The Monday Listicles topic for this week is “10 Clues That You Are Living in 2012” courtesy of Anja at Cocalores. However, we are fresh off of a five family Big Love cabin camping trip, so we are leaning slightly in a different direction.
Erin:Slightly is an understatement. We were on a mountain with no television, no internet, and no cellphone. NO BARS, people!! We were out of this century, let alone this year.
Ellen: Instead of tweeting about a moment, we actually had to be in it. I mean if fun happens and you don’t tweet about it, did it ever really happen?
Erin:Melodramatic much? We did have our cameras and between the five women on this trip we have about 4,765 photos memorializing those precious moments.
Ellen: Digital photography was definitely allowed, much to our offsprings’ chagrin. So we weren’t doing it completely old school.
Erin:Close enough. So we are going to spin this Listicle as:
10 Ways We Opted Out of 2012 on Our Summer Vacation
1. We were reduced to antiquated modes of communication.
This is a phone booth with an example of a 20th century version of a conference call. It was like a living history museum display for our kids.
2. But we took it even more primitive.
This is Erin signaling to the others in our group that she had found the trailhead when we were lost in the woods. We call this “How to Signal When You Have No Signal.” The video is intentionally on its side to give it a gritty Blair Witch Project feeling. Orrrrrrr…in Ellen’s haste to capture the moment, she turned her DSLR the wrong way. Either way you look at it, it’s funny.
3. We went without GPS.
We only got slightly lost, but Erin saved the day. (See above. If you haven't clicked on that 10 second video, do it now. Now, we said!)
4. Our kids had to whittle their own toys. (Okay, it might look more like a weapon, but no squirrels, let alone children were harmed.)
Don't worry about these boys using knives to whittle. They are card carrying Boy Scouts!
5. We had Chicken Fights. (I swear we are not a violent people.)
Yeah, these sort of things are usually safer in water.
Speaking of water…
6. We canoed.
Erin is a professional at assigning canoe teams. It's her Super Power.
7. We played in waterfalls.
Another totally safe activity.
Then we had more dry land fun…
8. We recreated our own Scooby Doo Cartoons.
Rut-Row Raggy.
9. We learned about nature without tuning into the Animal Planet.
Okay, the owl did not sign a release form to be in this picture. Be a pal and don't turn us in.
10. We had one-on-one time with our kids.
Why, yes, Erin does talk with her hands.
BONUS: We recapped our day around the campfire instead of on Twitter or Facebook.
So if homemade bows and arrows, waterfalls, slippery rocks, and chicken fights in parking lots was not dangerous enough, we added fire.
And the answer to the question, “If your friend jumped off of a cliff, would you follow?” is…
These words drag me from the disorienting sludge of shortened slumber. As I crack the surface of 4 AM consciousness, my dread is joined by horror as I remember…
WE ARE HAVING A SLEEPOVER.
Ellen: There I was tip-toeing through a quagmire of adolescent bodies to the far corner of the basement with my 11 year old daughter solemnly guiding my footfalls as if we were traversing rope bridges on our way to golden treasure.
Erin:Wake up, Sister, because that seems awfully poetic for what actually went down.
Ellen: Okay, so I was stomping on fingers and crushing toes, crinkling my plastic grocery bags all the way, stumbling to get to the pile of chunder. There may have been some muttered swearing.
Erin:May have been?
Ellen: Whatever. While I deserve pity, you can hold onto it. As I’m dislodging dripping blankets and cleaning vomit off a foot attached to a miraculously still sleeping child, all by the glow of a dying flashlight, I had time to reflect that…
THIS WASN’T EVEN MY WORSE SLEEPOVER EXPERIENCE!
Erin:Get out!
Sleepwalking Authenticity Tip: Don’t Hold Your Arms Out!
Ellen: That prize belongs to the Sleepover of 2009 with the fake sleepwalking event.
Erin:Oh. My. Blessed. Psychopaths.
Ellen: Once again I am dragged from sleep, this time with the awful words “Clementine hurt herself.”
Erin:That is one bad wake-up.
Ellen: I know! I fly down the stairs to find Clementine on the floor twitching. Ten pairs of hysterical eyes turn towards me as I’m blasted with a cacophony of hysteria that blew my hair back.
Erin:Was she having a seizure!?!
Ellen: Just wait. Story was that Clementine was sleepwalking and then fell down on the ground twitching.
Erin:Holy crap! Were you freaking out?
Ellen: No, because I was in the presence of the most artfully laid out “passed out seizing person” I had ever seen. And her “seizures” were dissynchronous flailing.
Erin:In English, please.
Ellen: She wasn’t doing it right. She hadn’t even been asleep long enough to be in the stage of sleep for sleepwalking.
My skating was bad because of the shoelace! You can see the truth in my Maybelline spackled eyes.
Ellen: Um, no. My quick diagnosis was my undoing. I should have called her bluff and called her mom to pick her up, but all I could hear was the Siren song of my bed. So I went to peel her eyelid back, prompting her to spring higher than a June bug on a hot griddle, and proclaimed her a faker.
Erin:She was having a serious Tonya Harding moment.
Ellen: You got the picture right. But Clementine stuck to her story, the girls were freaked out, and many thought I was a bit of a slacker mom. Months later she came clean, but to this day I can’t understand why she would take a practical joke so far as to get me involved. She knew me well. She knew I did not suffer fools.
Erin:When I was a kid, we did everything in our power to keep the parents out of our business.
Ellen: I know. Crazy.
Erin:Well, I see your Münchausen Maestra and raise you some Male Melodrama. We still refer to the Guitar-Hero-Head-Bashing-Daniel-San-Channeling-Mommy-Tattling-Cluedog-Erin-Cell-Phone-Debacle of 2010 as the Mother of all Mishaps.
Why you gotta hate on llamas?
Ellen: Oh my. So drama is not only for girls and llamas?
Erin: Noooo! Less than TWO hours into my then 14 year old son’s sleepover birthday party, I receive not one but two phone calls from mothers.
Ellen: Come again?
Erin:It seems that in the ten minutes it took for me to set up the trough to feed the herd, Boregard allegedly kicked Bubba in the head while he was playing Guitar Hero.
Can’t you tell by his face that it was an accident?
Ellen: Well, I do understand the tendency to rock out whole-body-style during Guitar Hero, but . . .
Erin:Just wait. This gets better. So not only was there alleged physical violence, but both boys immediately called their Mommies UNBEKNOWNST TO ME who proceeded to then call me. At the same time. Yes, call-waiting was involved.
Ellen: At this point, were you checking for spy-cams?
Erin: I had a disorienting Twilight Zone moment for sure. The whole situation broke me. I now think, without any trace of irony, that we should relegate sleepovers to the status of renewing your license—once every four years.
Ellen: Awww, come on. There are ways to put lipstick on this pig.
Erin:Confiscate cellphones with the fervor of a TSA agent when confronted with 4 ounces of shampoo?
Ellen: No. Put your rubber gloves away, but you might want to have your plan in place for how you are going to handle technology before the guests bust down the door. Really it can all be summed up in one Sisterhood Secret . . .
Erin: Right! Always remind your child (before and during the party) that if things are getting out of hand, they can quietly slip away and get you to be the heavy without any indication that ratting out took place. A little reminder of the rules makes for an excellent escape hatch.
Ellen: In addition to that epic piece of advice that is good for more than just sleepovers, we’ll leave you with one more–Stock up on some ear plugs.
This post was written in response to a Monday Listicle prompt, but as you can see, it turned into much more than a list. It is actually a little, tiny portal showing some of the nuts and bolts of how two women cooperate to write a blog together. If you have never visited us before, Erin and I CO-AUTHOR the blog posts and transcribe them like our conversations. This requires a level of cooperation that nations should strive to achieve as a model for world peace. Seriously.
So, without further ado, we are linking up to Yeah Write Me #48. Head on over there to check out more great blogs. It is our favorite place to catch up on our reading.
– Ellen
Ellen– Stasha at The Good Life hosts this fabulous fun party known as the Monday Listicles. (If I get any comments pointing out that it is now Tuesday, I might drop kick a stuffed animal. Do you want that on your conscience?) This week’s Monday Listicles topic comes from Jessica at My Time As Mom, who suggested we make a list of things we’re rubbish at. And since Stasha personally asked/challenged us to join in, I immediately called Erin. (Ok, maybe she didn’t challenge, per se, but I am rubbish at turning down a request.)
Erin– Yesterday Ellen could barely speak, had a fever, and was suffering from one of the more heinous upper respiratory infections making the rounds in our fair county. This point is significant, because today, slightly less feverish and ill, she rose from her bed and practically BEGGED me to write this list.
Ellen– I was thinking it was so much cheaper than mediation and would require less energy than slugging it out in one of those inflatable sumo wrestling rings.
Erin–You see, I am absolute RUBBISH at technology. This is not a big deal unless you have decided to partner with me to write a blog. And then it’s a big, stinking, miserable deal, because blogging is only partially about writing.
Ellen– It is a whole lot about mastering technology and making it your biotch.
Erin– I keep hearing Kelly Clarkson singing, “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Watch out for Ellen then. Really. After blogging with me, she will be able to lift a bus with one hand. She really will be able to wear those red boots and lasso.
Without further ado, the top ten things about technology that flummox me, thus almost kill Ellen, and at which I am absolute rubbish:
1. My Virtual Mailbox
Erin– Ahh, email. This lovely technology has made my life easier in so many ways and completely highlights how little attention I give to organizing certain things. Like email. In the earliest days of our blog, Ellen emailed me everything she could find about blogging.
Ellen– Lots of these were about technology, folks. Take note that until about four months ago, I would have sworn HTML code was a coupon for H&M.
Erin– She even organized the emails in a folder on her Gmail account—I would NEVER even think to do something like that. Later, but not THAT much later, Ellen got irritated with me, because she thought I was ignoring her emails.
Ellen- Gee, they were only about getting our domain name pinned down.
Erin–Yeah, my Voicemail on my home phone and cellphone are both full. I have lost the access numbers and passwords. My BIL Dan tried to help me rectify this over Christmas. He has the patience of a saint, but after about thirty minutes he Pontius Pilated me and washed his hands of the whole mess. When your patron saint declares you a lost cause, you know you’ve got troubles.
Ellen– I sometimes resort to telepathic powers to communicate with her.
3. Posting Pictures
Erin– To be fair, posting pictures to a blog is one of the trickier things to learn early on. There’s re-sizing, and LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of choices. Thumbnail, medium, full-size. Right, left, center. It’s like the Starbucks of visual media, and all I was looking for was a little coffee. On the Blirth-day of the blog, Ellen was setting up Google Analytics, Twitter, and, well, everything else. Meanwhile, I was trying to put my picture on my bio. It took AWHILE.
Ellen– I was actually generating code and she called me expecting a celebration when she got a picture posted.
Erin– I have gotten better, but it’s SLOW.
4. Distinguishing Activity From Productivity
Erin– One of the unwritten rules is that blogs are like houses in a lovely community and you are supposed to make the rounds and COMMENT on them. Hey, nice curtains, lovely rug–that sort of thing. The first time we linked up to Yeah Write Me, I read like 50 blogs, wrote a lovely, lengthy email to Ellen about who we should vote for and why, but I didn’t write a single comment on a single blog. Yeah, I know. (Head hung in shame)
Ellen– Don’t worry folks, I’m all about playing fair, so I swept behind and commented up a storm.
5. Linking Things Up
Erin – It’s kind of a key part of blogging to link things, but I break links like they are a china shop, and I am a bull. Letters appear out of nowhere and attach themselves in funny places BREAKING the link. I don’t copy the whole address BREAKING the link. I don’t even know WHAT I do and I end up BREAKING the link. To say that it’s a problem might be the understatement of the century.
Ellen– Maybe just checking every link you “think” you have posted, might be a goal? I feel like I just channeled Dr. Seuss.
6. Posting Videos
Erin– AGAIN. It bites me twice, because we also like to add videos to our blog posts. Well, the story here starts with my optimistic email to Ellen that read, “Hey, I loaded the video. Blog is ready to go!” Um, well, not really. I hadn’t actually added anything but a link to YouTube that took readers away from our site.
Ellen– And a picture of the video that took you to a blank page.
Erin– Don’t you wish you had a partner just like me??
7. Using My Awesome, Superduper, SmartPhone
Erin– This phone is like a bucking bronco I can’t break. It pocket-dials, refuses to return emails, tweets when it feels like it, and only surfs the net when the mood strikes it. I took it back to the store and they claimed it was an ID10T error.
Ellen– Hmmmm.
8. Mastering My MAC
Erin– I am the world’s worst spokesperson for the world’s best computer brand. Apple makes products for people just like me. Everything about Apple is supposedly intuitive and user-friendly. I am the unfriendliest user EVER.
Ellen– She actually FROZE the screen. I have spent years having Mac users snarkily tell me to abandon my PC because Macs are so foolproof.
Erin– This is such a rare occurrence with a MAC that the Apple Geniuses almost had me escorted out the door by the cops who stand sentry. The bottom line is that I don’t even know how to harness all my power for good.
Ellen– Yet.
9. Attending To Details
Erin– So much of technology in general, and blogging technology specifically, is the ability to dot i’s and cross t’s. I am a big idea person; the details often confound me or in this case poor Ellen. I regularly forget to check boxes that tag our posts or bring readers back to our pages. My husband Steve calls this Erin phenomena “Oh, look, a rock.” As in, Erin is swimming around a fishbowl and “Oh, look, a rock.” Over and over and over. I get lost a lot too.
Ellen– She DID NOT inform me that her hubby had named a phenomenon about her attention span before I agreed to start blogging with her. Just sayin’.
10. Squashing My Utter, Gripping, Handicapping Fear
Erin– Ellen was out for jury duty two weeks ago and left me in charge of the blog. I was sweating like it was a heat wave in August. I know me. Too damn well. I knew I would forget to check a box, or break a link, or post a picture upside down or backward (I know you think it can’t be done, but I am like the anti-superhero of the computerworld—just watch me!).
Ellen– She does produce a force field that makes even my computer go wiggy sometimes. I think she should get her dental work inspected.
Erin– And it’s not like Ellen has all that much computer background, she’s just not terrified of it. I buck, I stomp, I stone-cold back away from the challenge of it all. But the thing about calling a spade a spade, or in this case, myself RUBBISH, is that it takes the power of it all away. Words can tame the beast. In our house we say, “Fight the Tiger; Embrace the Mountain.” All this time, I thought technology was the tiger at the door, but really it’s just the mountain to climb. And I’m going to get my gear on. Really.
Bonus
Ellen– I hope so! But there is one more thing at which Erin is rubbish: giving herself props. She has the most accepting and good-natured disposition of any woman I have ever met. Her kindness knows no bounds. She is the friend we all rely on to deliver hard to hear news to members of the Sisterhood because she truly has a gift for being non-abrasive. She is the Labrador Retriever of women, friend to all. She can also accept criticism like no one I have ever seen. Grace should be her middle name. It is the only thing that can explain why she still takes my calls (of course, she has to have her phone turned on). Let’s face it, it’s one heck of a woman who would write this post.
Erin– I just didn’t want to rent the inflatable sumo suits.
