I sent my son away for the summer, and I don’t regret it one bit. While not a revelation on the level of my Andy Griffith aversion, this truth did generate a little buzz beside the pool among my friends.

“I don’t know how you do it, Erin.”

“You know I could never do that either.”

“But I would just miss my kids so much.”

Insert record scratch here. Say, WHAT? Parenting teens can be challenging, especially over the unstructured summer months. Camps, trips, or even extended vacations might be just what the family ordered | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms Ladies, not only could you, but you may even actually want to. Now, I feel like I should back the story up a bit. I did not ship my fifteen year old off to grandma’s house for the summer, although I’m not taking that one off the table. He wasn’t getting scared straight at boot camp or on a grand tour of Europe either, although any of these options do sound lovely depending on which version of himself he’s sharing with me that day. In fact, I could say in all honesty that I didn’t really do anything. He came to me and asked to work at a local camp on the Chesapeake Bay.

For full disclosure, my older son worked there for the past three summers. So we knew very well what he, and the rest of us, were getting ourselves into. But that didn’t make it a certainty that this boy should go. Working at camp meant that he would only be home for 24 hours every week. This is a huge ouch for a Momma who likes all of her chicks in her nest. Also, because we used his vacation time for the family wedding in Cancun, he wouldn’t have time for any of our other summer family traditions, including our special visit with our friends from Maine that we have been doing for the last 15 years. The home team would be a man down in making all the memories this summer. Oh, and the son who was usually at camp would be home from college, so that was another factor to consider.

Sigh. My summers really aren’t what they used to be.

However, weighed against some of the larger pluses, I swallowed all of my reservations, hesitations, and selfish motivations, and gave him (along with Steve) the parental blessing. Then I packed the old raggedy sheets, the second string towels, and enough bug spray and suntan lotion to marinate him nicely all summer long. Before I knew it, there were no more tasks to distract me and the day came to say good-bye for the summer. We dropped him off to live like one of the lost boys all summer long. If there was a tear in my eye, I’ll deny it.

While I am certainly a woman who can work herself into a fine emotional lather (see exhibits A, B, and C from the year before I sent my oldest son to college), and there is no tin heart here, the truth is that while I did miss him, I didn’t miss him as much as I thought I would. My recent practice learning a new normal certainly made this transition easier, I know. The truth was that he was happy, so I was happy. But, and this is the dirty little secret that got my friends talking, it was an awesome summer for all of us, even, maybe even especially, with him gone.

From my son’s point of view, camp was always a no-brainer-all-good thing. He wasn’t moving away so much as towards something after all. Certainly, from our point of view, he dipped his toe in the waters of independence and found the water just fine. By working his way through real responsibilities with real consequences, he gained a confidence that we couldn’t have given him any other way. Sure, he worked through scheduling conflicts, personnel issues, and the daily challenges that arise in any job, but it was all in a cocoon of safety. He had the directors, his slightly older peers, and the Boy Scouts of America supporting him too. Besides, I was only twenty minutes away if he really needed me.

But if he wasn’t really cutting the cord this past summer, he wasn’t really holding on to it either. While he told us about those times when things didn’t go as planned, when scouters were uncooperative, or when his fellow counselors let him down, it was always after the fact. The storms that swelled and gathered on his shores this summer both literally and figuratively, well, he found a way to weather them. While not exactly sailing his own ship or charting his own course just yet, he was definitely adjusting sails and battening down hatches all by himself.

But the larger story of his summer was that the camp staff became another family for him and a home away from home. Even seeing my son in a different context than we do, they loved him all the same. This did my Momma heart a world of good. Don’t we all in the end just want to send our beloveds out into the world to be seen as the lovely, rare birds they are? But the larger story for me is what was even better: he found a way to create these bonds for himself with his own two hands, his clever head, and his big lovable heart. For a mom who now knows exactly what it means to see kids fly from the nest, it meant he was one step closer to being launch-ready. It eased an anxiety I had about this child, and gave me some indications that we are indeed, despite our long and curving road, actually moving forward.

Parenting teens can be challenging, especially over the unstructured summer months. Camps, trips, or even extended vacations might be just what the family ordered | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

This picture made me laugh out loud. American gothic goes to camp. But these are his people and they made his summer truly special.

For us at home, my son’s time at camp meant that we were off the parenting hook in a good way. Anybody who has stared down a summer with a wiley 15 year old boy feels my pain. Teens in general tend towards a state of downtime. Fifteen year old boys elevate this to an art form. With endless options in the Netflix cue and a Snapchat filter for every mood, summer could have been for us one long, tedious conversation about what to do and when to do it. Not managing the program for an active 15 year old boy was a big plus on our end.

However, our greatest windfall was the new and improved version of our son that returned from his ten weeks in the wild. Savvy, skilled, and smarter, my son returned to us looking three inches taller and seeming light years older. It’s funny how just a little time apart changed our dynamics too. The breathing room we didn’t even know we needed actually gave us both some valuable time–to appreciate, to consider, to grow.

Now I’m not advocating that every child leave for the summer, but it wasn’t a negative for us. There are absolutely no regrets from him or from us about the choice we made this summer. Time apart was time well spent. In fact, for this child at this time in this family this time was a blessing we are still grateful for today.

And, next summer, if they’ll have him, I’ll send him away again in a heartbeat.

-Erin

I sent my son away for the summer and I don’t regret it one bit! #teens #parenting

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Wake up, Parents! Summer is right around the corner! If you want your little darlings to get spots in those dream camps that will secure their places on the World Badminton team, guarantee them first chairs in the kazoo orchestra, teach them to knit earmuffs for underprivileged yetis, or just get them out of your hair for a week, then you need to be on this. Like yesterday!

Erin: All of my dreams are fiscally conservative, and in my experience the cheap camps are the first to fill up.

Ellen: Well, I got a brochure for a camp that’s in no danger of filling up: The Country School Farm: An Experience For Children Who Love Animals.

Here is the actual daily schedule:

They put the fun in nothing.

Erin: They list chores no less than three times without even a crackling of sugar coating and then with a little more guile at least three more times. Projects? Never has a word been more worthy of air quotes.

Erin: But how much for this Dickensian work camp?

Ellen: Five days of Nirvana for only $780 plus travel expenses to Ohio.

Erin: Wait! What!?! That camp is getting PAID that much to have kids shipped there to do their farm work!?!

Ellen: Yep. For ages SIX to twelve.

Erin: Drop whatever you’re doing, because we’re founding a camp!

The Sisterhood Chain Gang Summer Camp

For 50 bucks, a case of Diet Coke, and 4 pounds of Starbucks Coffee (whole bean), you can send your child to the paradise that is the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Your child will have the time of his or her life in not one, but two bucolic locations. Your child will get to view two beautiful rivers through the safety of a minivan’s back window, as we whisk your precious babe from one work site fun-filled location to another. (Upon further reflection, we’re going to need $20 in gas money too. And snacks. You should definitely pack snacks. We’re partial to Cheez-its and Double-Stuffed Oreos.)

Boredom is unknown at The Sisterhood Camp. From sunup to sundown your child can partake in the following activities specially developed to hone skills, build confidence, and make our (particular) world a better place to live.

Environmental Stewardship

With an eye to creating future leaders concerned about a cleaner, greener planet, we will teach your innocents to Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle like a boss! We’ll even throw in an “R” unique to The Sisterhood Camp—Relieve us of our clutter.

The fun never stops as campers clean out typical hoarders’ garages. The kids have the times of their lives as they race to see who can fill the dumpster the fastest. Winner gets to take a water break. But that’s not all! Campers get to visit the local landfill and shake the hands of the sanitation workers too!

Back at the camp, they will join our special “Make this, Martha!” seminar in which they use duct tape, spray-paint, and hot glue to transform junk into masterpieces. At The Sisterhood Camp, we believe you can turn any trash into a treasure that can earn us a couple of bucks at the local flea market!

Just waiting for your child’s elbow grease!

But it’s not all just good times, we pride ourselves in putting the work in “Working to Make This World a Greener Place.” Hours will be spent every day breaking down and sorting materials for recycling. We even offer a special “Box Cutting 101” safety course for our more seasoned campers because with this much work to be done, we don’t have time to go to the E.R..

Trailblazing

Once the campers have proven themselves indoors, they are ready for the great outdoors or at least the trail behind Erin’s house! They’ll spend the day working on miles of trail and be rewarded by sleeping in tents that night! What better incentive to make that ground level, clear, and poop free than knowing they’ll be sleeping on it!

The highlight of the day— for most of them— is learning to use a chainsaw and axe. On a separate note, campers will also learn more advanced first aid i.e. securing a tourniquet.

Textile Resuscitation

Now don’t worry, we haven’t left out evening activities! We let each camper do at least one load of laundry every day and more if they’ve behaved! We will teach them the finer points of Stain Discernment and Treatment, Determining the Best Detergent for the Load, The Fine Art of Reading Labels, and The Ins and Outs of Folding. Top off the day with a special “Sort the Socks” game!

And We Did Not Forget About Recreation . . .

We stand by our motto, “We put the blood, sweat, and tears into having fun.” In fact, we’ll have your precious ones iron that on t-shirts to forever remember their time here because blisters don’t last forever.

Camps with pools are a dime a dozen, but where else can a child learn how to build a pool? Your child will sludge through the process from permit to pool chemistry. And, as an added bonus, they will become one with the earth as they dig that bad boy out by hand because minors aren’t allowed to operate backhoes, we checked.

And as an added added bonus they will become wizards at time management. If they need to work through dinner to pour that concrete, gosh darnit, they will buckle down and do it. Cement cures on its own schedule and schedules are meant to be followed. People are expecting a pool for the annual Labor Day party. And a fire pit.