Ellen – “No” is the Brussels sprouts of the world of language.  But it’s not them, it’s you. People don’t know how to cook them!

And people don’t know how to use the word “No.”

Erin –  We are here to tell you to embrace Brussels sprouts.

Ellen – Ok, Green Grocer, what we are really here to tell people is to embrace the word “No.”

Erin – “No” is the ultimate negative word. When you see that on a sign, you know to put the brakes on.

Ellen – Like when you see a “No Alcohol Served Here” sign?

Erin – Yes! You know to walk the other way. But now who needs to focus?

Ellen – Ok, I’m talking about the word “No” in your mommy arsenal, because a “No” has to have firepower behind it to work. Sometimes this means getting off the couch to discipline after you’ve said “No” for the fifth time. Sometimes it means picking your battles wisely.

Erin –  Picking your battles is important. You can’t waste all of your bullets during a skirmish, because you won’t have any left for the real war. Strap on your helmet and pick up your gear, because we have a mission objective.

Ellen – We are just trying to raise human beings who can function and play with others safely in society.

Erin– Sometimes it is easier said than done. In a tale of woe from the front lines, I violated these tenets. I was lobbing grenades when I should have been using my energy to whittle down my laundry pile.

Ellen- You brought a world o’ hurt raining down on your head that you didn’t need. All over a doll.

Erin – Bratz dolls were all the rage when Biddie was in early elementary school. To say that these toys irked me is soft-selling my real issue with them. They looked like Fun-Sized Streetwalkers to me—there was no way that my girl was going to be playing with those totems to anti-feminism.

Ellen – Yikes. You should have given that Bratz doll a heaping dose of the cold shoulder. Instead, you shoved that hussy front and center, giving her the spotlight.

Erin–It was a rookie mistake that blew up in my face. When I said, “You will never play with Bratz dolls,” what was interpreted by my seven year old’s brain was…

Ellen– “This is what I want to fight with you about for the next four years.”

Erin – That “No” catapulted those “Poster Dolls of Woman Hatred” to the status of forbidden fruit. And the battle lines were drawn.

Ellen– I am not going to say I told you so.

Erin- And you didn’t then. But your raised eyebrows, nail nibbling, and shuffle-step backward to avoid the shrapnel spoke volumes.

Ellen– I was concerned about your stand, because you did not control the battlefield. You just can’t dictate what is given to your child at birthdays. ((Please don’t be one of those mothers who has a birthday gift registry.)

Erin- When Biddie opened that package at her seventh birthday party, she gave me a look that said, “The gauntlet has been thrown down.” I cringed.

Ellen– You couldn’t win. If you let her keep the doll, you were going back on your principles, in essence branding yourself a big fat liar. But by taking it away, you were forced to be the villain.

Erin– If I had just ignored them like the Sisterhood told me to, Biddie would have played with the thing for about five minutes, chopped the doll’s hair off, and left her naked in the bottom of a toy bin, ripe to be whisked into the garbage can. I wouldn’t even escort THAT streetwalker to Goodwill.

Ellen- They only had about 15 minutes of fame in my house.

Erin– I get it. The rigid oak tree snaps while the willow tree bends.

Ellen– O-kay, Sensei.

Erin– But there are times when the issue is worth it. In those moments, you have to stand your ground.

Ellen– And you have to start young. There are a million times a day with toddlers when you have to say no and mean it. “No, you can’t shave the cat.” “No, you can’t have mommy’s special juice.” ” No, you can’t draw a Sharpie mustache on your brother.”

Erin– Life is hard in the trenches–wet, smelly, and monotonous. We get it! Who do you think is beside you in that foxhole? But if the “No” is worthy, you just can’t give in because you’re tired or they flash you those baby blues.

Ellen– Your “No” is not just an expression of negativity. Your “No” shows love, because it gives them the sense of safety they crave. No one is going to let them careen over the edge of that cliff–metaphorical or real. You are there to pull them back.

Erin–  No man gets left behind. They need that built into their brains. They are going to push. Boys, girls, toddlers, tweens, teens—they are all just looking for gaps in the fence line EVERY DAY. Boundaries are tough to maintain, but they actually make kids feel safe and empower them to spread their wings.

Ellen– You really are laying the foundation for your future on Planet Teen.

Erin– Bottom line: Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Ellen– All of this hit home when Coco threw her tantrum. I’m not talking about when she was 2 years old, but those were indeed nuclear. I’m talking about the one she threw a couple of months ago at the ripe ol’ age of 13.

Coco had to pay the piper for her actions by being grounded. This grounding would make her miss a prime social situation. Coco thought that if she righted her wrongs, she would be able to go to the prime social situation.

Erin – Coco, that’s a negatory. Have you met your Mom?

Ellen – The meltdown she had when it sunk in that her penance was not going to shorten her term was epic.

I swear it felt like I was being pulled through one of those swirling time travel tunnels to the day my abundantly pregnant self had to abandon my grocery cart, awkwardly grab 2 year old Coco by her heel, and drag her out of the store. My ginormous self could not get a grip on her flailing body any other way.

Erin –Don’t worry. She was also abundantly judged by every gawker in that store.

Ellen – But you know what else happened on that embarrassing day? I mortared a brick into the foundation of my parenting platform. When I said “No”, there was nothing she could do that would force me off of it.

And I was so glad for the precedent of consistency I had set when I faced her toddler meltdowns. The stakes only get higher. The issues only get weightier

Erin – Do you see? Even though Coco was pushing, Ellen had some very firm legs to stand on.

Ellen – So, the Sisterhood Secret? Strong boundaries make strong kids.

Erin – Boundaries are what children crave and need to feel safe. It is scary for them to think they run the show.

Ellen – And for the love of all that is good, don’t throw down over stupid stuff. Leave yourself some wiggle room, so that if your child presents a reasonable case, you can acknowledge their argument and compromise.

Erin– Pick your battles wisely or you are going to be too exhausted for the real issues.

Ellen – And here is the bonus Sisterhood Secret: Roast your Brussels sprouts!