Toddlers and teens both begin with “T”, but that’s not where the similarities end . . .
Ellen: I don’t know about you but when I first started thinking about having children, I was really thinking about having babies. Cute, cherubic, immobile babies. My vision didn’t really see past burp cloths, bibs, and binkies.
Erin: Oh, really now. Do tell. I have FIVE kids and they are knocking into the teen years like dominoes falling over a ledge. How did I really not see this coming? Where were all of my sensible friends with their little crystal balls to show me my future?
Ellen: I think I just explained that we didn’t know any better either, but you would have thought by number five you would have had some inkling. If you really think about it . . .
Erin: And squint your eyes?
Ellen: The teen years are not so very different from the toddler years.
1. Olfactory Offense
Toddler – The aroma of dirty diapers and unflushed toilets wafts through the air like a radioactive cloud.
Teen – The stench of teen spirit – rank sneakers, bubbling B.O., and body spray—permeates every pore of your upholstery.
2. A Day Out Requires A Sherpa
Toddler – Going out requires packing a stroller, snack, juice box, spare sippy cup, change of clothes, diaper bag, lovey, coloring book, sunscreen, and a partridge in a pear tree. Oh yeah, and don’t forget the patience.
Teen – A day out means a SUV packed with homework dioramas, homeroom donations, gear for multiple sports, musical instruments, a bajillion water bottles and enough extra food to feed the Prussian army. And you might want to remember your patience – Level: Ghandi.
3. Up All Night
Toddler – “Read me one more story.” “Can I have a glass of water?” “The tag on my pajamas is itching.” “There is a monster under my bed.” “I peed my bed.” “Can I sleep with you?”
Teen – “Can you drive me and my friends to this party and pick us up at midnight (so that you can’t have that glass of wine, can’t put on your PJs, can’t go to bed, and can’t stop your mind from swirling about all of the things that can go on at parties).”
4. On The Weekend, The Early Bird Gets . . . Exhausted
Toddler – In your room at the crack of dawn to snuggle, pee on you, demand breakfast, dribble water, and commandeer the remote for Dora. You move through your long morning like a zombie in jammies.
Teen – You’re in their room at the crack of dawn to pry their butts out of bed with a crow bar to drive halfway across the state for their 12 hour soccer tournament. Wearing jammies is a red card worthy citation. You move through your day like a zombie in yoga pants.
5. Mount Laundry
Toddler – A miniature wardrobe of outfits succumb to jelly spilling, finger painting, toilet dipping, mud splashing, and potty training each and every day. The hamper piles up.
Teen– Burns through a gazillion outfits per day due to gym class, club meetings, band concerts, sports practices, and fickleness. Leaves a trail of clothes starting from their closets, leading to their school lockers, circling back to your minivan, and ending on the bathroom floor.
6. Speaking Of Underwear
Toddler – Potty training means plenty of stain stick and many o’ pair sacrificed to the garbage can.
Teen – Keep that stain stick handy, but add bleach to the list . . . to flush your eyes out after the horrors you will see.
7. Safetyville
Toddler – Cover all the outlets! Pad all the sharp edges! Gate all the stairs!
Teen – Invent a way to bubble wrap the world.
– Ellen and Erin
You can follow us on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Check out our books, please, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”
Have every post delivered to your inbox! You can opt out at any time, but you won’t want to.
Well said ladies! Oh Lord, especially number one!!-The Dose Girls
thedoseofreality recently posted..Hold It Right There, Hombre!
Always with the stink. I think there is a sweet spot around age 7 to 7.45. 🙂 Ellen
You left out the mood swings!
Ginger Kay recently posted..Optimist v. Pessimist v. Realist
Oh my gosh, how could we have forgotten those?? Erin
So true, and don’t forget the melt-downs, epic and public. Good news is that bribery works wonders for both.
grownandflown recently posted..I Should Know Better
Ha! Erin
I have yet to experience a teen in the house – but you make such a compelling case that I am certain it will prove correct. So, Mount Laundry really doesn’t go away? *sigh*
Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..SITS-uation Normal?
And on #5 I think “and will deny they do any of this” could be added as well.
Although I do not have teenagers, I’ve always said that my house is not that different than a frat house! The other day my son was drinking water from his Croc… shoot the boot! gah! funny post!
Lisa @ RunWiki recently posted..My Favorite Running Things- Spring 2013
Oh, the weekend activities! Yes, there’s no sleeping in ever is there? Maybe when they are in college? I almost wrote a similar post to this- I have been thinking the same thing now as my daughter approaches 13.
Frugalistablog recently posted..What I would tell Kim Kardashian when she has her baby
So funny–I just said to my 12 yr old daughter this morning that her room reminds me of the playroom when they were little except that I’m not dealing with toys … I can’t see the carpet for all the (insert various nouns here–clothes, hangers, books, towels, cups, purses …). I guess the good news is that stepping on clothes in the dark isn’t as bad as the piercing pain of a single Lego to the naked arch of the foot!!
Real Life Parenting recently posted..Doin’ the Doggy Paddle
Neither can handle their alcohol too.
Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point recently posted..I’m Real! (really!)
Please don’t tell me this! For my own sanity with an almost two year old, I need to be live a little longer in ignorance.
Jessica Smock recently posted..In Praise of Filth: A Housework Manifesto
So you’ve BEEN to my house then?? This is so spot on it’s like you’re living my life!!! Definitely sharing this gem!
Teri recently posted..WINNER!!!!!
As the mom of a teenager (when did THAT happen?), I wholeheartedly agree with every item on your list. Even #6 – the horrors I’ve seen…
Dana recently posted..Book Reviews: JFK, Fairy Tales and a Disappearing Woman
I’m in the toddler stage now, and I’m so tired – so very, very tired. My god what will it be like when they’re all teens?! You’ve given me a good glimpse. I think I need to lie down now!
Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted..A Whole Different Ballgame or The Post in Which I Use the “V” Word … A LOT
Oh man. Just having a 9 year old boy is bringing me back to the stinky days. It will get worse? When will it end!???? I used to be happy that my kids are good sleepers. But then I realized it’s setting me up for terrible disappointment when they are teens because when I’m up all night til they get home I’ll be twice as mad when they’re late because they ruined 15 years of great sleep! Oh, and bubble wrap the world… perfectly said.
Vicky
Vicky recently posted..Why I’d like to be one of my kids for a day…
I know what you mean. I really hadn’t thought about the fact that all those pick-up promises are going to cut into my wine and sleep time!
My son is almost 8 and I can sort of see the teenager that is soon to emerge. No stink yet, but the laundry horrors are definitely starting!
Basically – I’m never sleeping again, am I?
Alison recently posted..Crisis in Confidence
NOOO!!! I had a feeling this was the case. I am also thinking the mood swings and emotional over-reactivity of my six year old is going to be pretty similar about ten years from now. Or seven years. Or maybe it will just never end. This list cracked me up, in spite of my crippling fear as the mom of a toddler.
Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. recently posted..Say What? Strange Things Heard Around My House
It never changes, does it?!! This is perfect!
hollow tree ventures recently posted..5 things you shouldn’t say to your mother
Pingback: Guesterday’s News: Toddlers and Teens – 7 Surprising Ways They Are The Same (Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms) | Momopolize