Tag Archives: Pumpkin

10 Ways Fall Will Foil You

Fall is a glorious respite between the heat and intensity of summer and the cold and bustle of winter. For those of us spellbound by the mind control allure of Pinterest and its goading to craft vintage paper leaf wreaths or fashion pumpkins out of mason jar lids (a real craft, y’all!), fall represents a simple beauty not found in the busier and flashier holiday season to come.

10 Ways Fall Will Foil You -- Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

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Fall is seemingly perfect in its jewel tones and crispness. The sunburn of summer is a fading memory and the frostbite of winter is far away, but the truth, dear friends, is there is darkness lurking under every golden maple leaf. Sure Fall lures you in with its golden sunshine and its crafty crafts, but don’t let your guard down because fall will foil you!

Yeah, we have some gripes with autumn being the "perfect" season. #humor --10 Ways Fall Will Foil You -- Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

 

1. Pumpkins— What fault can be found with pumpkins? Whether lit as a jack-o’-lantern or left  as is, the humble pumpkin screams as the poster child of bounty and harvest . . . until they get you screaming for another reason.

Sure they look wonderful decorating your front stoop, but these beauties are inevitably forgotten in the monster mash that is Halloween. Frost and mold take their toll until Ellen is yet again scooping the squishy remains of her pumpkins off the front porch with a snow shovel. It’s like a welcome wagon for fruit flies! Yaaaayyy.

I look all shiny and pretty now, but just wait until I am spilling my rotten innards.

2. Football –We used to love the occasional college football game and Ellen even enjoys the NFL, but now we both have high schoolers and EVERY Friday night is a football game.

Our derrieres are frozen to the bleachers, our eyes are glazed over from the mediocre action, and our tummies are either growling from hunger or gurgling with rebellion over the crappy snack bar fare. Thanks, Fall, for turning an occasional diversion into a mandatory march. Go team!

3. Orchards—Nothing says Fall like a trip to your local orchard to get fresh apples, BUT, Danger, Will Robinson! You’re lured in with the promise of fresh air and good old-fashioned family fun. You get invigorated by the thought of a fabulous family photo perfect for a Facebook humblebrag . . . until you realize you’re being hunted like antelope on safari by a pack of yellow jackets. You know you can just buy apples at the store, right?

4. Apple Cider Donuts— Once again we have the damn orchards to blame for this one.You cannot escape the powerful grip of this confection because we’re pretty sure the farmers pipe the delicious aroma of frying donuts to all four corners of the farm. You’re pretty much yelling “Give me ALL the donuts!” by the time you hit the checkout line. But this yumminess really hits you on the bottom line, or rather, the backside. Good thing big booties seem to be the in thing.

5. Pumpkin Latte— Fall is for pumpkin-ing the everything. Ellen loves a good HOT pumpkin latte, but she limits herself to just one or two each year. It was with more than a little trepidation that she accepted the ICED pumpkin latte when they bungled her order, but she thought “Why not? How bad could it be?”

BAD!

It should ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, NEVER BE SERVED COLD. EPIC FAIL. Thanks for screwing up Ellen’s reward to herself for passing on the apple cider donuts.

6. Spiders— It’s THEIR season and we are all just living through it. Enough Said. <shiver>

7. Bipolar Temps— Fall is the ficklest of friends. Sometimes Fall will bring you temps that will make you think you woke up in July. And then again, Fall might bring you a visit from Jack Frost.

It makes deciding what to wear on a daily basis one of the trickier things you might have to navigate. Thank goodness for layers! Start the day in polar fleece, end it in a tank top.

8. Footwear— Is it okay to wear boots because it’s October, even if it’s still 80 degrees? Are flip-flops okay paired with a cardigan? Note to the chick wearing flip-flops with socks in the Starbucks line: THAT is not the best of both worlds.

9. Freakin’ Leaves—  ‘Tis the season for Mother Nature to throw a tantrum in your yard like a magazine-shredding toddler. If Fall didn’t break you with the yo-yoing temps, the flesh-hungry yellow jackets, or the donuts threatening to balloon your booty, the LEAVES will seal the deal.  And someone needs to come up with a better solution than the trusty old Rake-and-Bag because we don’t have time for the Motrin-and-Ice that follows.

10. Corn Mazes— Bottom line: You’re coughing up hard-earned cash for the opportunity to get lost. And you WILL get lost. Forty-five minutes later, you’re crashing through the border, hot, muddy, and agitated . . . only to  be scolded by the teenaged employee because you did not use the exit that was “clearly marked” on the map from hell. Fordeville Diaries knows EXACTLY what we’re talking about.

Thank goodness there’s an apple cider donut ready and waiting for you and your Donner party.

Feel like we’ve been Debbie Downers? Check out our recipes that use that modern marvel: canned pumpkin. Total autumnal upside.

Hope you are enjoying your autumn!

Erin and Ellen

 

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Beware Which Mama You Mess With Because She May Be Packing Pumpkin

I try to be a kind Christian woman, but I am a flawed work in progress. As the imperfect human I am, every once in awhile, I snap. And I mean SNAP! —as in I explode in the blink of an eye before my brain has the chance to shut that mess down. It generally is a spectacle of impressive proportions.

It really doesn’t happen often, but apparently losing my mind does occur often enough for it to have its own entry in the family lexicon–Going Lowe’s. On the day this term was born, let’s just say I might have had a problem with a Lowe’s customer service clerk who may have continued to take calls and talk to her coworkers instead of just taking the ever-loving wallpaper book from me even when my toddles ramped up to cage match combatants in my shopping cart. I was STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. I was there, I was needy, she should have helped me first!

But there is an unexpected twisted layer of awesome running through Going Lowe’s: it can take on the festive trappings of the season . . .and news flash: It’s Pumpkin Season! Don’t you roll your eyes at me. Roll. Mmmmm, pumpkin roll. I could really go for some of that right now. But don’t forget, pumpkin isn’t only for gourd-gasmic gastric delights. There’s also pumpkin pedicures, pumpkin lip gloss, pumpkin parking lot rage . . .

It all began innocently enough in the grocery store parking lot. I was behind my vehicle, stowing my purchases when I heard a “CRUUUUNNCCCHHH.” Since the van next to me was backing out of its space, I popped my head around the side of my SUV quicker than a chipmunk scouting out a pumpkin seed and locked eyes with Mr. Lazy Pants. (Why the heck he wasn’t looking over his shoulder or into his rearview mirror while his van was in motion is beyond me.)

I was relieved my driver’s side mirror was intact, but my annoyance ramped up quickly when I realized Mr. Lazy Pants had run over two ginormous plastic soda cups that he had so slovenly placed on the ground two inches from his wheels. It would have just been ridiculous for him to walk around his vehicle and dispose of them in the trashcan that was RIGHT THERE. It was no concern of his to rocket sticky caffeinated corn syrup up on my car so it could drip on my new boots when I opened my door.

So I may have popped an eye roll of my own. Okay, I did.

Apparently, channeling my inner adolescent brought out the best in Mr. Lazy Pants’ middle-aged copilot, too.

She leaned over his girth to shout out a very clever, “Got an eye problem?” following by a chin thrust/lip curl contortion.

I saw red or maybe more accurately plaid. I was instantly transported back to the seventh grade Catholic school playground where I was taunted every day.

Oh, but this wasn’t seventh grade, and I have lived a lot of lives since then. In one of these lives, I was a medical student in inner city Baltimore. People joke about crack addicts? I delivered their babies. Ever hear the urban legend of the man with the gun in the ER? Yeah, I was there. You think you know prison because of Breaking Bad? I had to ask those guys to turn their heads and cough.

So my inner badass has developed quite a bit since the time I was trapped in knee socks and pleated skirts. With the muscle memory of someone who has been bum-rushed, by well, bums, I reached into the closest bag, hefted a can of pumpkin and reared back like a right fielder whose trade value depended on the throw. I was “Going Lowe’s”.

Well, apparently Mr. Lazy Pants just needed the right incentive because that man had some pep as he peeled rubber out of the parking lot. The look on his copilot’s face is filed in my mental Rolodex under “Things to Make Me Laugh on Desperate Days.”

I can understand her confusion. I’m not exactly packaged as a psychopath. Heck, I had even showered that day and had on real pants. It just goes to show, you should never judge on appearances and you should always be careful who you mess with. You never know, she just might be packing pumpkin.

-Ellen

A Holiday Tale of Humor: Beware Which Mama You Mess With Because She May Be Packing Pumpkin | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

 
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Canned Pumpkin Underachievers Unite!

If you have a stockpile of pumpkins laying around, you COULD rock on with your bad self making your own puree. Organic! Sustainable gardening! Living off the land! We can practically smell your virtue from here.

But don’t break out the old knife and scooper yet. Because, come a little closer, THERE IS A COMPANY THAT DOES ALL OF THE PUREEING WORK FOR YOU. And we swear on a pile of Martha Stewart Living magazines, we can’t tell the difference between fresh pumpkin slop and canned. Don’t you ‘tsk tsk’ at us. We have both traveled the treacherous path of home pureeing and you know what it got us? Not fame and fortune or even rave compliments, that is for sure. It got us slimy and tired and picking seeds out of our hair.

Pumpkin Guts

Libby, save us from pumpkin guts!

With The Great Pumpkin as our witness, we will never again raise anything but a can opener to wow our family and friends. From appetizers to dessert, canned pumpkin recipes are not only adequate, they are fabulous!

Canned Pumpkin Underachievers Unite! - Recipes For Real People

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins

A great way to start any day, these cupcakes, er muffins, are nutritious-ish too!

Mini Pumpkin Sage Balls

It’s an appetizer! It’s pumpkin! It deserves to be in your belly right now. These savory little yummies are great on their own or dipped in some Honey Dijon dressing. Either way, this is one of those recipes that impresses. Keep it to yourself just how easy they are to make.

Pumpkin Chili

How do you follow up pumpkin appetizers? With more pumpkin of course! This chili is hearty, flavorful, and on the mild side. Great for the whole family.

 

Pumpkin Pie Cake

Sure, pumpkin pie is good. We are big fans, but a good crust takes some time and attention. This cake is all the fantastic without any of the fuss. It not only uses canned pumpkin, it uses boxed cake mix, too. It doesn’t get much simpler than that. This cake is so good, Ellen has been known to make it in August and the only reaction she gets is “Hooray!”

 

 

Or you could just use your canned pumpkin to make yourself the best loved one in all the land . . .

Erin's Aunt makes each kid their own pie for Thanksgiving dinner

Erin’s Aunt makes each kid their own pie for Thanksgiving dinner

And we’re not knocking that. At. All.

In fact, we feel like the Wonder Twins: Underachievers Unite! Form of Pumpkin Awesomeness!

See all of our yummy recipes here.

 

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