There is no other blogger on the internet better at building doors than Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat. Lucky for us, she builds monster-truck-garage sized doors big enough to spread the opportunity to other writers, too. You’ve heard of the Space Cowboy? Jen is the Literary Carpenter. We are so honored to be a part of her new anthology,I Just Want to Be Alone.
Now we may want to be alone, but we aren’t alone in this book. We bet you picked up on that when we mentioned it was an anthology. There are 38 funny women who make this book a “Buy it Now” kind of item. Oh wait, did we not mention that Jen is such a rock star that our book is available as a Pre-Order on Amazon!?
Believe the hype and order yours now so you can have it as soon as it’s available on March 22nd. If you need further enticement, enjoy these door hanger snippets of hilarity . . . and then order the book. Smooches.
But we aren’t done with our announcements! Our “door knocking” knew no bounds in February. We shook our tree a bit more and auditioned for the Baltimore Listen To Your Mother show annnnnnnnnndddd WE WERE SELECTED!
Are you like, “Yaaaaaaaayy, wait, what is Listen To Your Mother?”
Well, it is a series of live staged readings in 32 cities nationwide in celebration of Mother’s Day and motherhood. It’s heartfelt and it’s funny and it’s brave. You can read more about the Baltimore show here.
We would love for you to join us on April 26th. Tickets are under $12 and 25% of the proceeds goes to the House of Ruth Maryland. Buy them here. If you come and bring a copy of I Just Want to Be Alone, we would be happy to sign it for you. (See how we pulled that all together?)
Oh, but one more thing, while we are on the subject of Baltimore. We are part of the faculty for the new conference BlogU. It is going to be so awesome because it’s intimate, affordable, practical and empowering. Oh and fun. NickMom is sponsoring our Saturday night party. Limited tickets are still available!
In conclusion, things have been busy around here. If the blog is a-rockin’, do come a-knockin’. Or something like that.
This was my first year without a birthday cake. My mom wasn’t here to bake it for me and no one else thought to fill the void. My mother was killed in a car accident this past June. She was the passenger in a car where the driver made a fatal mistake that touched four lives, but only took hers.
And the birthday cake is only the latest in a long line of “firsts” that continues to deepen and widen the void in my life.
There were no “Happy First Day of School” cards for my children. She commemorated everything with a note or a call to let us know we were always in her heart and on her mind.
There was no one to hand out Halloween candy during our neighborhood festivities. She took great joy in this and celebrated in costume.
There was no sous chef by my side as I prepared Thanksgiving dinner. She would have known how to get the potatoes going without blow by blow instructions.
There was no one in the rocking chair watching my children open their gifts on Christmas morning. She was joy personified during this holiest of seasons.
There was no one here to enjoy December 26th with us, one of my most favorite days of the year because I can finally slow down to smell the proverbial roses. She always liked to stay in her pajamas with us as we sat back to enjoy all of the blessings at hand.
And there was no cake.
My mom was eighty. She was spry and active. She was a guiding light in so many people’s lives. I know because the friends and family who streamed through non-stop for two hours during her viewing told me so. And I know because she was a beacon in my life.
It’s true; we had started to make plans for elder care. There were decisions to be made; health could fail at any time. But in one swift motion, I was no longer among the ranks of women sandwiched between caring for their aging parents and their children. Now I was, am, an open-faced sandwich – exposed, unprotected, unshielded, but also freed from the toil of caring for a loved one.
But it is hard to find comfort in that.
People frequently commented and still do:
“You’re lucky you’ll never have to watch your mother’s health fail or her mind go.”
“She’s lucky it was quick and she never had to lose her independence.”
“You’re lucky you had her for that long.”
“She’s lucky she was really living until the very end.”
I must admit, “lucky” does not describe how I feel as I suffer this season of “firsts” without my mother.
I know people mean well, but it would be so much easier on my heart if they “did” well. A simple, “I’ve been thinking about you and your mother, how are you doing?” would suffice.
See, grief is an independent variable. My grief is not lessened or heightened by a list highlighting all of the horrendous things I have avoided. Not suffering other tragedies and heartaches does not lessen this one. Unfortunately, there is enough room in this big, wide world for all grief to exist simultaneously, side by side.
What I can feel is blessed.
When I woke up trembling from the horror of what must have been my mother’s final moments, I remembered the book on my shelf, “To Heaven and Back,” lent to me months before by a good friend. In this book, the author recounted how she was lifted away and spared the pain of her accident and I felt soothed.
When my cousins and aunts stepped in immediately to help with my mother’s services, I did not feel the sting of being an only child so acutely. My family and friends continue to hold me close and lift me up.
When two separate people recounted to me they had seen her the day before she died and she had told them, “If the Lord calls me home tomorrow, I’m ready;” I knew my mother was with our Savior.
Maybe I am lucky in a sense; lucky that so much love and faith can nestle in the void with my grief.
Our post last week prompted some interesting conversation. Apparently, when you give people a peek behind the old blog curtain, they get a little greedy for more. People don’t just want a little taste of this glamorous life we are leading, they want the full enchilada. However, since Ellen is spending the majority of the week on a much deserved ski vacation with her family, our Behind The Music is gonna have to wait a little longer. But to keep you all happy and let you learn a little more about us, I thought I would rerun part of a post we wrote last year.
Every mom knows you are never just a mom. The same is true for bloggers. Here are . . .
If you’re going to dabble in Pinterest occasionally you’ll get a mouth full of Pintershizz.
3. Cowgirl
Erin mourns the loss of this hat. Should she??
4. SAHM Cheer Squad
Give me a “S” Give me an “A” Give me an “H” Give me a “M” What’s that spell? Chronically tired and under-appreciated!
5. Milkmaid
You really never plan on being a Milkmaid, however . . .
6. Unibomber Posse
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
7. Zombie Wedding Planner
At least they weren’t picky about the freshness of the flowers or the cake. And we did win a trophy.
8. Swingers
What did you think we meant?
9. Synchronized Swimmers
Don’t try this at home. Years of practice.
10. Synchronized Divers
Don’t try this at home either.
Hope this whets your whistle for now. We promise to get right on that epic blog biopic as soon as Ellen gets home, all the laundry is finished, all the kids are fed and happy, and all the stars are aligned.
Thank you for reading and wanting to know more about us!
Feel free to tell us something about YOU in the comments!
The world loves a dynamic duo—think Lucy and Ethel, Laverne and Shirley, Thelma and Louise—but we are a bit unique in the blogosphere being a writing duo and all. Our work divisions, our idea generation, our everything seems to flow organically from our actual friendship. In other words, there is not a concrete division of labor, but things seem to kind of naturally flow from our real-life conversations and adventures.
We say to people who ask “how we do it” that we could never blog with anyone else. Our advice would be to pick your best, most honest, generous friend and hope with all your might that she is also a great writer. It’s lightning in a bottle over here, although we do have a mission statement. The truth of the matter is that while we share many similar interests and always have a good time together, we are definitely coming at life and blogging from different perspectives.
Erin:But we did write that one piece where we described our writing process like it was a volleyball game. We may have been overdosing on the Olympics a little at the time, but overall, it felt pretty accurate.
Ellen: If, by accurate, you mean we were delusional when we compared ourselves to Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings, then I agree.
Erin:We weren’t claiming their abs, just their teamwork.
Ellen: But the truth is that we are probably a little more Garfield and Odie than May-Trainer and Jennings.
That’s why we can honestly say that . . .
Point #1: Stroking
Erin:Ellen is the quintessential cat. Independent, intelligent, and not easy to pin down, Ellen has integrity. You have to earn her trust and respect and there is no way she could be bribed for a treat or even, say, a tweet.
Last week Ellen got retweeted by P!nk. THE P!nk. As in that exclamation point is not a typo because we are talking about the freakin’ for real P!NK! which is a pretty big deal. She was excited for sure, but if it had been me, I would have thrown a ticker tape parade and bought some balloons.
O.M.GEEEEEEEE! This even impressed my 15 year old, not my 13 year old, but 1 out of 2 ain’t bad.
Ellen: Oh, really. I do believe you greeted me by saying, “Hey, I saw your Twitter thing.” Meanwhile, yesterday, you got retweeted by two regular citizens and you called me up, “I’m so proud of myself!! I’ve gotten back in the Twitter game and I got two, TWO, of my quips retweeted! How cool is that!?” My tweet is still going round and round Twitterland thanks to P!nk’s 21 MILLION rabid followers and you want a bacon treat for being broadcast to 80 extra people.
Erin:Down, girl. I feel like I should throw you some catnip.
Ellen: On the other hand, you are, without a doubt, the dog. Loyal, friendly, and playful, you are every bit a girl’s best friend as long as I make sure to stick to a stroking schedule. I collect things to say like “Good Erin,” “That’s a great job,” and “Aren’t you the best little blogger in the world for not breaking the site when you added that plug-in?” to toss out twenty times a day.
Erin:When have I ever added a plug-in?
Ellen: All I am saying is that you like a good ham bone and to have your belly scratched.
Point #2: Enthusiasm
Ellen: One of your frequent mannerisms is begging like a dog when you get excited. You literally (yes, I AM using this word 100% accurately) say “Paws up!” when you get excited about something. I practically have to carry around Scooby snacks for you.
Photo not staged. AT. ALL.
Erin: That’s really okay, Team Cat. I’ve gotten used to the classic Ellen “I know it was awesome, I don’t need your congratulations.”
Ellen: I’m going to give you a slow blink on that one and a flick of my . . . tail and move on.
Point #3: We Gave Birth to Our Own Kind
Erin:You know how people say having a puppy is like having a baby? Well, in my case, the reverse is true too. My kids are constantly tugging on me, bumping up against me, and hanging off me—and that is just the teens. My litter may all technically be housebroken, but you cannot leave them unattended for too long or the whole place goes to the dogs if you get my not-too-subtle drift. As the proverbial Queen of this Puppy Pound, I feel like I am stockpiling balls and treats just to keep these puppies happy.
Ellen: And my girls are just like me. Basically, they come around for me to feed them, then they go about their business. They’re purrr-fect. The example that proves the rule: My 15 year old just made All County Orchestra. I had to specifically ask her if she had heard any results. Her reply?
“Yeah, I found out last week. I made it.” Then she sauntered away. Tail flick explicitly implied.
Ultimately, our particular brand of blog magic comes because we complement each other. We were never yin and yang or Oscar and Felix, but were, and still remain, a Tom and Jerry for the new millennium. Erin brings an energy and enthusiasm that is hard to deny or contain (it’s better to just ride that wave, honestly) while Ellen keeps it real and keeps us on track (you really do want her in your getaway car, the girl has mad skills).
And then there’s that other special ingredient that makes it extra fun AND extra special: the fact that we are great friends who love and care for our kids, our friends, our little ole blog, and each other.
With the dawning of 2014, we realize once again just how quickly time flies when you are riding the jet plane of fun known as parenthood. Looking in the rear view mirror, we are gratified that much of it was more than good, it was great. But lest we forget, we are recording for Auld Lang Syne:
1. We Partied Like Rock Stars
Well, that might be overstating it a bit, but we did have a darn good time every time we got together. Whether we were climbing mountains, kayaking down rivers, or squiring our girls to the theater, we really did know how to get our fun on. And we can throw a party like nobody’s business. But, we just miiiiiight be over baby showers at this point. Don’t hold it against us.
Taste Testers
But it wasn’t all fun and games. . .
2. We Gained Some Perspective
Blogging really does encourage us to slow down and appreciate our kids, ourselves, and our friends. Whether we were learning from the mouths of babes after a neighborhood fire, watching teens helping a friend with autism, or realizing that this whole Mom gig works much better when you rustle up a posse, we expanded our points of view. This helped us greatly come to grips with some of the thornier aspects of our lives.
3. We Called a Truce
We have a love/hate relationship with kids’ sports. We love the exercise and discipline, but we kinda hate the driving and the sideline politics. A fresh outlook gave us just the attitude adjustment needed to bury the hatchet with organized sports after some small travel team fiascoes. We were able to focus on all the positive things sports bring into our lives.
Penalty! Illegal use of hands . . . and gums.
4. We Were Published!
We were so excited to be a part of the anthology, You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth. We got the thrill of seeing our names in print–in a for real book–and scored the cyber honor of our own Amazon authors’ pages. Here is Ellen’s and here is Erin’s. But what really made our hearts happy was meeting many of our co-authors and even going to our very first book signing! And then there was a second book signing! With cupcakes.
Beware the penguin. Respect The Sisterhood.
5. We Were a BlogHer Humor Voice of the Year!
We were beyond stoked when were chosen as a BlogHer Humor Voice of the Year for The Sensible Sisterhood Summer Camp. We just felt acknowledged. We even made a video so everyone could recognize us. (Good thing we had name tags.)
Judging women’s adequate appreciation of motherhood is a plague upon the internet. But instead of choosing sides, we picked humor because, well, to quote our own piece: “Kids can be narcissistic Napoleonic assholes.” We might not have been as playful when Ellen took a writer and mother to task for “pinkwashing” Harry Potter. Let’s all just be sensible, m’kay?
7. We Read A Ton!
Almost nothing brings us as much joy as a good book. Our families, Cheez-its, and Sour Patch Kids are pretty great too, but books, well, we girls have no words. Who are we kidding? We’re nothing if not verbose and here are all of the book lists we made to prove it:
This was the year Ellen’s family put in a pool. They saved and they planned ahead and it should have been been completed by the beginning of May. Should have been. Mother Nature didn’t understand that we wanted our water fun with a side of sun, NOT in the form of endless rain. (Are you now singing Purple Rain in your head? No? You are now.)
Track the progress from us trying to pass off the excavation as a “fun summer camp activity” to the “Ghetto Chic Stage” it was forever stuck in, to the big reveal. It even served as our blogging office. Bring a cooler full of drinks and food and Ellen might even unlock the gate for you.
9. We Sent Up a Flare For the Teen Years
By February, we will have five teenagers between the two of us. Before you start passing around a collection plate to pay for our Sour Patch Kids and chocolate therapy, listen to this: it’s not so bad on this side of the border. Sure, teens can remind you an awful lot of their tyrant two year old selves (it’s amazing how much they are alike). But they can also be sweet and funny and generous when they let their true spirits seep out from under the cloud of Axe and angst they tote around. And yes, the teen years can be scary, but we believe firmly that duct tape, kisses, and prayers really do help.
10. We Got By With a Little Help From Our Friends
We had fantastic fun imagining how great our lives would be if we could just rent a Sister Wife. Actually that is not entirely true because we know the joys of Sisterly help. Don’t go signing us up for a reality show (unless of course, you have actual connections because we have some ideas for you). We’re talking about the all mom/all kid Big Love Camping Trip we take every year with our three other friends. No really, it’s fun.
But one of our greatest joys was meeting the friends inside of our computer. Lines were blurred and blogging friends became real life friends. True friends, no matter where they live, make life more rich and joyous.
Here’s to another great year full of friendship, love, and good enough parenting!
(Ellen promises not to toast you with this monstrosity.)
We had our very first book signing for “You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth”! It was just such a great evening that we’re having a hard time deciding which was our favorite part.
Want to know about the penguin? Come to a book signing.
Anna, Kim Forde, Catharine Wilder, owner of Kidville in Westfield, NJ, Kim Bongiorno, Ellen, Erin
Erin:Yeah, we’re not gonna lie, that was pretty fabulous. Those ladies rocked the house with their readings. My abs totally got a work-out from laughing so hard.
Ellen: Was the best part having people line up for little ol’ US to sign their books?
Photo NOT staged. There are totally people on the other side of the table. Really.
Erin:That was more than a little gratifying. Usually I’m reading to my cats or my kids. Very different atmosphere.
Ellen: Was the best part talking with the phenomenal ladies who came out to see us and share some laughs?
Erin:That definitely ranks up there. In the midst of a jam-packed fall schedule full of fun for our kids but not-so-much fun for the moms, this lively, lovely Girls Night Out was a bright spot.
Ellen: So basically they could all be labeled “The Best”. But we do have one UNEXPECTED “Bestest Best”:
We were made to feel like World Travelers!
Erin:People were so nice, and they wanted to know all about us.
Ellen: But we couldn’t believe their amazement when we told them where we were from.
Erin:You would think we had journeyed from a land far, far away. . . like the Midwest. They peppered us with questions.
“Did you take the train?”
“What TIME did you have to leave to make it here?”
“You’ve come so far. Are you making this into a long weekend?”
Ellen: We can understand the responses because we traveled from . . . wait for it . . . Maryland to New Jersey. Now granted, maybe our journey was made to feel like so much more because of the way Erin describes where we live . . .
“We’re in the eastern part of Maryland. You know, tucked into the northern corner. So if the Chesapeake Bay is here, we’re here.” All the while her hands are pinwheeling and she is pointing to the palm of her hand like it’s a map.
Incidentally, she performs the same hand motions no matter what the directions are, so take that with a grain of salt.
Ellen: About the time Erin starts contorting her hand into a topographical map of our region, I jump in to say, “We’re the first exit off of 95 in Maryland on your way south.”
Erin:I do have to admit understanding starts to dawn in their eyes when you say that, but the fact of the matter is, it took us 2 hours and 20 minutes to get there.
Ellen: Hardly a safari, but we began to comprehend their mentality once we started talking to the folks a little more.
Erin:One sweet lady shared that even though her town, Fabulous, NJ, abuts right up against Just-As-Fab, NJ . . .
Erin:Her neighbor in Fabulous had not ventured into Just-As-Fab for months. Just couldn’t be bothered to make the trip.
Ellen: The “trip” was down the street. Now it all made sense.
Erin:Maybe Northerners think we don’t travel. What they don’t understand is that Ellen and I are about 30 minutes from EACH OTHER.
Ellen: We are a rural community. We have to travel to get anywhere except Walmart. I may live next to a corn field and a horse farm, but dang it, I can get a jumbo can of nacho cheese and a bike pump in less than 15 minutes.
Erin:But we do have to keep it real and admit that the 2 hours and 20 minutes we were so blasé about did turn around and bite us in the butt the next morning. See, we spent the night, BUT just so we could have some post-book signing fun.
Ellen: Well, really it was just your arse that got nipped because I didn’t have to go to work at noon.
Erin: I was really feeling pretty groovy about it all too until I started to do some mental calculations based on our trusty Garmin’s feedback. Ellen had been reassuring me the whole trip that it was wrong because she had entered her home address and not the school address as our final destination.
Ellen: Oh, but when we stopped for your vat of Diet Coke and we entered the SCHOOL’s address. . .
Yep. At 11:30, we really grasped that this was our actual destination time and was not going to change. Gulp.
Erin: At this moment, sheer panic set in. Nothing says “cool under pressure” like screaming to your pilot to “Floor it!” on the interstate. Perhaps if we hadn’t lingered over muffins and our NJ host’s adorable offspring, we would have given ourselves the time cushion we truly needed.
Ellen: But what would’ve been the excitement in that because who doesn’t love a good adrenaline rush? Helps the carbs to sit like a lump in your stomach. But you know what? Regret is for suckers!
Erin:Exactly! We were now not just Erin and Ellen, Sensible Moms Extraordinaire. We were Ellen and Erin, intrepid travelers on our own amazing race.
Ellen: You are fully aware of the irony of the words “sensible” and “extraordinaire” in that last statement, right?
Ellen is definitely the girl you want driving your getaway car. She would probably be great helping to hide that body too. Just sayin’.
Erin: Well, we’re not changing our name now. We did pull into the parking lot of the school with a solid ten minutes to spare and no traffic violations. So I popped a couple of Sour Patch Kids in my mouth, grabbed the rest of the world’s largest travel soda, and set off to light some young minds on fire ’cause that’s how I roll.
Do not attempt this at home. You need to be a true addict. Like Erin.
Ellen: Yeah. How you roll. If being chauffeured and not looking at the time is what you mean, then I’ll agree.
Erin:And on that note of agreement, maybe we’ve inspired you to take a little trip of your own. Hmmmm . . .
The journey has just begun!
Don’t let the innocent eyes and Sponge Bob hat fool you. He’s a player.
Sad you missed our signing?
Dying to unravel the mystery of the penguin?
Need a Girls Night Out with wine and cupcakes?
Wondering if Erin’s hair really is as soft as it looks?
You are in luck because you have a second chance!
On October 3rd, we’ll be in Downingtown, PA.
You are Invited!
Kismet: 5031 Horseshoe Pike, Downingtown, PA 19335. Check out the event page on Facebook.
Can’t make it? Don’t let distance or schedules keep you from enjoying “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth”. Buy it here!
Want a copy for your iPad, Nook, or Sony Reader too? You can buy those here.
Thank you so much! Now put your seats in the upright positions, we are ready for take off!
SWAG! This word inspires more excitement in bloggers’ hearts than a declaration that Captcha has been banned from the internet. At a blogging conference, it is the battle cry of a generation . . . or at least of the attendees who forked over big bucks to be there and want some goodies to ease the pain of the post-conference credit card statement.
Just look at the expo floor at the BlogHer 2103 Conference.
OK, this is mostly a picture of Erin, but you can kinda sorta see the expanse of the hall behind her.
But that wasn’t all. There was swag distributed to our rooms too! Oh, the excitement of opening those bags!
Disclaimer: All excitement in this photo is highly staged.
But Jockey was not going to be outdone. Behold the gag gift hit of the conference. It is also rumored that children all over the country have incorporated them into imaginative play. So thumbs up for enriching the youth, Jockey.
Those white plastic cups are basically boobie gauges. We also got a $30 coupon off of a $60 bra. For all this, we were encouraged to accept the honor of blogging about it.
Along those lines, Denny’s paid to have laminated menus and some dollar store plastic distributed to each room with a note–Please share our exciting new menu with your followers. Oy. We bet a grand slam breakfast would have a greater chance of being devoured at a vegan block party than those menus had of making it into suitcases.
Here’s the thing, Brands, may we call you Brands? You’re treating us like customers, not like partners. Swag is fun but it doesn’t pay the bills. Stop thinking of us as hobbyists because we are businesses. We create a product in our writing that earns us readers and followers on social media platforms. We have clout. When we speak, the people who are listening care what we say because we have built relationships with them. Think laser beam attention AND interaction.
You would never ask a magazine or a newspaper to give you space for free even though you have no guarantee any reader is going to really look at your words. Readers aren’t there for your brilliant ads –so many other interesting words and shiny (in the case of newspaper, grainy) pictures to look at. You even have to create your own ads a good portion of the time.
So with that in mind, Brands, you have no problem throwing us a coupon while smirking, “You’re welcome for that awesome blog topic, write away! Oh, and make an awesome graphic too, we hear that’s pretty popular.”
Can you understand the indignation? It’s like handing someone a coupon for paint, asking them to drive to the store to pick it up, and oh, while you’re there, buy the brushes with your own money, and then skillfully tattoo the front of your house with “Buy Slim Shady Paint” for all of your friends to see. But wait, not in an obvious way. Make it seem like you WANTED to do it.
Psst, Bloggers, now that we have Brands muttering, can we have a word with you over here? Do you know why Brands do this?
Because they are able to.
Bloggers give their websites over for free all of the time. Your energy, time, and social platform is worth more than a bottle of lotion. Stop giving the blog juice away for free even if they’re giving you some yummy cookies to go with it. YOU ARE WORTH MONETARY COMPENSATION!
So next time you get an offer,
1. Is it a product or service you believe in and think your readers would too? If no, don’t do it. Integrity is the basis of your writing product.
2. If yes, and you haven’t seen any money in the initial contact, ask them what their budget is. If they say “no money” or don’t cough up some serious merchandise, scroll away. While a nice laptop may be worth your time, a stick of deodorant never is.
3. If they make an offer of $10 and the lint in their pockets, ask for what you are worth. If they balk, scroll away.
4. If they say, “Why yes, we did find money for you in this huge bank account we have,” you have just realized your worth AND made the internet a better place for your blogging brothers and sisters. And you now have the moolah for a web designer to fix your slow upload speed. Or for a mortgage payment. Homes are important.
We have a list for you too, Brands. Don’t think we forgot about you.
“Don’ts” for Brands
1. Don’t give us materials thinking it is an honor for us to share them. We have other interesting topics to write about, thanks.
2. Stop treating us like customers. A catalog does not count as swag. Or compensation.
3. Don’t ask us to use hours of our time for a chance to win a prize. Would you give up your paycheck for a spin of the roulette wheel to win a sofa?
4. Don’t blow your blogging budgets on huge parties where there is no real point beyond an open bar. What is a blogger supposed to do with that? Take that money and pay some bloggers to work directly with you. If you buy a blogger a drink, she says thank you and walks away. If you pay her a salary, she gives you value and she can stock her own fridge.
5. If you’re still going with the party thing because you think a tweet is worth a chafing dish of crab dip, for the love of ease please have your Twitter handles and Instagram accounts posted. Symbols on your banners don’t help. We can’t click on them.
6. Don’t just pick any bloggers to work with you. Do your research and pick the ones who are a good fit. Your return on your investment will go cha-ching and you’ll actually see that yes indeed, this is THE way to reach customers.
And we’ll end it on a positive note:
THE “Do” for Brands
Do treat bloggers like the business people we are.
We have been blogging for about a year and a half, but this week right here is when a slew of our family and “In-Real-Life” friends have suddenly been, “Soooo explain to me EXACTLY what you do on your website thingy because I thought you were just diddling on Facebook and ignoring your kids.”
This explanation can take a loooooooong time when you have to start at how to turn on the computer, but it’s worth it to get to the part where Al Gore created the internet for all to enjoy.
Maybe their interests were peaked by this photo. Famous people do make folks get all flustery and, well, interested.
Forever grateful to the random blogger Erin threw her DSLR to as we stormed the stage. Grateful she was a great photographer and that she didn’t immediately think, “Score! New camera for me.” We hope you see this post, our photography angel, so we can really thank you. From left to right is US!, Lisa from Grandma’s Briefs, Sandra from Apart From My Art, Lois from Midlife at the Oasis, Janie Emaus, Julie from Julie DeNeen 2.0, and a little smidgen of Katia from I Am The Milk.
Apparently fighting our way to the front for school plays and gymnastic recitals served us well because look at us!
Nah, we’re just kidding. We were one of the last on stage because we had to scale the side like spider monkeys in heels. It was so crowded, we had no choice but to be in the front. Once again, Ellen’s propensity for procrastination was rewarded.
Queen Latifah did say she would call us up to be on her new talk show when she did her segment on “soccer moms who are unusually spry and not afraid to show their Spanx to strangers to get what they want.” Well, she didn’t say it in words, but she has really expressive eyes.
But this is really the middle of the story. What got us here to be honored as a BlogHer 2013 Humor Voices of the Year was our writing.
We had learned our lesson and ditched the heels.
We still can’t believe our writing was blown up to Shaquille O’Neal proportions. And that sucker would have totally gone home with us if we could have sneaked it out, but Erin totally made a spectacle of herself going past security because she couldn’t find her badge. She pretends to be all sweet, but then she is all like, “Fight the power, I don’t need no stinkin’ badge,” and we’re left looking longingly at the all meat buffet over a really big guy’s shoulder.
A Sausage Fest without the star power of Channing Tatum. This was ALL of the food. Oh wait, we exaggerate, there was white bread, too.
We did get in and the security guy became our best buddy, but all hopes of smuggling an 8 foot tall display board were dashed.
But the poster board is the middle of the story too. The beginning of the story is our writing. When we started, we weren’t even able to fully imagine where the blog would lead us, but it’s the writing that has gotten us there – from the opportunities we have gotten to the friendships we have made.
BlogHer 2013 reiterated for us:
Never lose sight of your writing craft because that is what drives your blog machine forward.
Your blog is your business, so treat it with the respect it deserves.
It is okay to do business with kindness and compassion and to help others along the way.
To understand what a special lift-each-other-up kind of business blogging really is, behold our Anti-Square-to-Spare moment with Norine from the Science of Parenthood. Remember on Seinfeld when Elaine was trapped in the public restroom with no toilet paper and the biotch in the next stall told her she did not even have a square to spare? Well we had a blank white template to spare and we shared it with Norine because she needed it to really get her Pinterest game going.
She was profoundly thankful and we really couldn’t understand the depth of her gratitude until we talked with her about her blogging experiences versus her time in the magazine world. We can see why she finds it refreshing.
And here is the kicker, we were sharing the template that Kim from Let Me Start By Saying shared with us. We were just paying the kindness forward.
And speaking of showing the love, we have been helped and embraced by so many, but we have never created a blogroll. It just felt too overwhelming, but when we looked at our pictures from BlogHer, we realized they just about formed our “Blogs We Read/Share/Love/Honor” for us. So if a picture is worth a thousand words, our thousand pictures should be worth a library.
You’re kind of in luck because this picture right here is a large chunk of our adoration. We do like to be efficient.
Okay, the efficiency might end here. There is going to be overlap . . . and you’re gonna love it.
Left: Michelle from Old Dog New Tits and Mel from According to Mags. Right: That is Michelle and Mel again promoting their bimonthly link-up “Ketchup With Us” with Kelley from Kelley’s Break Room squeeeeeeezed in the middle.
This is a fabulous photo of Kelley’s Break Room and Let Me Start By Saying, but we really just had to honor the photo bombing skills of Frugalista Blog.
Here is House TalkN with our newest blog crush via Mommy Shorts: Harlow, the most interesting baby in the world.
FOR THE RECORD: Editing all of these photos was much more time consuming than making a traditional blog roll! What were we thinking? AND we met other great ladies of whom we have no great pictures.
This post is going to have a little bit of something for everyone.
For our “real life” friends – What BlogHer and VOTY mean will finally be revealed!
For our blogging friends – You will be given the tools to pick us out in the crowd!
For our children – We gift you with a heaping dose of humiliation!
BlogHer is the HUGE conference on all things women and blogging – over 5,000 attendees last year! There are seminars on how to hone and pump up your blogging craft, there are speakers, there is an expo floor full of brand representatives ready to toss out swag, and there are lounges where they pamper you with caffeine and wifi. We even heard somewhere there is karaoke, but we’ll be skipping that . . . and the universe breathed a sigh of relief.
Another part of this extravaganza is Voice Of The Year – VOTY. This is where bloggers submit their own best writing (or the blog posts of their peers) to be judged in one of four categories: Op-Ed, Humor, Heart, or Inspiration. Each category has honorees, three readers, and a People’s Choice Award.
There were 2,600 submissions, but only 25 pieces were honored in each category! I’m assuming we’ll be able to pick out the committee members at the conference by their blood shot eyes and fear of sunlight. What an impossible job to pick 100 pieces of writing out of that honkin’ deep pool of talent. That is why we were delighted and gratified when we were chosen as a Humor Honoree for The Sensible Sisterhood Summer Camp. Read the rest of the selections here to understand why we’re so humbled.
We’ve really taken this explanation as far as we can BECAUSE THIS IS OUR FIRST CONFERENCE! We’re newbies and we’re just gonna ride the wave to Chicago and have a blast! But we were a little worried that our blogger friends would not be able to recognize us in the flesh. So that is where the humiliation of our children comes in. We made a video. Behold.
And then they vlogged . . .
So it’s a little fuzzy and sound challenged, but so are we. Maybe we’ll just stick to what got us here – writing.
