Remember those back-to-school essays: “What I Did on My Summer Vacation”? Heck, your pride and joy might be composing one as we speak.

But no one ever asks us Moms what we did. What’s that you say? Oh, now you want to know what we did? Well, it feels a bit patronizing, but since you asked, here’s what we did:

We Broke Our Kids

Erin: We are very blessed to be able to stay home with our kids but rest assured, we make the most of it.

Ellen: So much so that on one particular day, when we had nothing to do, Jellybean (11) screamed, “Hooray, I’m staying in my jammies all day!”

Erin: Yeah, if only we ALL could be as tortured as Jellybean.

Ellen: We are crying a river for her First World Problems…

Erin: So with our tongues wedged firmly in our cheeks…

First World Kid Problems Endured by Our Children

 

Learned to Fish Before Learning To Read. Could Have Just Gone To The Grocery Store.

 

 

Sore Arms Because Our Moms Stick Us In  Canoes or Kayaks Every Chance They Get. Made it Hard To Keyboard.

 

 

Had To Find Our Shoes Because A Small Fortune  Was Spent on Appropriate Footwear for Outdoor Adventures. Lost Our Level On Doodle Jump.

 

 

Had to Learn Fun But Silly Sports. Didn’t Get To Play Wii.

 

 

 

Had To Dance In The Rain.  TVs, Couches, And Computers Were Not An Option While Camping.

 

 

Had To Conquer Power Tools Because Mom Insists I Have Life Skills.  Could have ordered this stuff online with my smartphone.

 

 

Trotted Out To Playgrounds and State Parks For Fresh Air & New Experiences. Needed To Practice Wipe-Out On Our Kinects At Home.

 

 

Had To Swim With Rocks In Falling Water. Could Have Just Googled The Closest Chlorinated Pool.

 

 

 

 

Had To Learn Hard-Core Safety Techniques. We Thought Our Moms Could Keep Us Safe With Bubble Wrap.

 

 

Had To Whittle Toys. Mom Forgot To Pack My Action Figures.

 

 

Erin: So, alas, even if our kids’ essays sound a little wistful for some downtime, we can say that it was all for their own good. We did it all out of love. We. . .

Ellen: . . . had a fabulous summer and we are NOT gonna be wracked with guilt that their hands hurt writing their back-to-school essays.

Erin: You know what this is, don’t you?

Ellen: What?

Erin: A First World MOM Problem.