When you first have kids, it’s a bit of a shock to your system. Until that bundle of joy is placed in your arms, it’s hard to fathom how thoroughly he or she will take over your heart. And then you realize that they take over your home, too. Toys . . . and shoes . . . and sippy cups . . . and plastic crap. Everywhere.
But what we are discussing today is the advanced level of take over. This is the level where they have embedded themselves into your homes like ticks on a hound dog. We’re not talking about blocks scattered across the floor; something that a simple sweeping up will fix. We’re talking about them entrenching themselves into your home, into the mechanism of its function so thoroughly that you don’t even recognize it anymore. We’re talking about a take over that is as insidious as cat pee because it assaults your senses at every turn, but oddly enough, you don’t see it anymore.
10 Signs Of Advanced Take Over
1. Remodeling is undertaken to meet their specific needs.
Erin – Five school aged children need a lot of homework space. So we transformed our living room into a study-carrel-bookshelf-storage-masterpiece of efficiency. It is beautiful, but it was for them. Momma might have enjoyed a nice new treadmill. (Okay, I admit it, I love those bookshelves, but still.)
2. They take over remodeling projects that were not specifically undertaken for them.
Ellen – Behold the nook for my treadmill. What’s that you say? Where’s the treadmill? Exactly. My children overtook this years ago and inexplicably christened it “The Hobo Casino”. Only a cold-hearted person who hates unicorns ad fun could dismantle a casino for hobos.
3. They do not limit their take over to one section of the house.
Ellen – One corner of my kitchen has an undercoat of magnetic paint so that I can display a portion of their prolific production of writing and art. At least it is contained to one corner. (It’s not contained to one corner.)
4. They require the purchase of their own major appliances.
Erin – We have an extra refrigerator in the garage for extra water bottles and lunch boxes. And check out the 5 dozen eggs. I had no idea this is what my life would come to. Remember the good ol’ days when the extra fridge was for beer?
5. They inspire the purchase of ridiculous pieces of furniture.
Ellen – Somehow, some way, my youngest convinced us to buy this bed for her. I do not make impractical decisions like this, but maybe a lifetime of foisting hand-me-downs onto her weakened me to her pleas. We will never be able to use this as a guest bed for an adult, it weighs a ton (we can’t even move it to repaint the room), and it has about 48 and a half steps to disassemble it. It’s Ellen’s folly, but Jellybean’s victory.
6. They redefine the standards for art.
Erin – Now I actually think a fish doodle from my kindergartner is art. And I frame it like art. I have become one of THOSE parents.
7. Artistic hierarchy is ignored. Design concepts are forgotten.
Ellen – There is no art caste system in my home. Papier mâché angel cats mingle freely with honest-to-goodness sculptures that we paid good money for. Really, it’s just a lesson in equal rights.
8. Centerpieces are no longer created to compliment your decor or celebrate the seasons.
Ellen – What can I say in my defense? I have the Death Star with a backdrop of Hogwarts as my centerpiece. Don’t tell Pinterest. Please, We’re on shaky enough terms as it is.
9. All sensibilities for the finer things in life are set adrift.
Erin – Before kids, I had fresh flowers beside my bed. Now, I have coffee filter flowers there. But you have to admit they are more hip than silk flowers. It’s upcycling for crying out loud!
10. You never want this phase of your life to end.
Our kids mark our homes like tomcats, but we must confess, we wouldn’t have it any other way. They put the joy and adventure in our lives. Plus they make pretty good scapegoats.
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