Ellen – It is January and my house has not seen complete order since the weekend before Thanksgiving. It is bringing me down.  The walls are closing in.  For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to honor Coco’s request to redo her bedroom in the manner befitting a teenager.  Here is the insanity: I started all this on the Monday before Thanksgiving.  Get me some Haldol because I am clearly psychotic. Even before the holidays began, I started out so far behind the eight ball that I was not even in the billiard hall.

Erin-My friend Ellen is one of the smartest people I know.  I am not blowing sunshine up her you-know-what, but it’s important to note this in light of this decision she made.  I understand her rationale. Truly, I do. Frank had extra time off the week before Thanksgiving, so she would have help. BUUUUTTTT, if she had asked me, I might have mentioned that decluttering a teen’s room (eight bags of trash, no lie), stripping wall-paper, repainting a room, picking out a new bed, painting old furniture to match the new room, and putting the whole damn thing back together IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HOLIDAYS might be a tall order, even for her.  She pulled it off, of course, and only had one meltdown much later in the holidays when Shutterfly’s site got twitchy as she was trying to finish her presents.

Ellen – Um, had more than one meltdown, but I try not to take every tantrum public.  And Erin is presenting the summary of the story as seen from the end of the tunnel of hindsight.  The project snowballed, people!  Snow! Balled!  We were just painting the room to match the comforter she got for her birthday this summer. I did not know I would be digging through the basement searching for the vanity that I remembered was left as a “gift” from the previous owners of our house, because Coco expressed interest in a $900 Pottery Barn Teen vanity.  I did not know that aforementioned vanity would take 8, yes 8, cans of spray paint to cover its dried-out surfaces.  I did not know that the first bed would come damaged.  I didn’t know; but I should have known.

HOWEVER, I have now found a scapegoat for all of my misery, and her name is Erin. It is really Erin’s fault all of this took place in November, because she was busy dragging me and my crew all over the countryside this summer making us have fun.  We should not have been splashing through waterfalls, we should have been painting!

BUT, this room project is going to be fodder for another blog because quite frankly, it is too soon.  Too soon!  So, what I want to talk about is how Erin keeps her zen in a house filled with 7 people, 4 of which are boys.  I did ask her advice.

Erin- I am not a neat person by design.  Ask my poor sister or my college roommates.  I tend toward disorder and chaos, but I was holding it together.  I was getting it done. The fifth kid was a game changer.  Our slight shift in number represented a cosmic shift in our universe. We had become the very embodiment of the scientific concept that systems left to themselves tend towards disorder. Um, yeah, and then some.  My newly super sized crew meant that I needed to learn some new skills and quick or we would be invited to star in the next episode of “Hoarders”.  Cue my lovely friend, Lauri, our organized Sister.  We all think she rocks.  She assessed the situation and gave me advice. Proud to say that we are now clean-as-you-go converts. Occasionally, we let this golden rule slide, and things start looking like a market in Calcutta in no time flat.

 The close proximity of so many people means that occasionally all you desire is to breathe your own air and listen to yourself think.  To this end, we also respect that one room in the house is the Oasis.  For us, it’s the master bedroom. No clutter, no mess, no dirty ugly reminders of the business taking place in the rest of the house.  I can’t be the evil ogre mom and outlaw food in the family room (I LOVE popcorn with my movies!) nor do I feel like harping on every errant shoe, belt, or ball.  But I will disappear into the Oasis and take a load off.  I will put my head down on a well-made bed and pick up a neatly stacked book from my bedside table and drift away for a few minutes.  Pure heaven.

Ellen- It is a wonderful system, but just listen to what it has spawned.  Loopholes developed. The order may be a Mirage.  But hey, I would settle for things looking good at a distant at this point.

Erin- So, one piece of advice was to make the beds every day. Great idea. Everything looks neat and tidy. Mental space opens up. Deep Breath and AHHHHH.  Well, my peeps did not get the memo. I was violating the Dymowski Law of Inertia.  They were going to resist this change in their momentum. My brilliant offspring, mostly because they are future men, have taken my edict to make beds and morphed it to their own ends.   They make their beds once a week and then sleep on top of their freshly made beds with whatever blankets they can find.   This is why I had to bring in the big guns.  There is a genetic laziness that could threaten our happy, little home if left unchecked.   

Ellen- I personally think it is an IQ test and that they passed.  But clearly the Sisterhood Secret is to clean-as-you-go, because it is easier to sweep up a mole hill than to sandblast a mountain.  I have used this technique, but like intense cardio, I have let it slide during the holidays.  But I defy anyone to say that this technique would have succeeded against the Coco Room Apocalypse.  If I can ever get to baseline again (take the Christmas decorations down) I swear I will once again clean-as -I -go.

And just in case you think I’m one of those uptight women that needs a Valium if the vacuum tracks aren’t lined up in the same direction or if you think I am using hyperbole for comedic effect; I have two words for you: photographic evidence.

In order to time the project so that Frank could help me take down the wallpaper, we just hauled everything out of Coco's room without sorting.

Coco had 11 years to squirrel away her treasures. But I do have to give her props that she readily tossed things when forced to do so.

 Ellen- Now excuse me, I have to go excavate for an Oasis.

Want to see how Coco’s room turned out? Click to Read More.

We’ve linked up with Yeah Write Me

Snowflakes: An Easy Decoration to Cut Out With Scissors. Flakes: You're Lucky We Don't Jab You With Scissors.

Erin: Nothing says holiday like the full frontal assault of requests for volunteers.  From the Christmas parties to the Breakfasts with Santa to the Bazaars and Pageants, every school, church, and youth group is begging for your free time. Gear up, girls, this is our moment to shine.

Ellen: Ah, sweet volunteering.  Nothing can get more done or strip more nerves than a room full of women.  It is only December, and I could kill someone.

Erin: Don’t get me wrong.  I choose to volunteer.  A lot.  So does Ellen.This is how we “pay it forward”, and all I can say is that you want us on that wall.  Heck, you need us on that wall. We show up on time, do what we say we are going to do, play nicely with others, and clean up after ourselves.  The Sisterhood Secret when it comes to Volunteering? Hook a sister up—fakes, flakes, and troublemakers not welcome.

Yeah, I'm crafty and I like to party.

Ellen: To demonstrate proper volunteer etiquette, we have created this entirely FICTIONAL event so that no one thinks we are talking about her.  But if something strikes a chord, perhaps it is time for a little reflection.  It is NOT time to permanently claim your title as a “Pain in the Rump” by emailing us to complain.

Erin: So without further ado- Welcome to our Annual Penguin Craft Party! We wanted to subtitle it: “You might be a pain in the rump volunteer if…”  On further reflection, we decided to give this a more positive spin. Just know that if you violate these simple rules, we will dub you Queen of the PITAs (figure it out).

1.Respect the planning period!  If while setting up for an event that has been planned for months, you try to highjack it with the idea that just popped into your head, refrain. Take a deep breath. Count to ten. Think of that great trip you will be taking with your husband without the kids.  DO NOT utter your brilliant thought NOW or EVER. That ship has sailed.  Here is a little example to illustrate our point. Say, you are in the gym setting up for the Annual Penguin Craft Party.  Now is not the time to rally support for the idea that this party could be so much MORE if it had an Inuit theme and the kids worked together to make a true-to-size igloo.

Learning to Build An Igloo is Fun and Educational! Hooray!

2. But don’t be an idea killer!  Nothing breaks hearts and quashes spirits more than the simple phrase: “But we’ve always done it this way.”  DO NOT let these words leave your lips during a PLANNING meeting.  This is the time to let the creative juices fly!  It might be fun for the kids to toss live mackerel into the penguin’s mouth!  Builds hand-eye coordination and deadens olfactory sensitivity! Give every Sister her moment. Every golden idea was a dusty little nugget at some point.

3. Execute your own ideas!  If you throw an idea out there, be ready to catch it, and run with that ball. DO NOT expect your vision to magically happen. If your brilliant idea is going to take 50 million woman hours to pull off, you should think about putting in a lot of those hours yourself, not just patting yourself on the back for how creative you are.  Start Googling how to make that igloo!  Look up dry ice dealers!  Be ready to drag that dogsled yourself.

You might want to look up fish wholesalers, too, while you're at it. Remember the mackerel toss?

4. Just worry about yourself!  Everybody is a volunteer.  Nobody is getting paid, and everyone has someplace else to be.  You are hanging with the heroes.  If you spend more time complaining about all the people that never volunteer than you do making those papier mache penguins, you are bringing the Sisters down, and making the situation negative and unpleasant.  Stop griping!  Get pasting!

5. Follow the 10 second rule!  If you have called your event chair four times in the past day, take a deep breath and put your cellphone down.  You can solve this problem yourself!  Think for 10 seconds!  Remember that you are a competent, worthy volunteer.  Remember that your chairperson, though she may be clocking a few more hours on the project than you, is still just a volunteer. Remember your sweet little cherub’s face and why you are volunteering in the first place. Use the time you just saved to cut out some more penguin bills.

Sheila is just slapping posters on the wall with the tape showing. Showing I say! I think we should make those neat little tape loops so the adhesion to the wall seems like magic. What do you think?

6. Keep your cat fights to yourself!  If you start a spat worthy of a middle school cafeteria (even if you ARE standing in a middle school cafeteria) in the midst of the Snow Cone Booth, you are a bad Sister. Period.  It is NOT proper etiquette to squirt blueberry syrup down your Sister’s shirt no matter how satisfying it may feel.

We Have ALWAYS Run the Snow Cone Booth This Way! And Your Shoes Are Hideous!

7. Do what you say you are going to do!  There is no credit for great intentions.  The only thing that matters is results.  Nobody cares if your uncle is the Chief Penguin Wrangler at the local zoo unless you get him there.  If you volunteer for him to show up and talk to the kids, he better be there with some of his feathered friends even if you have to drive him to the event yourself.  It’s all about “follow through”, Sisters!

8. Bring a great attitude.  If it applies to kids, it applies to adults. You don’t have to whistle while you work, but don’t swear, bitch, moan, or gossip.  The penguins don’t like that.  Makes ‘em cranky.

9. Clean up after yourself.  We all have kids.  That’s what got us into this mess.  When our kids leave a path of destruction in their wake, we feel like killing them.  When you do it, we just feel like killing you.  You’re not royalty.  Don’t act like it.

Surely, if I can sweep up while wearing heels, you could handle cleaning up your space? You are the one who decided it would be a silly idea to hole-punch the 400 name tags over the TRASHCAN, choosing to do it over the CUPCAKES instead.

10. Keep it up.  Don’t be a One Note Nelly.  Consider doing a little something to make EVERY event a success.  Every time you put down that glue gun, another Sister has to pick it up.

Erin: But, seriously, thank you.  Everything you do makes our kids’ school, church, youth  group, and team better, and good Sisters always acknowledge a job well done.

Ellen: Yes, thank you, and remember the list, because Ho-Ho-Ho, it’s off to work we go.  Bring it, December!!