Alright,we are just gonna lay this out for you: we have a great friendship. We laugh, we hang, and we respect each other. Truly. You have heard us wax poetic about each other here, here, and here. We started this blog together because our parenting styles are so in sync. Hello? Sensible Moms.
But every once in a loooooong while, we just take the slightest, teensiest, most microscopic joy in watching the other one squirm. Most of the time, we are both just one missing shoe away from losing our minds, so watching the other teeter on the precipice provides validation that no one is perfect and we’re all just doing the best that we can to keep the crazy train on the tracks.
Butttttt, it also provides pure, indulgent entertainment. If that makes us slightly evil, we are 100% A-OK with that because we look darn good in black and have been diligently practicing our maniacal laughs.
10 Evil Joys of The Sensible Moms
1. Scanner Bite in the Butt
Erin has been telling Ellen for no less than one year that she is about to hook up her scanner. So far, it has only bitten Ellen and the blog in the arse until last Thursday . . .
Erin: Oh my goodness! This morning, like at 6:45 AM, I found out that Biddie (14) needs a 2 x 3 baby picture of herself for her school’s yearbook and the deadline to email it is TODAY! She was born pre-digital! Ahhhhh! I’m headed over to a friend’s house right now to scan one before the bell rings.
Ellen: Oh, is it inconvenient for you not to have a scanner? I can’t imagine what that feels like. Oh wait, I can.
Erin: Not quite the support I was looking for.
Ellen: How about this? Plug in the blasted USB cord.
2. Throwing Gasoline on Girls’ Night Out
Ellen: Erin gets plenty of flexibility training patting herself on the back for her peacemaking abilities . . . and she really should because she has mad skills. She is the one we turn to all of the time to cool down heated discussions and and to salve hurt feelings. But every once in a while, she loses her ever-loving mind over the most unlikely subjects.
Erin: I’m sorry, but Andy Griffith really is not that great.
Ellen: That’s right, folks. She ground not one, but two soirees to a halt because she could keep silent no more about her loathing for Mr. Griffith.
Erin: Seriously? Do we need to rehash this? We already covered it here and, I might add, we decided that I deserved a sliver of vindication.
Ellen: Take your sliver if it makes you feel better. I’m just over here enjoying the chuckles it still gives me.
3. Keening Over Keens
Ellen: So while we are on the subject of Erin losing her mind over the most unlikely topics . . .
Erin: I’m ready to start spreading the evil joy around to someone else . . .
Ellen: There was this one time, while on our Big Love camping trip, that she wanted to stage a photo with all of the Keen sandals.
Erin: C’mon, it was pretty cool that all 5 moms and all 13 kids had Keens. It was like an advertisement!
Ellen: I am totally with you that it was a great picture . . .
Ellen: But here is what YOU always like to refer to as “the rest of the story.” Seriously, if you want to see behind the curtain of The Sisterhood, you MUST watch this.
Erin: The shoes were not matching up because Biddie(14) wasn’t paying attention when she grabbed her Keens out of the garage and picked up TWO DIFFERENT SIZES. And I had to ask a bajillion times for her to even do that.
Ellen: I still maintain that while she made a blister-inducing bed, she snuggled down in it and NEVER complained once that her shoes weren’t fitting. What more could you want?
Erin: How about owning up to it when I was LOSING MY MIND because it looked like we were missing two shoes because of the mismatched pair?
Ellen: Fine. But what is your excuse for the Christmas tree debacle?
4. Christmas Farm or Funny Farm?
Erin: Oh, Ellen, might have been slightly jealous of my Christmas tree-getting tradition in the past. With its rosy glow of familial harmony, it was practically a Hallmark commercial. But that was all in the past. This year, things got ugly on my end and it was Ellen’s turn to smirk. Apparently, there’s only so much Norman Rockwell to go around.
Ellen: I took my evil joy with a side of fabulous family memories topped with some Beyonce-level awesomeness.
5. Bloggers Dance Meltdown
Ellen: Let’s be accurate, I played. YOU were still struggling with some of the more technical aspects of blogging and STILL telling me you were about to hook up your scanner.
Erin: I did try to talk you out of it.
Ellen: That is one of the more helpful things you did because it did set me with a fit.
Erin: You took to the tech-y side of blogging like a Gremlin to water . . .
Ellen: I’m not sure that analogy is complimentary . . .
Erin: So it was with the wee-est, teensiest, most minuscule bit of joy that I watched the video have its way with you.
Ellen: Dude! Part of the problem was that YOU couldn’t get the video off of your camera and I had to construct your part on Paint (I know! Right?) with a photo MARY emailed to me because YOU never sent me one.
Erin: What’s done is done because the end product was so worth every hour spent, tear shed, and drop of alcohol consumed. You can read the original post here. Or just get your boogie on with the video . . .
If this inspired you to get your groove on, there is still time to dance your way into Kerry’s Valentine’s Day link-up.
6. Crock O’ Something
Ellen: Here it comes.
Erin: But to feed the army that was five families camping, we brought two crockpots—Ellen’s with the dark crock and Erin’s with the white crock. Same ingredients. Same time. Same everything. Different results. Hmmmm. Well, the theories started a-flying. I believed the color of the insert made a difference.
Ellen: I think that is a crock of you-know-what (Pun!). The entire Sisterhood, not just me, delighted in the way this knocked Erin off her rocker.
Erin: I may or may not be planning a legit science experiment to prove my point. Stay tuned.
7. Mother’s Day Madness
Ellen: Nothing can send a woman over the edge faster than her family proclaiming that they will devote an entire day to her and her needs when she knows them better than anyone and knows that ain’t gonna happen—no way, no how.
Erin: Mother’s Day 2012 took Ellen down and hard. I, not yet knowing that Andy Griffith, the Keens, the crockpot, and the tree farm would do me in, delighted in Ellen’s monumental Momma meltdown.
Ellen: Oh, Karma is one sneaky devil, she is.
8. Travel Team Tantrums
Erin: Having kids on travel teams for soccer for the last few years, I almost choked when Ellen told me Coco (14) was joining a travel volleyball league. And then I laughed. But I swear, it was really more in commiseration. I was laughing with her, not at her.
Ellen: Yeah. To be fair, I did my research and the team had NEVER gone to ANY all weekend tournaments. . . until this year, that is.
Erin: I thought I had told you that Travel Team is code for Gas-Guzzling, Time-Sucking, Money-Grubbing Sports Enterprise.
Ellen: I think you undersold it.
Erin: Well, I think in this case the joke’s on both of us.
9. Will Smith Gets Us But No One Else Does
Ellen: Remember wayyyyy back in the day when the Fresh Prince sang, “Parents just don’t understand”. He felt us. Honestly.
Erin: Our families and friends get that we blog. But let’s just say the majority don’t get why or how and, frankly, really don’t understand it. At all. Which is totally OK. But we do get a little evil joy when one of them says, “Well, maybe I’ll go write a blog too”.
Ellen: To which we say, “Peace out. Rock on.” And then cackle into our magic mirrors.
10. The last evil joy
Erin: I’ll admit that there was this one time I got a little smug about my triumph on the blog. We were skewering a children’s book for Ninja Mom’s Character Assassination Carousel, and we thought it would be better to read it aloud, like a read-along story. After HOURS of working (Read: crying, stomping my feet like a two year old, and throwing back some whiskey sour slushies like they were water), I finally got the audio player on to the post. My first thought? I showed Ellen.
Ellen: And MY first thought was, “Ha! I’m glad that you had a hard time with it, because the tech side of blogging has been sucking my time like a leech.”
And on that note . . .
Click the link to read some other great posts over at Monday Listicles!
By Ellen Williams Erin Dymowski