Erin: Our babies are all growing up, and we are in the enviable position of sitting back and taking a little look-see around at how things are going. So I started thinking about what Ellen and I hoped we were getting right.
Ellen: And I started panicking. I’m used to being judged by my tween and teen on a daily basis, but this performing for the gold medal of motherhood is going to go on forever! My kids could be writing lists about ME on a blog 20 years from now.
Erin: Oh my, that is something to think about…
Ellen: We both have families that are great at grabbing the fun in life, but parenting is not all sunshine and giggles. I really feel like I need to defend myself for some of the things I do. You know, plead my case for the future.
Erin: Well now that you got me all worked up, I agree.
So without further ado:
Pleading Our Case for Ten Things We Hope We Are Doing Right As Parents
In Erin’s House, we say “Fight the Tiger. Embrace the Mountain.”
1.We work hard and ask them to do the same. We try to instill in our kids that they are blessed and for them to appreciate that. Some things will come easy for them and some things won’t.
Ellen’s go-to t-shirt motto is “Hard work beats talent when talent hardly works.” Pretty much sums it up. If you are talented, you need to bring your A game. Every Day. If you have struggles, you can beat them with hard work and determination.
We hope they know. . .
2. We support, but we don’t do excuses. We are all kinds of available. Whether our kids need a ride, a good meal, help conjugating a verb, or advice, we make the time to listen and be there. We are their shoulder to cry on. But if they skip practices and don’t make the team or they blow off studying and get a “D,” we are here to tell them they got the results that equaled the effort they put forth. No pity parties.
And on that note…
3. We don’t do confetti canons. And we deplore participation trophies. A rich life is not about just showing up. We model that you achieve for yourself. Your reward is that you get to lead the life you want to live.
But…
4. We respect their successes as THEIRS alone. NOT ours. We revel in their achievements and are thrilled for them, but when it’s their moment to shine, we step out of the limelight. We have chronic shoulder injuries; we refuse to tweak them by straining to pat ourselves on the back.
And to take it a step further…
5. We respect them. They are not our products or our possessions. They are their own people with their own thoughts, goals, and likes.
But with that in mind, we do our fair share of influencing…
6.We immerse our kids in culture.Ugh. Sounds dreadful, right? Wrong.
If you just make learning fun. . .
We watch movies, read books, use technology, dance to Wii games, watch Youtube videos, visit museums, travel, listen to music, take our kids to restaurants, take them to sporting events, and talk about the news. In short, we participate. It’s a great big world and we are all just living in it. Also, life’s a whole lot funnier if you get the jokes.
And the jokes are even better when you can share them…
7.We are good at turning family into friends. Family is your first best friend. Period. Siblings are included. Always. Our homes are places of safety and kind words. Meanness is not allowed or passed off as that is just what kids do. We hope this is the recipe for developing blood bonds into actual ones.
But don’t get us wrong, we’re not some freaky Von Trapp cult…
8.We are good at turning friends into family. Friendships are the true gifts in life and we have been very fortunate in finding some that have moved into the realm of family. Our kids are lucky enough to be surrounded by loving people. We hope they appreciate how special this really is.
But when you are this blessed, it is your responsibility to give back…
We get by with a little help from our friends
9. We model service. One of our friends said that she would feel like an utter failure if her kids achieved personal success without any regard for other people. We agree with heads nodding wildly in solidarity. There is no aspect of our lives where we don’t give a little of our time and talent.
But you can’t feel a need to serve unless…
10.We teach responsibility. We teach household tasks and hold them accountable. We let them know that our teams require team players. No gold stars for pitching in. Adults don’t get any rewards for cleaning up messes or taking care of themselves. Some things just need to get done, and nobody is going to do them for you. Best to learn this lesson from those who know you and love you best.
Okay, gavels down. We’re going to make sure our kids have the hyperlink to this post, when they are passing their own judgments.
Hats off to both you ladies! Love this list, and I agree with every one!
Jennifer Worrell recently posted..Ten Things Our Parents Did to Not Screw Us Up
You are awesome parents, this list is amazing! If not now, one day your kids will appreciate every single point.
Stacie @ Snaps and Bits recently posted..10 Things My Parents Did Right
You two are amazing and I want you to come to my house and we can have coffee and our kids can all play together. Ok? (-:
Ado recently posted..10 Things My Alcoholic Parents Taught Me
you two = all kinds of amazing and awesomeness!
I predict you will truly like the list your children will make for/about you 20 years from now. they’ve had a darn fine example.
Rorybore recently posted..Monday Listicles: Mama Knows Best
Great list and all wonderful things to instill in our children. I don’t do the participation trophies either. I think when we make our kids believe that even simply being there is enough in life we do them an injustice.
Angel recently posted..My parents taught me…. Monday Listicles..
Oh, great, now I have this whole new standard of parenting to live up to… 😉
But seriously, wonderful list, I definitely want to get good at doing 2 and 6, and I wish my MIL would have a little more of number 4… I’m afraid she could dislocate her shoulder from all the back patting for both her children and mine’s successes (real or imaginary)
BonnyBard recently posted..Monday Listicles Two for the price of one…
LOVE your spin on the list, and the list itself – I was going to say, “Especially #3,” but really it’s especially all of them!
hollow tree ventures recently posted..I’m Not As Screwed Up As You Think
What a fantastic list! With every point, I kept thinking “yes!”. Sounds like you both are doing a great job. 🙂
Brandee recently posted..My parents had it right
A very nice parental philosophy.
Wayne recently posted..Monday Listicles
This is all kinds of fabulous. These are so important. I like people who take their kids places. It is a bit late to train table manners in restaurants in collage 😉
Stasha recently posted..Monday Listicles
Great list. A reminder of many things for myself as a parent, making sure I’m doing all of these things.
I want to come and live with you guys…you both sound amazing. I only hope I can teach my kids the same…and it’s HARD work sometimes, but very worth it in the end.
Don’t worry about the teens and tweens, they’ll figure it out in 20 years, right? And they will be posting about all the good things you’ve taught them 🙂
Runnermom-jen recently posted..Feeling Inspired…
I’m hoping that if it feels hard, then I’m on the right track. I keep wanting to addendum our list as I read the others.
For example, one of the hardest things, is being a parent first, not a friend. Ellen
I can only hope to be doing these same things. I love the family into friends. That is SO TRUE! And the excuses…I have so little tolerance for excuses. Forgiveness is abundant…excuses make me cranky. 🙂
Ducky recently posted..10 Things My Parents Did
I want to add THAT to our list: Zero tolerance for excuses made possible by abundant forgiveness! You are a genius. Ellen
Confetti canons you say? I think I’m a little guilty. I love the reasoning behind it and am going to have to rethink things….
Great list!
Jill recently posted..Monday Listicles: 10 Things My Mom Did Right
Don’t get us wrong, we take pride in and celebrate our children’s achievements, but something like turning a paper in on time does not qualify as an achievement. And celebration usually means spending time together or a special meal. 🙂 Ellen
You have definitely pleaded your case well. If your kids don’t appreciate you now (and what tween/teen does on a regular basis?) they will later. Plus, I LOVE your t-shirt motto!
Leslie recently posted..{Monday Listicles} 10 Things My Parents Did Right
It sounds like you guys are doing a great job. I love #7! We work hard on that one here too. Great list, ladies 🙂
Delilah recently posted..I’ve Become My Mother…and that’s not always a bad thing
After reading your list, I feel like I should add that my marriage comes first because that is what is best for all of us. And you are right, siblings are a gift. Ellen
The Sisterhood recently posted..Pleading Our Case: 10 Things We Hope We Are Doing Right
My shoulder isn’t sore at all – so I’m patting you both on the back for being seriously fabulous:)
Bridget recently posted..Lonely Army Wife
What a kind thing to read! Thank you! Ellen
A wonderful list to emulate! Thanks for sharing!!
Mom of A and a recently posted..Learning from my kid
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“They are not our products or our possessions.” “Their successes are theirs alone.” Sometimes it is so hard not to live vicariously through them – not to validate oneself via their triumphs or beat ourselves up for the contrary. Thank you for this.
Sounds like the perfect recipe for raising responsible and considerate adults. This is one of those posts that all parents should read! I’m doing well at #6, but the others… need lots more work. 🙂 Thanks!
Jessica recently posted..[112/365] Cleaning Day
You put into words so well what is going on in my head. When I am not caught up in the trivial moments (breaking up the umpteenth stupid argument, etc.), these are the most important things I think I should be doing as a parent. Thanks for the clarification and verification!
Thank you for saying something about those participation trophies. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to give everyone a trophy was sadly mistaken. Sports are about winning and losing. Life isn’t fair so why should a sporting event be. The one my daughter should have gotten we left with the coach and told him to recycle it. 🙂
You two are fantastic mothers that any child would love to have!!! I am so proud of you girls, and the things that you do. Love you all.
Wonderful list! I think this should be published in one of those snotty parenting magazines or something. I’m so sick of wimpy, politically correct parenting. It’s nice to see some people are still here on Planet Earth! You are raising kids to be decent adults, and that’s really all any of us are trying to do, right?
The (not so) Special Mother recently posted..Soggy Bottom Blues (or, Love Thy Neighbor)
Loved this! I’m with Kerry of HouseTalkN. Please adopt me. Or my kid. Adopt us both! 🙂 You’ve got a good model for all to follow. Especially the part about hard work beating talent AND going to museums, etc. In our house we also hit the diversity convo pretty hard because we want to grow a tolerant accepting human. One of my favorite mini-moments is when we play that game Life. I always choose a pink peg to ride in the car next to me when it’s time to get married. Gives me the chance to wax on about being able to marry the person you love regardless of gender. But this list sounds like you all did a fantastic job. I would love to meet your children!
Norine of Science of Parenthood recently posted..Things My Kid Taught Me About Geometry
Number 7 is my favorite…we have been talking about that a lot around our house this summer…my girls are sisters, but they are also forever friends! Great post!-Ashley
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