Erin– We all have our Mom Code—the one we live by and love by that makes our families work as smoothly as we can manage. We all have different names for the guiding principles that rule our parenting. You may call them The Law According to Mom.  We happen to call them Sisterhood Secrets.

Ellen –One of the most important Sisterhood Secrets I live by: Don’t poop in your own den.

Erin – This may need some translation if you don’t have an Ellen in your life, but let me just say right now, you should find one. Now. 

Ellen– Erin’s being very sweet, but ask our friend Mary how well they fared making tie-dyed t-shirts without me.

Erin– I shudder at the memory. Anyway, Ellen is the chick who gets things done. She is a no-fuss, no muss kind of momma, so if she tells you that she lives by this maxim, you might want to sit up and listen.  The idea of not messing up your den is a lot harder than it sounds. We all get upset, excited, tipped over our breaking points, ESPECIALLY when our babies are involved. We want the sweet release of watching someone squirm and having our voices heard. But I am telling you now, resist this urge. The squeaky wheel may get the grease at first, but pretty soon she’s just darned annoying and causing drama in the parking lot.   

Ellen– In other words, don’t make a princess-worthy stink in a place where you are going to have to play for a long time, like your kids’ schools. You can truly accomplish more by acting like the respectful person you want your kids to emulate. But forget that, I was pacing and growling around my den like a Momma Bear who had eaten gas station sushi and needed to squat.

With forethought and planning, I was seriously considering bringing it down hard on my poor elementary school. I was hot. I was considering thumbing my nose at one of my guiding principles because, darn it, I felt justified.

Now you are going to have stick with me on this one. I am not overly precious about my kids. But my Jellybean (11) came home with a D on an art project. We were not informed of this grade until AFTER the report cards came home, because it was put in late. AND it was part of a DOUBLE grade on the same project, because while the teacher was required by county policy to have 4 projects to grade, she only had 3, therefore double grade.

This same teacher had twice sent Jellybean’s work to the county art show. Where was the love now?

Erin– Have you ever heard of a double dipping grade? I mean, really, even my collar was getting warm.

Ellen- This D prevented Jellybean from getting an A in art by 0.7%. This B prevented her from having Straight A’s. This would have been Jellybean’s second marking period getting straight A’s this year. BUT get this Sisters, they FORGOT to recognize her in the newsletter for it last marking period. Hence, why I was PRIMED to make a stinky.

Erin-  And this was not Ellen’s first dance with this teacher. Years back Ellen had to encourage a rubric for objective grading. Before that, grading had been sketchy. Pun intended. 

Ellen is not all the way up her tree yet, but she is clinging to the bottom branches. 

Ellen – She is either being kind or having amnesia, because I remember being precariously at the top of this tree and throwing F bombs at anything moving. I was calling Erin as a touchstone, because I was queasy that I was going to violate my own rules. My cub had been wronged!

Erin – I know Ellen, and she has never been THAT mom—the crazy one who insists that her kids get all As. She wants her girls to excel to the best of their abilities and they do —two lovely chips off the old, but still looking fabulous, block. Jellybean happens to be a conscientious and excellent student. To say that this grade hit her hard was an understatement.

Ellen – AND Jellybean reported that they had been promised another class period to finish the project, but that the teacher had taken that extra time away as punishment.

Erin– It was the principle of the thing. Jellybean was getting the short end of the stick.

Ellen was in her tree because she was caught not between a rock and a hard place, but between two maxims that guide her parenting— between the one to keep that den nice and clean and the one that she is going to stick up for her kids. As a Sister, my job was to talk her down from the top of the tree, but she was ready for action. And I could see why. I was on her side completely.

Ellen– So I have picked my battle and I was going to kick some booty and take some names. SO what did I do?

I…I…

I let the catharsis of my venting rant to Erin wash over me. I took a breath, slept on it, and wrote an extremely polite email to the art teacher expressing my puzzlement over the grade.

Erin– Surprised?  Feeling cheated of the specter of the Momma Bear attack?

Ellen – And guess what? Since I had never pooped in the den, the teacher listened to me and expressed her surprise and regret that this had gotten past her. She teaches between two schools, and the grade had gotten lost in the shuffle. Jellybean’s class had gotten robbed of class time due to some field trips; so the teacher could not get more projects done. She acknowledged that Jellybean was a dedicated and good art student, so if she said that she thought she was going to have more time, the teacher was going to give it to her. Jellybean finished the project and was re-graded.

Erin– See?? I told you all that you needed a little Ellen in your life. How ‘bout that for results? Because she muzzled her inner Momma Bear, Jellybean and Ellen were happy, the art teacher was not eviscerated, and Ellen’s den was squeaky clean. Score one for The Sisterhood.