Category Archives: Favorite Posts

5 Things All Teen Girls Need

It’s back-to-school and we’re gathering all of the necessary supplies for a great year. It’s so much work to fill those carts, and really painful to empty those wallets, but that’s not where the prep ends.

With the start of school, calendars explode with activity and what’s important to the core of our girls’ lives can get lost in zooming from Point A to Point B while not forgetting to check off Item C and drop off Project D. Some of the most important things they’ll need for success aren’t things we can buy, but things we need to make room for in our lives and in theirs.

 

 5 Things All Teen Girls Need

 

Money can't buy these "Five Things All Teen Girls Need." #parenting - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

 

1. A Soft Place to Land

Middle school and high school can be rough to navigate–inhospitable even. Girl World especially has a complicated landscape where petty jealousies and miscommunications can wreak havoc and become all consuming.

Girls need to know that home is their safe place. Continuing rituals from their childhood that provide time to talk–like a regular mealtime or bedtime routine–means that girls know they already have a time scheduled for your attention and help. You are no longer reading them bedtime stories, but it’s reassuring for them to know they have time to tell their stories to you.

 

2. Time to Just Be

Girls love downtime. The mind and heart are wired for connections and these are born in the spaces in between band and volleyball practice and helping to decorate the gym for the Homecoming Dance. Acknowledging their inherent need for moments to relax and recharge will go miles towards helping them be their best, most authentic selves. Every minute is precious, but not every minute needs to be scheduled.

Every minute is precious, but not every minute needs to be scheduled. - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms - 5 Things All Teen Girls Need

 

3. Our Two Cents

We know the value of keeping our mouths shut. A lot of peace can be had in the Kingdom of Teens when we don’t comment or even raise an eyebrow at every little thing, but there are bigger issues where we need to model how to form an opinion or take a stand.

Strong women don’t hang out in the middle of the road, but steer their own course. Telling them how we feel about big events and small happenings lets them know us better and gets their minds working to help them learn about themselves.

 

4. Adventure

They sometimes groan and grumble when we show up with a paddle or a walking stick ready to take them on a trail or river, but once they are out there, they are just fine. Exercise and fresh air does wonders to clear the mind and boost self-esteem. Nothing provides a sense of accomplishment like jumping off that ledge, paddling against that current, or finding your way back from that trail.

5 Things All Teen Girls Need - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

 

5. Opportunities to Grow

Whether they are musical or artistic or athletic or academic, girls need a chance to try on different hats. Here’s the secret: Throw out the “or.” They don’t need to pick just one persona from the list or stick with that one choice forever. They need chances to see themselves differently and imagine different futures for themselves. They need the encouragement to try new things, embrace mistakes, and reject limiting labels.

To that end, we highly recommend the organization Girl Talk and its LeaderU Summit. Dedicated to helping girls develop leadership skills, Girl Talk is a a peer-to-peer mentoring program for high school and middle school girls. Founded by Haley Kilpatrick, Girl Talk wants to help teens build self-esteem, expand their leadership skills, and foster a heart for community service.

Our daughters were fortunate to be sent to the Summit by FAAR, The Foundation for Advancing Alcohol Responsibility. You can read what our girls wrote about their experience here. This probably goes without saying, but we’re pretty proud of their published work. All opinions expressed here and there are all our own and their own.

5 Things All Teen Girls Need #Parenting - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

 

You can follow us on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

Have every post delivered to your inbox! You can opt out at any time, but you won’t want to.

Enter your email address:

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Share it real good . . .
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on StumbleUponShare on RedditEmail this to someonePrint this page

Picky Eaters are the Worst and Other Secrets of Friendship

Ellen here. People frequently ask us how we blog together and our reply is that our friendship just makes it work. Not the most helpful answer if you’re trying to find the secret to creating a blogging partnership, but people generally nod their heads. And people who know us really think they have us pegged. They think that Erin’s “happy-go-lucky-ness” balances out my “fly-off-the-handle-ness.”

It’s a lie.

Erin: Lie just seems so ugly. I know I have a tendency to lose the big picture and spazz over the details, but I keep that to myself. And to you and Steve. And to my sister. BUT, to the world, I am still waters.  And I AM easy-going.

Ellen: Are you now? One word: food.

Erin: I don’t even know where you are going with this. I like everything.

Ellen: Do you now? I was hoping you would just ‘fess up, but you’re forcing my hand. Okay then: cantaloupe.

Erin: Blaaaahhhh! Cantaloupe is so disgusting. It’s the texture. It’s slimy and . . . you know what? I am allowed to not like cantaloupe.

Ellen: I would agree, except you like honeydew and kiwi. If texture is the issue, they are all the same.

Erin: THEY ARE NOT! And don’t you talk about kiwi like that. I love it! My kids do say it’s like eating gelatinous boogers, but I love, love, love it! Every part is fantastic: the sour, the crunch of the seeds. It does something to my cheeks. It makes them feel all happy and fuzzy. I’m feeling it now just thinking about it. Kiwis are nature’s Sour Patch Kids.
Kiwi on Make A Gif

“I love what kiwis do to my cheeks!”

 

Ellen: Once again, you Erin-ed it up so no one is going to realize what a princess you are.

Erin: You’re mean.

Ellen: You make me mean. It’s your fault. You’re all bubbly, but maddeningly inconsistent.

Erin: That’s okay because you make up for your meanness with moments of kindness, kind of like a kiwi.

Ellen: I don’t know what that even means. Moving on: tomatoes.

Erin: I LOVE tomatoes. Mmmmm, summer tomatoes. I can eat a whole one as a snack with just a little bit of salt and pepper sprinkled on it.

Ellen: But your love has prejudice and conditions. What about cherry tomatoes?

Erin: Yeah, I don’t like the texture; once again slimy.

Ellen: No, they’re not. They’re crunchy.

Erin: Yeah, I do feel like I should like them so I try them every time.

Ellen: No you don’t! You just push them to the side of the plate without ever taking even a nibble. Which brings me to your next quirk: leaving your rejects for others to deal with.

Erin: I just feel bad about throwing food away.

Ellen: But you don’t feel bad about other people butlering away your scraps after they have congealed for a minute or fifty?

Erin: You know, I am the worst with cereal. I LOVE cereal. In fact when I first met Steve, I hopped up on his counter, picked up a whole box of his cereal, and dug in up to my elbow for that crunchy goodness–

Ellen: Which reminds me about your problem with boundaries, too.

Erin: I know. I wasn’t even his girlfriend yet. But I was just giving an example of how much I love cereal because here is the twist. If it has more than a tablespoon of milk splashed on it, it is dead to me. I will abandon that bowl in a heartbeat . . . and now that I think about it, I leave it for someone else to clean up.

Ellen: I feel like you’re growing and learning before my very eyes.

Erin: Oh yeah, and then there are eggs. I LOVE scrambled eggs, but they have to be fluffy. There can’t be any big chunks of scramble.

Ellen: You can squish down the chunks with your fork.

Erin: No you can’t! It does not change the texture. I have rejected perfectly good breakfast sandwiches lovingly prepared by my husband because of scramble chunks.

Ellen: Okay, while you don’t rule the land of high maintenance, you certainly don’t deserve the crown of easy-going.

Erin: Oh come on. There must be foods you don’t like.

Ellen: I don’t like curry, but not to be a brat, that is a pretty common food to dislike.

Erin: I LOVE curry. And coconut.

Ellen: Those are two commonly hated foods, and coconut because of its texture. You’re an enigma wrapped up in a tortilla. My only point is YOU’RE NOT THAT EASY-GOING. You just hide it well. And I’m here so you don’t believe your own hype. That never goes well. Just look at Justin Beiber.

Erin: You ARE nice like a kiwi. I’m going to choose to look at this as tough love. I do tend to get wrapped up in the small stuff when I get overwhelmed. And then I tend to start freaking out on the inside, but shellacking it with a happy face on the outside. It’s always so much better when I reveal the panic to you. You handle triage like a mofo.

Ellen: You know what I say, “If there’s no blood hitting floor, is there really a reason to panic?” I just tend to have a very short ramp leading up to irritation which leads to my fly-off-the-handle reputation. I had a friend once say that I am the worst at suffering fools.

Erin: That’s okay because I am the worst at suffering cantaloupe.

And that’s how this blogging/friendship thing works, folks. We balance each other out . . . and when that doesn’t work we rat each other out on the internet.

Picky Eaters Are the Worst and Other Secrets of Friendship. Humor makes every relationship better. - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

-Ellen and Erin

Follow_us_on_Pinterest_pic

You can follow us on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

 

Enter your email address:Delivered by FeedBurner

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Share it real good . . .
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on StumbleUponShare on RedditEmail this to someonePrint this page

THIS is Why We Share Parenting Advice

Part of our schtick is sharing parenting advice. We have 7 kids between us ranging from 6 to 16 with both genders well represented. We’re like a freaking parenting test lab fueled by Cheez-its and hormones.

Erin: But we want to take this moment to clarify. We are not relaxing in some lofty ivory tower pontificating or galloping on our trusty high horses across the lands dispensing our morsels of wisdom to you needy peasants.

Ellen: It’s more like “We Step In The Doo So You Don’t Have To.”

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms Parenting Advice - We Step In The Doo So You Don't Have To

Erin: Case in point: Homecoming 2013. Our daughters are in the same county but go to different high schools. My daughter Biddie is a freshman and Ellen’s “Coco” is a sophomore. I’m thanking my lucky stars that Coco’s Homecoming was two weeks before Biddie’s because. . .

Ellen: I was still scraping the doo from my shoe as Erin blissfully skirted her steaming pile.

Erin: I have nearly broken my arm patting myself on the back for learning from Ellen’s folly.

Ellen: Here is the You-Are-Just-Going-To-Have-To-Believe-Me-When-I-Say-This-Is-The-Short-Version:

Coco was asked to the dance by a senior she barely knew two weeks before the date. He was a friend of a friend’s boyfriend and it seemed great until the Wednesday before the dance when Coco laid this on me in the car:

“I really don’t want to go to the dance with Senior Boy because he is too clingy and he’s creeping me out. And I hate the way he breathes.”

Erin: Uhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ellen: Exactly! What ensued was an awkward balancing act stressing safety over politeness while conveying that politeness wins over “I hate how he breathes.”

Erin: We want our daughters to know that if true alarm bells are going off, never go through with a date because of feelings of duty or manners. Never tamp down your instincts.

Ellen: HOWEVER, after sussing out that there was no real threat and just the hardcore annoyance that only a teen can cultivate, I stressed to Coco that it was really not the kind thing to do to dump someone three days before the dance on the grounds of respiratory incompatibility. Coco, being the considerate trooper she is, decided to tough it out and not break the date.

Erin:  Well, let’s face it, once they pass through those school doors, the girls and boys separate like the waters of the Red Sea anyway.

Ellen: True. A very brief fast forward to Dance Saturday and Coco gets a text from Senior Boy hours before the dance stating that he does NOT want to go with HER because she ignored him at her volleyball game.

Erin: THAT RAT!

Ellen: Yeah, I had other choice words, but Coco was riding the other track of the emotional roller coaster: elation. She ran downstairs with her arms victoriously raised, slid onto her knees in her best Mia Hamm impression yelling, “I don’t have to go with him!”

And then I started apologizing for not letting her break her date with him, but my girl was all about the silver linings. “No worries, Mom. I don’t have to go with him AND I look like the better person. I am free and I am going to have a great time with my friends.”

Erin: All’s well that ends well. And by well, I mean I heeded the lesson so I looked like a parenting rock star right out of the gate.

My Biddie wanted a high school boyfriend and she got a high school boyfriend.

Ellen: But then she learned that boyfriends can be a lot of work . . .

Erin: And put you smack dab on the stage of everyone’s speculation. So, days before the dance, Biddie broke up with her boyfriend in the kindest way possible because she just wanted to relax and go with her friends. And you know what I said?

Ellen: “Have fun!”

Erin: Yes. Yes I did. So what is the moral of this story? Trust your kid? Trust your instincts? Ban boys from your daughters’ lives?

Ellen:  All of that, but I think the real moral is to not treat any of these relationships like they are the end all be all. Treat them seriously, but acknowledge them for the learning and growing experiences that they are.

Erin: Always be there for back-up and advice and keep those communication lines open. And listen to YOUR friends.

Ellen: Exactly. Why have a Sister travel the road ahead of you if you’re not going to take her advice on how to avoid the potholes?

Erin: Or at least thank her for removing one pile of doo from your path.

 

-Ellen and Erin

You can follow us on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Check out our books, please, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

Have every post delivered to your inbox! You can opt out at any time, but you won’t want to.

Enter your email address:

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Share it real good . . .
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on StumbleUponShare on RedditEmail this to someonePrint this page

Sure That Baby Gift Is Cute, But Can You Bleach It?

Oh, baby showers, it’s really nothing personal, you just offer up such good material.

Sure That Baby GIft is Cute But Can You Bleach It

Erin:  First, we need to reiterate that we love babies, mothers-to-be, our families, our friends, and all uterus and non-uterus-bearing women.

Ellen: I think storks will be outraged because you forgot them in that disclaimer.

Erin: Whatever. Let the Audubon Society get in line because we are back to skewering baby showers.

Ellen: I really did enjoy our cathartic rant over baby shower games. I hate those games . . . except for the ones we made up.

Erin:  “How Dilated is She?” has a touch of evil genius to it although you’re the only party guest I know who could win it.

Ellen: What’s the point of creating a game if you can’t win it? But just to be clear, we were joking. We know people freeze plastic babies in ice cubes, but it’s going way too far to pull out exam gloves at a shower.

Erin: Good advice, but I have bigger fish to fry than games. I say it is high time to give some traditional baby gifts the boot, too. I can no longer sit idly by–eating my quiche and sipping my punch served from a bowl with rubber duckies in it–and let the notion continue that these gifts are good ideas. I will be silent no more!

Ellen: Like you have ever been silent. Is this what you had in mind?

I'll watch over your baby.

Favorite lovey or topic of future counseling?

Erin: Holy Cheez-Its, Woman! No! Burn it! WHY would you suggest that? I was thinking on a more subtle level.

Ellen:  Maybe Dexter’s mom didn’t have enough sense to reject that gift, but you’re right, a gift doesn’t have to be terrifying to be bad. You know the gifts, the ones that seem all great, but once you’re in the thick of newborn parenting you realize they’re totally useless AND they’re a waste of a huge chunk of change?

Erin: Yes, those gifts take up nursery real estate and waste cash that could have padded the babysitting fund . . .

Ellen: Or the earplugs and caffeine fund. So you were thinking more along these lines?

Why is the myth of infant bedding still believed?

Why is the myth of infant bedding still believed?

Erin: Yes! Exactly! The only thing these lovely bedding packages have of any worth is the crib sheet and that gets bleached to white no matter what color it started out in life. The rest ends up balled up in a closet because it’s too nice to be used as barf rags. What a waste!

Ellen: Well wasting closet space is the only place for it because, don’t forget, it is also a suffocation hazard.

Erin: This set should also come with a helmet because the canopy would make an awesome escape route when your baby suddenly learns to climb during nap time–the nap time where you finally get the nerve to take a shower AND shave your legs.

Ellen: You know what the true travesty is? It’s usually the grandmas who are buying this shizzle. They should totally know better.

Erin:  To be fair, it DOES look pretty in the catalog. Which brings me to another cute gift that should never be purchased. . .

Ellen: Wait a minute. I know we have been down on baby showers, but why are you hatin’ on cute? Remember I made this for my sister-in-law’s shower.

Diaper Cake Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Erin: Your diaper cake is adorable, but it is also practical. Those are DIAPERS. Babies need a crapload of those.

Ellen: You’re so punny. But the practicality goes even deeper than you know. Those diapers are wrapped around a bottle of red vino. A little gift for momma for when the breastfeeding is over.

Erin: See! Everything about that gift is absolutely useful. I’m talking about this kind of cute.

Really? Do you really think it was a good use of those 2 hours to stuff me in this sweater?

Really? It took my mom 2 hours to wrangle my melon through this neck hole. See my face? I’m a baby and even I know this sweater is redonkulous.

Erin: A $200 cashmere, yes cashmere, sweater for a baby screams “My parents are clueless. Please save me.”

Ellen: It should also shout “Disposable!”  because when the inevitable spit-up. . .

Erin: and explosive poop. . .

Ellen:  happen, even a hazmat team is never getting it cleaned. Never! Who has the time or the cash for that?

Erin: Exactly! That money would better be spent on a fleet of indestructible, bleachable, versatile onesies.

Ellen: Ones you can chuck without feeling like a mortgage payment was lit on fire.

Ellen: Alright, I have another gift. It wastes money and it’s not even cute: The Wipe Warmer.

wipe warmer

Want to upcycle yours? Toulouse and Tonic has some hilarious ideas.

Erin: This present hits all the right buttons with the over-eager, ready-t0-dominate-the-game-of-motherhood-types. No lukewarm or chilly wipes will touch the fanny of their precious offspring. This gift sends a message that every detail of parenting is important. The fact of the matter is that you will be changing that baby on the sofa or the rug or your grandma’s antique tea cart, putting you miles away from that lovely plugged in wipe warmer. Good thing too because all that sucker does is dries them out.

Ellen:  You know what, Pollyanna? I’m going to take your crown of sunshine and positivity and throw out a shower gift that is always right: books.

Erin: Perfect! There are always so many hours in the night that need to be filled while you’re feeding . . . and feeding again. And you can only watch so much crappy TV in between the feedings before you start to go a little crazy.

Ellen: Don’t forget the sleepless nights when you’re pregnant too.

Erin: Especially towards the end.

Ellen: I had never experienced insomnia in my life until my third trimester. Between sleeping with what felt liked a honey badger burrowing under my ribs, the heartburn eating through my chest, and the constant peeing, I felt like I slept 15 minutes at most. I wish I had these books to pass the time.

At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles

by Paige Kellerman

cankles

We’re not completely suggesting you toss out your “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” but you have to realize it lacks one important thing: HUMOR. “Cankles” gives pregnant women and all moms really, the satire they need. Let’s face it, being pregnant is ridiculous. From the morning sickness, to the epic peeing, to always being the designated driver, Paige lampoons them all in the most hilarious way possible. We are partial to her roast of the sexy Halloween costume.

THIS should be your next baby shower gift because the back of the book sums it up nicely: “This book is a must-read for any mother, or anyone who has a mother to whom they probably need to apologize.”

You can purchase it here:
At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles: Mostly-True Tales of An Impending Miracle

 Ketchup is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Mothers Tell Themselves

by Robin O’Bryant

You can buy it here.

This New York Times Bestseller is the perfect blend of charm, humor, and nod-your-head-along truth. In our society where mothers are constantly encouraged to strive for perfection, Robin makes it clear that ‘Imperfectly Good’ is a high compliment. She will make you laugh until you cry when she talks about her family’s improbable visit from the FBI,her Big Berthas,and her faux cuss words. Her awkward naked moments are worth the price of admission into her world. This book is a nugget of comedy gold with a sweet center of tenderness.

You can purchase it here:

Ketchup Is A Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves

Erin: You may not be able to bleach these either, but they make a fantastic gift. . .

Ellen: For the new Momma and all the Mommas throwing back the punch and cupcakes.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Share it real good . . .
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on StumbleUponShare on RedditEmail this to someonePrint this page

The Sensible Sisterhood Rent-A-Sister Wife

Ladies! Do you feel overwhelmed by all you are expected to do in a single day . . . by 9 am? Does the word “multi-task” make your left eye twitch with the delicacy of a jackhammer? Do you rush around to complete your chores before you enjoy that first sip of coffee, only to discover that it is stone cold because, well, it’s 2:30 pm and you poured it 7 hours ago? But you don’t have time for that coffee anyway because you need to get your pajammied fanny into the car to pick up the little darlings from school and, Holy Cheezits ,Woman! You’re still in your pajamas!

Is your heart palpitating? We know. We live la vita loco too. But no mas! Not only are we going to stop quoting Taco Bell slogans, we are presenting you with our inspired-genius-solid-gold-grand-slam honey of a plan that will make your life richer, happier, and five pounds lighter.

The Sensible Sisterhood Rent A Sister Wife

The Sensible Sisterhood Rent-A-Sister Wife

Alright, just hear us out. We’re not talking about polygamy, we’re talking about help for YOU, so you can just stop braiding your hair (but you may to keep combing it, just sayin’). We’re talking real help, like if you cloned yourself. Or the kind of help your capable, trust-worthy, mad-skills-wielding girlfriends could give you if they didn’t already have their own 27 hour per day gigs going on.

So why not just hire a cleaning service, you ask? Well, we’re assuming you would if you could afford it. But even if you can, you know what a cleaning service lacks? Love. Sure a cleaning service will mop your floors, dust your chotchkies, change your sheets, scrub the not-so-mystery stains from your toilet, vacuum . . . wait, what was the problem with cleaning services? Oh yeah, they don’t CARE about you. Will a cleaning lady find the source of that evil smell in your SUV or touch-up your roots? Maybe once, but don’t kid yourself, she’s never coming back.

So assuming you do want to pinch your pennies and you haven’t figured out how to  duplicate yourself (although that’s a million dollar idea, so keep trying), we’re offering different categories of Rent-A-Sister-Wife. Just pick the Sister Wife who will tackle those tasks you hate with the power of a thousand blazing suns. It’ll lighten your load or at least stop you from grinding that ax.

1. The Sunshine-y Sun’s Up Sister Wife

Has the morning routine morphed into drudgery?  Let this Sister Wife get the kids out of bed, comb the squirrelly knots out of their hair, find that missing homework, match up those shoes, toast those waffles, pack those lunches, empty that dishwasher, and brew your coffee — all the while with a smile lighting up her face and rainbows shooting out of her arse. She’ll radiate calm and good will down upon your family as only someone who is not related to you all can.

YOU get to glide down the steps an hour later with your hair brushed and mascara applied in time to receive your steaming mug of happiness and to lovingly kiss your spawn good-bye. Now that is a good morning.

2. The Seek and She Shall Find Sister Wife

This Sister Wife is like a magician. Her internal GPS tracks down and pinpoints things so well, you’ll want to stick her in your pocket on your next trip to the big city. Her talent is your fortune and with her help, you’ll be amassing extra minutes like the Midas of Minivans.

Just think of the extra time would you have in your day if you didn’t have to search for everyone’s missing shizz. Husband can’t find his keys? Sister Wife is checking khaki pockets like a bloodhound. Preschooler can’t find THE Squinkies that will shut his yapper? Sister Wife is already picking through the trash. Teen can’t find his sports physical form? Sister Wife is dialing the pediatrician’s office to get a new one. You seem to have misplaced your sanity? This Sister Wife suggests you check out the next category.

3.  The Customer Service Sister Wife

This Sister Wife cheerily dons her badge and polo just to make your life easier. How much sunnier would your outlook be if you could just DO your tasks without having to HEAR any complaints? This Sister Wife is ready to hear them all from meal reviews to allowance disputes to sibling arbitration. Part diplomat and sometimes peacekeeper, she mediates, appeases, and pacifies with the best of them. Back off, United Nations, she’s ours.

In the meantime, you will be happily working your way through the day’s agenda with nary a whine. You’ll still be cooking dinner, but it’ll be in peace.

4. Hazmat Sister Wife

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: body fluids happen. But they won’t ruin your day or your carpet with this Sister Wife around. She is a wizard with a bucket, a connoisseur of industrial strength cleaners, and a maestro of the washing machine. This Sister Wife has never met a body fluid that has bested her yet, so she’s your girl when the shizz—and the puke—and any other splashy thing emanating from your kid hits the fan.

Being liberated from diaper, pee, and puke duty will free you up for . . . you know what? Doesn’t matter what you do. Anything is better than the splish-splashing your Sister Wife is saving you from.

5. The Laundress Sister Wife

Imagine a world where the laundry goes from bathroom floor to washing machine to dryer to neatly stacked in a drawer in the span of a single day. Take a moment to breathe deeply and really visualize that Nirvana. This Sister Wife transforms that fantasy into a beautiful reality. She will even match up your legion of errant socks with her make-all-of-your-dreams-come-true ways. Bippity boppity boo, clean underwear for you.

And speaking of fantasies. . .

Psst. Come over here. If what you really want is a little more time for reading (or Candy Crush, no judgements), we have one more Sister Wife special left to offer: The Fifty Shades of Grey Sister Wife. She’ll take care of  <ahem> business, leaving your evening wide open.

Hurry supplies are limited! Put in your order today!

-Ellen and Erin

 

You can follow us on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Check out our books, please, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

Have every post delivered to your inbox! You can opt out at any time, but you won’t want to.

Enter your email address:
Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Share it real good . . .
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on StumbleUponShare on RedditEmail this to someonePrint this page

Prayer for My Son On His 16th Birthday

Dear Son,

Today you turn 16. You are no longer a child but nearly a man. And as much as I celebrate the ever more amazing you, I want to wrap you up in super duper extra strength bubble wrap and keep you safe and sound as you navigate the next few years.  In light of the obvious practical issues with doing this, I offer this prayer instead.

prayer

May you always remember to silence your phone before you drive. My heart couldn’t take a last text from you about what you want to eat for dinner. And furthermore, may other cars steer clear of you on stormy nights, in winter storms, in summer downpours, and on sunny days. May every road you travel bring you safely back to us in one piece.

If you decide to skydive, hang glide, scale huge mountains, wrestle alligators, or fly a small Cessna, may you have every bit of luck to get you back home and the good sense to know that your mother doesn’t need to know about that craziness until long after the fact.

May you make good decisions every time.  But when you make the bad ones, may you be given a moment of grace so that the consequences aren’t life-altering, heart-breaking, or soul-crushing. May you appreciate this moment then for what it was: a gift and a chance to grow. May you understand why we will feel the need to take away the car/phone/TV/computer to help you learn this lesson.

May you pick a college that we can all afford that gets you where you want to go. May you be blessed with friends there who will help you bridge that last important step to full manhood. May you appreciate the wonderful opportunities college affords. And may you have a ridiculously good time there. Bills and responsibilities and weekly paychecks will all come soon enough, so have fun.  Just not the kind of fun that requires bail money. May you have the wisdom to know the difference.

May you forgive us our trespasses. These are the years where we are revealed fully to you for good or ill. May we measure up to the job we were striving to do. If you ever suspected we are winging this parenting thing, you were only partially right. We took our job very seriously—read the parenting books, asked for guidance, fretted about travel teams, laid down technology rules and saved for college tuition—but we wonder often whether all those decisions were setting you on the right path. Throw us up a flare once in a while to let us know things are going well on your end. And know fully that every mistake was one of the heart. You’ll see someday just how blind and crazy love can make you.

And speaking of love, take your time. True love is worth the wait. May you find someone who loves you, not like we do, but completely, honestly, and deeply. May your future partner be your friend too who can help you on your way. There is nothing like a partner who can help you laugh through life’s hiccups, hold the bucket through life’s illnesses, and grab the tissues through life’s disappointments and heartbreaks. And as a bonus, may you find someone who happens to think that I am great too. I don’t want to have to beg you to visit, so find someone who loves your family as much you do.

May you pick a job you love that makes enough money so you can move out of the basement, but not so much that you are trading happiness for a fat paycheck. Money is great. We are big fans of money, but it pales in comparison to time with the people you love.

Oh, and here’s prayers for a life well lived. Be all in. Explore, read, see the world, get involved, defend a cause, right a wrong, step out of your comfort zone, sing, dance, make a fool of yourself, swim, run, hike, watch sunsets, play games, and look at stars.

Live long and prosper, sweet boy. The best is yet to come.

Love, Mom

 

baby ace faded edges-Erin

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Share it real good . . .
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on StumbleUponShare on RedditEmail this to someonePrint this page

The Sensible Sisterhood Summer Camp

Wake up, Parents! Summer is right around the corner! If you want your little darlings to get spots in those dream camps that will secure their places on the World Badminton team, guarantee them first chairs in the kazoo orchestra, teach them to knit earmuffs for underprivileged yetis, or just get them out of your hair for a week, then you need to be on this. Like yesterday!

Erin: All of my dreams are fiscally conservative, and in my experience the  cheap camps are the first to fill up.

Ellen: Well, I got a brochure for a camp that’s in no danger of filling up: The Country School Farm: An Experience For Children Who Love Animals.

Here is the actual daily schedule:

Typical Farm Day

They put the fun in nothing.

Erin: They list chores no less than three times without even a crackling of sugar coating and  then with a little more guile at least three more times. Projects? Never has a word been more worthy of air quotes.

What We Do On The Farm

Erin: But how much for this Dickensian work camp?

Ellen: Five days of Nirvana for only $780 plus travel expenses to Ohio.

Erin: Wait! What!?! That camp is getting PAID that much to have kids shipped there to do their farm work!?!

Ellen: Yep. For ages SIX to twelve.

Erin:  Drop whatever you’re doing, because we’re founding a camp!

The Sisterhood Chain Gang Summer Camp

The Sensible Sisterhood Summer Camp

For 50 bucks, a case of Diet Coke, and 4 pounds of Starbucks Coffee (whole bean), you can send your child to the paradise that is the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Your child will have the time of his or her life in not one, but two bucolic locations. Your child will get to view two beautiful rivers through the safety of a minivan’s back window, as we whisk your precious babe from one work site fun-filled location to another. (Upon further reflection, we’re going to need $20 in gas money too. And snacks. You should definitely pack snacks. We’re partial to Cheez-its and Double-Stuffed Oreos.)

Boredom is unknown at The Sisterhood Camp. From sunup to sundown your child can partake in the following activities specially developed to hone skills, build confidence, and make our (particular) world a better place to live.

 

Environmental Stewardship

With an eye to creating future leaders concerned about a cleaner, greener planet,  we will teach your innocents to Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle like a boss! We’ll even throw in an “R” unique to The Sisterhood Camp—Relieve us of our clutter.

The fun never stops as campers clean out typical hoarders’ garages. The kids have the times of their lives as they race to see who can fill the dumpster the fastest. Winner gets to take a water break. But that’s not all! Campers get to visit the local landfill and shake the hands of the sanitation workers too!

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms Garage

Back at the camp, they will join our special “Make this, Martha!” seminar in which they use duct tape, spray-paint, and hot glue to transform junk into masterpieces. At The Sisterhood Camp, we believe you can turn any trash into a treasure that can earn  us a couple of bucks at the local flea market!

Chair Collage 2

Just waiting for your child’s elbow grease!

But it’s not all just good times, we pride ourselves in putting the work in “Working to Make This World a Greener Place.” Hours will be spent every day breaking down and sorting materials for recycling. We even offer a special “Box Cutting 101” safety course for our more seasoned campers because with this much work to be done, we don’t have time to go to the E.R..

Making the World a Better Place One Box Cutter at a Time

 

Trailblazing

Once the campers have proven themselves indoors, they are ready for the great outdoors or at least the trail behind Erin’s house! They’ll spend the day working on miles of trail and be rewarded by sleeping in tents that night! What better incentive to make that ground level, clear, and poop free than knowing they’ll be sleeping on it!

trail Collage with white words

The highlight of the day— for most of them— is learning to use a chainsaw and axe. On a separate note, campers will also learn more advanced first aid i.e. securing a tourniquet.

 

Textile Resuscitation

laundry Collage with words

Now don’t worry, we haven’t left out evening activities! We let each camper do at least one load of laundry every day and more if they’ve behaved! We will teach them the finer points of Stain Discernment and Treatment, Determining the Best Detergent for the Load, The Fine Art of Reading Labels, and The Ins and Outs of Folding. Top off the day with a special “Sort the Socks” game!

 

And We Did Not Forget About Recreation . . .

We stand by our motto, “We put the blood, sweat, and tears into having fun.”  In fact, we’ll have your precious ones iron that on t-shirts to forever remember their time here because blisters don’t last forever.

Pool Project

Camps with pools are a dime a dozen, but where else can a child learn how to build a pool? Your child will sludge through the process from permit to pool chemistry. And, as an added bonus, they will become one with the earth as they dig that bad boy out by hand because minors aren’t allowed to operate backhoes, we checked.

And as an added added bonus they will become wizards at time management. If they need to work through dinner to pour that concrete, gosh darnit, they will buckle down and do it. Cement cures on its own schedule and schedules are meant to be followed. People are expecting a pool for the annual Labor Day party. And a fire pit.

 Remember:

“What good is fun if you haven’t earned it?”

Camp Tag

 

You can follow us on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Check out our books, please, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

Have every post delivered to your inbox! You can opt out at any time, but you won’t want to.

Enter your email address:

 

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Share it real good . . .
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on StumbleUponShare on RedditEmail this to someonePrint this page

Toddlers and Teens: 7 Surprising Ways They Are The Same

Toddlers and teens both begin with “T”, but that’s not where the similarities end . . .

Ellen: I don’t know about you but when I first started thinking about having children, I was really thinking about having babies.  Cute, cherubic, immobile babies. My vision didn’t really see past burp cloths, bibs, and binkies.

Erin: Oh, really now. Do tell. I have FIVE kids and they are knocking into the teen years like dominoes falling over a ledge. How did I really not see this coming? Where were all of my sensible friends with their little crystal balls to show me my future?

Ellen: I think I just explained that we didn’t know any better either, but you would have thought by number five you would have had some inkling.  If you really think about it . . .

Erin: And squint your eyes?

Ellen: The teen years are not so very different from the toddler years.

Toddlers and Teens: 7 Surprising Ways They Are The Same. They both begin with "T" but that is NOT where the similarities end. - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

1. Olfactory Offense

Toddler – The aroma of dirty diapers and unflushed toilets wafts through the air like a radioactive cloud.

Teen – The stench of teen spirit – rank sneakers, bubbling B.O., and body spray—permeates every pore of your upholstery.

2. A Day Out Requires A Sherpa

Toddler – Going out requires packing a stroller, snack, juice box, spare sippy cup, change of clothes, diaper bag, lovey, coloring book, sunscreen, and a partridge in a pear tree. Oh yeah, and don’t forget the patience.

Teen – A day out means a SUV packed with homework dioramas, homeroom donations, gear for multiple sports, musical instruments, a bajillion water bottles and enough extra food to feed the Prussian army. And you might want to remember your patience – Level: Ghandi.

 3. Up All Night

Toddler – “Read me one more story.” “Can I have a glass of water?” “The tag on my pajamas is itching.” “There is a monster under my bed.” “I peed my bed.” “Can I sleep with you?”

Teen – “Can you drive me and my friends to this party and pick us up at midnight (so that you can’t have that glass of wine, can’t put on your PJs, can’t go to bed, and can’t stop your mind from swirling about all of the things that can go on at parties).

 4. On The Weekend, The Early Bird Gets . . . Exhausted

Toddler – In your room at the crack of dawn to snuggle, pee on you, demand breakfast, dribble water, and commandeer the remote for Dora. You move through your long morning like a zombie in jammies.

Teen – You’re in their room at the crack of dawn to pry their butts out of bed with a crow bar to drive halfway across the state for their 12 hour soccer tournament. Wearing jammies is a red card worthy citation. You move through your day like a zombie in yoga pants.

5. Mount Laundry

Toddler – A miniature wardrobe of outfits succumb to jelly spilling, finger painting, toilet dipping, mud splashing, and potty training each and every day. The hamper piles up.

Teen– Burns through a gazillion outfits per day due to gym class, club meetings, band concerts, sports practices, and fickleness. Leaves a trail of clothes starting from their closets, leading to their school lockers, circling back to your minivan, and ending on the bathroom floor.

6. Speaking Of Underwear

Toddler – Potty training means plenty of stain stick and many o’ pair sacrificed to the garbage can.

Teen – Keep that stain stick handy, but add bleach to the list . . . to flush your eyes out after the horrors you will see.

7. Safetyville

Toddler – Cover all the outlets! Pad all the sharp edges! Gate all the stairs!

Teen – Invent a way to bubble wrap the world.

 

– Ellen and Erin

 

You can follow us on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Check out our books, please, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

Have every post delivered to your inbox! You can opt out at any time, but you won’t want to.

Enter your email address:

 

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Share it real good . . .
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on StumbleUponShare on RedditEmail this to someonePrint this page