It’s Monday Listicle time and we had a hand in choosing the topic: Ten Halloween Costumes! You know the saying “Birds of a feather tweet together”? Just go with it. Well, we’re naming this feather “Fabulous” because we weren’t the only ones to suggest this. Robbie from Fractured Family Tales seconded our motion.
Okay, so we acknowledge that this might not be the most creatively earth-shaking topic, but it’s Halloween and it’s fun and we can’t wait to see what everyone comes up with.
For us, we decided to go with the awkward side of Halloween because, quite frankly, we are of the age that many of our cutest Halloween pictures are not electronically saved because they were, gasp, captured on film. Erin’s scanner is not hooked up and Ellen’s scanner is on a lower shelf in her office and she is in no condition to get down on the floor for that. So to Pinterest we go!
Ten Tremendously Awkward Halloween Costumes
Our original thought was to list these from least awkward to most, but dang, they are just all awful. We are going to start with the innocents who could not say no and who had no one of any sense to stand up for them.
1. You Can Dress a Pig Up
If a 9 year old girl did not stage this photo, then the awkward sadness oozing from this cannot be adequately expressed in words.
2. Doubt His Farts Smell Like Rainbows
We find it a little sad to see animals dressed up, but the sorrow in this pooch’s eyes haunts us. But maybe this pug had it coming. That’ll teach him to pee on Aunt Gertrude’s heirloom Persian rug. And really, he could have run away; not to mention he has a little thing called fangs.
3. Little Giblets
Now this poor baby had no defenses. What new mom or dad has enough sleep or fortitude to construct anything like this? And this definitely screams custom-made. Not a big market for transforming your offspring into entrees. Are you feeling the fear in his eyes?
4. Emu Contortionist
The little Butterball above didn’t have a chance, but this capon made the choice for ridiculousness. This costume defines the meaning of the word awkward. Are you grasping that the person’s head is at the base of the fowl’s neck? And, oh yeah, the head is a shoe. But the kicker? Look UNDER the picture at the source we cited for this one. It’s subtle, but we are here to find ALL of the funny for you. This is the worst manifestation of party animal ever.
5. Couple of Boobs
This costume requires more commitment than a diamond ring and a mortgage. For it to make any sense, you are walking with your arms around each other. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. And you’re getting groped.
6. Creepier Than Chuckie
We cannot even imagine what went into the decision making process for this get-up. We do know what was NOT involved in the planning: Testosterone.
7. Chainmail Can’t Protect You From Awkward
The one problem with this? Lack of commitment. Where is the chainmail diaper? But we are just pulling your leg, there’s a moat-load wrong here.
We know we said it was impossible to rate these from least awkward to most, but really, these last three are the grand finale . . .
8. Precocious Prophylactic
So much wrong in such a skinny wrapper. Can you feel the awkwardness of the neighbors having to pass candy out to this? Bright side? He’s been offered an after-school job at the local health center.
9. Bakery Fail
If the previous costume was screaming for a call to Child Protective Services, this one begs for a Health Department write-up. Why exactly does her belly have to be naked?
10.Words Fail Us
By Ellen Williams Erin Dymowski