We love the Olympics. The athleticism, the pageantry, the speculation! Who is going to take home the most gold? Will it be the USA? Maybe the Cayman Islands? (Seriously, this British Territory has a slalom skier.)
But let’s think outside of the box because quite frankly, it will take our minds off of Bob Costas’ oozing pink eye. What if Motherhood was its own country?
We have our own currency: Chocolate Chip Cookies.
Our own conflicts: Mommy Wars.
Even our own traditional costume: Yoga Pants.
We challenge that Motherhood would sweep the gold and hog the podium. And YOU would be the decorated athletes.
“But Ellen and Erin, how would we find the time to train since we can’t even find the time to shower?” you ask? O ye Olympians of little faith, YOU TRAIN EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Winning ALL of the Olympic Gold at Sochi: Motherhood
Curling
Sweeping frantically to try to get a stone in a circle.
Seriously? Sweeping. Um yeah, we got this. Next!
Skiathlon
Cross-country skiing in a loop for 15 km.
Monotonously traveling the same path over and over again until we collapse from shear exhaustion and boredom? Motherhood defined!
Figure Skating
The competitive sport of ice skating in prescribed patterns and incorporating jumps.
Okay, we’ve got the jumps and spins down. Wrangling toddlers and avoiding Lego pieces keeps us on our toes. And just look at our friend Frugie from Frugalista Blog vacuum. She is indistinguishable from Ashley Wagner. This woman deserves a 10.o for pageantry . . . or at least for comedic genius.
There is so much more where this came from. Click here to see them because you DESERVE to see Frugie conquer her Nepresso machine. DESERVE!
Ice Dancing
A form of ice skating incorporating choreographed dance moves.
What says Motherhood more than tight asses, perfect hair, and adorable outfits. Wait . . . BWAHAHAHAHA!
Luge
Sliding at high speeds on ridiculously small sleds on a special track of artificially frozen ice.
We’ve got this. It’s actually the perfect metaphor for Motherhood. Nothing reflects the stomach-turning, heart-pounding aspects of parenting like hurling yourself down a track at 80 mph. Retrieving toddlers from chandeliers and open grates or teaching a teen to drive is Olympic quality training right there.
Speed Skating
Form of ice skating in which the competitors race each other on skates.
This is supposed to be difficult? Skates would only make our scrambling from place to place easier. Peshaw.
Ice Hockey
Team sport in which skaters use sticks to shoot a hard rubber puck into their opponent’s net to score.
Oh, we understand intensity, blood, and brawls: Every PTO meeting has honed our skills. If we can convince Peggy Pinterest that chocolate cupcakes made from a box are just fine for the bake sale, getting a puck past a goalie is no big deal. We also know how to throw a few elbows if the need arises.
Motherhood has prepared us well for life beyond sleep deprivation marathons, toilet training, and lunch packing. Dare we say it has prepared us to be champions? YES, WE DARE! So kick Canada off the podium because Motherhood not only has the skills to sweep the gold medals, we can Swiffer that podium, too.
Anyone know how we can get Multi-Tasking named an official sport for the Summer Olympics?
-Ellen and Erin
When I saw the link, I wondered where you were going with the post. I’m so glad I visited. It’s perfect. I had a good laugh with how true all of the analogies were. Bravo!
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