We seem to be on a Green Grocer kick here at the Sisterhood. The other week we were talking about how boundaries were like Brussels sprouts (it’s a great analogy, really, check it out). And then we followed up with this post where the disparaging things Erin said about cantaloupe were at least balanced by her kiwi rhapsodies.
And the veritable veggie streak continues because today we are talking with Abby Heugel of Abby Has Issues. Sure, the first thing you think of when you hear her name is funny, tight, original writing. But this lady loves her produce with all of her vegan heart. Why, she has this hilarious song she penned about asparagus, . . . but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
What we really want to say is that we are so honored to be sharing space with her in not one, but TWO anthologies: “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth” and the available for pre-order “I Just Want to Be Alone.” Here is just a little teaser of her piece in the new book.
But while Abby is a vegan, she is no virgin to publishing. Don’t let the alliteration lead you to get those two confused. She has two books of her own out: “Abby Has Issues” and “Abby Still Has Issues.”
Ellen sat down to chat with Abby about all things important or at least what you can cover in eight questions. Of course by “sat down,” we mean they were both sitting at their computers burning up the interwebz with their fabulous-ity (otherwise known to people who aren’t in the biz as emailing).
How did you come up with the name of your blog?
Abby: My blog’s name is “Abby Has Issues” because a) I’m a magazine editor/writer and b) I have serious issues. See what I did there?
Ellen: I do see what you did there! Clever and short. Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms, while perfectly descriptive, is a wee bit lengthy. A pop-up warning should have appeared when we purchased that domain name: “Are you sure you want to type that for all of eternity or at least until the internet implodes?”
Can you tell us a little about your two books “Abby Has Issues” and “Abby Still Has Issues.”
Abby: They’re collections of some of my best blog posts over the past three or four years, most of which relate how I have issues with everyday things from playing Bingo in the retirement home with my grandma to going through a car wash or a letter I wrote to my new yoga pants. If nothing else, reading my books will give you a laugh and make you feel normal.
Ellen: Plus it’s like a vault for your best material just in case, you know, the internet implodes.
What is one of your favorite chapters in one of your books?
Ellen: One of my favorite chapters in “Abby Still Has Issues” is “Couchgating 101″ because let’s face it, it IS a ripoff to go see games at the stadiums and I do like to be casual in my robe.
Asparagus seems to come up a lot with you. Can you explain this phenomenon?
Abby: Ha. Yes, the asparagus, such as the stalk I am “smoking” in my profile picture and to which I wrote a song via blog post about a couple weeks ago. To be honest, I’m just a vegan who just really loves my vegetables–asparagus, broccoli and avocado, specifically (I know this is a fruit, but zip it). So that’s just kind of become my “thing.” I have a cool picture in my kitchen of avocado and asparagus, a couple plates and fun kitchen things from my mom and of course, the profile picture (and stinky urine, but whatever. I pee alone.)
Ellen: Fun fact! Some people boast their pee doesn’t stink after eating asparagus, and scientists use to think it was because they didn’t break down asparagusic acid into smelly sulfur compounds. But now it is believed those lucky ducks just can’t smell it. Only about one-quarter to one half of the population appears to have the gene that allows them to smell the asparagus aftermath.
Not being able to smell asparagus pee is a single gene mutation, by the way, for those of you keeping track. In related news, I’m just itching to unveil my new baby shower game: Feed the Guests Asparagus, Sniff the Urine Samples, and Then Plot the Genetic Variability Amongst the Group. Hey, it’s just as good as some of these here.
What do you think about when you are alone in your car?
Abby: I’m almost always alone in the car, and I often think “I’m the only one who knows how to drive in a Michigan winter” and “If you beep your horn .03 seconds after the light turns green, I can promise I will shut off my car, lie on the hood and feed the birds for an hour.”
Ellen: I would pay money to see that.
Who/What scares you?
Abby: Professional adults who use words like “cray cray” and “adorbs” in conversation, people with clipboards, unemployment, sneezing while driving and the thought of an avocado, asparagus or hummus shortage. Also death and toast when it pops up, no matter how prepared that I think I am (for the toast, not for death.)
Ellen: Totes obvi to all of those.
What was the last good deed you did?
Abby: Once a month I try and make chocolate pretzel treats for the nurses and old people at my grandma’s old people home to a) thank the staff and b) get the seniors on a sugar high. Also, I’ve sent a couple small gift cards and actual greeting cards to friends the past couple of weeks. When I feel like life is beating me down, I try and give karma the bird.
Ellen: This is why we love you Abby.
What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever lost?
Abby: My verbal filter. I’m working on that one.
Ellen: May I speak for all of us when I say, I hope you never find that filter, funny lady.
You can purchase I Just Want To Be Alone here. You have to go to the store to get your own asparagus.
By Ellen Williams Erin Dymowski