Tag Archives: Frank

Who Do You Love More: A Game Nobody Wins

Recently we came across an article that launched a conversation for us. This post on Huffington Post explained why the author was choosing her kids over her husband. Really? We felt like we have read this argument before. Whether the mom chooses her kids or her husband or the dog or even her best friend, unless she is choosing a deserted tropical island, we call foul on any choosing at all. In our experience, the game of who do you love more is a game that nobody wins, and thus, another podcast was born.

Kids or husband? A podcast talk on this parenting question | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Check out our latest podcast with these highlights:

1. We talk about some great marital advice from Jen Hatmaker’s book For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards.

2. We discuss how it might actually be easier to put the kids first, but you can decide that one for yourself.

3. We talk about getting kids ready for college which we also talked about here and here and here.

4. We share about how impressed Erin’s son was when he saw her quoted on CNN.

5. We talk about how fathers are key to girls’ self-esteem.

The bottom line is that there is a lot to talk about here, so check it out by

clicking the link at the bottom of this post!

Thanks! 

Erin and Ellen

This post contains affiliate links, which means we receive a small compensation from Amazon if you make a purchase using them. Thanks for shopping!

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Our DIY Halloween Costume and Humor Roundup

Our DIY Halloween Costumes: Pig, Blind Referee, Pinterest Board, and MORE! Recipes and party ideas, too.  | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

We’re a couple of sensible moms who love Halloween. When you think about it, it’s one of the more relaxing holidays. No big family meals to cook, no presents to wrap, no legends to impersonate (stop trying to make the Great Pumpkin happen, Linus).

Ellen: Pinterest is trying its hardest to up the ante, but you just have to resist. (And in some cases, just resist the awkward.)

Erin: Oh, resist? Like the year you created the zombie wedding to win the Trunk-or-Treat trophy?

It's a nice day for a zombie wedding. Trunk or Treat Ideas. | Halloween costumes  | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

This is what winning look like. Well, at least on Halloween.

Ellen: Hey, that was our elementary school swan song. It was really more about competition in general than getting crazy about Halloween. We have scaled back since then.

Erin: Really? Like the time you brought Pumpkin Spice Lattes you made from SCRATCH to my party?

Crockpot Pumpkin Spice Latte Recipe: Delicious and Easy! Perfect for a Halloween or tailgate party! Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

More pumpkin recipes here.

More pumpkin recipes here.

Ellen: Well, you’re the one who has the annual Halloween Bash.

Erin: Okay, so we both can get a little swept away with the celebrations, but I think we balance it out with the way we drag our feet getting our costumes together.

Ellen: Despite the fact Walmart has been oozing with Halloween since August, I don’t think about my costume until I’m-About-To-Run-Out-Of-Time-End-Of-October.

Erin: Me too, but hey, we always look cute. We’re masters at pulling that mess together at the 11th hour.

Ellen: It doesn’t hurt to have a dress-up closet that looks like this:

DIY Halloween Costume Roundup - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

It just looks bad because there is a mirror doubling the mess. Yeah. That’s the story I’m going with. By the way, I want to go as a bank robber this year and not one stinkin’ black mask in that disaster.

Erin: Gah. It looks like one of those photos where the dog has torn up the door and the rug and the caption reads “I thought you were gone forever, so I panicked.”

Ellen: Well, it was Spirit Week for my high schooler and she did panic every day with the chore of dressing for the theme. In fact, one day her class had to dress up like Toy Story characters. She put her own spin on Hamm: dime adorned bow tie, tutu, duct tape piggy bank slot, and Converse.

DIY Halloween Costume: Hamm the Pig From Toy Story - Pig Ear Tutorial - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Ellen: Only problem was, we did not have pig ears and could not even find them in the store. There were zebra, giraffe, cat, puppy, bunny, cow, tiger, lion, cheetah, and elephant ears. But NO pig. However, we had pink bunny ears so I performed a bit of Halloween origami magic.

Erin: I do love me some ingenuity sprinkled over my procrastination. Behold what Steve and I came up with last year. Indiana Jones and Soccer Girl.

DIY Creative Halloween Costumes - Indiana Jones and Soccer Girl - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Ellen: I must have missed that movie. Are you sure ingenious is the word you’re looking for? You picked some soccer stuff up off of your floor and Steve threw on a leather coat. Maybe lazy fits this better?

Erin: I’ll take ingenious off the table, but I reject lazy. I’ll settle for brilliantly easy. And maybe you should dress up like a Stone Thrower because it’s not like you and Frank coordinate.

Ellen: Not true! There was that one year where I was a werewolf and he was the full moon. I might have just finished the Twilight Trilogy.

Creative Couples DIY Halloween Costume - Werewolf and Full Moon - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Erin: Okay, I’m mildly flummoxed with the adorableness, BUT yours is store-bought and his is just a t-shirt. I expected him to be a papier-mâché sphere or at least have a tinfoil satellite orbiting his head. Or give me some hipster cleverness. He should be wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt.

Ellen: I’ll have you know, I designed the t-shirt on Zazzle. And Look at the milkmaid brimming with ideas. You didn’t make this costume either.

DIY Halloween Costumes - Milkmaild- HILARIOUS - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Erin: No, my sister-in-law gave me this as part of my Christmas present one year and it has been the gift that keeps on giving. Some might say I’ve been milking it.

Ellen: Ba-da-bum. So sexy. But if you want creative, I’ve got your creative. Frank was a blind referee. Get it? A little duct tape for the stripes, the wooden dowel from the zombie wedding for the cane, and the bear whistle from camping plus my sunglasses from my Lasik surgery, and he had a clever costume.

DIY Halloween Costumes - Blind Referee - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Ellen: And just to double dose you with the Williams’ creative “BOOM!”, here is the ultimate Pinterest costume: PINTEREST!

Creative DIY Halloween Costume Pinterest Board - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Erin: Well, I got my own “BOOM!” I’m bringing the sexy so hard this Halloween that Toulouse and Tonic included me in her Sexy Costume Round-Up for Moms.

Toulouse and Tonic DIY Sexy Halloween Costumes for Moms with Erin from Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

There’s more where this came from here.

Ellen: Well, well. Good for you! Those costumes are hilarious. But we need a judgement call here on who is the winner between us. You may be bringing sexy back, but I have minions AND duck lips.

DIY Halloween Costumes - Minions and Pinterest Board - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Erin: I have an observation. You may say you find Halloween relaxing, but I think it just might be the most competitive of holidays for you.

Ellen: I’m glad you brought that up. Do you think you could have trophies for best costume at your party this year?

Happy Halloween!

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If We Had to Marry Where We Met Our Husbands

Last week we posted this on our Facebook page:

If You Had To Marry Your Partner Where You First Met, Where Would The Wedding Be? - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Read all of the responses here.

We absolutely loved reading all the different places people met “The One.” In movie terms, these are the “meet cute” scenes where the romantic leads lock eyes for the first time in an adorable, entertaining, or amusing way.

Our readers shared “meet cute” settings ranging from church, the library, and high school to Arby’s, the Pentagon, and even, one of our favorites, adjoining driveways. Apparently love blossoms anywhere. You all were so generous with your stories, we felt like we should be equally magnanimous with ours. Here are our “meet cute” scenes that led to twenty-plus years (and counting!) of true love. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan have nothing on us.

And as a special bonus, our husbands are chiming in with their two cents (and corrections). They do help to keep us sensible and honest.

If You Had To Marry Your Partner Where You First Met, Where Would The Wedding Be? - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

 Erin: In August before my senior year, I came back to school early because I was going to be a resident assistant. For a full week before classes began, I hung out with a group of great people who would also be working in the residence halls.

One day between sessions, I was hanging out on a grassy knoll with some of my new friends and someone commented on my shiny new shoes. We had all been together for a week, so I guess conversation was running a little thin. In any case, I felt it was the perfect time to see if anybody wanted to be my new running buddy. Steve piped up right away. Apparently, he had new shoes too and wouldn’t mind waking up at the ass crack o’ dawn to run with me. He didn’t look like a serial killer or a date rapist, so I said sure. It took us a full two months of running for me to figure out that a) he didn’t really have new shoes, b) he had never really run before, and c) he liked me. The rest is history.

Steve: Cute story, but that’s not really when we met. This is just when you remember meeting me. I actually met you a whole year before at a party of a mutual friend.

It was the night of the Christmas Dance. I was majorly interested in one of the girls I had met through some Student Life activities. I even worked up the courage to ask her if she wanted to go to the dance. Though I didn’t see it at the time, she politely told me “no” by suggesting that I meet up with a bunch of friends who were going to the dance together. Several days later, but still excited, I arrived at the meeting place apartment to find it mostly empty, but with people straggling in. Introductions were being made. “Oh, hey, I’m Erin,” was the basis and full extent of our first and apparently unmemorable first meeting.

I would also like to clarify some things from Erin’s “memory.” For the record, I did have new shoes. And while I hadn’t run regularly since high school, I had wanted to start jogging. Also, Erin never specified that we would be running so early in the morning. Finally, I didn’t know that I liked her at the time. It wasn’t until one morning jog when Erin stumbled that I realized I felt differently. As she fell, she blurted out, “Don’t leave me!” to which I realized I never would.

Erin-and-Steve-Wedding

Ellen: Oh Sweet Cheezits! If Erin’s memory is, shall we say “extrapolated,” on something this life-altering, I have no hope.

Anyway, my “How I Met Your Father” story began in early September before classes started my junior year at the University of Maryland. But I was not there for a pursuit as noble as becoming an R.A., I was there to fight . . . for my right . . . to parrrr-tay. If you read that to the beat of The Beastie Boys, you are my people.

I was in a sorority and the week before school started was a wild time in the Greek system—all of the socializing, none of the interference from pesky things like classes. We’re talking partying so intense it should be an Olympic sport. My sisters and I primped and polished and headed out on the scene around 4:00 pm. By 2:00 am, our shine was dulled, to put it kindly.

I was sober amongst the tipsy and more than a little frustrated I hadn’t connected with my formal date from last spring. To up the annoyance factor, I was marooned on a fraternity house lawn waiting for my friend. She was incoherently babbling to some guy about how much she “lerrrvvved” his roommate. I wasn’t going to leave her, but I was too irritated to stand within earshot. My goodness, I just wanted to go home.

So there I stood in the middle of the revelry, as bristly as a school marm during a lice outbreak– metaphorically tapping my foot and actually scowling—when this cutie in a pink Monkees t-shirt approached me. Despite his appeal, I wanted no part of what he was laying down, but he forged on through my eye rolling and something “clicked.” In fact, we connected so well that when my old friend from high school sauntered by, she was fooled into thinking we had known each other for ages instead of minutes.

The minutes of banter stretched into hours of talking that night and when he showed up to my sorority rush practice the next day, he “clicked” the lock on my heart and stole the key forever.

Frank: First of all, the Monkees shirt was an award-winning Greek Week garment and secondly it wasn’t even mine. It was about the third or fourth shirt of the night due to the excessive amount of beverage spillage occurring at my fraternity’s crush party. By 2 am, it was the only dry piece of clothing in my room.

With my alluring shirt choice locked in, I scanned the crowd for a promising companion, and spotted a very attractive girl by herself on the sidewalk in front of my fraternity house. Little did I know I was strolling down the steps to approach my future bride. I cannot remember exactly what I said, but it did incur the wrathful and infamous Ellen Scowl. I knew what I was getting into from the start.

Of course I did not let that stop me; I had gotten far worse reactions from the opposite sex before. As Ellen said, we did hit it off quickly, but it got a whole lot more challenging when a local law enforcement officer interrupted us (and our party!!) and told me, “Why don’t you just take the young lady home?” This guy was killing me! I replied to Officer Smooth Talker, “I think the young lady might have something to say about that, sir.” Ellen deigned to give me her number and the rest is history.

Ellen-Frank-Wedding

Ellen: So if we were to marry where we met, I would have a gorgeous Georgian style mansion in the background, but my altar would be made out of empties and my guests would be seated on ratty plaid couches.

Erin: And I would be married–in running shoes, of course–on a grassy knoll nestled between three residence halls, because even if we did meet at a party the year before, our story didn’t really start until we met again.

In fact, our college has a beautiful chapel which we probably should have considered for the big day, but, ladies, for the record, don’t ever bring up something like that after the proverbial ship has sailed. That’s the kind of stuff that happily married people fight about. Just sayin’.

 How did you meet “The One”?

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7 Qualities Our Daughters Should Look For in A Husband

We’ve been married long enough (to our husbands, not each other) to know that we both hit the jackpot when it comes to great guys. Erin’s husband, Steve, and Ellen’s man, Frank, are solid, steady models of what it means to be a great husband. This makes them excellent examples for our teen daughters of how high they should set the bar for potential spouses. Among the many things we wish for our girls, we’re both really hoping for some great sons-in-law. To that end, it would behoove them to appreciate some of these mighty fine qualities in their own fathers so that they might end up with great catches of their own.

A little guide for our daughters about the qualities they should look for in a husband. We want good sons-in-law! Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

 

1. Bomb Squad Captain

Our daughters are magnificent yet imperfect people just like their mothers. A guy who can handle all the stuff life and their wife throws at them is a keeper.

Erin: The other day I blew up my morning by committing a cardinal sin of teen parenting: questioning a teen’s fashion choice as she was walking out the door. I may have been looking for a place to hide, but Steve was the one left to diffuse this bomb. The sensei of calm in the midst of chaos, Steve had this crisis locked down and everything righted again by the time they made it to school. I DID get this though: “Nobody messes with my teens in the morning.” Oops. My bad.

2.   A Piper Willing to Pay

There will be times in a long, happy marriage when a husband needs to be brave, bold, and willing to bend.

Ellen:  I had been attempting to get Frank to parasail with me since our honeymoon. Instead of delving into the reasons behind his sidestepping, I’ll just leave it as “Something else always came up.”  A little while ago, on our family cruise vacation, his dodging lost its dart. When our teen daughter wanted to parasail, he immediately and magnanimously agreed it was a great idea . . . for her to go with me. Two birds with one stone; you have to admire the efficiency.

But then our tween piped up, “I want to go too.” And I laughed and laughed because now both parents had to go (he was too stunned to realize I could have just gone twice, shhhhh). And I laughed some more when our teen volunteered for her and her dad to go first. He ended up having a blast and it was all because he loves his girls.

Parasailing

They are a little in the shadows, but one person is grinning and one person looks a little worried. Guess who is who.

Erin: This is the lighter side of stepping up to the plate, but it is the stuff of great family memories.

3. Clutch Hitter

Marriage, like life, is messy. You wanna guy who can and will hold the bucket.

Erin: Steve is ridiculously, blessedly good when the chips are down around here. He has proven himself time and again to be the guy you want around to bandage your wounds or take over when a viral menace takes down the entire family. I have actually seen him drag his own sorry sick butt out of bed to crawl to help a sick kid when I was too sick to move. That’s the guy you want on your wall.

4. Grandmaster Flash of Family Fun

It may sound oh-so-cheesy but it’s the honest truth that families that play together, stay together. Pick a guy with a sense of fun who wants to share it with his favorite peeps.

Ellen: Frank is fabulous at planning family vacations because he IS the Grandmaster Flash of working Expedia deals. The result is some wonderful family memories that build a strong foundation to support you through rougher times.

5. Schtick Flinger

Both of our men love movies as evidenced by our marital codes of movie quotes. This soothingly predictable banter keeps the daily hum of our lives from being humdrum. Our girls don’t necessarily have to find movie-quoters, but there is a golden  nugget here. Pick a partner who makes you laugh through the every day. You’ll never regret it.

Erin: Steve can find fun in paper bag. With his natural gift for storytelling, he can make even a weeknight dinner a laugh-riot.

6.  Cheerleader

No pom-poms here. We’re talking about a guy like George Bailey from “It’s A Wonderful Life;” one who’s willing to lasso the moon for you. You cannot do better than find a man who wants what’s best for you and wants to help you get there, even when that means becoming fodder for your book.

Great Husband

7. Proffer of a Great Proposal

Speaking of fodder for a book, we wrote about our proposal stories, the beginning of our marital bliss, in I Just Want To Be Alone. Listen up, our fabulous daughters, if you hold out for the other six qualities we listed, your husband-to-be will want to rock your socks off when he asks you to marry him. You’ll have great stories to tell your children and grandkids or if you follow in our footsteps, the entire free world.

So girls, we’re seriously hoping you follow our advice and land some sweet fellas like the ones we have. Remember what we said about those sons-in-law.

 Want a copy of our book? Just click here.

(Pick one up for a friend while you’re at it.)

Erin and Ellen

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5 Bad Wedding Shower Gifts and a Gem

What is wrong with people? Buying someone a wedding shower gift should be the easiest thing in the world because of that time honored tradition: Bridal Registries. The happy couple actually takes the time to zap half the store with their little scanner gun so you have a list. All you have to do is run down the prices, pick your poison, and “Boom!” you’re done.

And if you perform this act of magic online, one more click, a little extra money, and that sucker is wrapped and shipped. It’s so simple even a zombie can do it as long as she didn’t lose her AmEx along with her soul. But if this is still just too much trouble, a check is always appreciated  . . . as long as it’s not rubber.

Yet people spend the extra energy to go off the reservation all. of. the. time. The results are rarely good, unless the bride-to-be really did just forget to register for that ceramic pig sundial. If that is the case, we’ll just kick Santa to the curb and anoint you Mayor of Giftingville right now. Oh wait, even Santa follows lists.

For everyone else, here are five types of shower gifts to avoid.

5 Bad Wedding Shower Gifts and a Gem

 

1. The Registry Rejection

This might be the most egregious violation of all. Buying something that is “like” what is on the registry, but not quite. Ellen actually received a gold, burgundy, and green Navajo print comforter (why yes, it was just as lovely as it sounds) with this comment from the giver as she opened it, “I saw the comforter on your registry but I just didn’t like it so I got you this one.” But truly, what is better than ugly with a side of disdain for your taste?

This gift was waaaay out there.

This gift was waaaay out there.

2. The Leftover Gift

Erin has an uncle who likes to buy animatronic figures in bulk to take over to Poland as gifts when he goes to visit family. (Just keep reading that sentence until it sinks in.)  He’ll have leftovers that he’ll gift to a few lucky stateside relatives. This is how Erin, at her bridal shower, became the fortunate owner of a Grooving Santa. The same type of Santa her sister-in-law had received the year before for her wedding. Yeah.

3. The Matching Outfit

Ellen has seen this one go down—the matching shirt and shorts for the couple to sport on their honeymoon. They are getting married, not auditioning as the protagonist couple for an Adam Sandler movie. No matchies! And just to throw it out there, does anyone really want to receive lingerie from her future mother-in-law?

4. The Subtle Hint

The bridal shower is not the time or place to give that heirloom hand-knitted baby sweater, especially if the couple is marriage before carriage. Relax . . . and go return that bulk box of ovulation tests, too.

5. The Re-Gift

Ah, re-gifting. Is it tacky or recycling? Regardless, try to follow along with what happened to Ellen on the bridal shower circuit. One fall, she watched her friend open an electric blue fondue pot. Months later, Ellen then received an electric blue fondue pot from that friend at her own shower. Wait, this is a time for air quotes—“friend.”

Don’t gift things out of your closet unless you happen to have a million dollars lying around. In that case, inbox us and we’ll make sure the bride gets it.

 And Now for the Gem!

After all of this, are you like, “Ellen and Erin, it would be a relief to conform, but it would ruin my street cred to do anything as mundane as follow a registry.”

We have your solution: So new it can’t be on any registry, yet SO FABULOUSLY funny no one would ever complain about receiving it!

reviews are in

Order Now! Just click to order the paperback—>  I Just Want to Be Alone

Or click here to order it on Kindle—> I Just Want to Be Alone, Kindle Edition

Or click here to get it from Barnes & Noble and iTunes—> Buy All The Books, All The Ways

I Just Want to Be Alone is a collection of humorous essays from 38 of the most Super Cool Lady Writers you’ll find on the web . . . including us! Jen of People I Want to Punch in the Throat is the mastermind who brought us all together to tell the stories about our men that will have you nodding along and laughing out loud.

But it’s not just for brides-to-be! Every woman wants this in her life, needs this in her life.

It’s for any woman who has sent her man to the store for potato chips only to have him return with tortilla chips.

It’s for that lady whose hubby has ruined yet another load of laundry by leaving a pen in his pants.

It’s for that gal whose fiancé planned out the perfect proposal, but didn’t plan on the limo driver pulling over to take a whizz.

It’s for all of us who have rued that our husbands have taken up bee keeping. Wait, what? Never mind, just accept . . .

IT’S FOR YOU!

So order your copy or twelve today!

 

 

-Ellen and Erin

 

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A Tale of Two Mother’s Days

 A Tale of Two Mother's Days: It's a flip of the coin on how your day will turn out. |Parenting| Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

We’re having deja vu here. Last year, we asked our kids what they thought of us. To summarize, Ellen’s kids thought she looked like this:

  A Tale of Two Mother's Days - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Erin’s kids thought she looked like this:

 A Tale of Two Mother's Days - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

My Kids tell me I look like Betty Crocker

Yeah, that’s right. One of us got the better end of that stick, but nobody’s keeping score. Jealousy is an ugly thing even when you just can’t help it, and especially when Fate seems to treat one Sister like a princess and the other like, well, the ugly stepsister. Apparently, Fate wasn’t finished doling out the special treatment either.

This year, Ellen didn’t have just a great Mother’s Day. She got an amazing Mother’s Day weekend. Friday night was tennis, wings, and a movie with her crew. Put that in your pipe and paint it, Norman Rockwell. In other news, I was busy decorating a gym for the eighth grade dinner dance.

But that’s not all. Ellen hates with the heat of a thousand burning suns going out to eat in a restaurant on Mother’s Day. The runny eggs and lukewarm home fries combined with being crammed in like cattle results in a recipe for food poisoning and familial Armageddon in her book. So her family, in deference to her wishes, all went out to eat on Saturday which is not only sheer genius, but a lovely gesture that proves she has not just been grumbling to herself the last 14 years. She had a lovely lunch with her girls and her mom and managed to avoid being felled by salmonella or e.coli.  Call Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

But the creme de la creme was her Sunday. Her Day of Blissful Nothingness began with her sleeping in way past her usual time when she was awakened to her family making her breakfast. At this point, her day morphed into “The Day that Shizz Which Never Gets Done Got Did!” Her husband, Frank, who could be described as Husband-of-the-Year but never Mr. Handy-Around-the-House was in rare form. He trimmed shrubs, pulled weeds, and even took out a small bush–better than any coffee mug or perfume by far. Yes, Ellen did feel the tremor in the universe, but she decided to take it for what it was, a Mother’s Day miracle.

Spring 2012 347

This is what a perfect Mother’s Day looks like!

Aww, shucks.

Erin’s Mother’s Day was, well, slightly more, how shall we say, real.

On Friday night, Steve asked me, “So what do you want for Mother’s Day?”

  A Tale of Two Mother's Days - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Them’s words that make a woman wanna grab her gun and get moving!

Less than 48 hours until the big day and we’re still talking gift ideas!?  Hmmmmm.

So I countered with “A dog. Or a trampoline.”

Two soccer games, one track meet, and a middle dinner dance later, on Sunday, we were pointing the minivan westward to visit my family. After the 10th trip to pack the car, the crew was waiting for me with a beautiful plant for the front porch.

  A Tale of Two Mother's Days - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Aww, shucks.

But nothing says “I love Mom” like a trampoline, so we were on a mission. Because we live in the middle of a county with more cornfields than shopping malls, we stopped just long enough in the “big city” (Google Frederick, MD to really appreciate my hyperbole) to pick up our trampoline. As the men were loading our 400 pounds of trampoline into the trunk, they said, “Good luck getting that out!”  That is exactly the kind of humor we’re looking for when we’re driving with 7 people 4 hours round trip in 1 day. It’s the kind of math that makes you long for the days of algebra.

The rest of the afternoon was spent cousin-ing at my parents’ house.  The following is a montage of images from that day.

  A Tale of Two Mother's Days - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

We call this one, “Baby Licking Window”

  A Tale of Two Mother's Days - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

We call this one, “Pile O’ Kids”

  A Tale of Two Mother's Days - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

We call this one, “Twirly Girls”

  A Tale of Two Mother's Days - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

I call this one, “Mama Love”

In many ways, the whole day was the sweet, cracked family moment I have come to expect. But when we got home, I got my real gift. My boys armed with headlamps and flashlights worked from the moment we got home into the night to set up my present for me. In case, you were wondering, true love looks like this. . .

  A Tale of Two Mother's Days - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Hope you all had a lovely Mother’s Day!

Erin and Ellen

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Ain’t Nobody Got Time For Valentine’s Day Pintershizz

Here’s the deal. Between January 31st and February 11th, both of us have birthdays and so do our husbands, so by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around this is pretty much how we feel:

Now don’t go calling us the Grinches of Valentine’s Day. We’re just tired of spending and doing by the time the 14th rolls round. Seriously, it’s hard enough mustering enthusiasm for birthdays once you high-five forty, but birthdays lurking along less than 50 days after Christmas? Meh. And then Valentine’s Day about a week later? Well, Sweet Brown up there expressed it best. We’re turning to our old pal Pintershizz to find —

10 Things Pintershizz We Don’t Have Time For on Valentine’s Day

10 Things Pintershizz We Don't Have Time For on Valentine's Day - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

1. Going out to dinner.

Does this surprise you? In theory it sounds good and we do love date nights with our husbands. However, Valentine’s Day is like amateur night: the menus are often fixed, the prices are hiked, and the service is lousy because the poor wait staff is running ragged fluttering those rose petals over champagne toasts. Give us a random Friday night out instead and we’ll swoon. Plus, Ellen still hasn’t gotten over the memory of the V-Day about 21 years ago when she and her husband got the worst case of food poisoning they have ever endured. The restaurant was named Il Fiore, but will forever be known as The ILL Fiore to Ellen and Frank.

Pinterest source

You might consider al fresco dining as a way to beat the crowds, but it is February, People. A table for two outside can quickly turn into  gurneys for two in the Emergency Room. Because frostbite. Unless you’re in the tropics and then why are you reading this post? It’ gorgeous, get outside. Pinterest source.

2. Flowers

Okay, now maybe we ARE vying for the title of  “Grinches of Valentine’s Day,” but flowers on V-day just seem so trite, and well, easy. And oh my goodness, they are expensive. Just surprise us with daisies on a random day in June and use the rest of the flower fund to make us some spare keys for our vans so we have a 60% chance of getting out of the house on time.

Pinterest source

Get a bonus King Kong sized box of Claritin if you order right now with promo code: thismakesmethinkyouareguiltyaboutsomething. Pinterest source.

3. Torture devices passing as sexy

Okay, we like sexy just as much as the next girl, but if it is going to cause us the discomfort of a thousand cactus needles being shoved under our fingernails while simultaneously enduring Justin Beiber piped directly into our craniums, then you can just throw that mess onto the Pintershit pile, too.

Pinterest source

On second thought, maybe these will keep Pushy Peggy from running up on our junk in the Walmart checkout line. Pinterest source.

4. Lingerie

C’mon. Who’s the lingerie really for? Is it really a gift for us? See above if you’ve forgotten that quickly how we feel about sexy items passing for torture devices. Take Granny’s advice—nothing says sexy louder than a girl who is comfortable in her own skin panties—emphasis on the comfortable.

Bridget Jones

Is it underwear or washable birth control? Pinterest source.

5. Man Costumes

No!! Just because we said that lingerie was not exactly a gift for us, we didn’t mean our men had to dress up! This does not qualify as a gift either . . . although there is the gift of laughter to consider.

Pinterest source.

Want to see my toaster streudal? Pinterest source.

6. Geekery Fashion

We know we’ve just been yucking it up with the granny panties and with lederhosen, but Valentine’s Day really isn’t the time for gag gifts. If it makes you snicker in the store, just walk away or throw it on the Pintershizz bonfire.

Rubik's Cube Bag

It’s a puzzle, it’s a purse, no, it’s a bad idea. Pinterest source.

7. Things to Make Homemaking Easier

Get it together! No appliances are to be given on Valentine’s Day! Even a vacuum this cool can’t get you out of the doghouse . . . unless it comes with a FULL TIME housekeeper à la The Brady Bunch. So to clarify: any appliance without an “Alice” is Pintershizz.

Pinterest source.

The only thing that will be wanted if we receive appliances for Valentine’s Day is us . . . for murder. Pinterest source.

8. Sweets

We can hear you saying, “What is wrong with you two? What is so bad about candy on Valentine’s Day?” Well, let’s just say we’ve been working really hard trying to beat the post-40 bulge and we don’t actually want to fit into those granny panties.

Pinterest source.

Nope. No jewelry in here, only diabeetus. Pinterest source.

9. The Love Toilet

Do we really have to explain why this is Pintershizz? C’mon, you’re better than that!

Pinterest source.

What better way to spend $1400 than to pave your way to divorce court? Pinterest source.

10. The Wine Purse

What did we say about tacky gag gifts . . . wait a minute. This is pure genius! Write this one down.

Pinterest source.

Making friends at PTA meetings since 2014. Pinterest source.

 

So what will we accept on Valentine’s Day since we have just poo-pooed a ton of the classics and then some? Well,we’d never turn away jewelry.

Pinterest source.

Earrings always fit no matter how much Halloween/Christmas/Valentine’s Day candy you indulge in. Pinterest source.

Unless it looks like this! Get your head in the game!

Pinterest source.

Their dreams of us making supplemental income as voodoo priestesses are just gonna have to die. Maybe we could sell their baseball cards instead? Pinterest source.

The direct route to the romance-filled center of our hearts? A night away—No! A weekend away!—fully planned by our hubbies INCLUDING arrangements for the kids and pets. That last piece of planning is what makes this the true gift of romance. Can we get an “Amen”? But even the gazillion points they would earn by scheduling babysitting would be cancelled out if they took us here.

Pinterest source.

Nothing is more romantic than hanky-panky in a drainpipe. Pinterest source.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day from the oh-so-easy-to-please Sensible Sisterhood!

 

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Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

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The Marital Code of Movie Quotes

Monday Listicles this week is “10 Best Movie Quotes” as suggested by the fabulous, funny and sensible Ally from Just A Normal Mom. So you know what that means? We got the husbands involved again just like we did for the James Bond post.

Erin: In addition to this just being fun, we learned something about our marriages, even after all these years . . .

Ellen: And we are talking years! I have 19 years and Erin has 16 years notched on the old garter belts.

Erin: Don’t do the math, people! As far as you know, we were child brides.

Ellen: That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it. Anyway, my husband and I have a short hand, semi-secret, vernacular based on movie quotes! I never really realized it until writing this post.

Erin: Steve and I do the same thing!

Ellen: Do other couples do this??

Erin: Hard to say, but let’s just assume our semi-secret code will be secret no more.

 

The Marital Code of Movie Quotes

 

Ellen and Frank

1.“O’Doyle Rules!” 

Usage — (1) To proclaim superiority when crushing someone else  (2) Ending to a conversation involving waxing poetic about our awesomeness.

 

Remember the bullish family of kids who plagued Billy Madison with acts of obnoxiousness at nearly every grade level as he took his speedy second chance run through his entire 12 years of school and always bellowed “O’Doyle Rules!”? That’s us. Sort of.

Whenever we crush at something major like  UNO, Trivial Pursuit, or swimming pool water blaster fights, we always exclaim, “O’Doyle Rules!”  But truly we say it with love and mostly to each other.

We also end our (private) conversations where we catch ourselves congratulating ourselves for our fabulosity with this little proclamation. Helps us keep our obnoxiousness from spilling over into the public arena. You’re welcome.

 

2. “Imagine it.” 

Usage — (1) Usually uttered by Frank when Ellen has the audacity to complain that he is blocking her view of the TV, parade, shoe sale rack, etc. (2) Less likely to provoke a rabbit punch when used to indicate  you’re not sure how something is going to end.

 

All you need to know is that The Skulls is about the worst elitist frat boy ever who utters this to a girl whose view he was blocking at a rowing race.

Scene -Generically Pretty Blonde (GPB) sitting there chilling and taking in a rowing race, like we all like to do. Paul Walker’s character, Caleb Mandrake (I know, right?) struts over like a rooster on Viagra and plops in front of her. Like 2 inches in front of her, because, you know, he’s super cool.

GPB: “Hey, Caleb, I can’t see.”

Caleb (without turning around): “Imagine it.”

Okay, I admit it, he IS cool.

 

3. “When do you drink vodka?” “Whenever.” 

Usage — Mostly used by Frank to express an unknown completion date of some task.

 

To really get this gem, you have to hear the “Whenever” deadpanned in Allison’s (Ally Sheedy) voice.

“Frank, when are you going to take out the trash?” “Whenever.”

“Frank, when are you going to take out the live dead Christmas tree?” “Whenever.”

“Frank, when would you like to get busy?” “Whenev . . . wait!”

 

4. “Fear does not exist in this dojo!” “Yes, Sensei!”

Usage — A frequent  (humorous) pep talk gem given before tests, games, and performances.

 

Frank to the girls before a swim meet: “Concentrate on your turns and swim hard into the wall. Fear does not exist in this dojo!” His ABSOLUTE dream is for the girls to one day respond, “Yes, Sensei!” IF this ever happens he will declare himself the winner of parenthood and exit the building.

 

5.“Lighten up, Francis” 

Usage — What do you think it means?? Isn’t it obvious or are you daft or something?? Geez!!

 

Frank may or may not frequently use this,  because Ellen may or may not frequently need to lighten up.

 

 

Erin and Steve

6. “There’s no crying in baseball.”

Usage — (1) Steve to the crew whenever they start sniveling or whining about something or, you know, “forget to use that thing three feet above their a$%.” (Direct quote that precedes this one in the movie) (2) Steve to Erin when she has left the ranch.

 

Five kids means that we have more than our share of whining. This is how we shut it down.

Steve is such a ridiculously spot-on mimic that when he channels Tom Hanks as he says this, you want to wipe your nose on your sleeve, pull your stuff together, and make the play (not the throw to home with a tw0-run lead, but you get my drift). Pronto.

 

7. “Let it go, Indiana.” 

 Usage — (1) Used to break a child out of an obsession (2) Used to stop Erin (or sometimes Steve, but let’s be fair, it’s usually Erin) in the middle of a rant.

 

Your family may not have fallen under the power of Minecraft yet, but it is the Dark Master of Timesuck around here. We have tried all sorts of systems to control the tech time, but it’s a painful weaning from this particular game EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. We use this phrase most often when trying to pry the keyboard from the kung-fu grip of a tween boy.

Of course, it’s equally at play trying to bring Erin down off a ledge or out of her tree.

Erin uses it most often to stop Steve from playing Civilization, the adult equivalent of Minecraft. (Note to readers: Do not buy this game for your husband for his birthday.)

 

8. “You’re killing me, Smalls.”

Usage — (1) Used almost exclusively on a kid who has proven either clueless, exasperating, or both  (2) Also used as a verbal high five for a funny.

 

Our life provides endless opportunities to throw this one around. In fact, we like it so much we have given it a second life as a mark of admiration for some clever punny-ness.

Erin heard they started putting this saying on t-shirts. She would not turn down a gift like that. Just saying.

 

9. “I don’t know, Margo.”

Usage — (1) Used between Erin and Steve to answer a question that could be deemed snarkastic (2)  Occasionally used to answer any question, because it’s just so darn funny.

 

Todd and Margo are the yuppie neighbors to the Griswolds. This phrase is appropriate any time someone is packing ‘tude or piling some edginess on a stack of sass. In fact, we just used this one today when discussing the basketball schedule for the 9 year old. Now, Erin is not saying who was bringing the Margo and who had to sling the Todd, but everyone is still standing and talking to each other so we are counting that as a victory.

You really do have to say it just like Todd though, so here’s the clip just in case you have been living in a bomb shelter and haven’t seen this Chevy Chase Christmas classic movie.

10. “Francisco. That’s fun to say.” 

Usage — (1) bringing on a laugh in the middle of a tense moment (2) talking a teen off that hormonal ledge (3) Any time you want to inject some funny, like on the 1000 miles of car trips we took over Christmas break.

 

Oh, Elf, is an awesome movie for lots of reasons, not the least of which is that it brought this phrase into our life.  Truly, this is the parental equivalent of the bomb squad for diffusing the landmines in our living room, our car, wherever.

It induces a laugh. Every. Single. Time.

 

Thank you once again to Stasha for hosting the fabulous Monday Listicles every week. We love the writers we meet there every week, so make this the week you actually click the link and check it out.


For as Yoda says, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.” See what we did there? We can’t help ourselves. Happy Monday from Ellen and Erin.

 

And an extra Happy Monday to Erin’s daughter who you know as Biddie. She turns 14 today. Here’s one of Erin’s favorite Happy Birthday movie clips just for her from Uncle Buck.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Biddie!

 

Tell us! Do YOU talk in movie Quotes?

 

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Apparently There Is Only So Much Norman Rockwell To Go Around

Erin: Last week in The Sisterhood we had a very Freaky Friday, er, Saturday,  kind of thing going on. The kind of thing that made me want to do something like this . . .

Ellen put a kibosh on this one. Especially since she ended up with the better end of the deal.

Ellen: Excuse me if I thought running full speed at each other into full-on belly slams was excessive, but maybe you would have gotten a concussion so you could‘ve forgotten about your Saturday. And forgotten about whining.

Erin: It was all over holiday decorating. In particular, the tree. My family has tree-getting down to an art. If it’s not quite Norman Rockwell, it is definitely good enough for Facebook bragging.

Ellen: This would normally be the point where I would scoff and ridicule, because Frank and I are traditionally The Home Depot sort of tree buyers. We don’t even take the kids with us. Don’t  judge or the Elf on the Shelf will get you. He hates self-righteousness as much as he seems to enjoy seeing all of his pranks archived on Pinterest. But not this year! We went full-on Christmas tree farm!

Erin: Didn’t you love it? I have fond memories from Decembers past of packing up the crew in their festive holiday garb — sometimes there are even hats — and heading to a local tree farm. We make a total day of it. Picking out the tree. Playing on the hay bales, singing carols, drinking hot chocolate, taking the classic poses by cardboard Santa measuring how much we have grown . . .

Ellen: And there it is.

Erin: What?

Ellen: My reason to pull your antlers. Singing carols in holiday hats? Did this really go down or are you remembering a Hallmark Hall of Fame Christmas special?

Erin: Oh, I have the pictures to prove it.

You know if you had hats as cool as these you’d wear them too! Unless you’re Ellen.

Ellen: Sometimes you make my snarky bone hurt, but I see your goofy hat and raise you a nuclear reactor, helicopter rides, playgrounds, pony rides . . .  and a teepee.

Erin: Are you sure you didn’t just cut a tree down on the set of Red Dawn?

The whole parade was delightful, but check out that eagle!

Ellen: No. On this gift of a perfect weather day, we went to Coleman’s Christmas Tree Farm — after attending our first local Christmas parade, which was delightful. Coco’s (14) high school marching band did such a great job.  We had the absolute best day. It WAS  Norman Rockwell — on steroids.

Erin: So how does a self-proclaimed Home Depot devotee happen upon such a place?

Ellen: We ended up there last year out of desperation. We got jammed and weren’t able to get our tree until the 15th. Every depot, mini-mart, and scout stand was all sold out. Unless this was your dream tree.

Visions of Charlie Brown trees swirled through her head.

Ellen –  Per tradition, Frank and I were by ourselves when magic Google found Coleman’s for us. We did have the parental decency to feel a wee bit shameful on the awesome wagon ride out to the field. Frank muttered, “This would probably be fun for the girls.”

So bam! We did it this year and it was epically fun. We are converts!  Just look at my man harvesting our tree.

No chainsaw for us! It’s like we ARE a Norman Rockwell painting.

Erin: I’m woman enough to admit that I’m feeling a twee bit of evil towards you.  Sort of like the evil vortex that hung over my whole tree day and sucked the Norman Rockwell right out of it. I suspected there might be trouble when they ALL woke up cranky. That’s a rarity. There’s usually at least one chipper bird in my nest of five. Instead, they all looked like this. . .

I wish I was kidding. They were just short of snorting fire and breathing venom.

Ellen: You need to learn when to tamp down your Mom-on-a-Mission tendencies.

Erin: Oh no. This was THE day, and no mounting evidence to the contrary was gonna change my mind. So we packed the camera and the cranky kids and headed to our favorite farm. Holiday spirit be damned: we were getting our tree today.

Ellen: I can’t imagine why things went downhill.

Erin: Well, once we got there, that ball of crap we were rolling really started to pick up steam. The minivan doors open and Charlie (11) sneak attacks Deacon (9) and boots him into a puddle of mud. This breach of familial etiquette causes Deacon to let off a scream completely incongruous to the event that had just transpired. (Just for the record, my vocabulary expands exponentially the pissier I get. When I start spewing 4 syllable words—Run!) Nothing says fa-la-la-la like halting the fun with a public time out in the middle of a parking lot full of witnesses.

Ellen: The towel should have been thrown in before you even left the house, Ms. Intractable. See, I know big words too.

Erin: Just wait. Five minutes later, everyone is roughhousing on the hay bales and the kids are clamoring to get their pictures taken in front of cardboard Santa. As I whip out the camera and back-pedal quickly because all I have is my zoom lens since I lost my camera bag,  my jingle bells  jangle even more because I have forgotten the SD card. Are you kidding me!?! My head  pounds like the little drummer boy on Mountain Dew as I frantically check my purse and the car for the missing card. At this point, my husband lobs a live grenade with his not-so-subtle jab at my forgetfulness, “Are you pregnant?”

Ellen: Seems legit . . . given the circumstances.

Erin: As Steve ducks to avoid the holiday left hook aimed for his head, the 14 year old girl child remembers that she has her iPod touch with her. Unfortunately, she drained it listening to One Direction on a continuous loop, so it’s zero help. Three pictures later, and this mess was recorded for posterity.

Ellen:  Barely. Did you think to use your phone? Oh, that’s right.  I had to give you instructions yesterday on how to take pictures with my phone . . . that is exactly like your phone.

Erin: Perhaps. Or it could be that I was distracted by the 5 year old nosediving off the hay bale. Amid the screams and recriminations, we put this stinker of a day down. Once and for all. There was a little lot of pre-cut trees right beside the barn. We wandered over with our spirits broken, pointed at one that looked about the right size, and we. were. done.

End Scene

Ellen: Just to be clear, I’m not trading days with you. Besides our end products were equally yuletide-y and this will all fade from everyone’s memory . . .

Erin: If we hadn’t written a post about it.

Ellen: That’s okay. The true secret of Christmas is you need a little Bah Humbug to make the joy all that more joyful.

Erin: And now you’ve made MY snarky bone hurt.

Which tree is Ellen’s and which tree is Erin’s? Hint: Erin’s is missing its topper. Ellen thinks it eloped with Erin’s missing camera bag.

 

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