Tag Archives: tween

Honesty is Easier When You #TalkEarly With Your Kids

Today, we’re mortaring another brick in the foundation of the #TalkEarly to Your Kids About Alcohol Program sponsored by The Century Council.

We have told you why to talk early to your children about alcohol. (Mini-recap: YOU are huge influence for your kids and the younger they are, the more receptive they are to your values and messages).

And we have discussed how to talk to them. (Mini-recap: Small tidbits of information and spiral back to the subject often.)

Now we’re going to kick a stumbling block to the side for your parenting pleasure:

How do you tell your child not to participate in underage drinking if you were guilty of doing it yourself?

Honesty is generally the best policy, but this doesn’t mean your chat with your kids needs to morph into a Dr. Phil worthy confessional. Ain’t nobody got a Hail Mary for that.

What we do have for you is some wonderful information that we learned from Lisa Graham Keegan at the #TalkEarly summit. Lisa is the bestselling author of “Simple Choices: Thoughts on Choosing Environments That Support Who Your Child Is Meant to Be.” Quite frankly, we were smitten with her charisma and no nonsense wisdom.

Here is a little gem from her book:

Guidepost #2: See your children for who they are, and allow them to develop the gifts that are unique to them. They have them for a reason.

See what we mean? She really simplified things when she said, “Be the parent. Even if you drank in high school, you need to tell them not to drink.” Yes, that exactly. BE THE PARENT. Drinking is such a highly charged subject, but just think of it like this: Would you shirk from telling your child not touch a hot stove just because you did it as a kid? No, because it’s your job to tell them right from wrong and to protect them.

And yes we know, this is only simple on paper. We can practically hear you lamenting, “HOW DO YOU PUT THIS INTO PRACTICE!?!”

We know. Ever wish you could just peek behind the curtains and see how other people do it? Well don’t fall off your stepladder because we’re throwing the drapes wide open. We asked our own kids questions like “How do you feel if we tell you not to do something like underage drink and then you find out that we did?” and “Is it better to be honest about it or not tell you at all?” The conversation that unfolded was amazing. Here, see for yourself:

So the bottom line is just ask. And asking is not such a big deal if you have established a routine of having conversations with them when they are young and still think you are the wisest person in the world. See, that is where the whole #TalkEarly thing comes into play. They ARE listening to you, so why not listen to them?

This post is sponsored by The Century Council as part of our partnership with them exploring how to #TalkEarly with our kids.

You can follow #TalkEarly on Twitter and The Century Council Website.

Follow #TalkEarly on Pinterest to find healthy recipes, exercise tips for kids, tips on parenting adolescents, and for homework help.

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Pitchforks and Spin-the-Bottle

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Erin: Nothing like starting Monday off with a little drama in the parking lot.

Ellen: Somebody not too happy about starting off a new week, eh?

Erin: It all started out innocently enough. We were just talking about our weekends and one of the moms brought up the birthday party all of our middle schoolers attended. Well, the kids played spin-the-bottle.

Ellen: And?

Erin: Well, I kind of laughed it off too at first, but the other Moms were not happy. In fact, they are still steaming, stomping, barnstorming mad. You could have passed out from the stench of righteous indignation hanging over their heads, and then they turned on the poor Mom who hosted the party like she could hold back that tide.

The Moms have out their pitchforks and they are ready to storm the castle. Any castle. Somebody is gonna pay. Nobody is going to corrupt their babies.

Ellen: This is taking hand-wringing to a whole new level.

Erin: Yeah, these Moms have flipped the Doomsday switch on an entry level hiccup.

While I am not immune to the stomach-turning, slightly nauseous feeling of crossing over into this next phase yet again, I have learned a thing or two from the teens and tweens who came before.

The truth getting lost among the pitchforks and torches is that this is just the beginning. Now is not the time for rolling heads or securing the gallows.

Ellen: Hey the reality is that your kid is not a baby anymore. The quicker you come to that realization, the happier you ALL will be.

Erin: What has escalated this mess from a funny phone call anecdote to parking lot melodrama? The implications that these babies are moving into the new but clearly anticipated next step of boy/girl stuff. We’re talking about <GULP> sex.

Ellen: Yeah. Take a deep cleansing breath. It’s an eye-opening day when the babies start abandoning the Princess dresses for some eye liner. . .

Erin: . . . and the Pirates are trading in their swords for AXE, but it’s a day that’s coming for all of us.

Ellen: I just get tired when I think of all the handwringing over games like this and the artificial time tables for when to start make-up and hard and fast rules about when to date. Time isn’t marching on just for us. Our “babies” are moving into adulthood at lightning speed juiced with the power of teen spirit and hormones and we would do best to follow their lead.

So let’s take a minute to pull together a plan, so that when the stakes are higher than, say, spin-the-water-bottle and they will be, you’ll be ready.

Erin: So I’m just gonna throw right out there that “Oh, hellz no, ain’t nobody gonna try and kiss my baby” is a perfectly reasonable response to a situation like this.

Ellen: Absolutely. But this initial emotional response is not something to download on your kid. A husband, on the other hand, is always a great choice as he has a vested interest in your kid staying off of the pole, so to speak.

Erin: And your girlfriends owe you AND know you. You suffered through playdates with crappy goldfish ground into your new carpet and teddy grahams stuffed between your couch cushions for just this moment. Besides, these ladies will know just what to say to keep you from going over that figurative castle wall.

Ellen: You have to take this crucial time to vent, so that when your kid is venting or sharing or even just talking, you can be silent.

Erin: This is key and we cannot express this enough. In the world of the angsty adolescent, YOUR silence is not just golden, it is pure gold and will keep your teen from turning mute.

Erin: Which leads us to the next step. Talk it out with your kid. Sort of.

You may not be ready exactly to see your kid moving into this next phase but they ARE, so fall in line. Say something like “Hey, tell me about Gertrude’s party” and then zip it. Tight.

Ellen: Just listening is powerful Mom stuff. By not handling it—no emails, no handwringing, no pitchforks–you are giving your child the tools to handle it herself and the opportunity to build a bridge of trust with you that will come in handy later on.

Erin: By not blowing up this bridge of trust over the small stuff, you are communicating that you can handle whatever they want to tell you.

Ellen: We want our kids to share and be open. That’s the end game. But jumping to action or indignation without really listening will end THAT game pretty quickly.

Erin: This is probably one of the hardest things about parenting the older child. Gone are the days where we rocked their world with a hug and a band-aid or a bag full of snacks.

Ellen: Oh the sweet simplicity!

Erin: Now our mothering is more on the down low . . . think more Diana Prince, less Wonder Woman flash. We show our love and guidance in these small moments where we support their growing independence and competence with nary a red boot or golden lasso in sight.

Ellen: We’re still sporting our capes beneath our Target T-shirts, but the point of the next few years is that everybody KNOWS we’re still our kid’s heroes, champions, and number one fans, but now we are giving our kids a chance to own the spotlight. . .

Erin: . . . and share the game plan.

Ellen: And we all win.

Erin: Or at least we’re on the same team.

-Erin and Ellen

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More Summer Books for Your Tweens

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Summertime is our time to hang out with friends, those who can hang with us poolside or between the pages of our favorite books. We love to recommend books to our good buddies, so we have created lots of book lists.

Check out some great ones for Moms here, here, and here. And some great lists for your kids here.

And we have five more to recommend that are perfect for the tween set also known as the 8-12 crowd.

**1. When Life Gives You OJ by Erica S. Perl**

Animal-lovers will flock to this book! Zelly is moving to Vermont and she desperately wants a dog. Her grandpa Ace comes up with a crazy scheme to convince her parents that she is ready for one: he makes her a dog out of an old orange juice jug. There is a lot to love about this book. The sweet but complicated relationship Zelly has with her grandpop Ace, her new friend who encourages her to stay true to her convictions even in the face of social pressures, and the subtle themes of responsibility and treating all people (even bullies) with respect woven throughout. The author even inserts some great education about the Jewish faith into the story as Zelly meets two families who are devout Jews in a town that where they are a distinct and noticeable minority. Kids will love the Yiddish glossary at the end!

**2. Dicey’s Song by Cynthia Voigt**

So you had to know this book was special once you figured out that this sequel won the Newbery Honor Award, but it’s also pretty apparent from the moment you open the spine (without breaking it, of course) and settle into the pages. Thirteen year old Dicey and her three siblings were abandoned by her mother in a parking lot and she has heralded them safely to her grandmother’s house where this story begins. The truth and beauty of Dicey’s voice and story, the pace and strong characters, and ultimately the honesty that permeates from this fast-paced read are all part of its charm. Oh, and it was one of Erin’s favorite books from when she was on the cusp of teendom.

3. Nerd Camp by Elissa Brent Weissman

This funny, tender book about being true to who you are doesn’t ever come across as schmaltzy and boys will be laughing too hard at all the crazy adventures of Gabe and his friends at Nerd Camp to notice all the sweet stuff anyway. Gabe’s dad is getting remarried and he is getting a stepbrother who happens to be the very same age. This is great news for Gabe until he realizes that his new brother Zack is a cool skateboarder while he is, well, not. Gabe desperately wants to hide his geekiness from Zack and the story unfolds. In the end, this is a story about accepting yourself for who you are. It’s such a positive, upbeat story narrated by an engaging young voice that tween boys won’t be able to put this book down.

**4. Three Times Lucky by Sheila Turnage**

Oh, we love a strong female lead and this book has one in the firecracker protagonist named Mo LeBeau. Big on personality and heart, this book is also a full-blown mystery topped with a little Southern charm. For a summer read, it goes down like a smooth glass of perfect lemonade. Your kids will be charmed by the quirky cast of characters and the precocious but believable dialogue.

**5. Spy School by Stuart Gibbs**

Erin’s kids have been known to fall asleep clutching spy goggles and our friend Mary’s son brought his spy watch kayaking, hiking, and camping last week. Boys LOVE spy stuff. So a book about a school for spies? It has Hogwarts for Future Double Agents written all over it. Even the hero Ben is a little Potter reminiscent. Slow to warm up to the spy stuff, Ben wins in the end—making friends, helping to uncover the hidden mole, and getting his spy groove on. This book brings the action, ninja stars, and combat simulation (in the form of paintball—of course) to the CIA Academy and kids who enjoy a witty tale with a side of suspense will be delighted. This would be a great read-aloud for younger kids too.

But then sometimes we like to write a little bit more about a book that we think is a little extra-special. In this case, we like the book so much we are jumping on the book tour train.

If you haven’t heard of Angela Shelton, well, buckle up, this is about to get interesting. Angela describes herself as an author, screenwriter, performer, public speaker, and filmmaker. But she is so much more than a resume that would make a superhero tired. She has a wicked sense of humor and delights in fun and funny things. We appreciate such things here in The Sisterhood. We like women who carry the ball across the line, do a twirl, give a big enthusiastic two thumbs up, and then helps someone else cross that line too. That pretty much describes Angela. We reviewed Angela Shelton’s last book, The Adventures of Tilda Pinkerton: Book 1: Crash Landing on Ooleeoo, because we liked her so much. We were pleased as punch to read such a delightful addition to the world of children’s literature.

Now we are happy to report that her latest book is enchanting as well and perfect as a read-alone for your favorite tween. We found it was a great read aloud for the younger set as well.

We toted this book on two summer vacations so far to read to our charges after busy days of surf and sand.

Full disclosure: No kids were paid to listen to or appreciate the books. They are just THAT good!

We are happy to report the masses were happy with their bedtime stories and we think yours will be too.

The Summary:

Eleven-year-old Madison Mae and her younger brother, Albert, want to help save the family farm during troubled times. When a mysterious Magical Hat Shop appears by their grandpa’s red tractor mailbox, the children meet Tilda Pinkerton who presents them with one-of-a-kind hats, causing new ideas and talents to suddenly burst forth. As a flood of harm comes rushing towards the farm, Tilda Pinkerton teaches the children how they can accomplish much more than anyone ever imagined. Increase your child’s vocabulary, self esteem and awareness of social issues, while they enjoy a great story! Tilda Pinkerton’s Magical Hats does it all.

The Sisterhood Review:

For the kid with a mind for the fantastic and whimsical, this book is a no brainer. Tilda Pinkerton is the definition of a good time and whenever she arrives on the scene with one of her hats, she leaves a little magic behind. We love that the kids in this book realize that they possess the power to change their lives for the better through the power of their own gifts and talents. The charms in this book aren’t flights of fancy, but real and accessible and wholly appreciated. Kids will love the special brand of magic sprinkled throughout the story coupled with the very real characters and the nicely paced plot. It’s a winner in every way.

Now, we weren’t lying about toting this book along this summer, so we asked a couple of the kids to give us their reviews.

Kid Reviews:

With her creative storyline and the fun coloring pages, Angela Shelton makes a great kid-friendly book. – Tatum, age 12

I wish I could really have a magic hat and a cat like Gabby Cat.- Jack, age 5

Magic is always a great addition to any book and this book does it just right. It has an actually good story and characters plus magic. It is a very fun story. I will write a book report about it! – Julia, age 9

I like the way the kids had to find their hidden talents to save the farm. – Gabe, age 7

Find out how Angela has incorporated the character of Tilda Pinkerton into an entire line of book projects, each geared towards a different age group at www.MagicHatShop.com

Angela Shelton’s Website: http://angelashelton.com/
Angela Shelton on Twitter: https://twitter.com/angelashelton
Angela Shelton on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/AngelaSheltonFanPage
Tilda Pinkerton on Twitter: https://twitter.com/tildapinkerton

You won’t be disappointed!

-Erin and Ellen

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Boy Bands Are For Cougars Too

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I originally wrote this post in the Fall of 2012, but it was time to give it another whirl since I am fresh off of seeing One Direction live with my daughters. Today seemed liked a good day to do it since my ears finally stopped ringing from the hysteria of 19,000 screaming girls. But don’t sign me up for martyrdom just yet. Read on. -Ellen

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I’m not exactly over the hill, but let’s just say I can see the crest without squinting. So a “What the fudge?” might be expected when One Direction is discovered on my iPod, Twitter feed, DVR, and Instagram. (Holla for the new secret boards on Pinterest.)

But I have a free pass. One Direction permeates my life, because I have 11 and 14 year old daughters! They are my ticket out of creepy Cougarville. Truly. I can barely write this post, because I’m waiting to push the record button to catch 1D on The Today Show. I can’t record the whole two hours. Are you mad? Our DVR is bursting with classics like Three o’clock High and Caddyshack. I need room for The X-Factor tonight. And I swear I’ll get around to watching those seven episodes of The Ellen Show.

But I have a confession to make. I may have a wee bit of a crush on them. Stop dialing Child Protective Services. They’re all legal. Granted I could have given birth to any one of them without starring on Teen Mom, BUT my beer pong career would have been cut tragically short. As the saying goes, “Familiarity breeds infatuation.” Or at least that’s the truth with boy bands. Stop rolling your eyes.

Come on! Look at these guys! They are adorable.

Don’t know who they are? Well for the love of teen angst, tear your eyes away from The National Enquirer in the checkout line and glance at the journalistic staple that is Us Magazine. They are a group of British and Irish lads thrown together by Simon Cowell after they auditioned on the British edition of The X Factor. Their first album Up All Night went straight to number one on the Billboard 200, selling 176,000 copies in its first week, making One Direction the first British group in history to achieve this feat with their debut album. The Beatles didn’t even do that (although back in the day, you had to do more than know your mum’s credit card number and click a button to buy music). They are being called the reinvention of the “British Invasion.” Impressed?

And you know you can relate. How many of you had your own boy band crushes growing up? Or had to pretend to listen to your girlfriends gush on and on about them?

Now raise your hand and hang your head if you were thinking YOUR boy band was WAY better than One Direction. Time mellows the horror of acid-washed denim. I understand, but you got to admit that Cowell weeded out ALL of the goon factor when he put 1D together. Not talking about you, Justin Timberlake, never you. You’re the anti-goon.

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So ‘N Sync was a little after my time, but I can remember my own infatuation with Duran Duran. Now, they were NOT a boy band. They played their own instruments for mullet’s sake, although Simon Le Bon might have fancied a bit of Auto-Tune vocal sweetening after a hard night of partying.

But I LUVVVVVVED them. I collected their magazines, t-shirts, buttons, albums, 12-inch singles, and biographies. All without the help of the internet. I had to mail order some of these treasures from the ads in the back of Tiger Beat for the love of archaic practices. Can’t you envision me explaining that to the grandkids?

I also had to sit tensely poised to hit the record button on the VCR for Friday Night Videos to catch me some Hungry Like The Wolf. Wait a minute. I’m still doing that to this day because I’m too lazy to dump the DVR onto the external hard drive. Just goes to show you that the more things change the more they stay the same. But back then, there was no replay redemption with YouTube and Hulu. And you had to walk barefoot uphill to the VCR through a blizzard. Being a fan was a full-time job that paradoxically sucked away all of my babysitting money.

And apparently the kind of infatuated fandom that blossoms during adolescence worms its way into your very soul. When my daughters started showing signs of Fan Fever, I found myself drawn to the flame. I sat with them glued to YouTube reviewing the history of 1D’s formation on The X-Factor. I watched the fan diaries and the movie parodies. I watched their Saturday Night Live performance frame by frame so we could analyze their expressions. And oh yeah, I listen to their music LOUDLY every single day. It gives variety to the One Direction soundtrack stuck in my head.

I have done all of this without even a smidgen of patronizing indulgence. One of my greatest blessings from having children is getting to produce and partake in the childhood of my dreams. But to get to relive one of the bright spots? Just wonderful. I love sharing it with them without one shred of cynicism. I’m actually jealous of all of their access, but it was more than a little bit fun to dump out my old school memorabilia box with them.

The baton is a bonus

Thanks, Mom, for saving it for me. My band infatuation was my training wheels for love – safe practice for when the real experience came along. And thanks to My True Love, Frank, for fulfilling my final Duran Duran dream — Going to a concert!

Well, it was almost my final dream. Now if only that great bassist, John Taylor, would follow me back on Twitter. It’s @SensibleMoms. Just sayin’.

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10 Books For Your Tween’s (and Teen’s) Summer Reading

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Yep. It’s that time of year. If you are not already actively Pinteresting fun stuff to do with your kids this summer, you are gonna be one tired Momma by the end of that first week of vacation. We’re completely serious: kids show no mercy to the weak and underprepared.

So shore up the craft supplies, summer camp brochures, and snacks, then check out these great books for your tween (or teen). Our book club friends all shared these selections at our last meeting, so they all come stamped with our special Sisterhood Seal of Approval. These books should win you back at least an hour a day. You know, the one where you watch crappy TV, surf the webz, read a book of your own, or play Candy Crush. Happy Summer to all and to all a good read!

1. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor

To say that our friend Mary likes historical fiction is a bit underselling it. This was one of her picks and she couldn’t stop gushing. She’s not the only one. This book is a true classic and even won the Newbery Award. Set in the South during the Great Depression, this book is hard but hopeful and the characters are bright and entertaining in the face of tragedy and racism. You will appreciate the warm ties and truths and your kids will identify and cheer for the family.

2. Red Kayak by Priscilla Cummings

Set on our beloved Eastern Shore of Maryland, we would probably have a little love for this book even if it wasn’t so deftly knitted together. Luckily for your young reader, this story of a tragic kayak accident is powerful in and of itself. The moral questions the protagonist Brady must answer as he uncovers the truth behind the accident propel this story past the regret and sadness to another place. As the author steers Brady through some tough moral dilemmas without losing any of the suspense, you are reminded over and over again why the book won the honor of being named a Black Eyed Susan book.

3. Wonder by RJ Pelacio

This Texas Bluebonnet Award winner is a wonder in and of itself. The central character August Pullman has a facial deformity which has prevented him from attending a regular school. When he does finally become a student at Beecher Prep, this buoyant tale takes off. Augie just wants to be treated like everyone else, but, well, everyone else might not be ready for that. Told from the perspective of Augie, his classmates, and his family, this anti-bullying story never comes off as preachy, but does allow room to talk about fears and prejudices and, ultimately, the power of kindness. Wonder of all wonders. A must read for all middle schoolers!

4. Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper

Wow. Just wow. This book sticks with you. Melody is the smartest kid in school, but she can’t talk or walk, so nobody knows. When she finally finds a way to communicate, she seems on her way to fulfilling her dream of just being a “regular” kid. But, sigh, middle school is hard, yo. Frank and open, this book takes us inside one girl’s journey with cerebral palsy and, even with detours into some heavy stuff, we are all made better from the trip.

5. The Raft by S. A. Bodeen

This book reads like Charlotte Rogan’s Lifeboat for the teen set. Poor Robie leaves Hawaii for a trip home to Midway when her plane goes down. Unfortunately, nobody really knows she’s missing or where to look for her. Oh, yeah, and she’s pretty much on her own adrift on a raft in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It’s disaster lit at its best. Your older tween and teen will enjoy this fast-paced easy read.

6. Divergent by Victoria Roth

Erin teaches middle school and when she polled her students for their favorite book they were reading right now, this series topped their list. In this dystopian future world, society is divided into five factions named for dedication to five different virtues— (Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). This is the next series for any kid who devoured The Hunger Games and has been hankering for more of the same. This series adds some different elements that make it interesting for sure, but your child should probably have the same level of maturity to really enjoy it.

7. The Falconer’s Knot: A Story of Friars, Flirtation, and Foul Play by Mary Hoffman

Set during the Middle Ages, Silvano is a guy having kind of a bad streak of luck. Wrongfully accused of murder, he is sent to a Franciscan House for his own protection. Posing as a young friar there, Silvano can’t help falling for the lovely girl in the nearby abbey. But he just can’t catch a break. More murders threaten to take Silvano’s freedom for good and keep him from his love. Unlike Hoffman’s popular Stravanganza series set in an alternate world that looked like Renaissance Italy, this suspenseful tale is actually set in fourteenth century Umbria. The historical element just adds another layer to this already rich story. Your young readers will swoon. Perfect for 7th to 10th graders.

8. Among the Hidden by Margaret Haddix

Ideal for all fluent readers, this series is a runaway hit. Luke is a 12 year old kid who has spent his life in hiding. The Population Police have dictated that each family can only have two kids. As his family’s third child, Luke’s life is in danger so he has never experienced many of the simple joys of childhood. As his world changes, he glimpses others like himself and launches a daring plan to come out of the shadows that gives energy and momentum to the series. Your kids will be so busy trying to keep up with all the plot twists and turns that they won’t even know they just spent their summer reading.

9. Fever by Laurie Halse Anderson

We had at least three recommendations for this book as well as some honorable mentions for some of Anderson’s other titles Speak and Chains, both National Book Award finalists. Anderson is the master of historical fiction for the Axe and Aero set. This novel takes us to Philadelphia during the yellow fever epidemic is one of her best. Told from the point of view of Mattie Cook, this tale weaves a narrative around the real-life events and characters of the time. Anderson never treats her young readers like unintelligent ones so the language in the book is just as rich and interesting as the story itself. And there’s an appendix at the end with facts about the epidemic. Sqwee! To a certain reader, it’s kind of like getting a birthday cake on Christmas. Score!

10. The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin

This is an oldie but greatie. Several of us remember this book as one of our favorites from childhood and at least one of us taught this book to our students. Another Newbery winner, this book has been charming readers for over twenty-five years and it still reads as fresh and inventive as it did back then. Sixteen people show up to the reading of Samuel Westing’s will. Any of them could walk away with his millions. The fun is in the unravelling. An absolute delight to read!

We hope your kids enjoy reading these books as much as we enjoyed talking about books for them to read!

We have found the Newbery Award winners, the Black Eyed Susan books, the Texas Bluebonnet Award winners, and the National Book Award winners to be great resources for finding even more wonderful reads for our kids.

But if all else fails, ask a librarian. They will usually rain down suggestions with just a little prodding. We have some of the best here in our county, but we bet there is a great one near you too!

Have a great summer! Erin and Ellen

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Bullying: The Real B Word

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Oh, the B-word, how the thought of you does things to me! I had seen garden variety bullying up close and personal when I taught middle school. The gibes and sneers, the petty grievances and snotty snubs, even the cold shoulders, were ugly but ever-present parts of the landscape. Now, as a mom to tweens and teens, I am helping sidestep those land mines daily.

Parenting tips to prevent bullying in schools, at homes, and in neighborhoods | Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

But something really terrible happened. A sixth-grader with autism was bullied at the bus-stop in our town. This was a horse of a different color. The incident was so heart-breaking and outrageous that it made national news.

There are a lot of conversations right now in my ‘hood about what the schools can do, what the parents should have done, and what kids can do to prevent bullying. I know our community is still reeling, but coulda-woulda-shoulda is the least helpful sort of conversation.

With little control over school policy and no control over other parents’ households, I am still powerful. I can control the conversations that I have with my kids and their friends about the B-word and what I expect and what they can do.

So here is what we talk about when we talk about bullying. We keep talking and talking. You should too.

: Click on this badge to go to our Pinterest board and repin it for yourself to spread this positive message against bullying.

Ways to Banish the B Word:

1. You don’t have to be friends WITH everybody, but you have to be A Friend TO everybody. Let this sink in. This is the Big Kahuna. If this is the only concept we impress on our kids, then we have all won: treat ALL kids kindly and with respect. As Robert Fulghum famously wrote, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” Even Kindergarteners know that friends play fair, talk nice, share, and take turns. Your child is a long way from eating paste and writing with crayons. Encourage them to act like it. They may have great arguments for why you just don’t get it (or maybe that’s just my kids—the great future litigators). That is why there is point #2.

2. Somebody might not be your flavor, but there is nothing wrong with Mint Chocolate Chip. Here’s the thing your kids need to know right now and remember always. They are not going to like everybody (and vice versa). Some people may grate on their last nerve and drive them crazy, but who cares? You may hate mint chocolate chip ice cream. It may make your nose wrinkle, your stomach curl, and make you say unkind things to the person who just served it to you. You know what? I love it. It’s my favorite. People are just like that. Some are just the right flavor for you. Some aren’t. It doesn’t matter. Your job is to teach your kids to recognize that Baskins Robbins has over 1000 flavors because there is beauty in diversity and choice and differences. And that they too are still lovable and worthwhile—even if they always choose vanilla.

3. Size Matters. We all want our kids to be exceptional and special, and they are. These differences among them mean that kids come in all shapes, sizes, and personality types. We need to teach our kids that if they are bigger, stronger, more athletic, smarter, anything -er than the kids around them, they have a great responsibility to be gentler, sweeter, more patient, and more kind. They need to own who they are and what they are bringing to the table. Exceptionally kind is just as important and noteworthy as exceptionally smart or athletic. There might not be a medal for it, but make sure they know you think there should be.

4. Momma was right. It isn’t what you say it’s how you say it. If size matters, then words really do. As bombs or salves, words charge the atmosphere of the classroom and the playground. “Nice shoes” is a perfectly fine thing to say to someone unless you don’t mean it. Sarcasm is nastiness’ sneaky friend. If they invite Sarcasm to play, they are being mean. Period. Teach them to be sincere or be quiet.

5. Saying nothing says something. This is hard to teach, but this is the most important thing for most kids. Most kids aren’t doing the picking, but they aren’t stopping it either. As the mom, you need to acknowledge this in your discussion: “I know that you didn’t call him names or push him down or hurt his feelings. But you were there. And you were silent.” Great men have said great things about this. Consider Edmund Burke who said that “Evil prevails when good men are silent.” That’s a little deep for recess, but you get my point. Teach your kids: Speak up, Be simple, and Be clear. “This is uncool. I am not standing for it.”

6. Choose the Best Version of Yourself. Every day we see our kids making important decisions about how to wear their hair, what clothes to put on, what shows to watch, what apps to download. They are trying on different hats to see which fits the real them. They will have opportunities EVERY SINGLE DAY to wear a white hat or a black hat. Teach your kids to Be the Hero or at least the person who can sleep with a worry-free conscience at night. Say out loud to them if necessary, “This is isn’t my favorite version of you. You can do better.” They want desperately to get it right. Let them know in no uncertain terms when they are getting it all wrong.

We Moms are powerful creatures in this universe called home. Bullying at its deep ugly heart is just another word for cruelty, and we won’t have that in our schools, on our computers, in our homes, or on our playgrounds. This is the way we Moms take a stand. This is what we do. This is the way we banish the B Word. One Conversation At A Time.