good and we do love date nights with our husbands. However, Valentine’s Day is like amateur night: the menus are often fixed, the prices are hiked, and the service is lousy because the poor wait staff is running ragged fluttering those rose petals over champagne toasts. Give us a random Friday night out instead and we’ll swoon. Plus, Ellen still hasn’t gotten over the memory of the V-Day about 21 years ago when she and her husband got the worst case of food poisoning they have ever endured. The restaurant was named Il Fiore, but will forever be known as The ILL Fiore to Ellen and Frank.

You might consider al fresco dining as a way to beat the crowds, but it is February, People. A table for two outside can quickly turn into gurneys for two in the Emergency Room. Because frostbite. Unless you’re in the tropics and then why are you reading this post? It’ gorgeous, get outside. Pinterest source.

2. Flowers

Okay, now maybe we ARE vying for the title of “Grinches of Valentine’s Day,” but flowers on V-day just seem so trite, and well, easy. And oh my goodness, they are expensive. Just surprise us with daisies on a random day in June and use the rest of the flower fund to make us some spare keys for our vans so we have a 60% chance of getting out of the house on time.

Get a bonus King Kong sized box of Claritin if you order right now with promo code: thismakesmethinkyouareguiltyaboutsomething. Pinterest source.

3. Torture devices passing as sexy

Okay, we like sexy just as much as the next girl, but if it is going to cause us the discomfort of a thousand cactus needles being shoved under our fingernails while simultaneously enduring Justin Beiber piped directly into our craniums, then you can just throw that mess onto the Pintershit pile, too.

On second thought, maybe these will keep Pushy Peggy from running up on our junk in the Walmart checkout line. Pinterest source.

4. Lingerie

C’mon. Who’s the lingerie really for? Is it really a gift for us? See above if you’ve forgotten that quickly how we feel about sexy items passing for torture devices. Take Granny’s advice—nothing says sexy louder than a girl who is comfortable in her own ~~skin~~ panties—emphasis on the comfortable.

Is it underwear or washable birth control? Pinterest source.

5. Man Costumes

No!! Just because we said that lingerie was not exactly a gift for us, we didn’t mean our men had to dress up! This does not qualify as a gift either . . . although there is the gift of laughter to consider.

Want to see my toaster streudal? Pinterest source.

6. Geekery Fashion

We know we’ve just been yucking it up with the granny panties and with lederhosen, but Valentine’s Day really isn’t the time for gag gifts. If it makes you snicker in the store, just walk away or throw it on the Pintershizz bonfire.

It’s a puzzle, it’s a purse, no, it’s a bad idea. Pinterest source.

7. Things to Make Homemaking Easier

Get it together! No appliances are to be given on Valentine’s Day! Even a vacuum this cool can’t get you out of the doghouse . . . unless it comes with a FULL TIME housekeeper à la The Brady Bunch. So to clarify: any appliance without an “Alice” is Pintershizz.

The only thing that will be wanted if we receive appliances for Valentine’s Day is us . . . for murder. Pinterest source.

8. Sweets

We can hear you saying, “What is wrong with you two? What is so bad about candy on Valentine’s Day?” Well, let’s just say we’ve been working really hard trying to beat the post-40 bulge and we don’t actually want to fit into those granny panties.

Nope. No jewelry in here, only diabeetus. Pinterest source.

9. The Love Toilet

Do we really have to explain why this is Pintershizz? C’mon, you’re better than that!

What better way to spend $1400 than to pave your way to divorce court? Pinterest source.

10. The Wine Purse

What did we say about tacky gag gifts . . . wait a minute. This is pure genius! Write this one down.

Making friends at PTA meetings since 2014. Pinterest source.

So what will we accept on Valentine’s Day since we have just poo-pooed a ton of the classics and then some? Well,we’d never turn away jewelry.

Earrings always fit no matter how much Halloween/Christmas/Valentine’s Day candy you indulge in. Pinterest source.

Unless it looks like this! Get your head in the game!

Their dreams of us making supplemental income as voodoo priestesses are just gonna have to die. Maybe we could sell their baseball cards instead? Pinterest source.

The direct route to the romance-filled center of our hearts? A night away—No! A weekend away!—fully planned by our hubbies INCLUDING arrangements for the kids and pets. That last piece of planning is what makes this the true gift of romance. Can we get an “Amen”? But even the gazillion points they would earn by scheduling babysitting would be cancelled out if they took us here.

Nothing is more romantic than hanky-panky in a drainpipe. Pinterest source.

Happy Valentine’s Day from the oh-so-easy-to-please Sensible Sisterhood!

May you NOT receive these Pintershizz-y gifts this Valentine’s Day!

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Pintershizz: The New Year’s Eve Edition

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Here at the Sisterhood, we are huge fans of Pinterest. We have over 3,900 pins to prove it. But you have to be wary of the Pintershizz. It can lead you to lose your mind by goading you to go over the top or, more benignly, it can just be pure entertainment. Pure, disturbing, entertainment. The problem is when you fall for executing the Pintershizz and end up getting Pinter-punked. Pinterest fails are tragic, y’all.

Erin: Do you really want to start out the new year with such negativity?

Ellen: Well, how about this? We ended 2012 getting Pinter-punked?

Erin: It’s really more accurate. And it would be ABSOLUTELY accurate is you said YOU ended 2012 by getting Pinter-punked.

Ellen: All I wanted to do was bring a fancy schmancy cocktail to your house for New Year’s Eve. Pinterest was full of them and I had been so impressed when the Michalaks showed up at the last soiree with this refreshing gem of their own creation.

Source: sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

Erin: Why didn’t you just bring that?

Ellen: Because I wanted to be different and if you never DO or MAKE any of the crap you pin, isn’t it just electronic hoarding?

With a start this Martha Stewart-esque, what could go wrong?

Erin: Well your prep basket was Pinterest-worthy, but what made you choose The Kahlua Float?

Ellen: It looked gorgeous. I love Kahlua. It had champagne. What is more perfect for New Year’s Eve than a cocktail that has champagne??

Erin: Okay, but what about the coffee ice cream? I have to tell you, coffee ice cream makes me want to gag.

Ellen: You might be missing the point. What SHOULD have made ME gag was the thought of coffee ice cream IN white wine. Here’s the recipe: 1 scoop espresso or coffee ice cream, 1.5 oz Kahlua, topped with 1/8 cup champagne. Ew! Who puts ice cream in wine??? My only defense is that I was enchanted by this photo.

Source: heatherchristo.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

Erin: Or maybe it failed because you rednecked it up. Nice plastic glass. And it probably would have been better if you had used chocolate sprinkles.

What??

Ellen: First, I expected you to have champagne flutes or at the very least, wine glasses for me to use. I really brought the plastic cups for the root beer floats for the kids. Second, it was not the sprinkles. So I got caramel jimmies instead of chocolate. Walmart was out.

Erin: Redneck point punctuated . . .

Ellen: You just go on throwing stones at my plastic cups. I was not going to multiple stores to find chocolate sprinkles. Have you ever tasted a sprinkle? By itself? No matter what flavor they say they are, they taste like nothing. They are flavorless hydrogenated calorie bombs. One tablespoon is 60 calories.

Erin: Get out! That’s crazy! So if you have an ice cream cone covered in sprinkles, you really could have another scoop of ice cream for the same amount of calories? So I’m going back to my original statement, but with more venom. This drink failed because sprinkles are the devil.

Ellen: Okay, I’ll go along with sprinkles being the Trojan Horse of calories and they are miserable to drink through or around . . .

Erin: But it was super fun to pick them out of your scarf and I even think I got some in my hair. And down my shirt.

Ellen: Don’t forget getting them up your nose. But back to my points. This drink failed because it was ice cream in wine! Coffee ice cream, no less, in white FIZZY wine. What was I thinking?? I went back to the original blog post and there were lots of comments saying how pretty the drink looked, but not much about its taste.

We just realized we coordinated. How cute is that? Now you can gag too.

Erin: You were lured in by the pretty picture! We did enjoy the Kahlua over the ice cream, though. That was yummy.

Ellen: But it was hardly a cocktail.

Erin: Maybe you should have consulted me first. My Rein-Beer at the Christmas party was a hit. I have never been steered down the merry pathway of Pintershizz. I read the directions and can just tell if its going to be good or not.

So Proud

Ellen: Well, la-di-da! Aren’t you the Princess of Pinterest? You twisted some pipe cleaners and glued some googly eyes. Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back. I’ve never gotten steered wrong like this either. One of my superpowers is picking out good recipes.

Erin: I don’t need to pat myself on the back because I’m wearing the tiara. I think your “Super Recipe Picker Outer” cape would go nicely with it.

Ellen: And on that note. . .

Happy New Year from The Sisterhood!

May 2013 bring you health, wealth, and enough wisdom to avoid stepping in the Pintershizz.

Read the entire Pintershizz series!

And while you’re at it, just follow us on Pinterest too. We usually pick good pins, we swear.

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Pintershit: Holiday Edition

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Erin: Who’s ready for Christmas??

Ellen: Seriously? Aren’t your Christmas cards sitting on your dining room table mocking you? The ones you so efficiently ordered the day after Thanksgiving?

Erin: I blame it all on you since I handed you a card when you were at my house — you know, to lighten my load — and you had the audacity to lay it down and leave it. Now it’s all too much.

Ellen: Okay, my gift to you is my acceptance of your blame, but only because I feel sorry for you since you don’t have a really good excuse like an appendectomy to fall back on. I feel I’m entitled to milk that llama until 2013. Or at least until the Mayan calendar thingy ends.

Erin: Wait, I haven’t gotten a card from you either.

Ellen: That’s because mine are sitting on MY dining room table. But those are my small potatoes because I have been staring into the eyes of the Christmas Beast: SHIPPING DEADLINES! I thought squeaking in under the Shutterfly cutoff was going to be the end of me and today is the last day to order on most other sites. I always feel carefree about shopping when the internet is my safety net . . .

Erin: Until BAM! That safety net is ripped away because those deadlines creep up on you like a reindeer wearing Uggs.

Ellen: It’s now the point where no amount of money in the world can get the gift to you because you just can’t bend the time space continuum. And going into actual stores at this stage of the game just makes me shudder.

Erin: So in case you’re in the last minute shopping cart with us, we are going to help you out with what NOT to get us.

Ellen: Because where would the sport be if we told you EXACTLY what to get us? Gift giving is supposed to come from the heart, People.

Erin: So read between the lines of the second edition of Pintershit.

Ten Things Pintershit That Better Not Be Under Our Trees

Erin’s List

1. Godfather Gone Wrong

I love the classic movie “The Godfather”, but this pillowcase is taking fandom a bit too far and a little over the top when I am at my most vulnerable. Plus it would be hard to explain to the five year old.

Source: gadgetsandgear.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

2. Handbag From Hades

I like a great bag as much as the next girl. This bag looks like what you might pack for your next party down by the River Styx. I feel like I would need to pack some extra biscuits in it for Cerberus, but it hardly seems big enough for the reed pipe I’d need to lull him to sleep. Therefore, save this little beauty for another day or another girl. Preferably someone you don’t like.

Source: etsy.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

3. Sucker With a Side of Venomous Stinger

My 13 year old’s classmate brought these to class for a birthday treat. Look closely at the packaging. That’s right—there are scorpions imbedded in these bad boys. Supposedly, some of the kids LOVED them. I can’t get over that the brilliant minds behind these suckers added a venomous creature and then named them Hotlix. I just shuddered. I repeat, “DO NOT buy this for me.” Unless you want an Erin-sized hole in your front door.

Source: sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

4. Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

This camera/glasses combo is cool in theory. That is all. You probably didn’t need me to tell you that, but it’s Christmas and I like to share.

Ellen: You know that those are for skiing, right? Not just tooling around Wal-Mart.

Erin: Oh . . .<long pause> That makes more sense now.

Ellen: Look, you can even see the reflection of the mountains in the goggles. Much more picturesque than the twin peaks of the chick in front of you in the check out line.

5. Sweater With a Side of Surgical Mask

There’s almost nothing I love more than turtlenecks and sweaters during the cold winter months, so I would normally welcome a gift like this. There is just something clinical about the weird way you are supposed to wear it over your face. It says, “I take my fashion with a side of Ebola virus which makes traveling to all the corners of the Mid-Atlantic region with my 6 family members even more awkward.”

Ellen’s List

6. Wonky Wookie

I like Stars Wars as much as the next person, but this is a little much. Dressing like Chewbacca would just make me feel like I forgot to wax. Don’t tell me it’s for Halloween because I already have a bevy of Hallo-Awkward-Ween choices lined up for next year.

But on second thought, if I wore this, could I get away with just wookie roaring at everyone? Hmmmm . . . or rather Arrrarroowwrrerr.

By the way, special thanks to infolinks for taking my query — “How to write Chewbacca sounds?” — as seriously as I take my writing. I got THE right information for THE right decision, yo. Integrity.

7. Christmas No

Don’t think that just because this sweater embraces more of a yuletide theme that it is appropriate. Just to be clear, this does not give me the warm and fuzzies. It gives me visions of Labradors peeing on my feet. You, know, because I would be a tree.

8. Heck No

Wellllllllllll, I think there is something obviously and freudian-ly amiss with a monstrous, murderous shark emerging from a crotch. But really, I don’t care to hate on Ariel that much or cause little wanna-be princesses angst, let alone inflict my daughters with that much mortification. Who, aside from a Victoria Secret model, can stand that much groin gawking during a simple day at the beach? Although . . . this would be hilarious on a Disney cruise, right? Mwahahahaha.

9. The Gift That Keeps On Drowning

Now that I have a complex about sharks eating mermaids, I would just consider this gift a blatant and aggressive threat on my well-being. Can you actually imagine swimming, I mean, not drowning in this??

But it does provide a nice set-up for the gift of laughter. What do you call a muffin top squeezed up by a mermaid tail? A tuna roll! I’m here all week, folks.

10. Just Take A Baseball Bat To My Knee

I have already done something horrible to my left knee that is MRI worthy. This would just seal the deal in a slow and tortuous way. But on the bright side, the spikes would make it hard for you to remove it when I shoved my foot up you arse for giving me such an awful gift.

However if you insist on giving me that shoe, you know, for my own fashion good, then you’d better gift it with this AT-AT walker. This is a Star Wars gift I can get behind. But now you’re confused, you say? I just dissed Chewbacca and now I’m embracing this? It’s really very simple. You just have to be discerning . . . and read my mind.

Here’s wishing that all of your shipping deadlines are soft, your cards get sent out before President’s Day, and no one dumps Pintershit under your tree!

xoxo

Ellen and Erin

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